ONE IN DIA N GIR L C heta n B hagat i s th e a uth o r o f s ix b ests e llin g n o vels — Fiv e P oin t S om eo ne (2 004), One N ig ht @ th e C all C en te r ( 2 005), The 3 M is ta kes o f M y L ife ( 2 008), 2 S ta te s ( 2 009), Revo lu tio n 2 020 ( 2 011 ) a nd H alf G ir lfr ie n d ( 2 014)— whic h h av e s o ld o ver te n m illio n c o pie s a nd h av e b een tr a nsla te d i n to o ver a d oze n l a nguages w orld w id e. In 2 008, The N ew Yo rk T im es calle d him ‘th e b ig gest- s e llin g aut ho r in In d ia ’s his to ry ’, a p ositi o n h e h as m ain ta in ed to d ate . A lm ost a ll h is b ooks h av e b een a d ap te d i n to h it B olly w ood f ilm s. H e i s a ls o a F ilm fa re -a w ard -w in nin g s c re enp la y w rite r. TIM E m agazin e n am ed h im a s o ne o f th e 1 00 m ost in flu enti a l p eo ple in th e w orld a nd F ast C om pany, U SA , lis te d h im a s o ne o f th e 1 00 m ost c re ati v e p eo ple in b usin ess g lo bally . H is c o lu m ns i n The T im es o f In dia a nd Dain ik B hask a r a re a m ongst th e m ost w id ely re ad in th e c o untr y . H e is a ls o o ne o f th e c o untr y ’s l e ad in g m oti v ati o nal s p eakers a nd h as h o ste d s e v era l T V s h o w s. D esp ite a ll t h e a b ove, h e i s o nly h um an a nd c an b e to ta lly s tu p id s o m eti m es. Cheta n w ent to c o lle ge a t I IT D elh i a nd I IM A hm ed ab ad , a fte r w hic h h e w ork ed i n i n v estm ent b ankin g f o r a d ecad e b efo re q uitti n g h is j o b to b eco m e a f u ll- ti m e w rite r. He is m arrie d to A nush a and is th e fa th er o f tw in b oys, S hyam and Is h aan. H e liv es in M um bai. Pra is e f o r th e a u th or M any w rite rs a re s u ccessfu l a t e xp re ssin g w hat’ s in th eir h earts o r a rti c ula ti n g a p arti c ula r p oin t o f v ie w . C heta n B hagat’ s b ooks d o b oth a nd m ore . – A .R . R ahm an, i n T IM E m agazin e, o n C heta n’s i n clu sio n i n t h e TIM E 100 m ost i n flu en tia l p eo ple in t h e w orld T he v oic e o f I n d ia ’s r is in g e ntr e p re neuria l c la ss. – F ast C om pany M agazin e, o n C heta n’s i n clu sio n i n t h e 1 00 m ost c re a tiv e p eo ple i n b usin ess glo bally I n d ia ’s p ap erb ack k in g. – The G uard ia n B hagat h as to uched a n erv e w ith y o ung I n d ia n r e ad ers a nd a cq uir e d a lm ost c ult s ta tu s. – I n te rn atio nal H era ld T rib une B hagat i s a s y m bol o f n ew I n d ia . A to rc h-b eare r f o r a n u nafr a id g enera ti o n. . . – I n dia T o day . . .o ur m ost r e m ark ab le n o velis t. – T he T im es o f I n dia T he th o ughts a nd o pin io ns e xp re sse d i n th is b ook a re th o se o f th e a uth o r a lo ne a nd d o n o t n ecessa rily r e fle ct th e v ie w s o f A mazo n P ub lis h in g o r i ts a ffilia te s. T ext c o pyrig ht © 2 016 C heta n B hagat All r ig hts r e se rv ed . No p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , o r s to re d i n a r e tr ie v al s y ste m , o r tr a nsm itte d i n a ny f o rm o r by a ny m eans, e le ctr o nic , m echanic al, p ho to co pyin g, r e co rd in g, o r o th erw is e , w ith o ut e xp re ss w ritte n perm is sio n o f th e p ub lis h er. Pub lis h ed b y A mazo n P ub lis h in g, S eattl e www.a p ub .c o m Amazo n, th e A mazo n lo go , and A mazo n P ub lis h in g are tr a d em ark s o f Amazo n.c o m , In c., or its affilia te s. EIS B N -1 3: 9 781477809235 To a ll I n dia n g ir ls esp ecia lly t h e o nes who d are t o d re a m and l iv e l ife o n t h eir o w n t e rm s. To a ll t h e w om en i n m y l ife , th ank y o u f o r b ein g t h ere . * * D esp ite m e b ein g a t o ta l p ain s o m etim es. Conte n ts A ckno w le d gem ents P ro lo gue 1 2 3 4 N ew Y ork 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 1 1 1 2 1 3 1 4 1 5 1 6 1 7 1 8 1 9 2 0 2 1 H ong K ong 2 2 2 3 2 4 2 5 2 6 2 7 2 8 2 9 3 0 3 1 32 Lond on 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 A ck n ow le d gem en ts H i a ll, I c an’t p ossib ly th ank e v ery o ne w ho h as c o ntr ib ute d to th is b ook. E very w om an w ho e v er c am e in to m y l ife h as p la yed a p art. Y ou a ll k no w w ho y o u a re , s o i n c ase I m is se d y o u o ut, l ik e a lw ays— so rry . The o nes I w ould l ik e to th ank h ere a re : God, f o r g iv in g m e s o m uch. Shin ie A nto ny, m y e d ito r, f r ie nd , g uid e. S he’s b een w ith m e f r o m th e s ta rt a nd c o nti n ues to b e t h e f ir s t r e ad er o f a ll m y b ooks. My r e ad ers , f o r b le ssin g m e w ith s o m uch l o ve. I t i s b ecause o f y o u th at I g et to d o w hat I l o ve — te ll s to rie s. The h und re d -o dd w om en I in te rv ie w ed fo r th is b ook, in clu d in g th at S erb ia n D J, th e In d iG o f lig ht a tte nd ants , th e h o te l s ta ff w here v er I s ta yed , th e v ario us p eo ple I m et a t m y m oti v ati o nal ta lk s, t h e c o -p asse ngers o n p la nes. T here w as a p hase w hen I d is c usse d th is b ook w ith e v ery w om an I c am e a cro ss. T hank y o u f o r o penin g u p a nd s h arin g y o ur i n nerm ost f e elin gs. I t m ad e th e b ook. Alp hab eti c ally — Abha B akaya, A diti P ra kash , A lis h a A ro ra , A mit A garw al, A ngela W ang, A nub ha B ang, A nush a V enkata chala m , A yesh a R av al, A vni Jh unju nw ala , B hakti B hat, Ir a T riv ed i, J e ssic a R ose nb erg , K aru na S uggu, K ris h en P arm ar, K ush aan P arik h, M eghna R ao , M ic helle S hetty , N ib ha B hand ari, Pra te ek D haw an, R achita C hauhan, R eem a Parm ar, Shalin i R aghav an, V ir a li P ancham ia , V iv ita R ela n, Z iti n D haw an— fo r a ll th e in sp ir a ti o n, s u p port a nd fe ed back a t w hate v er p oin t d urin g th e j o urn ey o f th is b ook, o r e v en m y l ife . The e d ito rs a t R up a, f o r th eir r e le ntl e ss a tte m pts to m ake th e b ook b ette r. The s a le sp ers o ns a t R up a, th e re ta ile rs w ho c arry m y b ooks, th e o nlin e d eliv ery b oy o r g ir l w ho b rin gs m y b ooks to m y r e ad er’s d oors te p — th ank y o u. My c riti c s. F or h elp in g m e i m pro ve a nd k eep in g m y e go d ow n. My m oth er R ekha B hagat, th e f ir s t w om an i n m y l ife . A nush a B hagat, m y w ife . T hanks. My k id s. F or h av in g a l ittl e l e ss d ad s o th ere c an b e a l ittl e m ore a uth o r. My e xte nd ed f a m ily . B ro th er K eta n. I n -la w s. M y c o usin s. E very o ne w ho h as e v er l o ved m e. With th at, i t’ s ti m e f o r One I n dia n G ir l . P ro lo gu e S om e p eo ple a re g ood a t t a kin g d ecis io ns. I a m n ot o ne o f t h em . S om e p eo ple f a ll a sle ep q uic kly a t n ig ht. I a m n ot o ne o f th em e ith er. I t is 3 in th e m orn in g. I h ave to sse d a nd tu rn ed in b ed fo r tw o h ours. I a m t o g et m arrie d i n f ifte en h ours. W e h ave o ver 2 00 g uests i n t h e h ote l, h ere t o a tte n d m y g ra nd d estin atio n w ed din g i n G oa. I b ro ught t h em h ere . E very o ne i s e xcite d . A fte r a ll, i t i s t h e f ir st d estin atio n w ed din g i n t h e M eh ta f a m ily . I a m t h e b rid e. I s h ould g et m y b ea uty s le ep . I c a n’t . T he l a st t h in g I c a re a bout r ig ht n ow i s b ea uty . T he o nly t h in g I c a re a bout i s h ow t o g et o ut o f t h is m ess. B eca use , l ik e i t o fte n h appen s t o m e, h ere I a m i n a s itu atio n w here I d on’t k n ow w hat t h e f u ck i s g oin g o n. ‘ W 1 hat d o y o u m ean, n o t e no ugh r o om s? ’ I s a id to A rijit B anerje e, th e lo bby m anager o f th e G oa M arrio tt. ‘S ee, w hat I a m tr y in g to e xp la in is . . .’ A rijit b egan in h is m odula te d , c o urte o us v oic e w hen m om c ut h im o ff. ‘It’ s m y d aughte r’s w ed din g. A re y o u g o in g to s h am e u s? ’ s h e s a id , h er v olu m e l o ud e no ugh to s ta rtl e th e r e st o f th e r e cep ti o n s ta ff. ‘N o, m a’a m . J u st a s h o rta ge o f tw enty r o om s. Y ou b ooked a h und re d . W e h ad o nly p ro m is e d e ig hty th en. W e h o ped to g iv e m ore b ut th e c hie f m in is te r h ad a f u ncti o n a nd . . .’ ‘W hat d o w e te ll o ur g uests w ho h av e c o m e a ll th e w ay f r o m A meric a?’ m om s a id . ‘If I m ay s u ggest, th ere i s a no th er h o te l tw o k ilo m etr e s a w ay,’ A rijit s a id . ‘W e have to b e to geth er. Y ou a re g o in g to ru in m y d aughte r’s w ed din g fo r so m e sa rk aari f u ncti o n?’ m y m oth er sa id , b oso m heav in g, b re ath heav y— cla ssic w arn in g sig ns o f an up co m in g s to rm . ‘M om , g o s it w ith d ad , p le ase . I w ill s o rt th is o ut,’ I s a id . M om g la re d a t m e. H ow c o uld I , th e b rid e, d o a ll th is i n th e f ir s t p la ce? I s h o uld b e w orrie d a b out m y f a cia ls , n o t r o om a llo cati o ns. ‘T he b oy’s s id e a rriv es i n l e ss th an th re e h o urs . I c an’t b elie v e th is ,’ s h e m utte re d , w alk in g to t h e s o fa a t th e c entr e o f th e lo bby. M y fa th er s a t th ere a lo ng w ith K am la b ua, h is e ld er s is te r. O th er u ncle s a nd a unts o ccup ie d th e r e m ain in g c o uches i n th e l o bby— a M ehta ta keo ver o f th e M arrio tt. M y m oth er l o oked a t m y f a th er, a l e v el- tw o g la re . I t s ig nifie d : ‘ W ill y o u e v er ta ke th e i n iti a ti v e?’ My f a th er s h ifte d i n h is s e at. I r e fo cuse d o n th e l o bby m anager. ‘W hat c an b e d one n o w , A rijit? ’ I s a id . ‘ M y e nti r e f a m ily i s h ere .’ We h ad c o m e o n th e m orn in g flig ht fr o m D elh i. T he G ula ti s , th e b oy’s s id e, w ould ta ke o ff f r o m M um bai a t 3 p .m . a nd l a nd i n G oa a t 4 . T w enty h ir e d I n no vas w ould b rin g th em to th e h o te l b y 5 . I c hecked th e ti m e— 2.3 0 p .m . ‘S ee, m a’a m , w e h av e s e t u p a s p ecia l d esk fo r th e M ehta – G ula ti w ed din g,’ A rijit s a id . ‘ W e a re d oin g th e c heck-in s f o r y o ur f a m ily n o w .’ He p oin te d to a m akesh ift c o unte r a t th e fa r c o rn er o f th e lo bby w here th re e fe m ale M arrio tt e m plo yees w ith p erm anent sm ile s sa t. T hey w elc o m ed ev ery o ne w ith fo ld ed hand s. E ach guest r e ceiv ed a s h ell n eckla ce, a s e t o f k ey c ard s fo r th e r o om , a m ap o f th e M arrio tt G oa p ro perty a nd a ‘ w ed din g in fo rm ati o n b ookle t’ . T he b ookle t c o nta in ed th e e nti r e p ro gra m me fo r th e w eek, in clu d in g t h e ti m e, v enue a nd o th er d eta ils o f th e c ere m onie s. ‘M y s id e w ill ta ke f ifty r o om s. T he G ula ti s n eed f ifty to o,’ I s a id . ‘If y o u ta ke f ifty , m a’a m , w e w ill o nly h av e th ir ty l e ft f o r th em ,’ A rijit s a id . ‘W here i s S ura j? ’ I s a id . S ura j w as th e o w ner o f M oonsh in e E vents , th e e v ent m anager w e h ad ap poin te d f o r th e w ed din g. ‘ W e w ill m anage l a st m in ute ’ i s w hat h e h ad to ld m e. ‘A t th e a ir p ort,’ A rijit s a id . My f a th er a m ble d u p to th e r e cep ti o n d esk . ‘ E very th in g o kay, b eta ?’ I e xp la in ed th e s itu ati o n to h im . ‘T hir ty r o om s! T he G ula ti s h av e 1 20 g uests ,’ m y f a th er s a id . ‘E xactl y .’ I th re w u p m y h and s. Mom a nd K am la b ua c am e to th e r e cep ti o n a s w ell. ‘ I to ld S ud ars h an a ls o , w hy a ll th is G oa busin ess? D elh i h as so m any n ic e b anq uet h alls a nd fa rm ho use s. S eem s lik e y o u h av e m oney to waste ,’ K am la b ua s a id . I w ante d to r e to rt b ut m y m oth er g av e m e th e M oth er L ook. They a re o ur g uests , I r e m in d ed m yse lf. I l e t o ut a h uge b re ath . ‘H ow m any f r o m o ur s id e?’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘M ehta f a m ily h as 1 1 7 g uests , m a’a m ,’ A rijit s a id , c o unti n g f r o m h is r e se rv ati o n s h eets . ‘If w e o nly h av e e ig hty , th at is fo rty ro om s fo r e ach s id e,’ I s a id . ‘L et’ s re allo cate . S to p th e check-in s f o r th e M ehta s r ig ht n o w .’ Arijit s ig nalle d th e s m ilin g la d ie s a t th e c o unte r. T hey s to pped th e s m ile s a nd th e c heck-in s and p ut th e s h ell n eckla ces b ack i n th e d ra w er. ‘H ow c an w e r e d uce th e r o om s f o r th e b oy’s s id e?’ m y m oth er s a id i n a s h o cked v oic e. ‘W hat e ls e to d o?’ I s a id . ‘H ow m any r o om s a re th ey e xp ecti n g?’ s h e s a id . ‘F ifty ,’ I s a id . ‘ C all th em n o w . T hey w ill r e ad ju st th eir a llo cati o ns o n th e w ay h ere .’ ‘H ow c an y o u a sk th e b oy’s s id e to a d ju st? ’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘ A parn a, a re y o u s e rio us? ’ My m oth er l o oked a t K am la b ua a nd m e. ‘B ut h o w c an w e m anage in o nly th ir ty ro om s? ’ I sa id a nd tu rn ed to m y fa th er. ‘D ad , c all th em .’ ‘S ud ars h an, d on’t in su lt th em b efo re th ey e v en a rriv e,’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘W e w ill m anage in th ir ty r o om s. I t’ s o kay. S om e o f u s w ill s le ep o n th e f lo or.’ ‘N obody n eed s to s le ep o n th e flo or, b ua,’ I s a id . ‘ I a m s o rry th is s c re w -u p h ap pened . B ut if we h av e f o rty r o om s e ach, i t i s th re e to a r o om . W ith s o m any k id s a nyw ay, i t s h o uld b e f in e.’ ‘W e c an m anage i n th ir ty ,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘M om ? T hat’ s f o ur to a r o om . W hile th e G ula ti s w ill h av e s o m uch s p ace. L et’ s te ll th em .’ ‘N o,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘ W e c an’t d o th at.’ ‘W hy?’ ‘T hey a re th e b oy’s s id e. L ittl e b it a ls o y o u d on’t u nd ers ta nd ?’ I d id n’t w ant to l o se i t a t m y o w n w ed din g, d efin ite ly n o t i n th e f ir s t h o ur o f a rriv al. I tu rn ed to my f a th er. ‘ D ad , i t’ s n o b ig d eal. H is f a m ily w ill u nd ers ta nd . W e a re h ere f o r s ix n ig hts . I t w ill g et to o ti g ht f o r u s,’ I s a id . Dad , o f c o urs e , w ould n o t l is te n. T hese tw o w om en, h is w ife a nd s is te r, c o ntr o lle d h is r e m ote . For o nce, b oth o f th em w ere o n th e s a m e p age a s w ell. ‘B eta , th ese a re n o rm s. Y ou d on’t u nd ers ta nd . W e h av e to k eep th em c o m fo rta b le . G ir l’s s id e is e xp ecte d to a d ju st,’ h e s a id . I a rg ued fo r fiv e m ore m in ute s. It d id n’t w ork . I h ad to re le nt. A nd d o w hat th e g ir l’s s id e need s to d o— ad ju st. ‘Y ou a nd A diti ta ke a r o om ,’ m y m oth er s a id , r e fe rrin g to m y s is te r. ‘L et h er b e w ith h er h usb and . W hat w ill j iju th in k?’ I s a id . ‘A nil w ill a d ju st w ith th e o th er g ents ,’ K am la b ua s a id . Over th e n ext tw enty m in ute s th e tw o w om en s o rte d th e e xte nd ed M ehta f a m ily c o m pris in g 1 1 7 peo ple in to th ir ty ro om s. T hey u se d a c o m ple x a lg o rith m w ith c rite ria lik e th e p eo ple s h arin g th e ro om s h o uld n o t h ate e ach o th er (w arrin g re la ti v es w ere p ut in d iffe re nt ro om s) o r b e p ote nti a lly attr a cte d to e ach o th er ( m ix ed g end er r o om s w ere a v oid ed , e v en if it in v olv ed p eo ple a ged e ig hty - plu s). K id s w ere p acked fiv e to a ro om , o fte n w ith a g ra nd pare nt. K am la b ua, h ers e lf a w id ow , dra m ati c ally o ffe re d to s le ep o n th e f lo or i n m y p are nts ’ r o om , c ausin g m y f a th er to o ffe r h is o w n b ed and s le ep o n th e flo or in ste ad . O f c o urs e , A rijit k ep t s a yin g th at th ey w ould p ut e xtr a b ed s in th e ro om . B ut h o w c an y o u c o m pare s le ep in g o n a n e xtr a M arrio tt b ed w ith th e P unja b i b ua’s e te rn al sa crific e o f s le ep in g o n th e f lo or? ‘I a m h ap py w ith r o ti a nd a chaar,’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘It’ s th e M arrio tt. T here i s e no ugh f o od, b ua,’ I s a id . ‘I a m j u st s a yin g.’ ‘C an y o u p le ase fo cus o n th e r e allo cati o ns? W e a ll n eed to b e c hecked in b efo re th e G ula ti s arriv e,’ I s a id . In th e m id dle o f th is c hao s, I fo rg o t w hat I h ad c o m e h ere fo r. I h ad c o m e to c hange m y life fo re v er. T o d o so m eth in g I’ d n ev er b elie v ed in m y w ho le life . T o d o so m eth in g I n ev er th o ught I would . I h ad c o m e to h av e a n a rra nged m arria ge. Here I w as, l o st i n l o gis ti c s, g uest a rra ngem ents a nd b ua ta ntr u m s. I to ok a m om ent to r e fle ct. I w ill b e m arrie d i n a w eek. T o a g uy I h ard ly k n ow . T his g uy a nd I a re t o s h are a b ed , h om e and l ife f o r t h e r e st o f m y l ife . Why i s n ’t i t s in kin g i n ? W hy a m I f ig htin g w ith S ura j o n c h at i n ste a d? Me: M ajo r s c re w -u p o n r o om s, S ura j. N ot c o ol. Sura j: S orry . R eally s o rry . P oliti c al r e aso ns. T rie d . R eally . Me: W hat e ls e i s g o in g to g et s c re w ed u p ? Sura j: N oth in g. In d iG o fr o m M um bai ju st la nd ed . W e a re re ad y to re ceiv e g uests . S ee y o u so on. I w ent to th e M ehta – G ula ti c heck-in d esk . A ll m y fa m ily g uests h ad c hecked in . S om e d id gru m ble a b out s h arin g a r o om w ith th re e o th ers b ut m ost s e em ed fin e. M om s a id th at th e g ru m ble rs were th e je alo us ty p es, th e r e la ti v es w ho c o uld n’t s ta nd th e fa ct th at w e h ad r e ached a le v el w here we c o uld d o a d esti n ati o n w ed din g i n G oa. T he s u p porti v e o nes, a cco rd in g to m om , w ere th o se w ho und ers to od w hat i t w as l ik e to b e th e g ir l’s s id e. ‘D o n o t u se th is “ gir l’s s id e” a nd “ b oy’s s id e” lo gic w ith m e a gain . I d on’t lik e it,’ I s a id . Mom a nd I w ere s itti n g in th e lo bby, e nsu rin g th at th e s ta ff r e ad ie d th e s p ecia l c heck-in d esk fo r th e Gula ti s . ‘C an y o u s to p w av in g y o ur f e m in is m f la g f o r a w eek? T his i s a w ed din g, n o t a n N GO a cti v is t venue,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘B ut. . .’ ‘I k no w y o u a re p ayin g f o r i t. S ti ll, b eta , p ro to co l i s p ro to co l.’ ‘It i s a s e xis t p ro to co l.’ ‘D id y o u fig ure o ut y o ur p arlo ur a p poin tm ents ? A diti a ls o w ants h air a nd m ake-u p a ll six days.’ I lo ve h o w m y m oth er c an th ro w a no th er to pic in to th e c o nv ers a ti o n if s h e d oesn ’t w ant to answ er m e. ‘O f c o urs e s h e d oes,’ I s a id . ‘N ow g o c hange,’ m om s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y ou a re g o in g to m eet th e b oy’s s id e i n j e ans a nd T -s h ir t? A nd l o ok a t y o ur n eck!’ ‘A gain y o u s a id “ b oy’s s id e”. A nd w hat’ s w ro ng w ith m y n eck?’ ‘T here is n o je w elle ry . G o c hange in to a s a lw ar-k am eez a nd w ear a c hain fr o m m y je w elle ry box.’ ‘I h av e j u st a rriv ed . I a m w ork in g to s e ttl e th e g uests i n . W hy a m I e xp ecte d to d oll u p ? I s th e boy e xp ecte d to d re ss u p r ig ht a fte r h e g ets o ff a f lig ht? ’ My m oth er fo ld ed h er h and s. W hen lo gic fa ils , s h e d oes th is , b rin gs b oth h er h and s to geth er dra m ati c ally . S tr a ngely , i t w ork s. I r e le nte d a nd s to od u p . S he h and ed m e th e k ey c ard s to h er a nd m y r o om . I w ent to h er r o om fir s t. I to ok o ut a g o ld n eckla ce, th e th in nest a nd l e ast h id eo us o f th em a ll. Why a m I a gre ein g t o t h is ? I w ond ere d e v en a s I w ore it. Mayb e b eca use I fa ile d w hen I d id th in gs m y w ay. A ll th e w om en ’s em pow erm en t a nd f e m in is m b ulls h it d id n’t r e a lly t a ke m e a nyw here , r ig ht? M ayb e K am la b ua a nd mom ’s w ay w as t h e r ig ht w ay. I w ent to m y r o om . F our h uge s u itc ase s w ere c ra m med i n to th e w alk in g s p ace i n th e c o rrid or. Tw o g ia nt b ags b elo nged to m y s is te r, w ho h ad e sse nti a lly p acked a r e ta il s to re ’s w orth o f d re sse s f o r hers e lf. I o pened o ne o f m y s u itc ase s, to ok o ut a y ello w s ilk s a lw ar-k am eez w ith a s lim z a ri b ord er. My m oth er h ad to ld m e, n o c o tto ns th is w eek. I u nd re sse d . I l o oked a t m yse lf i n th e m ir ro r. M y w av y hair had gro w n, and no w re ached m y sh o uld ers . I lo oked slim — th e tw o-m onth d ie t b efo re th e wed din g h ad h elp ed . T he b la ck L a P erla l in gerie I h ad p urc hase d i n H ong K ong a ls o g av e a l ittl e l ift here a nd a l ittl e tu ck th ere . Exp en siv e u nderw ea r c a n m ake a ny w om an l o ok s e xy , a l ittl e v oic e i n m y head s a id . S om e m en in th e p ast h ad c alle d m e s e xy, b ut th ey c o uld h av e b een b ia se d . Why a m I alw ays s o h ard o n m yse lf? W hy c o uld n’t t h ey h ave g en uin ely f o und m e s e xy? W ell, it d id n’t m atte r no w . I w ould b e u nd re ssin g i n f r o nt o f a n ew m an s o on. T he th o ught m ad e m e s h ud der. I w alk ed c lo se r to th e m ir ro r. I s a w m y f a ce u p -c lo se . ‘ It’ s a ll h ap penin g, R ad hik a,’ I s a id o ut lo ud . Hi, I a m R ad hik a M ehta a nd I a m g etti n g m arrie d th is w eek. I a m tw enty -s e v en y ears o ld . I gre w up in D elh i. I no w w ork in L ond on, at G old m an S achs, an in v estm ent b ank. I am a v ic e pre sid ent in th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . T hank y o u fo r r e ad in g m y s to ry . H ow ev er, le t m e w arn y o u. You m ay n o t lik e m e to o m uch. O ne, I m ake a lo t o f m oney. T w o, I h av e a n o pin io n o n e v ery th in g. Thre e, I ’ v e h ad s e x. N ow i f I w as a g uy y o u w ould b e o kay w ith a ll o f th is . B ut s in ce I a m a g ir l th ese th re e th in gs d on’t r e ally m ake m e to o l ik eab le , d o th ey? I am als o a bit of a nerd . M y sis te r, A diti , and I w ent to sc ho ol to geth er in D elh i at Sprin gd ale s, P usa R oad . S he i s j u st a y ear o ld er th an m e. M y p are nts w ante d a s o n f o r th eir f ir s tb orn . When A diti c am e, th ey h ad to u nd o th e d am age a s s o on a s p ossib le . H ence, m y fa th er, S B I N ara in a Vih ar B ra nch M anager S ud ars h an M ehta , d ecid ed to h av e a no th er c hild w ith h is h o m em aker w ife , Aparn a M ehta . S ad ly fo r th em , th e s e co nd w as a ls o a g ir l, w hic h w as m e. It is ru m oure d th at th ey tr ie d a gain tw ic e; b oth ti m es m y m oth er h ad a n a b orti o n b ecause i t w as a g ir l. I c o nfr o nte d h er o n th is to pic y ears a go , b ut s h e b ru sh ed i t o ff. ‘I d on’t r e m em ber, a ctu ally ,’ s h e s a id , ‘ b ut I a m h ap py w ith m y tw o d aughte rs .’ ‘Y ou d on’t r e m em ber tw o a b orti o ns? ’ ‘Y ou w ill ju d ge m e, s o n o p oin t te llin g y o u. Y ou d on’t k no w w hat it is lik e to b e w ith o ut a so n.’ I h ad s to pped a sk in g h er a fte r th at. In s c ho ol, A diti d id i w as a h und re d ti m es m ore p opula r th an m e. S he w as th e g ir l b oys h ad cru sh es o n. I w as th e g ir l w ho s ta rte d to w ear s p ecta cle s i n c la ss s ix . A diti d id i i s f a ir -c o m ple xio ned . I a m w hat th ey c all w heati s h i n m atr im onia l a d s ( w hy d on’t th ey c all w hite -s k in ned p eo ple r ic e-is h ?). We l o ok l ik e th e b efo re – afte r p ic tu re s i n a f a ir n ess c re am a d ; I ’ m th e b efo re p ic tu re , o f c o urs e . A diti did i s ta rte d d ie ti n g fr o m a ge tw elv e, a nd w axed h er le gs fr o m a ge th ir te en. I to pped m y c la ss a t a ge tw elv e, a nd w on th e M ath s O ly m pia d a t a ge th ir te en. C le arly , sh e w as th e c o ole r o ne. In sc ho ol, peo ple e ith er d id n’t n o ti c e m e o r m ad e fu n o f m e. I p re fe rre d th e fo rm er. H ence, I sta yed in th e backgro und , w ith m y b ooks. O nce, in c la ss te n, a b oy a sk ed m e o ut in fr o nt o f th e w ho le c la ss. H e gav e m e a r e d r o se a lo ng w ith a n A rc hie s g re eti n g c ard . O verw helm ed , I c rie d te ars o f jo y. T urn ed out i t w as a p ra nk. T he e nti r e c la ss l a ughed a s h e s q ueeze d th e r o se a nd i n k s p ra yed a cro ss m y f a ce. My s p ecta cle s p ro te cte d m y e yes, th ankfu lly . That d ay I r e aliz e d I h ad o nly o ne th in g g o in g fo r m e— acad em ic s. In c la ss tw elv e I w as th e sc ho ol to pper. I r a nked a m ong th e to p f iv e i n D elh i, w hic h, c o m e to th in k o f i t, w as a m ajo r l o se r-lik e th in g to d o. U nlik e m e, A diti d id i h ad b are ly p asse d c la ss tw elv e a y ear a go . H ow ev er, s h e d id w in th e u no ffic ia l ti tl e o f M is s H otn ess a t h er fa re w ell. In s o m e w ays, o h w ell, in e v ery w ay, th at w as a big ger a chie v em ent th an to ppin g C BSE . Hav e y o u h eard a b out th e in sa ne c ut- o ffs a t D elh i U niv ers ity ? I a m th e k in d o f s tu d ent th at cause s th em . I s c o re d a 9 8 p er c ent a ggre gate in c la ss tw elv e. T hen I jo in ed S hri R am C olle ge o f Com merc e, o r S R CC. P eo ple s a y it is o ne o f th e b est c o lle ges fo r n erd s. A t S R CC, I r e aliz e d th at I was n erd ie r th an e v en th e r e gula r n erd s. I to pped th ere to o. I n ev er b unked a c la ss. I h ard ly s p oke to any b oys, I m ad e fe w fr ie nd s. W ith b ad s c ho ol m em orie s, I w ante d to s u rv iv e c o lle ge w ith a s littl e hum an c o nta ct a s p ossib le . I f in is h ed c o lle ge a nd to ok th e C AT f o r M BA e ntr a nce. A s y o u c an g uess, n erd y m e h it a 9 9.7 perc enti le . I m ad e it to IIM A hm ed ab ad . In c o ntr a st, A diti d id i h ad fin is h ed h er g ra d uati o n fr o m Amity U niv ers ity th e y ear b efo re a nd w ante d to g et m arrie d . S he h ad tw o c rite ria f o r h er g ro om . O ne, th e b oy h ad to b e r ic h. S eco nd , w ell, th ere w as n o s e co nd c rite rio n r e ally . S he s a id s o m eth in g lik e sh e w ante d to b e a h o use w ife a nd l o ok a fte r h er h usb and . F ortu nate ly , r ic h P unja b i m en i n D elh i w ho can’t w oo w om en o n th eir o w n a re o nly to o h ap py to o blig e g ir ls lik e h er. A diti d id i m arrie d A nil, ow ner o f th re e s a nita ry w are s h o ps in P aharg anj a nd tw o H ond a C R-V s. T hey h ad th eir w ed din g th e sa m e y ear I j o in ed I IM A. ‘Y ou s h o uld a ls o g et m arrie d s o on,’ d id i h ad to ld m e. ‘ T here ’s a r ig ht ti m e f o r a g ir l to m arry . Don’t d ela y i t.’ ‘I a m tw enty -o ne,’ I s a id . ‘ I h av en’t e v en d one m y m aste r’s y et.’ ‘T he y o unger th e b ette r. E sp ecia lly f o r s o m eo ne l ik e y o u,’ s h e s a id . ‘W hat d o y o u m ean esp ecia lly f o r s o m eo ne l ik e m e?’ She n ev er e xp la in ed . I g uess s h e m eant fo r s o m eo ne a s n erd y a s m e o r a s w heati s h a s m e o r so m eo ne w ho se b re asts w ere n’t th e s iz e o f f o otb alls , a s P unja b i m en p re fe r. I jo in ed IIM A. I fin ally fo und n erd h eav en. E very o ne s tu d ie d , a nd ju st w hen y o u th o ught y o u had s tu d ie d e no ugh, th e in sti tu te g av e y o u m ore a ssig nm ents . M y m oth er c alle d o n a re gula r b asis , prim arily to d is c uss h er fa v ourite to pic . ‘ S ta rt lo okin g a t b oys a t le ast. A nil’s c ir c le h as m any g o od, ric h g uys.’ ‘I a m n o t g o in g to m arry a m an f r o m th e c ir c le o f s a nita ry w are s h o p o w ners , m om .’ ‘W hy?’ m y m oth er s a id , g enuin ely c o nfu se d . ‘Y ou k no w w hat, I a m n o t g etti n g m arrie d fo r s e v era l y ears a nyw ay. F org et it. I h av e c la ss no w . B ye.’ I fin is h ed w ith IIM A. O vera chie v er m e had a jo b o ffe r o n D ay Z ero , th e p rim e slo t fo r re cru ite rs . I g o t a n o ffe r to b e a n a sso cia te a t G old m an S achs, N ew Y ork . T he jo b p aid a n a nnual co m pensa ti o n o f 1 20,0 00 d olla rs . ‘F orty -e ig ht l a kh r u p ees a y ear, f o ur l a khs a m onth , m om ,’ I to ld h er o n th e p ho ne. I h eard n o th in g i n r e sp onse . M ost l ik ely s h e h ad f a in te d . M y f a th er h ad n ev er c ro sse d a th ir d o f th is a m ount i n h is tw enty -fiv e-y ear c are er w ith th e S ta te B ank o f I n d ia . ‘A re y o u th ere , m om ?’ ‘H ow w ill I e v er f in d a b oy f o r y o u?’ s h e s a id . That w as h er p rim e c o ncern . H er tw enty -th re e-y ear-o ld d aughte r, w ho g re w u p in m id dle - cla ss W est D elh i, h ad c ra cked a jo b a t o ne o f th e b ig gest in v estm ent b anks in th e w orld a nd a ll s h e care d a b out w as i ts i m pact o n h er g ro om -h unt. ‘S to p i t, m om . W hat b oy?’ ‘W ho w ants to m arry a g ir l w ho e arn s s o m uch? I f th e b oy e arn s l e ss, h e w on’t c o nsid er y o u. I f he e arn s m ore , w hy w ould h e m arry a w ork in g g ir l? ’ ‘I h av e n o id ea w hat y o u a re ta lk in g a b out. B ut I a m m ovin g to A meric a. I h av e a g re at jo b. Can y o u s a v e y o ur m elo dra m a f o r a no th er ti m e?’ ‘Y our f a th er w ants to s p eak to y o u,’ s h e s a id a nd p asse d h im th e p ho ne. ‘G old m an S achs? A meric an, n o ?’ h e s a id . My r o om p ho ne r a ng, s ta rtl in g m e b ack to r e ality . I a m i n G oa, n ot I IM A , I r e m in d ed m yse lf. ‘W here a re y o u? T he G ula ti s a re te n m in ute s a w ay,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘H uh? I a m h ere , m om . I n m y r o om .’ ‘A re y o u d re sse d ?’ I l o oked i n th e m ir ro r. ‘Y eah, a lm ost.’ ‘C om e d ow n f a st. W hat a re y o u w earin g?’ ‘T he y ello w s a lw ar-k am eez. Z ari b ord er.’ ‘S ilk ?’ ‘Y es.’ ‘Y ou w ore a c hain ?’ ‘Y es.’ ‘C om e th en.’ ‘H ey, r e m em ber m e?’ I h eard a v oic e b ehin d m e. I tu rn ed a ro und . ‘B rije sh ,’ I s a id to m y h usb and -to -b e. ‘ H i.’ I d id n’t k no w w hat to d o n ext. Should I l o ok s h y? S hould I g ig gle ? S hould I g iv e h im a h ug? Lik e a n id io t, I s h o ok h and s w ith h im w hile h e a d ju ste d h is b la ck-rim med s p ecta cle s w ith h is le ft hand . U nlik e h o w h e’d lo oked in th e S kyp e c alls o f th e p ast fe w w eeks, h e w as th in ner, h is w hite kurta a nd b lu e je ans h angin g a b it o n h im . H is n eatl y c o m bed s id e-p arte d h air m ad e h im lo ok lik e th o se s c ho olb oys w ho m te achers f ir s t a sk to b eco m e p re fe cts . I s m elle d s tr o ng a fte rs h av e. I w as in th e lo bby. T he b oy’s s id e h ad a rriv ed . T hey c ro w ded a ro und th e s p ecia l c heck-in desk . T he h o te l s ta ff b ro ught i n tr a ys f ille d w ith g la sse s o f c o co nut w ate r. ‘I m ad e th em g et th e c o co nut w ate r. It w asn ’t p art o f th e p ackage,’ S ura j to ld m e. H e w as tr y in g h ard to c o m pensa te f o r th e r o om s’ d is a ste r. H e g av e m e a p rin to ut o f th e w eek’s p la n. I g la nced at i t. Rad hik a w ed s B rije sh : I ti n era ry f o r th e w eek Day 1 : A rriv al, c heck-in s, b rie fin g, r e la x i n r e so rt Day 2 : Goa D ars h an T our f o r e ld ers a nd c hild re n ( 1 1 a .m .- 6 p .m .) Bachelo r P arty f o r M r B rije sh G ula ti a t C lu b C ub ana ( 8 p .m .) Bachelo re tte P arty f o r M s R ad hik a M ehta a t L PK ( 8 p .m .) ‘Y ou h av e o rg aniz e d b use s f o r th e b achelo r p arti e s? ’ I s a id . ‘Y es, m a’a m . T he b use s w ill b e th ere a t 7 .3 0 a t th e f r o nt e ntr a nce.’ I r e ad f u rth er. Day 3 : B haja n a nd P uja i n f u ncti o n r o om ( 4 p .m .) Day 4 : M ehnd i— co unte rs f o r a ll l a d ie s i n f u ncti o n r o om ( 1 2-6 p .m .) Day 5 : S angeet i n f u ncti o n r o om ( 8 p .m .) ‘T he c ho re o gra p her i s h ere f o r th e s a ngeet p ra cti c e?’ I s a id . ‘N o, m a’a m . H e w ill a rriv e i n tw o d ays. H e s a id th at’ s e no ugh ti m e f o r p ra cti c e.’ I l o oked a t th e i ti n era ry a gain . Day 6 : W ed din g a t th e G ra nd B allr o om a nd th e M ain L aw ns ( 8 p .m .) Day 7 : C hecko uts a nd d ep artu re s ( 1 2 n o on) Sura j h and ed o ver th e o th er s h eets w ith d eta ils a b out e ach f u ncti o n a nd v enue. ‘S orry a b out th e r o om s’ g o of- u p , m ad am . E very th in g i s u nd er c o ntr o l n o w ,’ h e s a id . Sura j h ad j u st l e ft w hen B rije sh c am e u p b ehin d m e. ‘T his p la ce i s b eauti fu l. G re at i d ea to h av e a w ed din g i n G oa,’ h e s a id . H is a ccent w as 9 0 p er cent In d ia n a nd 1 0 p er c ent A meric an. F ro m a d is ta nce I s a w m y p are nts a t th e M arrio tt e ntr a nce, gre eti n g B rije sh ’s p are nts a nd th eir re la ti v es w ith fo ld ed h and s. I fo cuse d b ack o n B rije sh . ‘T hank yo u. I a lw ays w ante d a d esti n ati o n w ed din g,’ I s a id . Aw kw ard s ile nce fo r te n lo ng, s lo w s e co nd s. What a re w e s u ppose d to s a y to e a ch o th er? Should I b re a k th e ic e? S hould I s a y, h ey, w e c a n o ffic ia lly s ta rt h avin g s e x in a w eek? S hut u p, Radhik a . S hut t h e f u ck u p. ‘Y ou l o ok,’ B rije sh p ause d , s e arc hin g f o r a n a p t w ord , ‘ b eauti fu l.’ Could yo u d o n o b ette r, M r G ro om ? Sto p it, R adhik a , I sc o ld ed m yse lf. Ye a h, sto p it , Radhik a ! I h av e to te ll y o u a b out th is b ad h ab it o f m in e. I h av e th is littl e p ers o n, th is in ner m in i- m e who keep s chatte rin g ab out ev ery situ ati o n or pers o n aro und m e. Som eti m es, th is m in i- m e overw helm s m e s o m uch I h av e to th in k h ard to r e m em ber w hat j u st h ap pened . ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘ T hank y o u, B rije sh .’ And w hat s o rt o f a n am e i s B rije sh ? C an i t b e m ore u nfa sh io nable ? R adhik a , y o u a re g oin g to m arry a g uy c a lle d B rije sh . Y o u w ill b e M rs B rije sh G ula ti. T hat’s t e rrib le . O ka y, s to p i t. S to p i t, Radhik a . H e’s c o m e a l o ng w ay. H e’s a n ic e g uy. T hat’s w hat m atte rs, r ig ht? ‘Y ello w l o oks n ic e o n y o u,’ B rije sh c o nti n ued . Actu ally , yello w su cks on m e, w hat w ith m y fa m ous w hea tis h co m ple xio n. I w ore th is beca use m om w ante d a s u nflo w er i n t h e l o bby w hen t h e G ula tis a rriv ed . Oka y, h e i s t r y in g. ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . Say m ore , y o u s tu pid g ir l. ‘Y our k urta i s a ls o n ic e,’ I s a id . Duh, c o uld y o u b e more s tu pid ? ‘H ello , b eta .’ A m an in h is e arly fifti e s a lo ng w ith h is w ife c am e u p to m e. T hey s e em ed to o enth usia sti c to b e c o m ple te s tr a ngers . It to ok m e a s e co nd to p la ce th em . A ll r ig ht, th ey w ere m y in - la w s. M r A ad ars h G ula ti a nd M rs S ulo chana G ula ti . Radhik a , b eh ave. D on’t s a y a nyth in g s tu pid . B e lik e m om . B e l ik e A diti. W hat w ould A diti d id i d o? S he w ould t o uch t h eir f e et. C ’m on, d iv e, t h en . I b ent d ow n. I to uched th e fe et o f p eo ple I h ad o nly S kyp ed tw ic e in m y life b ut w ho n o w dese rv ed m y to ta l r e sp ect. M y p are nts h ad m et th em s e v era l ti m es, o f c o urs e . D ad to ld m e th ey w ere nic e p eo ple . Nic e p eo ple ? H ow d oes a nyo ne fig ure o ut n ic e p eo ple ? A re th ere a ny n ic e p eo ple in th is w orld ? S ee, m y m in d w on’t s to p c hatte rin g. E ver. ‘H ow w as y o ur f lig ht, u ncle ?’ I s a id . ‘J u st o ne h o ur f r o m M um bai. N ot l ik e B rije sh , w ho h as c o m e f r o m h alfw ay a cro ss th e w orld ,’ Aad ars h u ncle s a id . ‘F or y o u, o f c o urs e ,’ S ulo chana a unty s a id a nd c up ped m y c heeks. S he p la nte d a b ig k is s o n m y fo re head . I g uess, c o nsid erin g th is is a c o untr y w here in -la w s b urn b rid es, th ey d id s e em lik e n ic e peo ple . More o f B rije sh ’s r e la ti v es s w arm ed a ro und u s. ‘C om e, c o m e, s e e th e d ulh an,’ o ne o f th e a unts s a id . T he m onkey w as o ut o f th e c age a nd th ere was a f r e e s ig hti n g i n th e l o bby. A c ro w d g ath ere d a ro und m e. I tr ie d to r e m em ber a s m any n am es a s possib le . ‘M y m oth er’s s is te rs , R ohin i m asi a nd G unja n m asi,’ B rije sh s a id , ‘ a nd th at’ s d ad ’s b ro th ers , Puro hit c hacha a nd A mit c hacha.’ Bob-b ob w ent m y h ead a s I w is h ed th em a ll. I f I s a w a nyo ne w ith e v en a h in t o f w hite o r d yed or henna-ti n te d hair, I w ent fo r th eir fe et. E xactl y as m y m oth er w ould exp ect m e to . A mid th e in tr o ducti o ns a nd o bse q uio us r e sp ect g o in g o n, B rije sh p ulle d m e a sid e. ‘H ey, i s th is to o m uch f o r y o u?’ I s h ru gged . ‘Is th ere s o m ew here w e c o uld ta ke a w alk ?’ h e s a id . There , h e w as b ein g s w eet. I h ad to ld h im e arlie r I w ante d to g et to k no w h im b ette r, a nd h e was m akin g a n e ffo rt. ‘S ure . L et’ s g o to th e p ools id e,’ I s a id . P 2 alm tr e es a lo ng th e M arrio tt p ool s w ayed g re en in th e b re eze . T he 5 p .m . D ecem ber s u n lit u p th e h o te l’s c o tta ges, c asti n g g entl e s h ad ow s e v ery w here . W e w ent d ow n th e w alk in g p ath , w ith t h e h o te l to o ur l e ft a nd th e A ra b ia n S ea to o ur r ig ht. I f e lt o verd re sse d i n m y s u nflo w er o utf it a s o th er h o te l g uests r o am ed a ro und i n s h o rts a nd v ests . ‘S o y o u j u st a rriv ed y este rd ay f r o m S an F ra ncis c o ?’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, l a nd ed l a st n ig ht,’ h e s a id . ‘ I w ante d to m axim iz e m y l e av e. O ne w eek f o r th e w ed din g. A c o up le o f d ays a fte r th at a t h o m e i n M um bai. T hen B ali f o r o ur h o neym oon. U se d i t a ll u p , a ctu ally .’ The w ord h o neym oon c ause d a j o lt i n m e. M in i- m e w oke u p a gain . Honeym oon! A fte r a d oze n -o dd S kyp e c a lls a nd m eetin g o nce o ver a d ay tr ip ? A w eek in B ali w ith t h is m an I a m w alk in g n ext t o . W ill w e b e n aked ? S to p i t, R adhik a . Focu s o n t h e m om en t. ‘M ust b e ti r in g, f ly in g s o m uch,’ I s a id . ‘I s a w y o u. N ot ti r e d a nym ore .’ I s m ile d . The m an i s t r y in g. M ayb e I s h ould t o o. Brije sh s m ile d b ack. H e h ad i n no cent te acher’s -p et e yes. ‘ H ow ’s F aceb ook?’ I s a id . ‘I h ad a b usy m onth . J u st fin is h ed a n e nte rp ris e p ro je ct. S o m uch w ork , fr o nt- e nd in te rfa ces, b ack-e nd s y ste m s, u nd erly in g A PIs .’ ‘A PIs ? ’ ‘A pplic ati o n p ro gra m me in te rfa ce. S et o f r o uti n es, p ro to co ls a nd to ols fo r b uild in g s o ftw are a p plic ati o ns. H ow s o ftw are c o m ponents i n te ra ct, b asic ally .’ I n o dded , h av in g u nd ers to od n o t a w ord . ‘Y ou h av e n o i d ea w hat I a m ta lk in g a b out, r ig ht? ’ I l a ughed . ‘I k no w . N ot th e m ost e xciti n g j o b i n th e w orld ,’ h e s a id , h is v oic e f la t. ‘C om e o n, y o u w ork a t F aceb ook. I t’ s q uite c o ol.’ ‘P eo ple th in k i t i s F aceb ook s o th ere ’s n o th in g to d o. W e p ost p ic tu re s a ll d ay o r s o m eth in g.’ ‘I a m s u re i t i s p re tty h ig h-te ch b ehin d th e s c enes.’ Should I ta lk a bout m ore p erso nal s tu ff? H e w ill h appily d is c u ss c o m pute r c o de fo r tw o h ours i f I l e t h im . R adhik a , t a ke c o ntr o l. ‘Y ou l ik e y o ur j o b?’ I s a id . Brije sh s h ru gged . ‘ It’ s n ic e. A lo t o f s m art p eo ple . A lw ays s tu ff h ap penin g. P ays w ell. S to ck o pti o ns. F le xi ti m e. . .’ ‘W hat a b out th at s ta rt- u p i d ea?’ I s a id . H e h ad m enti o ned s e tti n g u p h is o w n s o ftw are c o m pany w hen w e’d m et e arlie r. ‘T hat’ s th ere . I s ti ll w ant to d o i t,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘S o th en?’ ‘F aceb ook i s h ard to l e av e. T he s a la ry , s to ck o pti o ns a nd b enefits . P lu s, I w ould n eed f u nd in g. Arra ngin g a ll th at, l e av in g th at l e v el o f s e curity ta kes a l o t. J u st s im ple r th is w ay.’ I n o dded . W e h ad to ta lk b eyo nd w ork . F ortu nate ly , h e s w itc hed to pic s. ‘I lo ve G oa,’ h e s a id . ‘ I a m h ere a fte r a d ecad e. W e c am e h ere fr o m o ur e ngin eerin g c o lle ge. Of c o urs e , n o t to s u ch f a ncy r e so rts . W e s ta yed i n a s im ple p la ce. A te a t th e s h acks.’ ‘I l o ve th e s h acks.’ ‘Y ou w ill l o ve S an F ra ncis c o to o,’ h e s a id . ‘I h av e l iv ed i n N ew Y ork . N ev er o n th e W est C oast.’ ‘C alifo rn ia i s d iffe re nt f r o m N ew Y ork . M ore l a id -b ack.’ ‘E ven o ur g ro up a t G old m an i s s u p pose d to b e m ore c hille d o ut i n S an F ra ncis c o .’ ‘H ow ’s th at c o m in g a lo ng? Y our tr a nsfe r d one?’ My p ho ne b uzze d tw ic e. ‘S orry , p ho ne. M ayb e m om n eed s s o m eth in g,’ I s a id . ‘S ure ,’ B rije sh s a id . I h ad tw o m essa ges fr o m a n u nkno w n n um ber. T he n um ber s ta rte d w ith ‘ + 1’. S om eo ne in th e USA , I f ig ure d . ‘H ey, h eard y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d . T ru e?’ s a id th e f ir s t m essa ge. ‘T his i s D eb u, b y th e w ay. H ope y o u r e m em ber m e,’ s a id th e s e co nd . Deb u? D eb ash is h S en! A fte r w hat, l ik e, th re e y ears ? D eb u w as m essa gin g m e? ‘H i,’ I ty p ed b ack. H e r e p lie d i m med ia te ly . ‘H i, R ad hik a. H ow a re y o u? T ook m e a w hile to h unt f o r y o ur n um ber. B een w anti n g to ta lk to yo u.’ ‘E very th in g o kay?’ B rije sh s a id , n o ti c in g h o w p re o ccup ie d I w as w ith m y p ho ne. ‘H uh? Y eah, a ll g o od,’ I s a id , m y v oic e n erv ous. I lo w ere d th e p ho ne a nd c le nched it in m y hand . ‘S o, a ll d one?’ B rije sh s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y our tr a nsfe r. W e w ere j u st ta lk in g a b out i t.’ ‘H uh? Y es, y es. It’ s d one, m ostl y . I w ill h av e to s h uttl e b etw een L ond on a nd S an F ra ncis c o a fe w ti m es, f o r m y e xis ti n g i n v estm ents . B ut i t i s d one.’ My p ho ne b uzze d th re e m ore ti m es, v ib ra ti n g in m y h and . I s h o uld h av e ig no re d it. H ow ev er, th ere i s s o m eth in g a b out b uzzin g p ho nes— my o bse ssiv e-c o m puls iv e d is o rd er m akes m e l o ok a t th em . Afte r a ll, i t c o uld b e m om o r A diti d id i. I t w asn ’t. ‘H ey b ab y. I j u st w ant to s a y I a m s o rry ,’ D eb u’s m essa ge s a id . H e c o nti n ued : ‘I f o und o ut y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d .’ ‘I c o uld n’t b elie v e i t.’ I h ad to r e p ly to th is . ‘W hy? Y ou d id n’t th in k a nyo ne w ould ?’ I ty p ed b ack. Hav in g r e ached th e e nd o f th e g ard en, B rije sh a nd I tu rn ed a ro und to s tr o ll b ack. ‘W e h av e to fin d a p la ce to s ta y. F aceb ook is in M enlo P ark , G old m an S achs is d ow nto w n, rig ht? ’ B rije sh s a id . ‘H uh? W hat i s d ow nto w n?’ I s a id , m y m in d s ti ll o n D eb u’s m essa ge. ‘G old m an S achs. S an F ra ncis c o o ffic e,’ B rije sh s a id , e ach w ord s lo w a nd d elib era te . A fte r all, h e w as s p eakin g to a d is tr a cte d i d io t l ik e m e. ‘Y eah, G old m an i s o n C alifo rn ia S tr e et, d ow nto w n.’ My p ho ne b uzze d a f e w m ore ti m es. I s w ore to m yse lf n o t to c heck i t. I f o cuse d o n B rije sh . ‘S o w e h av e to d ecid e w heth er w e’ll s ta y d ow nto w n o r n ear M enlo P ark , w hic h is in P alo Alto ,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘Y eah, s u re .’ ‘S ure w hat? ’ ‘Y ou a re r ig ht.’ I h ad n o i d ea w hat h e j u st s a id . ‘I s a id y o u h av e to c ho ose . D ow nto w n o r P alo A lto ?’ ‘W hy d o I h av e to c ho ose ?’ ‘R ad hik a, a re y o u o kay? I s a id , w e h av e to c ho ose w here w e’ll s ta y.’ I f in ally f ig ure d o ut th e c o nv ers a ti o n. ‘U h-o h. W ell, I a m e asy, a ctu ally . Y ou a re a lr e ad y s ta yin g i n M enlo P ark , r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah, b ut m y l e ase e xp ir e s i n tw o m onth s.’ Ju st o ne littl e p eek, I to ld m yse lf. I w ill h av e a q uic k lo ok a t th e p ho ne a nd th en p ay fu ll atte nti o n to B rije sh . I l ifte d th e p ho ne. A mong th e m any m essa ges f r o m D eb u, o ne r e ad : ‘ I l o ve y o u.’ Fuck . F ortu nate ly , I d id n o t b lu rt th e w ord o ut. I i m med ia te ly s h ut th e p ho ne. I p la ced m y h and on m y f a ce. ‘I w as k een to m ove o ut a nyw ay,’ B rije sh sa id . ‘R ad hik a, a re y o u o kay? E very th in g u nd er co ntr o l? ’ ‘A ctu ally , I n eed to g o b ack. M om n eed s s o m eth in g. J e w elle ry i s su es,’ I s a id . ‘A h. I n d ia n w ed din gs,’ B rije sh s a id . Yeah, I h ad l ie d to m y h usb and -to -b e, w ith in o ne h o ur o f h is a rriv al. W hat a w ond erfu l b rid e I am g o in g to m ake, i s n ’t i t? S ee, I to ld y o u, y o u w on’t l ik e m e v ery m uch. ‘S o I w ill s e e y o u a gain s o on?’ I s a id . ‘O f c o urs e ,’ B rije sh s a id , w ith a tw in kle in h is e ye. ‘ I a m g o in g to b e y o ur h usb and , y o u a re go in g to s e e m e a ll th e ti m e. C om e, l e t’ s w alk b ack.’ I g rip ped m y p ho ne ti g ht a s if o th erw is e th e m essa ges w ould le ak o ut a nd fa ll o n th e flo or. Brije sh le ft m e a t th e lift lo bby, w here h e m et o ne o f h is c o usin s w ho w ante d to ta lk to h im . T he lift door s h ut. I p re sse d th e b utto n to th e f o urth f lo or, a nd to ok a d eep b re ath . I c hecked m y p ho ne. I t h ad to ns o f m essa ges f r o m D eb u. ‘F or th e p ast f e w m onth s I h av e b een th in kin g o f y o u c o nsta ntl y .’ ‘O nly h ad th e c o ura ge to te xt y o u n o w .’ ‘I m ad e th e b ig gest m is ta ke. I d id n’t v alu e y o u.’ ‘I l o ve y o u.’ What t h e h ell i s h e t a lk in g a bout? Tin g! T he lift r e ached m y flo or. I w alk ed u p to m y r o om a nd r a ng th e b ell. A diti d id i o pened th e d oor. ‘W here w ere y o u?’ S he g av e m e a m is c hie v ous l o ok. ‘ W ith B rije sh ?’ I s m ile d , a s i f c aught r e d -h and ed . I a m t h e c o y b rid e. I h ave t o s m ile w hen ever m y w ould -b e- husb and i s m en tio ned . Did i h ad o pened o ne o f h er su itc ase s. It w as th e k in d o f g ia nt b ag m urd ere rs u se to h id e bodie s. S he h ad s ix d re sse s s p re ad o ut o n th e b ed . ‘W hat i s B rije sh l ik e?’ s h e s a id , a s s h e u nfo ld ed a r e d d re ss. ‘D ecent. G etti n g to k no w h im ,’ I s a id , p lo nkin g m yse lf o n th e s o fa . I to ok o ut m y p ho ne a gain . Why? W hy a m I t a kin g o ut m y p hone a gain ? Aditi d id i c o nti n ued to ta lk . ‘ I d id n’t k no w A nil a t a ll b efo re m arria ge. Y ou ju st g et to k no w each o th er b ette r a fte r th e w ed din g. T he h o neym oon h elp s.’ S he w in ked a t m e. I n o dded , e v en a s I w ond ere d w hat to r e p ly to D eb u. ‘I r e ally d o,’ D eb u te xte d a gain . T he g uy w ho e arlie r to ok te n d ays to r e p ly to a te xt w as n o w se nd in g te n te xts a m in ute . ‘A re y o u h ig h?’ I r e p lie d . D eb u a nd I e nd ed u p h av in g a c hat. ‘N o. I t i s 5 i n th e m orn in g h ere . I a m h av in g m y c o ffe e. T his i s n o t a d ru nk te xt.’ ‘G ood. T hen y o u n eed to k no w I a m g etti n g m arrie d i n f iv e d ays.’ ‘W hat? S o s o on?’ ‘Y es. G uests a re a lr e ad y h ere .’ ‘W ho m a re y o u g etti n g m arrie d to ?’ ‘S om eo ne n o t a s i n se cure a s y o u. . .’ I ty p ed a nd d ele te d . ‘B rije sh G ula ti . . .’ I ty p ed a nd d ele te d a gain . I d ecid ed to n o t r e p ly . D id i h eld u p tw o d re sse s, o ne b lu e a nd o ne r e d . ‘W hic h o ne s h o uld I w ear f o r to m orro w ’s b achelo re tte ? H onest o pin io n,’ s h e s a id . ‘B oth a re g o od. W hic h i s y o ur f a v ourite ?’ I s a id . ‘I l ik e th e r e d . B ut i t’ s r e ally s h o rt. I s i t s c re am in g f o r a tte nti o n to o m uch?’ s h e s a id . Of c o urse , i t i s . B ut t h at’s w hat y o u h ave a lw ays w ante d , s is te r. W hy s to p y o urse lf n ow ? ‘It’ s f in e. W ear w hate v er y o u l ik e,’ I s a id . ‘I’ ll w ear th e b lu e. I t’ s to th e k nees. M ore e ld er-s is te r-o f- th e-b rid e ty p es.’ ‘Y ou a re o nly a y ear o ld er.’ ‘Y eah, th at is a ls o tr u e. A nd to m orro w is th e o nly d ay I g et to w ear a W este rn d re ss. I o nly wear I n d ia n a fte r th at. I a m o ne o f th e f e w g ir ls h ere w ho c an a ctu ally c arry o ff a d re ss l ik e th is .’ She lifte d h er r e d d re ss. Y es, A diti d id i w ith h er s u p er-s lim s o up -a nd -s a la d -d ie t fig ure c o uld carry i t o ff. ‘R ed , d id i. E nd o f d eb ate ,’ I s a id . My p ho ne b uzze d . ‘B ab es, w ho a re y o u g etti n g m arrie d to ?’ D eb u s a id . I r e p lie d , ‘ It d oesn ’t m atte r. Y ou a re n o t i n m y l ife a nym ore , D eb ash is h .’ ‘C an y o u c all m e D eb u a t l e ast? ’ ‘I a m b usy, D eb ash is h . I d on’t h av e ti m e f o r th is .’ ‘W here ’s th e w ed din g?’ I d id n’t r e sp ond . ‘Y ou d id n’t i n v ite m e?’ h e s a id , n eed lin g m e a gain . Assh o le , y o u d id n’t e v en r e tu rn m y c alls , I w ante d to s a y b ut d id n’t. My p ho ne r a ng. D eb u w as tr y in g to c all m e. I c ut th e c all. I ty p ed b ack a m essa ge. ‘D on’t c all m e. I to ld y o u I a m b usy. T here a re p eo ple a ro und .’ ‘S o j u st r e p ly to m e. W here i s th e w ed din g?’ ‘W hy?’ ‘J u st c urio us.’ ‘W hate v er,’ I ty p ed b ack. ‘I c an c all f r ie nd s a ro und a nd f in d o ut. S o w hy d on’t y o u j u st te ll m e?’ ‘G oa.’ ‘W ow ! D esti n ati o n w ed din g a nd a ll.’ I d id n’t r e sp ond . T o d is tr a ct m yse lf I a sk ed A diti d id i a d eep e xis te nti a l q uesti o n: ‘ W hat s h o es are y o u w earin g w ith th is ? ’ ‘O h s e e, n o w th at’ s a n is su e to o. I h av e th ese fo ur-in ch-h eel r e d s ti le tto s, b ut th at’ s d efin ite ly atte nti o n-s e ekin g.’ ‘Y eah, p lu s w e a re g o in g d ancin g. W ould b e d iffic ult i n h ig h h eels . I a m w earin g f la ts .’ My s is te r f e els h er d eep est b ond w ith m e w hen I d is c uss c lo th es a nd s h o es w ith h er. S he c am e up to m e a nd p ulle d m y c heeks. ‘ Y ou c an’t w ear fla ts fo r y o ur b achelo re tte . H ow c ute y o u a re . Y ou don’t k no w a nyth in g.’ Yes, I m ay b e a d is tr e sse d d eb t sp ecia lis t. I m ay hav e re sc ued b ankru p t co m panie s and str u ctu re d c o m ple x ta keo vers . I m ay b e a v ic e p re sid ent a t G old m an S achs. B ut if I p re fe r fla ts because th ey a re c o m fo rta b le , I k no w n o th in g. I h ad k ep t a b la ck d re ss f o r to m orro w ’s p arty . D id i h ad a l o ok a t i t. ‘ T oo s im ple ,’ s h e s a id . S he w ent o n to a ccesso riz e i t f o r m e. A s s h e o pened h er j e w elle ry box, I c hecked m y p ho ne a gain . ‘W here i n G oa?’ D eb u h ad s e nt m e a m essa ge. ‘W hy?’ I s a id . ‘C an I c all, p le ase ?’ h e s a id . ‘N o.’ ‘It’ s a t a r e so rt? ’ h e s a id . ‘D eb u, y o u a re i n N ew Y ork . F ocus o n y o ur w ork th ere . D id n’t y o u h av e a g ir lfr ie nd ?’ ‘W ho ?’ ‘N ev er m in d .’ ‘I a m s o rry , R ad .’ ‘It’ s o kay. L ife g o es o n. I t h as g o ne o n.’ ‘Y eah, tr u e. B ut I m ad e th e b ig gest m is ta ke. A nd y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d n o w . L ik e n o w !’ I s e nt a s m ile y b ack. ‘W here w ill y o u l iv e a fte r y o ur m arria ge? H ong K ong?’ ‘N o. I m oved to L ond on f r o m H ong K ong a y ear a go .’ ‘O h. S o L ond on?’ ‘S an F ra ncis c o .’ ‘A h. I T g uy?’ ‘I h av e to g o , D eb ash is h .’ ‘S ti ll m ad a t m e?’ ‘N o. I r e ally h av e to g o . I h av e to g et r e ad y f o r d in ner w ith th e g uests .’ ‘O kay. I a m j u st a sk in g c asu ally . W here i s th e w ed din g?’ ‘M arrio tt,’ I s a id . ‘N ic e! M ust b e b eauti fu l.’ ‘S to p c hatti n g o n y o ur p ho ne. W ho a re y o u ta lk in g to a nyw ay? E very o ne w e k no w is h ere in Goa f o r th e w ed din g,’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘H uh? N obody. J u st. . .w ork ,’ I s a id , k eep in g m y p ho ne a sid e. A fte r th e b rid egro om , th e b rid e had l ie d to h er s is te r. ‘T ake th is , m y b ody n eckla ce. Y our d ull d re ss w ill l iv en u p ,’ s h e s a id . ‘M y d ull d re ss i s P ra d a, d id i,’ I s a id . ‘I d on’t c are . I t n eed s to h av e a g et- u p , n o ? I t i s to o s o ber. Y ou a re to o s o ber.’ I d id n’t th in k I w as g o in g to r e m ain s o ber. N ot a fte r D eb u’s n ext m essa ge. ‘I a m c o m in g,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ I ty p ed b ack, m outh o pen. ‘I a m c o m in g to I n d ia . L et m e c heck f lig hts .’ ‘A re y o u n uts ? ’ ‘N o, r e ally , I w ant to ta lk to y o u.’ ‘D eb u, c alm d ow n, o kay? T his i s n o t f u nny.’ ‘A t l e ast y o u c alle d m e D eb u a gain .’ ‘W hate v er. I h av e to g o . P le ase d on’t m essa ge.’ ‘S ee y o u s o on. B ye.’ ‘G o to w ork . B ye.’ ‘A gain y o u a re l o st i n y o ur p ho ne. W hat i s w ro ng w ith y o u?’ A diti d id i s a id . I l o oked u p a s I r e -e nte re d th e r e al w orld . ‘E very o ne’s m eeti n g f o r d in ner s o on. G et r e ad y.’ ‘C an’t I g o l ik e th is ? I j u st w ore th is .’ ‘N o. Y ou a re th e b rid e.’ ‘S o? I h av e to c hange e v ery tw o h o urs ? ’ ‘J u st g o s h o w er, o kay? A nd d on’t ta ke y o ur p ho ne i n sid e.’ ‘ D 3 id i, l e t’ s g o , th e b us i s w aiti n g,’ I s a id . A diti d id i h ad s p ent th e l a st tw o h o urs c hangin g i n a nd o ut o f a d oze n d re sse s. F in ally , s h e w ore th e r e d o ne s h e’d a lw ays w ante d to w ear. ‘Is i t s h o w in g to o m uch c le av age?’ s h e s a id . Is n ’t t h at w hat y o u w ant? I a m t h e b rid e, g oddam mit. I t i s m y b ach elo re tte p arty . C an’t y o u m ake m e t h e p rio rity a t l e a st f o r t h is w eek? The r o om p ho ne r a ng. I p ic ked i t u p . ‘H ey,’ B rije sh s a id . I h ad s ta rte d to r e co gniz e h is v oic e. T hat’ s a g o od s ig n, i s n ’t i t? ‘H i, B rije sh . A ll s e t? ’ ‘Y eah, m y g ang i s o n th e b us. I a m c allin g f r o m th e r e cep ti o n.’ ‘O h, y o u b oys g o a head . T he d riv er k no w s C lu b C ub ana, r ig ht? ’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, h e d oes, i t i s i n A rp ora . Y our b us f o r L PK i s h ere to o. C om in g?’ ‘S oon.’ ‘I w is h w e w ere g o in g to th e s a m e p la ce,’ B rije sh s a id . I la ughed . ‘ T hat’ s s w eet, B rije sh , b ut th at’ s th e p oin t o f a b achelo r p arty . Y our la st n ig ht o ut w ith o ut th e a nno yin g s p ouse . B oys a nd g ir ls g o s e p ara te ly to nig ht.’ ‘Y ou a re n o t a nno yin g,’ h e s a id . ‘C le arly y o u d on’t k no w m e y et.’ ‘I w ante d to s e e y o u b efo re w e l e ft. M y g ang w ante d to s e e a ll th e d re sse d -u p M ehta g ir ls .’ ‘Y our g ang i s n o t l a yin g a n e ye o n m y i n no cent c o usin s.’ I e nd ed th e c all a nd tu rn ed to A diti d id i, w ho c o nti n ued to a d ju st h er d re ss in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r. ‘ D id i, y o u d o r e aliz e i t i s my b achelo re tte ?’ ‘ T here it is ,’ s a id J y o ti , m y s e co nd c o usin , p oin ti n g a t a h uge fla m in g-y ello w lit- u p s ig n fo r L ove P assio n K arm a o r L PK . T he c lu b , h alf a n h o ur f r o m th e h o te l, w as l o cate d a t th e w ate rfr o nt o f N eru l R iv er a nd d eco ra te d i n a n o ver-th e-to p P ale o lith ic e ra th em e, w ith s to ne c av es a nd g ia nt s to ne s ta tu es o f th e e arly m an o n th e l a w n. W e w ere a g ro up o f f ifte en g ir ls . S ura j h ad a ls o a rra nged tw o b ouncers f o r u s. W e h ad a ta b le i n a s e m i- p riv ate a re a, w ith b allo ons a nd c ham pagne b ottl e s. Nic e j o b, S ura j , I th o ught. ‘S om e o f th e g ir ls s e em to o y o ung, m ad am ,’ th e c lu b o w ner to ld A diti d id i. ‘E very o ne i s a b ove e ig hte en,’ d id i s a id f ir m ly . ‘S om e p eo ple i n y o ur g ro up d o l o ok u nd era ge, m a’a m ,’ h e s a id . ‘It’ s o kay. G iv e th em s o ft d rin ks. B ut g et m y s is te r d ru nk to nig ht.’ ‘N o, d id i,’ I s a id i n v ain a s th e o w ner b ro ught a r o und o f te q uila s h o ts . I h ad to ta ke tw o. J y o ti ask ed fo r ano th er ro und . R ajn i, our neig hb our’s daughte r, w ante d th e m usic lo ud er. S hru ti , m y child ho od fr ie nd fr o m s c ho ol, w ante d H oney S in gh s o ngs. S alo ni, A diti d id i’s b est fr ie nd , fe lt w e sh o uld p la y d rin kin g g am es u nti l s o m eo ne p uked . T here is n o th in g a s c ra zy a s fifte en P unja b i g ir ls dete rm in ed to g o o ut o f c o ntr o l. I to ok o ut m y p ho ne. I h ad a m essa ge f r o m B rije sh . ‘C lu b C ub ana i s n ic e. T hanks.’ ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e. H ow i s i t g o in g?’ I s a id . ‘T hre e d rin ks d ow n. A nd y o u?’ ‘W as m ad e to c o nsu m e te q uila s h o ts .’ ‘W ow . W ait, th e b oys a re te asin g m e f o r c hatti n g w ith y o u.’ ‘H a h a, g o h av e f u n.’ I k ep t m y p ho ne a sid e. Aditi d id i w ante d to r a is e a to ast. T w o w aite rs a rriv ed a nd p oure d c ham pagne f o r e v ery o ne. ‘F or m y o nly d arlin g s w eete st s is te r. S om eo ne w ho o nly s tu d ie d a nd w ork ed h ard . S he d id no th in g n aughty i n l ife . N oth in g b ad e v er.’ Ye a h r ig ht, I th o ught b ut s im ply s m ile d a s A diti d id i c o nti n ued , ‘O h y es, s h e’s th e g o od g ir l. I f I b are ly p asse d , s h e to pped . If I b ecam e a h o use w ife , s h e b ecam e a h i- fi b anker. If I h ad th e b oobs, sh e h ad th e b ra in s.’ All th e g ir ls la ughed . T he m usc ula r b ouncers b lu sh ed . M y p ho ne b uzze d . Must b e B rije sh , I th o ught. He’s s w eet. H e’s t r y in g t o m ake a c o nnectio n. ‘H ey, a m a t J F K a ir p ort. F ig urin g o ut l a st- m in ute ti c kets ,’ D eb u h ad m essa ged i n ste ad . ‘W hat? ’ I ty p ed b ack. ‘F ifte en h o urs to M um bai. T hen a q uic k c o nnecti o n to G oa.’ ‘D eb u, a re y o u s e rio us? S to p i t, w ill y o u?’ Aditi d id i c aught m e s ta rin g a t m y p ho ne. ‘L ook a t m y b ab y, c hatti n g w ith h er h usb and -to -b e. A t l e ast l e av e h im o n y o ur g ir ls ’ n ig ht o ut,’ sh e s a id . E very o ne l a ughed . A diti d id i to ok a b ig g ulp o f th e c ham pagne. I g ulp ed a t w hat I s a w n ext. Deb u h ad s e nt m e a p ic tu re o f th e A ir I n d ia c o unte r a t J F K . H e f o llo w ed i t u p w ith a s m ile y. ‘T ake a no th er s h o t,’ o ne o f m y c o usin s e gged m e. Ye a h, j u st s h oot m e i n ste a d. ‘M is s y o u,’ s a id a no th er m essa ge. ‘W ill y o u s h ut th e fu ck u p a nd g o h o m e?’ I ty p ed in re sp onse . D am n, I a lm ost p re sse d s e nd befo re I r e aliz e d th e l a st ‘ m is s y o u’ m essa ge h ad c o m e f r o m B rije sh . I d ele te d w hat I h ad w ritte n a nd r e ty p ed , ‘ A w w, s w eet,’ a d din g a f e w s m ile ys. I c o uld n’t th in k of a nyth in g m ore i m agin ati v e. W ith c are I s w itc hed c hats f r o m B rije sh to D eb u. ‘P le ase d on’t b oth er m e. G o h o m e,’ I s a id . ‘G ir ls ,’ m y s is te r m ad e a n a nno uncem ent, ‘w hat s a y w e ta ke a w ay th e b rid e’s p ho ne fo r th e ev enin g?’ ‘H uh? N o, d id i, n o ,’ I s a id i n v ain a s A diti d id i s n atc hed m y p ho ne f r o m m y h and s a nd p la ced it i n h er h and bag. ‘It’ s y o ur la st n ig ht o ut a s a b achelo re tte . Y ou b ette r d o c ra zy th in gs a nd n o t w aste it o n th e pho ne,’ A diti d id i s a id . I w ante d to te ll h er I h ad e no ugh c ra zin ess h ap penin g o n th e p ho ne. ‘O kay,’ A diti d id i a nno unced . ‘ L et’ s p la y “ challe nge th e b rid e”. E very o ne w ill g iv e th e b rid e a d are . A nd R ad hik a h as to d o i t.’ I lo oked a ro und . O ur ta b le w as in o ne c o rn er o f th e r e sta ura nt. In th e m id dle , s e v era l p eo ple sa t o n b ar s to ols . H alf th e c usto m ers w ere I n d ia ns w ho h ad c o m e to G oa f o r th e C hris tm as h o lid ays. Oth ers w ere m ostl y E uro pean a nd A meric an to uris ts . Jy o ti g av e m e th e f ir s t ta sk . ‘S ee th at b ald w hite g uy o ver th ere .’ S he p oin te d a t a fo rty -s o m eth in g m an s itti n g a t th e b ar. ‘F in d o ut h is n am e a nd th e c o untr y h e c o m es f r o m .’ ‘T hat’ s to o e asy,’ d id i s a id . ‘G et h is n am e, c o untr y a nd s la p , n o w ait, k is s h is f o re head ,’ s a id S hru ti . Every o ne l a ughed a nd c heere d a t th e s u ggesti o n. ‘N o w ay,’ I s a id . ‘Y es w ay. H ere ta ke th is . B otto m s u p .’ S alo ni g av e m e a h alf- fille d c ham pagne g la ss. I g ulp ed it i n o ne g o . M y h ead f e lt l ig ht. ‘G o!’ A diti d id i c la p ped h er h and s. I w alk ed u p to th e b ar. ‘H i th ere ,’ I s a id to th e m an. H e w ore a w hite v est a nd je ans. H e h ad tw o r in gs o n h is r ig ht hand a nd a d ra go n ta tto o o n h is r ig ht s h o uld er. ‘H i th ere , y o ung l a d y,’ h e s a id . H is a ccent s o und ed A ustr a lia n. I h ad to c o nfir m i t. ‘A re y o u a n A ustr a lia n c ric kete r? ’ He l a ughed . ‘ N o, m ate , I a m A ustr a lia n b ut I a m n o c ric ket p la yer. L ik e w atc hin g i t, th o ugh.’ ‘A re n’t y o u P hilip L ee?’ I m ad e u p a n am e o n th e s p ot. ‘Is h e e v en a p la yer? ’ h e s a id a nd s ip ped h is b eer. ‘Y ou a re n’t P hilip ?’ ‘N o,’ h e s a id . ‘ C an I b uy y o u a d rin k, y o ung l a d y?’ ‘W ell, w ho a re y o u th en?’ ‘I’ m M ark . W hat d rin k w ould y o u l ik e?’ ‘A te q uila s h o t.’ Mark o rd ere d a p air o f s h o ts . I h ad a cco m plis h ed tw o o ut o f th e th re e ta sk s. ‘C heers ,’ h e s a id a s w e to ok th e s h o t. I p ut th e g la ss o n th e ta b le . ‘Y ou h ere o n h o lid ay?’ M ark s a id . ‘A ctu ally , I a m h ere to g et m arrie d .’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah. I h av e to g o . B ye, M ark .’ Befo re h e c o uld r e act I k is se d h is h ead . ‘T hanks f o r th e d rin k,’ I s a id a nd s c o ote d o ut o f th ere . The gir ls gav e m e a sta nd in g o vati o n. E very o ne had a sh o t as a m ark o f re sp ect fo r m y co ura ge. ‘O kay, n o m ore ,’ I s a id a s M ark w in ked a t m e f r o m th e b ar. The g ir ls w ere h yste ric al. W e f in is h ed f o ur c ham pagne b ottl e s. W e o rd ere d f o ur m ore . I d on’t re ally k no w w hen w e s ta rte d to d ance. T he D J p la yed tr a cks l ik e ‘ S ub ah h o ne n a d e’ a nd ‘ B ab y d oll’ . Som e m en i n th e c lu b tr ie d to f lir t w ith m y l ittl e c o usin s. A diti d id i s h o oed m ost o f th em o ff. W e h ad se lfie b in ges a s th e f ifte en o f u s to ok p ho to s i n e v ery p ossib le p erm uta ti o n a nd c o m bin ati o n. A n h o ur la te r, a no th er g ro up o f b oys a rriv ed a t th e c lu b . I t to ok u s g ir ls a m in ute to r e aliz e th e s itu ati o n. ‘O h m y G od. I t’ s B rije sh j iju a nd h is g ang!’ S alo ni s a id . Brije sh c am e u p to m e o n th e d ance f lo or. ‘N ot a llo w ed , n o t a llo w ed ,’ J y o ti s a id . ‘Y ou w ere a t C lu b C ub ana. W hat h ap pened ?’ S hru ti s a id to A khil, B rije sh ’s m ate rn al c o usin . ‘N oth in g. W e h ad a f e w d rin ks. T hen w e th o ught, w hen w e h av e th e m ost b eauti fu l g ir ls i n G oa party in g a lo ne, w hat a re w e d oin g h ere ?’ A khil s a id . Shru ti b lu sh ed . E ven th o ugh th e g ir ls p ro te ste d a t th e b oys c o m in g h ere , th ey s e cre tl y lik ed it. This is h o w w e g ir ls a re . A t ti m es w e w ant to b e w ante d , e v en w hen w e d eny it. M y b achelo re tte wasn ’t r e ally a s in gle s’ p arty n o w . H ow ev er, I w as to o d ru nk to c are . ‘Y ou lo ok to o b eauti fu l,’ B rije sh s a id . T he D J s w itc hed to H oney S in gh’s B lu e e yes, a s lo w co up le s-o nly ty p e s o ng, p ossib ly to g et d ru nk s in gle m en o ff th e f lo or. ‘O bvio usly y o u h av e h ad to o m uch to d rin k,’ I sa id . N obody c o uld fin d m e ‘to o b eauti fu l’ oth erw is e . ‘W ell, I h av e h ad a f e w . B ut I a lw ays f in d y o u r e ally b eauti fu l,’ B rije sh s a id . Sw eet , I th o ught. T he te q uila i n m e g av e h im a h ug. ‘I m essa ged y o u,’ B rije sh s a id , ‘ s e v era l ti m es.’ ‘Y ou d id ? O h, w here ’s m y p ho ne? I d on’t e v en k no w w here m y p ho ne i s .’ ‘I w ante d to c heck i f y o u w ould b e o kay i f w e c o m e. I tr ie d to s to p th e b oys.’ ‘It’ s o kay. T he i d ea i s to h av e f u n. A ll th is s e gre gati o n i s n o t to b e ta ken s e rio usly ,’ I s a id . ‘N ic e m usic ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou w ant to d ance?’ I s a id . ‘I a m n o t m uch o f a d ancer,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘N eith er a m I ,’ I s a id . I h eld h is s h o uld ers a s w e s w aye d g entl y to B lu e e yes. T he g ir ls w ent i n to a n ‘ a w w’ a nd ‘ h o w sw eet’ o verd riv e. See, I c an b e a ‘ g o od’ g ir l. Am I n ot tr y in g to b e a g ood g ir l? I to ld m in i- m e, m y p ers o nal chatte rb ox a nd e te rn al c riti c . M in i- m e, h o w ev er, h ad s le p t o ff. A lc o ho l d oes th is to h er. I g uess th at i s why m ost p eo ple d rin k a nyw ay. T o s h ut u p th eir in ner c riti c . S o th ey c an d o w hate v er th e h ell th ey want. ‘O uch, B rije sh , y o u a re s te p pin g o n m y to es,’ I s a id . I 4 t w as 4 i n th e a fte rn o on. E very o ne w ho ’d p arti e d l a st n ig ht h ad a h ango ver. W e h ad c o m e b ack to th e h o te l a t 6 i n th e m orn in g a nd g o ne s tr a ig ht f o r b re akfa st. I r e m em bere d s itti n g w ith m y m oth er a nd o rd erin g p ancakes. I c o uld n’t e at m uch, a s I k ep t d ozin g o ff. ‘W ake u p . T his i s s o w ro ng, w hat y o u d id . B rije sh ’s p are nts w ill th in k w hat a n u ncultu re d a nd i r re sp onsib le g ir l th ey a re g etti n g. W ho d rin ks l ik e th is ? ’ m y m oth er h ad s a id , s h akin g m e n o n-s to p. ‘E ven th eir s o n d id . I n f a ct, h e p uked a nd p asse d o ut a t th e c lu b ,’ I ’ d s a id . ‘H e’s a b oy.’ Even i n m y e xhauste d , h ungo ver a nd s le ep y s ta te , m y f e m in is t a nte nnae w ere u p . I s ta re d a t m y m oth er. ‘S o w hat i f h e i s a b oy?’ I s a id . C le arly , th e a lc o ho l- in d uced c o nfid ence h ad n o t l e ft m e. ‘E at q uic kly . G et s o m e r e st. T here a re b haja ns to day. P le ase w ear s o m eth in g d ecent. W hy d o y o u y o ungste rs h av e to d o s u ch p arti e s th e n ig ht b efo re b haja ns? ’ ‘W hy d o y o u o ld ie s h av e to d o b haja ns th e d ay a fte r o ur p arty ?’ ‘J u st b ecause y o u h av e s ta rte d to m ake m oney y o u w ill s a y a nyth in g?’ I h ad k ep t q uie t. I d id n’t m enti o n th at th is u ncultu re d a nd ir re sp onsib le d aughte r o f th eir s w as p ayin g f o r h er o w n w ed din g. O ne c ro re r u p ees, o r 1 50,0 00 d olla rs , w ir e d f r o m m y s a la ry a cco unt a s t h e w ed din g b ud get. D id s h e e v en c are ? I h ad h ad to g ulp d ow n a g la ss o f o ra nge j u ic e to c alm m yse lf. Yo u h ave s c re w ed u p y o ur l ife e n ough, c a n y o u p le a se b eh ave fo r a fe w d ays? th e v oic e in sid e to ld m e . A h, g ood m orn in g, m in i- m e. W hen d id y o u w ake u p? I r e m em bere d b ein g e sc o rte d to m y r o om . A diti d id i s le p t d ia go nally a cro ss th e b ed , s ti ll in h er r e d d re ss. I c hanged in to m y T -s h ir t a nd p aja m as, s lid d id i’s le gs a sid e a nd la y d ow n. M y h ead h urt l ik e s o m eo ne h ad h am mere d i t a f e w ti m es. I c lo se d m y e yes. Did i w oke m e u p a t 2 .3 0 i n th e a fte rn o on. ‘G et u p , w e h av e b haja ns.’ ‘T hey a re a t 4 . W hy a re y o u w akin g m e u p n o w ?’ I s a id . D id i d re w o pen th e c urta in s. M y e yes h urt f r o m th e d aylig ht. ‘Y ou n eed ti m e to g et r e ad y. H ere , y o u h av e to w ear th is o ra nge s a re e.’ ‘N o,’ I s a id a nd p ulle d a p illo w o n to p o f m y h ead . I w oke u p e v entu ally . I g ru m ble d a b out th e e nti r e p ro cess o f d re ssin g u p , w hic h o nly w om en h av e to e nd ure . T he h o te l s e nt a h air -a nd -m ake-u p l a d y to o ur r o om . S he b lo w -d rie d m y ta ngle d h air. T he n o is e f r o m th e h air -d ry er h urt m y h ead e v en m ore . We r e ached th e fu ncti o n r o om d ow nsta ir s . It h ad b een c o nv erte d to lo ok lik e th e in sid e o f a te m ple . M arig o ld f lo w ers i n p ara b olic s h ap es a d orn ed th e w alls . A t th e c entr e w as a h uge p ic tu re o f Sai B ab a. M y p are nts b elie v ed in h im m ore th an a ny G od. S ta tu es o f o th er H in d u g o ds— Kris h na, Ganesh a, L aksh m i a nd V ais h no D ev i— were a ls o k ep t. T he b haja n s in gers s e t u p th eir m ik es. The y o unger lo t s a t a t th e b ack o f th e r o om . M ost o f th em w ere h o ld in g th eir h ead s. B rije sh ’s fr ie nd s a nd c o usin s w ore c ris p s ilk k urta -p aja m as. T hey h ad ta ken a s h o w er in o rd er to lo ok fr e sh . They p asse d a ro und s tr ip s o f C om bifla m a nd b ottl e s o f w ate r to n urs e th eir h ango vers . My gir ls d id no b ette r. M ost o f th em le aned b ack again st th e w all and sn o oze d in th eir ela b ora te le hengas and sa lw ar-k am eeze s. T he w ay In d ia n gir ls tr a nsfo rm th em se lv es fr o m p arty chic ks in sh o rt d re sse s to fu lly c la d , c haste , v ir g in al b haja n a tte nd ees is a lm ost a v is u al e ffe cts ’ mir a cle . The b haja ns b egan. T he s in gers h ad w ond erfu l v oic es. H ow ev er, w hen y o u a re h ungo ver e v en th e b est m elo dy s o und s l ik e a n e le ctr ic d rill. B rije sh l o oked a t m e a nd s m ile d . I g estu re d th at I w ante d to s le ep . H e p asse d m e a C om bifla m s tr ip . I p opped a p ill. ‘Y ou a re n o t w ell? ’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘J u st ti r e d ,’ I s a id . ‘I h av e a n A yurv ed ic m ed ic in e. It w ork s b ette r,’ K am la b ua s a id . N oth in g in th e w orld w ork s bette r th an C om bifla m , I w ante d to te ll h er. ‘N ic e b haja ns, b ua,’ I s a id i n ste ad . The a ngels o f M arrio tt b ro ught u s c up s o f b la ck c o ffe e. I h ad tw o. I s w ore n o t to d rin k a gain , ev er. O kay, a t l e ast n o t th is w eek. T he c o ffe e h elp ed m e w ake u p s o m ew hat. ‘C om e a nd p ra y i n f r o nt, b eta ,’ o ne o f m y a unts to ld m e. Brije sh a nd I w ent a head a nd b ow ed b efo re th e g o ds. T he s in gers s a ng a s p ecia l s o ng f o r u s. I lo oked a t B rije sh . H e h ad h is e yes s h ut a nd h and s f o ld ed . H e w as a ctu ally p ra yin g. I f e lt g uilty f o r n o t pra yin g w ith a s m uch s in cerity . Beca use y o u a re a fr a ud , m in i- m e to ld m e. Will y o u e ver s h ut u p? I sa id to m in i- m e. I w ent b ack a nd s a t w ith th e g ir ls . B rije sh j o in ed th e b oys. T he c ro w d p arti c ip ate d i n th e n ext bhaja n, o ne o f th e m ore p opula r o nes. D esp ite th e lo ud m usic , I fo und it h ard to k eep m y e yes o pen. How ev er, I w oke u p w ith a jo lt w hen a b eard ed m an in h is la te tw enti e s e nte re d th e r o om . H e h ad curly h air a nd w ore a w hite k urta -p aja m a. ‘O h G od. D eb u?’ I b lu rte d o ut. ‘W hat? ’ R ajn i, w ho s a t n ext to m e, s a id . ‘N oth in g,’ I s a id . He w ent u p to th e S ai B ab a p ic tu re w ith c o nfid ence. H e k nelt d ow n, b ow ed a nd to uched h is fo re head to th e g ro und . D one w ith h is p ra yers , h e w ent to th e m en’s s e cti o n a nd s a t d ow n. H e c la p ped his h and s a s th e s in gers s a ng th e n ext b haja n. What t h e f u ck i s h e d oin g h ere ? D id I j u st s a y, o r t h in k, t h e F -w ord i n t h e p uja r o om ? W ho ca re s? A m I i m agin in g t h is ? N o I a m n ot. W hat t h e f u ck i s D eb u d oin g h ere ? He lo oked a t m e a nd s m ile d . B rije sh s m ile d a t m e a t th e s a m e ti m e a s w ell. I fa ke-s m ile d a t both o f th em . I h ad to ta lk to D eb u. How ? W here i s m y p hone? D am n, w here i s m y p hone? ‘W here i s m y p ho ne? H av en’t s e en i t to day. D id I l e av e i t i n th e c lu b ?’ I w his p ere d to R ajn i. ‘A diti d id i k ep t i t l a st n ig ht, r ig ht? ’ I ta p ped A diti d id i’s s h o uld er. S he s a t in fr o nt o f m e, w earin g a m agenta s a lw ar-k am eez w ith th e d up atta c o verin g h er h ead . S he s a ng w ith fu ll fe rv our. N obody c o uld h av e g uesse d h o w w ell s h e had m atc hed e v ery s te p o f S unny L eo ne’s B ab y d oll a t L PK l a st n ig ht. ‘W hat? ’ s h e s a id . I g estu re d th at s h e r e tu rn m y p ho ne. S he r u m maged th ro ugh h er h and bag. ‘H ere ,’ s h e s a id a nd h and ed i t to m e. I h ad o nly 5 p er c ent b atte ry le ft. I c hecked m y m essa ges. B rije sh h ad s e nt m e s o m e a b out le av in g C lu b C ub ana a nd c o m in g to L PK . D eb u h ad s e nt m essa ges a b out ta kin g o ff, a nd th en o ne ab out h im h av in g l a nd ed i n G oa. ‘W hat o n e arth a re y o u d oin g h ere ?’ I m essa ged D eb u. He d id n’t s e e h is p ho ne. H e s e em ed to b e in b lis s, lo st in th e b haja ns. Fuck, w hat is w ro ng with h im ? I t to ok m e a m in ute to g et h is a tte nti o n. I g estu re d to h im to l o ok a t h is p ho ne. He s a w th e m essa ge. H e r e p lie d w ith a f e w w in k s m ile ys f r o m a cro ss th e r o om . ‘R eally , w hat a re y o u d oin g?’ I ty p ed b ack. ‘N ic e s u rp ris e , n o ?’ h e m essa ged . ‘C ut th e n o nse nse , D eb u. M y e nti r e f a m ily i s h ere .’ ‘Y eah, I s a w . H is to o. I s a w th e g ro om . G old en s ilk k urta , l o ts o f r e d th re ad s a ro und h is w ris t, rig ht? ’ ‘W hat d o y o u w ant, D eb u?’ I s e nt a m essa ge. ‘T o ta lk f a ce-to -fa ce.’ ‘I c an’t.’ ‘I h av e c o m e a ll th e w ay. P le ase .’ ‘M y p ho ne i s d yin g.’ ‘M eet m e.’ ‘H ow ?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou s a y. A nyti m e. A nyw here .’ I th o ught h ard . ‘A fte r th e b haja ns. A t th e h o te l g ym .’ Nobody w ould g o to th e g ym a fte r b haja ns. H e r e p lie d w ith a th um bs u p . Deb u s a t o n th e b ench p re ss. H e h eld a d um bbell i n o ne h and a nd d id b ic ep c urls . I s to od i n f r o nt o f him . ‘A re y o u c ra zy ?’ I s a id . I lo oked a ro und to s e e if a nyo ne I k new h ad c o m e to th e g ym . A part fr o m o ne o ld w hite m an o n th e tr e ad m ill a nd a g ym tr a in er, th ere w as n o o ne. ‘T hank y o u f o r c o m in g,’ h e s a id . ‘ B y th e w ay, y o u l o ok g o rg eo us i n th is o ra nge s a ri. W ow . J u st wow !’ ‘W hate v er. A nd c an y o u k eep th at d um bbell d ow n?’ ‘J u st tr y in g to m ake i t l o ok n atu ra l,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou a re i n a k urta . I a m i n a s a re e. W e d on’t l o ok n atu ra l h ere . D eb u, w hat i s w ro ng w ith y o u? You l ite ra lly to ok a f lig ht a nd c am e d ow n?’ ‘Y eah. I a m q uite j e tl a gged a ctu ally . I f e el l ik e h av in g b re akfa st. W ant to g ra b s o m e?’ ‘W ill y o u s to p i t? Y ou h av e n o i d ea h o w I h av e c o m e h ere . E very o ne w ill b e l o okin g f o r m e a t din ner.’ ‘W e c an g o th ere . I c an e at.’ ‘D eb u, th is i s n o t a j o ke. M y f a m ily i s h ere . T heir r e p uta ti o n i s i m porta nt. H ow c o uld y o u j u st walk i n to th e b haja ns’ p la ce?’ ‘I w ante d to p ra y. F or m y m is sio n to b e s u ccessfu l.’ ‘W hat m is sio n?’ ‘T o w in y o u b ack. T he m ost i m porta nt th in g i n th e w orld f o r m e r ig ht n o w .’ I m ust s a y, f o r a s e co nd I h ad n o a nsw er. I l o oked a t h im . H e s ti ll h ad h is tr a d em ark tw o-w eek beard a nd c urly h air. H e h ad g ain ed a b it o f w eig ht, b ut a ls o b eco m e m ore fit. O r m ayb e it ju st fe lt lik e th at i n th e g ym . ‘H ow a re y o u, b ab y?’ h e s a id . ‘D on’t “ b ab y” m e,’ I s a id , l o ud e no ugh f o r th e A meric an m an o n th e tr e ad m ill to tu rn h is h ead to w ard s u s f o r a s e co nd . I c o nti n ued , ‘ Y ou h av e a ny i d ea w hat y o u m ad e m e g o th ro ugh? A nd y o u j u st cut m e o ff.’ ‘I w as a n i d io t. A n i n se cure tw enty -fo ur-y ear-o ld .’ ‘A nd w hat a re y o u n o w ? A s tu p id tw enty -e ig ht- y ear-o ld ?’ ‘M ayb e. B ut I a m o ld e no ugh to r e aliz e y o u a re th e b est th in g to h av e e v er h ap pened to m e.’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , th en k eep in g m y c o m posu re , ‘ It’ s o ver, D eb u. It’ s b een o ver s in ce lo ng b ack. You d id n’t e v en r e tu rn m y c alls .’ ‘I a m s o rry .’ ‘It d oesn ’t m atte r. N ow I h av e to a sk y o u to l e av e. G o v is it y o ur p are nts i n K olk ata . Y ou a re i n In d ia a nyw ay.’ ‘N ew Y ork , b ab y.’ ‘W hat a b out N ew Y ork ?’ ‘D on’t y o u r e m em ber th e d ays in N ew Y ork ? W e h ad is su es, y es, b ut h o w c an y o u fo rg et a ll th e h ap py m em orie s? ’ He lo oked in to m y e yes. H e s e em ed to b e in p ain . F or th e fir s t ti m e in m y life , s o m eo ne h ad cro sse d h alf a p la net to c o m e f o r th e u su ally u nlo vab le m e. A nd i t i s h ard to k eep y ellin g a t s o m eo ne who h as d one th at f o r y o u. ‘Y ou f o rg o t, b ab y?’ h e s a id a gain . ‘N o, D eb u, I h av e f o rg o tte n n o th in g,’ I s a id , m y v oic e s o ft. New Y ork Fou r Y ea rs A go ‘ B 5 ay-g ulls . T hat’ s ho w yo u p ro no unce th em , sp elt b -a -g -e -l- s ,’ A vin ash sa id at th e b re akfa st c o unte r o n 8 5 B ro ad S tr e et, w orld w id e h ead quarte rs o f G old m an S achs. Avin ash , a b atc hm ate o f m in e f r o m I IM A, h ad a ls o m ad e i t to G old m an S achs. H e h ad w ork ed a b ro ad b efo re h is M BA . H e k new a lo t m ore th an m e a b out th e w ay th in gs w ork ed in A meric a. H e p ic ked u p th e d oughnut- s h ap ed b re ad , s lit it h o riz o nta lly w ith a b la ck p la sti c k nife a nd s m eare d it w ith c heese . ‘B agel a nd c re am c heese , c la ssic c o m bo,’ h e s a id . ‘T hanks, A vin ash ,’ I s a id , fu m blin g w ith m y p la te , m y h and bag, m y u m bre lla a nd m y s e nse s. I h ad w orn a W este rn -s ty le o ffic e su it fo r th e fir s t ti m e in m y life . E ven fo r m y G old m an S achs i n te rv ie w a t I IM A c am pus I h ad w orn a s a re e. Is th e sk ir t to o tig ht? Is m y a ss lo okin g to o b ig ? Is m y h air in p la ce? M in i- m e w as in o verd riv e, th e p erfe ct d ay f o r h er to k no ck m e o ut. Tw o hund re d o th er fr e sh re cru its had arriv ed fr o m all o ver th e w orld . F or o ur te n-w eek a sso cia te tr a in in g, w e h ad to r e p ort a t 7 .3 0 i n th e m orn in g. C la sse s b egan a fte r a q uic k b re akfa st, a nd e nd ed a t 6 .3 0 i n th e e v enin g. Partn ers a nd s e nio r e m plo yees f r o m v ario us d ep artm ents , s u ch a s C orp ora te F in ance, E quiti e s a nd D is tr e sse d D eb t, to ok s e ssio ns o n w hat a ctu ally h ap pened in th eir g ro up . T he p artn ers , n o m ore t h an 2 00 in th e e nti r e fir m o f 2 0,0 00 p eo ple , h eld th e s e nio r-m ost p ositi o ns in th e fir m . T hey h eld e q uity i n th e b ank a nd m ad e th e m ost m oney. T heir a nnual c o m pensa ti o n c o uld r e ach te ns o f m illio ns o f d olla rs e v ery y ear. ‘O pen th e G old m an S achs b usin ess p rin cip le s,’ sa id G ary C olb ert, a se nio r p artn er w ho l o oked lik e a ric h gra nd fa th er in his go ld sp ecta cle s. G old m an to ok gre at p rid e in its fo urte en b usin ess p rin cip le s. ‘L ong-te rm g re ed ,’ G ary s a id . ‘ R ead th at l in e i n th e p rin cip le s. T hat’ s w hat w e a im f o r h ere .’ Gre ed a nd in v estm ent b ankin g w ent to geth er. G old m an w as h o nest e no ugh to a d m it it. T hey j u st d id n’t m in d d ela yin g th eir g re ed , fo r it m ad e th e p ay-o ff e v en b ette r. G ary r e co unte d h is jo urn ey f r o m j o in in g G old m an a s a n o pera ti o ns a ssis ta nt th ir ty -fiv e y ears a go . ‘E very o ne w ork s h ard a t G old m an, n o e xcep ti o n. If y o u w ant a n e asy life , lo ok e ls e w here ,’ G ary sa id . W ell, it w as to o la te fo r m e to lo ok e ls e w here . I w as a lr e ad y in N ew Y ork . T ra in ees c ir c ula te d h o rro r s to rie s a b out n ew a sso cia te s s p end in g n ig hts in th e o ffic e a nd s le ep in g o n o ffic e c o uches. Tw o w eeks i n to o ur tr a in in g A vin ash c am e u p to m e. ‘I h av e a g ro up o f I n d ia n f r ie nd s i n N ew Y ork . W e a re m eeti n g u p f o r d rin ks to nig ht. Y ou w ant to c o m e?’ ‘I h av e to f in is h th e m erg er m odel s p re ad sh eet,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re s ti ll a m uggu,’ A vin ash s a id , r e fe rrin g to m e a s s o m eo ne w ho m ugs u p , o r s tu d ie s, a ll th e ti m e. M y I IM A r e p uta ti o n w ould n o t l e av e m e s o e asily . I h ad l ie d to A vin ash . I h ad a h air c ut a p poin tm ent. A fte r m ovin g to N ew Y ork , I h ad d ecid ed to le av e m y nerd y, unfa sh io nab le d ays fa r b ehin d . A n asso cia te tr a in ee in m y cla ss had go rg eo us sh o uld er-le ngth h air w ith w av es, e xactl y h o w I w ante d m in e. S he h ad m ad e a b ookin g fo r m e a t a sa lo n o n 3 2nd S tr e et. Of c o urs e , I c o uld n’t te ll A vin ash th is . M uggu R ad hik a d oin g h er h air ? H e w ould la ugh in m y fa ce. T he n ew s w ould s p re ad l ik e w ild fir e i n th e I IM A a lu m ni g ro up s. ‘Y ou a re i n N ew Y ork , w ill y o u l iv e a l ittl e ?’ A vin ash s a id . ‘W here a re th e d rin ks? ’ I s a id . ‘A t W his k ey B lu e. I t’ s a b ar a t th e W H ote l. R ig ht o pposite th e B enja m in H ote l, w here y o u a re sta yin g.’ Som e p ro ble m s i n th e w orld s e em to e xis t s o le ly f o r w om en. L ik e n o t h av in g a nyth in g to w ear. I r e aliz e d I h ad n o th in g n ic e f o r to nig ht. ‘I a m n o t s u re , l e t m e s e e,’ I s a id . ‘W hat l e t m e s e e? J u st c o m e, M uggu,’ h e s a id . For th e r a re b re ed o f g ir ls lik e m e th at h ate s s h o ppin g a nd h as s e rio us r e ta rd ati o n in th e a re as o f th e bra in th at h elp y o u p ic k a d re ss, B anana R ep ub lic i s th e a nsw er. ‘H i, m is s. G od, yo u hav e a go rg eo us co lo ur,’ o ne o f th e A fr ic an-A meric an fe m ale sa le s assis ta nts s a id . Say t h at t o m y m oth er. S he s ta ys u p a t n ig ht w onderin g w ho w ill m arry m e w ith t h is sk in c o lo ur . ‘I h av e to g o f o r d rin ks, w ith s o m e f r ie nd s,’ I s a id , ‘ a nd I s u ck a t s h o ppin g. C an y o u h elp ?’ When y o u h av e n o c lu e, b est to s u rre nd er. T he o nly s h o ppin g I e v er d id in m y life w as fo r te xtb ooks. ‘I’ ll ta ke c are o f y o u, g ir l,’ th e s h o p a ssis ta nt s a id . She p ic ked a n av y-b lu e l a ce d re ss f o r m e. I t f it w ell, b ut e nd ed m id -th ig h. ‘T oo s h o rt? ’ I s a id . ‘N ot a t a ll. It’ s s u m mer. Y ou lo ok lo vely ,’ s h e s a id . E ven th o ugh s h e w as p aid to s a y it, it fe lt go od. ‘ I w ould w ax th o se l e gs, th o ugh,’ s h e a d ded . Ouch! T hat h urt. ‘U nle ss yo u lik e it natu ra l,’ th e sa le sp ers o n co rre cte d hers e lf, sw itc hin g back to cla ssic Americ an p oliti c al c o rre ctn ess. I e nte re d W his k ey B lu e a t 9 . T he p lu sh b ar a nd lo unge h ad d ecad ent le ath er s o fa s a nd d im lig hti n g. Avin ash n o ti c ed m e f ir s t. ‘H ey, y o u a re l a te ,’ h e s a id , ‘ a nd w ow .’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y our d re ss. I a lm ost d id n’t r e co gniz e y o u.’ Was t h at a n ‘ o h m y G od, y o u l o ok g ood’ w ow ? O r w as i t a ‘ w hat t h e f u ck a re y o u w ea rin g’ wow ? B efo re I c o uld a sk h e i n tr o duced m e to th e o th ers . ‘T hat’ s R uchi, A sh is h , N id hi, R ohan a nd o ur d re am er-p hilo so pher, D eb u,’ A vin ash s a id , ‘ a nd th is i s R ad hik a, g uys, m y b atc hm ate f r o m I IM A, to p m ugger a nd n o w a t G old m an S achs, l ik e m e.’ Fuck y o u, A vin ash . ‘S he d oesn ’t l o ok l ik e a m ugger,’ D eb u s a id . H e s h ifte d to m ake s p ace f o r m e. We o ccup ie d tw o s o fa s. R uchi, A sh is h a nd N id hi s a t o n o ne. R ohan, A vin ash , D eb u a nd I s a t on th e o pposite s id e. T he w aite r a sk ed f o r m y o rd er. ‘I d on’t r e ally d rin k a l o t,’ I s a id . ‘D on’t w orry , th ey o nly g iv e y o u o ne g la ss a t a ti m e,’ D eb u s a id . I s m ile d . He lo oked in to m y eyes. H e d id hav e a p hilo so pher lo ok ab out him , w ith his b eard and unco m bed h air. ‘W in e?’ h e s a id . ‘ It’ s l ig ht.’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘A g la ss o f S hir a z fo r th e la d y,’ D eb u s a id to th e w aite r. N obody h ad e v er o rd ere d S hir a z fo r me, w hic h I l a te r l e arn t i s a ty p e o f g ra p e. N obody h ad e v er r e fe rre d to m e a s a l a d y e ith er. ‘C heers ,’ D eb u s a id o nce o ur d rin ks a rriv ed . Every o ne l ifte d h is o r h er g la sse s. D eb u c o nti n ued , ‘ T o th e f r e sh -o ff- th e-b oat p eo ple , A vin ash , Rohan a nd R ad hik a. W elc o m e to th e U SA , w elc o m e to N ew Y ork .’ I le arn t m ore a b out th e o th ers . R ohan h ad c o m e fr o m IIM C. H e h ad a jo b a t M org an S ta nle y. Nid hi a nd A sh is h w ere d ati n g e ach o th er. T hey h ad w ork ed a t M errill L ynch f o r tw o y ears . At o ne p oin t, w hen th e o th ers w ere l o st i n c o nv ers a ti o n, D eb u tu rn ed to m e. ‘G old m an S achs, e h? T hat’ s a b ig d eal. W hat i s i t l ik e?’ D eb u s a id . ‘It’ s o kay,’ I s a id . ‘ I a m s ti ll i n tr a in in g. M ost o f i t i s g o in g o ver m y h ead . H ow a b out y o u? A re yo u i n a b ank to o?’ Deb u la ughed . ‘ F ar fr o m it. I a m n o t a n um bers g uy a t a ll. I w ork in B BD O. A n a d verti s in g agency o n M ad is o n A venue.’ ‘T hat i s s o c o ol,’ I s a id . ‘T he o nly s o m ew hat c re ati v e c are er I c o uld f in d .’ ‘W here a re y o u f r o m ?’ I s a id . ‘I g re w u p i n K olk ata . T hen w ent to S R CC i n D elh i, th en d id m y m aste r’s h ere . . .’ I c ut h im m id -s e nte nce. ‘S R CC? Y ou w ent to S R CC? W hic h b atc h?’ ‘I g ra d uate d th re e y ears a go ,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? Y ou a re o ne b atc h s e nio r to m e.’ We r e aliz e d th at d esp ite a tte nd in g th e s a m e c o lle ge w e h ad n ev er s e en o r m et e ach o th er. ‘S orry , I c an’t r e call s e ein g y o u,’ I s a id . ‘I w as u nd er th e in flu ence. J u sti fy in g th e u se o f g ra ss to s ti m ula te m y c re ati v ity . S o I d on’t bla m e y o u.’ ‘I s tu d ie d m ost o f th e ti m e. I d on’t b la m e y o u,’ I s a id . B oth o f u s la ughed . A littl e b it o f w in e fr o m m y g la ss s p ilt o n m y l e g. H e o ffe re d m e a ti s su e. E ven i n th e d ark ness, I n o ti c ed h im l o ok a t m y le gs. Oh, s o th is is h ow g uys c h eck o ut g ir ls ? T hank G od it is d ark . I n eed to b ook a w axin g appoin tm en t s o on . ‘W here a re y o u s ta yin g?’ D eb u s a id . ‘R ig ht a cro ss, a t th e B enja m in H ote l. O nly fo r tr a in in g, th o ugh. W ill lo ok fo r a n a p artm ent so on.’ He l it u p a c ig are tte . H e o ffe re d m e o ne. I d eclin ed . ‘C an I s a y s o m eth in g?’ h e s a id . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘T hat i s a n ic e d re ss y o u a re w earin g,’ h e s a id . ‘O h, th anks,’ I s a id . T he m ix o f c o m plim ents a nd w in e m ad e m e g id dy. ‘B ut if y o u w ant m e to c ut th e p ric e ta g, I c an. S ix ty -n in e n in ety -fiv e. G ood b uy,’ h e s a id . H e poin te d to th e ta g, s ti ll a tta ched to th e b ack o f m y d re ss. My f a ce c o lo ur c hanged to m atc h th at o f th e r e d w in e. I h ad n ev er b een s o e m barra sse d i n m y life . ‘O r I c an l e t i t b e i f y o u w ant to r e tu rn th e d re ss. T he r e tu rn p olic y i s g re at i n th e U SA ,’ D eb u sa id . I fu m ble d to fin d th e p ric e la b el o n m y b ack. H e la ughed , p ic ked u p a c utl e ry k nife fr o m th e ta b le a nd c ut th e ta g. ‘W hat’ s u p , g uys? ’ A vin ash a sk ed a s h e n o ti c ed D eb u b ent o ver m y b ack. ‘N oth in g. I l ik ed th e d re ss. J u st w ante d to c heck th e b ra nd ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘Y ou a d verti s in g ty p es, a lw ays c urio us,’ A vin ash s a id . Post- d rin ks th e g ro up d ecid ed to g o to R ay’s , a f a m ous p la ce f o r p iz za s. ‘W hat’ s y o ur f a v ourite c uis in e?’ D eb u a sk ed m e a s h e a te h is p iz za s lic e. I h ad n o f a v ourite c uis in e. I c o uld n’t s a y I n d ia n. I t s o und ed to o u nfa sh io nab le . ‘C hin ese ,’ I b lu rte d o ut. ‘I k no w a g re at C hin ese p la ce. W ould y o u l ik e to g o s o m eti m e?’ Did h e ju st a sk m e o ut? N obody h as e ver a sk ed m e o ut. T hank y o u, B anana R ep ublic . O h, mayb e h e is ju st b ein g h elp fu l. H e is sa yin g h e w ill te ll m e o f a C hin ese p la ce I ca n g o to so m etim e, a lo ne. I s t h at w hat h e m ea ns? He l o oked a t m e, w aiti n g f o r a n a nsw er. Say s o m eth in g, R adhik a . ‘H uh? Y eah, w hy n o t? Y ou c an te ll m e th e a d dre ss, o r i f th ey d eliv er. . .’ ‘I m eant w ith m e.’ ‘O h,’ I s a id a nd b ecam e q uie t. Say s o m eth in g e ls e , y o u s tu pid g ir l . ‘Y eah. J u st y o u a nd m e,’ D eb u s a id . My h eart b egan to b eat f a st. Is t h is w hat p eo ple c a ll a d ate ? C an I a sk h im t o c la rify ? ‘O kay,’ I s a id , l e tti n g o ut a h uge b re ath , ‘ w e c an.’ ‘N ext F rid ay?’ h e s a id . T ho ughts d arte d a cro ss m y h ead . Is n ’t h e t o o f o rw ard ? W ait, h e i s j u st fix in g a t im e. E ls e h ow w ill i t e ver h appen ? W ill i t l o ok t o o c h ea p a nd d esp era te i f I s a y y es? W ill he t h in k I a m a s lu t? W hy i s t h ere n o u se r m anual f o r h ow g ir ls s h ould l iv e o n t h is p la net? ‘F rid ay?’ I s a id a nd s h ut u p , lik e a b im bette . H e m ust b e w ond erin g h o w G old m an e v er h ir e d me. ‘Y eah. W eekend . N o o ffic e n ext d ay,’ h e s a id , h is v oic e u nco m fo rta b le . H e d id n’t k no w if I was tr y in g to b lo w h im o ff o r j u st b ein g th e u su al i d io t th at I a m . ‘O kay,’ I s a id . T he e ffo rt i t to ok m e to s a y th at o kay f e lt l ik e l ifti n g s e v en h eav y s u itc ase s. ‘C ool. I w ill m essa ge y o u th e ti m e a nd a d dre ss.’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘O nly i f I h av e y o ur n um ber,’ h e s a id . ‘O h, o f c o urs e . I ’ ll g iv e i t to y o u,’ I s a id . ‘ D 6 is tr e sse d D eb t: Specia l Situ ati o ns G ro up ,’ th e slid e on th e pro je cti o n sy ste m re ad . T he a sso cia te tr a in in g c la ss b ecam e r a d io s ile nt. D is tr e sse d D eb t w as th e h ard est g ro up to c ra ck a nd j o in i n G old m an S achs. In a ny y ear o nly o ne o r tw o a sso cia te s w ere o ffe re d a r o le in th e g ro up . T ho se w ho m ad e i t e arn ed th e f a ste st p ro m oti o ns a nd th e b est b onuse s. Every o ne h ad w aite d f o r th is p re se nta ti o n. ‘G ood m orn in g, e v ery o ne,’ s a id th e s p eaker o n s ta ge in a B riti s h a ccent. ‘I a m N eel G up ta , p artn er a t th e S pecia l S itu ati o ns G ro up i n th e H ong K ong o ffic e.’ I lo oked u p fr o m m y d esk . H e w as s ix fe et ta ll, le an a nd h ad a m usc ula r fr a m e. H e h ad h ig h c heekb ones and a lig ht b ro w n co m ple xio n. H e had sa lt- a nd -p ep per hair, m ore p ep per th an sa lt, a ctu ally . H e w ore a c ris p w hite s h ir t, a p in str ip ed n av y-b lu e s u it a nd a m atc hin g ti e . ‘I w ill b e g iv in g y o u a n o verv ie w o f th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up , i n m y v ie w th e m ost e xciti n g p la ce to b e i n G old m an S achs.’ I s a t n ext to fo ur A meric an g ir ls : M aggie , A ngela , J e ssic a a nd C aro ly n. T hey lo oked a t e ach o th er a nd m ad e h e-is -s o -h o t g estu re s. If h e w asn ’t a p artn er h e c o uld b e a m odel in o ne o f th o se a d s th at s h o w d is ti n guis h ed m en b uyin g e xp ensiv e w atc hes. ‘H e i s g o rg eo us,’ a g ir l b ehin d m e w his p ere d . Focu s, R adhik a , I to ld m yse lf a s h e s w itc hed to th e n ext s lid e. The s lid e s h o w ed v ario us s ta ges in th e life o f a b usin ess. It s ta rte d w ith th e in cep ti o n a nd s ta rt- u p s ta ge. I t w ent o n to g ro w th , m atu rity , d eclin e a nd d em is e . ‘A ngel f u nd s, v entu re c ap ita l a nd p riv ate e q uity . T hese g uys h elp c o m panie s th at a re j u st b orn o r a re g ro w in g u p . I n c lin ic al te rm s y o u c an c all th em th e m ate rn ity w ard .’ He tu rn ed h is b ack to u s to s e e th e s lid e. A ll th e g ir ls i n th e c la ss e xchanged g la nces w ith e ach o th er. T he g ir ls f r o m th e H ong K ong o ffic e f e lt e xtr a l u cky to h av e s u ch a h unk i n th eir o ffic e. Neel c o nti n ued , ‘W e, o n th e o th er h and , b elo ng to th e d eath w ard . W e c o m e in w hen th e c o m pany h as f a ile d , w hen th e ti m e h as c o m e to e ith er tr y s o m eth in g d ra sti c o r. . .’ He d ra m ati c ally p ause d a t th e ‘ o r’ fo r a fe w s e co nd s b efo re h e s p oke a gain . ‘ O r th e ti m e h as c o m e to p ull o ut th e l ife s u p port, o r l iq uid ate a nd c lo se th e c o m pany. H ow e asy d o y o u th in k th at i s ? ’ He m oved a ro und th e c la ssro om a nd s to pped r ig ht n ext to m e. H e h ad g re at p erfu m e o n, th e k in d th at m akes y o u w ant to g o c lo se r a nd s m ell i t s o m e m ore . ‘Y ou, y o ung l a d y. Y ou th in k i t i s e asy to s h ut d ow n f a cto rie s a nd f ir e p eo ple ?’ I w as g o bsm acked . I d id n’t e xp ect to b e a sk ed a q uesti o n in th e G S tr a in in g c la ss, w hic h h ad p eo ple fr o m a ro und th e w orld . What if I s a id s o m eth in g s tu pid ? W hat if e very o ne la ughed a t m y Delh i a ccen t? I g o t u p , n erv ous. ‘S it d ow n, y o ung l a d y,’ N eel s a id . ‘ A nsw er f r o m y o ur s e at. W here a re y o u f r o m ?’ ‘In d ia , s ir.’ ‘A h, I gre w up th ere . M oved to th e U K w hen I w as te n. A nyw ay, so w hen w ould yo u re co m mend c lo sin g a b usin ess? ’ ‘W hen a ll o th er a lte rn ati v es h av e fa ile d . W hen k eep in g it a liv e m eans th ro w in g g o od m oney afte r b ad . W hen h o pe d ie s, I g uess.’ ‘W hen h o pe d ie s. N ic e w ay to p ut i t. B ut i s n ’t i t h eartb re akin g w hen th at h ap pens? ’ N eel s a id . I r e m ain ed s ile nt. H e m oved to th e f r o nt o f th e c la ss. ‘C an y o u b la m e th e u nd erta ker fo r b ury in g d ead p eo ple ? If p eo ple a re d ead , th ey n eed to b e burie d ,’ N eel s a id . His m acab re a nalo gie s m ad e h is p oin t c le ar. It a ls o a d ded n o to rie ty , a le v el o f e xcite m ent to dis tr e sse d d eb t. W hat N eel s a id n ext h elp ed f u rth er. ‘I b ecam e a p artn er in tw elv e y ears . O th er p arts o f th e fir m , it ta kes tw enty o r m ore . O ur asso cia te s m ake w hat V Ps m ake i n o th er g ro up s. I a m n o t a llo w ed to r e v eal n um bers , b ut i f y o u s ti c k aro und i n d is tr e sse d d eb t y o u w ill e nd u p a v ery w ealth y m an o r w om an.’ Gold m an S achs n ev er l ik ed to d is c uss w ealth i n p ub lic . T his , d esp ite th e f a ct th at e v ery o ne a t th e fir m w as e sse nti a lly th ere b ecause o f th e m oney. T ra in ees w his p ere d th ey h ad fo und o ut N eel’s eq uity in th e fir m o n th e In te rn et. H e h ad th ir ty m illio n d olla rs ’ w orth o f G old m an S achs s h are s. H is ho tn ess l e v el s p ik ed e v en m ore . His s e ssio n e nd ed w ith th und erin g a p pla use . H e m ad e a f in al a nno uncem ent b efo re h e l e ft. ‘W e o nly h av e a f e w p la ces i n th e g ro up . T ho se i n te re ste d , a p ply w ith th e tr a in in g c o ord in ato r. We w ill s h o rtl is t a nd g et b ack to y o u,’ h e s a id a nd l o oked i n m y d ir e cti o n. ‘ D o tr y . I t’ ll b e w orth i t.’ Did h e ju st s ig nal m e to a pply ? D id h e lik e m y a nsw er? M y p ho ne b uzze d . D eb u h ad s e nt a messa ge. ‘T ao r e sta ura nt. 5 8th S tr e et a nd P ark A venue. 8 p .m . O kay?’ Dam n, I a lm ost fo rg o t. I h ad a d ate , o r a t le ast a ‘ le t’ s m eet fo r C hin ese fo od’ to nig ht. B efo re th at I h ad s o m eth in g e v en m ore i m porta nt. I h ad a w axin g a p poin tm ent. ‘O ho ho h. . . S lo w er, th at h urts ,’ I s a id to th e w axin g l a d y. ‘Y ou h av en’t d one th is b efo re ?’ s a id m y fifty -y ear-o ld w axin g la d y, C ath erin e, p olite ly , w hile rip pin g th e w axin g s tr ip s o ff m e m ost b ru ta lly . I w as ly in g d ow n in m y u nd erw ear. I h ad c o m e to C om ple te ly B are , a fu nky ‘ h ig h-te ch m eets co m fy c hic ’ w axin g s tu d io o n 6 8th S tr e et a nd M ad is o n. ‘I h av e. T w ic e i n m y l ife . I n I n d ia . Y ears a go ,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ? D id i t h urt th en?’ Hell y eah, it d id . A diti d id i h ad m ad e m e d o it fo r a w ed din g in th e fa m ily . I a lm ost b ro ke fa m ily ti e s w ith h er a fte r th at. I f o nly D eb u k new w hat I w as g o in g th ro ugh to h av e a p la te o f n o odle s with h im . C ath erin e d ip ped a s p atu la i n a b ow l o f m olte n w ax. ‘C old w ax h urts m ore , b ut th e r e su lts la st lo nger,’ s h e s a id . S he a p plie d th e w ax o n m y u p per th ig h, th en p ut a w hite s tr ip o f c lo th , s ix in ches lo ng a nd tw o in ches w id e, o n th at. H air c lu ng to it. I fe lt th e A rm aged don c o m in g. ‘C an’t y o u g iv e l o cal a naesth esia o r. . .o w w. . .o w w. . .o w w. . .’ ‘R ela x, h o ney,’ C ath erin e s a id . I c le nched m y te eth a nd c lo se d m y e yes. I im agin ed m yse lf in th e M id dle E ast. T hey p unis h wom en w ith la sh es if th ey d o so m eth in g a w fu l lik e d riv in g a c ar, o ffe rin g m en th eir o pin io ns o r so m eth in g to ta lly i m mora l l ik e e xp osin g th eir e lb ow s i n p ub lic . ‘F ifty la sh es fo r R ad hik a.’ I im agin ed a fa tw a o n m e a s C ath erin e w ent to w ork . S he fin is h ed my l e gs f r o m th e f r o nt a nd f lip ped m e a ro und . I f e lt l ik e a f is h b ein g s c ale d b efo re d in ner. ‘Y ou d on’t w ant a B ra zilia n?’ C ath erin e a sk ed m e. ‘ It i s o nly f ifte en d olla rs m ore .’ ‘W hat’ s th at? ’ I s a id . C ath erin e r o lle d h er e yes. ‘It’ s e v ery th in g g o ne, h o ney. D ow n th ere to o.’ It to ok m e a s e co nd to fig ure o ut w hat s h e m eant. T hen I r e aliz e d th e e m barra ssm ent a nd p ain in v olv ed . ‘D o g ir ls d o i t? ’ I s a id . ‘E very o ne, h o ney. T he b oys d on’t l ik e th em b ush es a nym ore .’ Oka y , I th o ught. It’s o nly fifte en d olla rs m ore . I a m In dia n a fte r a ll, a nd In dia ns lik e barg ain s, e ven i f t h ey i n vo lv e p ain . ‘Y ou w ant i t? ’ C ath erin e s a id . Mayb e I c a n d o th is . T his is n ot fo r D eb u o r to nig ht. T his is fo r m e. E nough o f b ein g a fr u m py n erd , R adhik a . D o i t. ‘S ure , I ’ ll ta ke th e B ra zilia n,’ I s a id . I d on’t w ant to g o in to th e d eta ils o f w hat h ap pened n ext. It s ta rte d w ith C ath erin e e xam in in g bits o f m e n o body e ls e e v er h ad , w hile s h e s h o ok h er h ead in d is a p pro val. A fte r th at s h e a p plie d molte n w ax o n b ody p arts th at w ere c le arly n ev er m eant to e v er c o m e in c o nta ct w ith m olte n w ax. Why d o w e w om en p ut o urse lv es t h ro ugh t h is ? W hy c a n’t b oys. . .o w w. . .o w w. . .o w w. I th in k I w ould p re fe r th e l a sh es i n S aud i A ra b ia . ‘T here w e g o ,’ C ath erin e s a id a fte r h er te n-m in ute s a d is m e xp erim ent e nd ed . ‘I m ig ht f a in t,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou w ill g et u se d to i t,’ C ath erin e s a id . ‘ T ru st m e, h e w ill l o ve i t.’ There i s n o h e, I w ante d to te ll h er. I a m o nly g o in g to h av e w onto n s o up w ith h im . N ot w anto n se x. Cath erin e c am e b ack w ith a s tr ip o f c ry sta l d ots . ‘A nd as a sp ec ia l pro m oti o n, w e are giv in g all custo m ers w ho go t a B ra zilia n a fr e e Sw aro vsk i s e rv ic e. A llo w m e. T his w on’t h urt a t a ll.’ I c o uld n’t b elie v e w hat h ap pened n ext. C ath erin e m ad e a p atte rn w ith th ir ty c ry sta ls d ow n th ere . Once d one, s h e to ld m e to s ta nd u p a nd l o ok i n to th e m ir ro r. ‘I l o ok l ik e a s tr ip per,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou l o ok s e xy.’ ‘I c an’t w alk o ut w ith c ry sta ls o n m y. . .y o u k no w .’ ‘D on’t w orry . T hey w ash o ff i n a c o up le o f d ays. F aste r i f y o u r u b w ith s o ap .’ Deb u c alle d . ‘H ey, d one w ith tr a in in g? Y ou w ill b e o n ti m e, r ig ht? O r s h o uld w e m ake i t 8 .3 0?’ D eb u s a id . ‘I a m d one. W as j u st ta kin g c are o f s o m e. . .i n te rn al i s su es. S ee y o u s o on,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou l o ok,’ h e p ause d , ‘ w ond erfu l.’ ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘Y our d re ss i s l o vely to o.’ ‘L ook, n o ta g to day,’ I s a id a nd tu rn ed a ro und . B oth o f u s la ughed . I w as w earin g a m ilita ry gre en la ce d re ss I h ad p ic ked u p fr o m G ap . It e nd ed w ell a b ove th e k nees, e xp osin g e no ugh le g. How ev er, I sti ll d on’t th in k D eb u n o ti c ed th e h und re d d olla rs I sp ent fix in g m y lim bs. T he d im lig hti n g a nd th e r e sta ura nt ta b le c o verin g m y le gs d id n o ju sti c e to th e h o ur I h ad s p ent in th e to rtu re cham ber. Deb u o rd ere d a s e t d in ner f o r u s. We sa t d ow n in th e u p per le v el o f T ao , a la rg e-s iz e d re sta ura nt b y N ew Y ork sta nd ard s. Dow nsta ir s , w e c o uld s e e a g ia nt B ud dha a nd th e Z en k o i p ond . ‘N ic e p la ce,’ I s a id . ‘D id y o u k no w th ey s h o t th e Sex a nd t h e C ity m ovie h ere ?’ D eb u s a id . I d id n’t. ‘ S o h o w w as y o ur d ay?’ ‘G ood. W e a re p itc hin g fo r th is n ew sp orts w ear b ra nd c alle d U nd er A rm or. If w e g et th e cam paig n i t w ill b e a w eso m e. H ow ’s G old m an?’ ‘S ti ll i n tr a in in g. B usy. I t w ill g et e v en m ore h ecti c a fte r w ork b egin s.’ I to ld h im a b out N eel’s d is tr e sse d d eb t p re se nta ti o n. I r e co unte d h o w I w as q uesti o ned i n f r o nt of th e e nti r e c la ss. ‘S o I a m th in kin g, I w on’t a p ply to d is tr e sse d d eb t. It’ s q uite d iffic ult to g et a nyw ay. P lu s, th e jo b s e em s to o d iffic ult,’ I s a id . ‘H ow c an y o u n o t a p ply ?’ D eb u s a id . ‘ Y ou a re f r o m I IM A. Y ou w ill c ra ck i t.’ ‘P eo ple i n m y c la ss a re f r o m to p c o lle ges a ro und th e w orld . H arv ard , S ta nfo rd , y o u n am e i t.’ ‘S o w hat? Y ou a nsw ere d th e q uesti o n th e p artn er a sk ed y o u i n th e p re se nta ti o n, r ig ht? ’ I lo oked a t D eb u. H e h ad lis te ned to m e w ith fu ll a tte nti o n. H is d eep b la ck e yes flic kere d in th e cand le lig ht. I le aned back on m y se at and cro sse d m y le gs. T hey fe lt unusu ally sm ooth . I re m em bere d w hy a nd s m ile d . ‘W hy a re y o u s m ilin g?’ h e s a id . ‘N oth in g.’ I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘L is te n,’ h e s a id a nd p la ced h is h and o n m in e. ‘ Y ou h av e to a p ply . T oo m any In d ia ns c o m e to th is c ity a nd g et o verw helm ed . D on’t b e u nd erc o nfid ent. Y ou c an d o i t. Y ou w ill.’ ‘T hanks. A nd y o u w ill w in U nd er A rm or,’ I s a id . ‘C heers to th at,’ h e s a id a nd w e lifte d o ur w ate r g la sse s. T he w aite r a rriv ed w ith o ur fo od— chic ken n o odle s o up a nd v egeta b le f r ie d r ic e. T he s o up s e em ed a l ittl e to o b la nd f o r m y ta ste . I s tu ck to th e f r ie d r ic e. ‘Y ou a re n’t h av in g th e s o up . Y ou d on’t l ik e c hic ken?’ ‘I e at m eat, b ut I p re fe r v egeta ria n,’ I s a id . ‘I a m v egeta ria n to o,’ h e s a id . ‘R eally ?’ ‘I a m a B engali. F or u s, f is h a nd c hic ken a re v egeta b le s.’ Both o f u s l a ughed . We chatte d th ro ugh d in ner. H e to ld m e ab out his p are nts in K olk ata . H is fa th er o w ned a prin ti n g p re ss. It d id n’t re ally m ake m uch m oney n o w . H is m oth er s ta yed a t h o m e. D eb u g re w u p dre am in g a b out b ein g a p ain te r. H e s e ttl e d f o r c o m merc ia l a rt a s th e p ra cti c al c ho ic e. H is p are nts h ad sa v ed e no ugh to s e nd h im to d o a c o urs e in d esig n a nd a rts in th e U S. H e s e cure d h is c urre nt jo b th ro ugh c am pus p la cem ent. ‘A dverti s in g s o und s c o ol,’ I s a id , ‘ th at to o M ad is o n A venue. B est p la ce to d o i t i n th e w orld .’ ‘It’ s n o t a s c o ol o n th e in sid e. T here ’s c o nsta nt p oliti c s. T he m oney is n ’t g re at. I h av e b een lu cky to w ork o n g o od c am paig ns. H ow ev er, j u nio rs d on’t u su ally g et m uch c re ati v e w ork .’ ‘I a m s u re i t i s n o t j u st l u ck. Y ou m ust b e r e ally g o od.’ He l o oked a t m e a nd s m ile d . H e a te w ith c ho psti c ks. I tr ie d b ut f a ile d . M in i- m e to ld m e n o t to make a n a ss o f m yse lf a nd u se a f o rk a nd s p oon. I c o m plie d . ‘T hanks f o r th e c o m plim ent,’ h e s a id . ‘ D esse rt? ’ I s a w th e m enu. I t h ad c ho ic es l ik e s w eet r e d b ean p ud din g a nd to fu i c e c re am . ‘R ed b ean p ud din g?’ I s a id . ‘ W hat i s th at? ’ ‘R ajm a,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ R ajm a k heer o f s o rts .’ ‘Y uck,’ I s a id . ‘C hin ese d esse rts a re n o t f a m ous. T here ’s a r e aso n— th ey s u ck,’ h e s a id . ‘B engali d esse rts a re th e b est,’ I s a id . Deb u’s c hest s w elle d w ith p rid e. ‘B engali m en a re n’t to o b ad e ith er,’ h e s a id . Did h e j u st f lir t w ith m e? I s t h is f lir tin g? A m I s u ppose d t o r e sp ond w ith s o m eth in g c le ver? ‘A s s w eet a s th eir d esse rts ? ’ I s a id , o ne e yeb ro w u p . See, I c a n f lir t b ack. N erd s c a n f lir t. He n ev er e xp ecte d a c o m eb ack. H e to ok a s e co nd to ta ke i n m y r e sp onse . ‘W hy d on’t y o u tr y a nd f in d o ut? ’ h e s a id . That’s e n ough, R adhik a , t h is i s g oin g i n to d angero us t e rrito ry, I to ld m yse lf. Defle ct, c h ange th e t o pic , f a st. Y o u d on’t w ant t o b e j u dged a s a s lu t o n t h e f ir st d ate . S ee, th is i s w hat I d o. W hen I am w ith a m an, I b ehav e lik e I a m s itti n g fo r a te st. A nsw er th e q uesti o n p ro perly . A ct n a ï ve a s if I don’t u nd ers ta nd h is d oub le m eanin g. D on’t j u st b e. P erfo rm . ‘D on’t k no w a b out th e m en. I’ d lo ve to h av e a r a sg ulla th o ugh,’ I s a id , m y v oic e a s in no cent and d um b a s p ossib le . ‘ A la s, th is i s M anhatta n.’ ‘F ear n o t. W e B engalis h av e le ft im prin ts e v ery w here . W ould y o u lik e to g o to a ra sg ulla pla ce?’ ‘H ere ? N ow ? I n M anhatta n?’ He n o dded a nd s m ile d . T he b ill a rriv ed . ‘S ho uld w e s p lit? ’ I s a id a nd to ok o ut tw o tw enty -d olla r b ills . He th o ught a b out i t f o r a s e co nd . ‘A ctu ally , n o . C an I tr e at y o u th is ti m e?’ h e s a id . Is n ’t t h at w hat d ate s a re ? I s a id to m yse lf. But t h en , w hat a bout g en der e q uality ? ‘W hy?’ I s a id . ‘ W e c an s p lit.’ ‘N o,’ h e sa id a s h e to ok th e m oney o ut o f h is w alle t. ‘It’ s n o t th at m uch. Y ou c an b uy th e ra sg ulla s.’ Deb u a nd I to ok a y ello w c ab to 2 8th S tr e et a nd L exin gto n A venue, i n a n a re a c alle d M urra y H ill. ‘It’ s a ls o c alle d C urry H ill,’ D eb u s a id a s w e s te p ped o ut o f th e ta xi. I c o uld s e e w hy. I n d ia n, Bangla d esh i a nd P akis ta ni r e sta ura nts d otte d b oth s id es o f th e r o ad . S om e r e se m ble d r o ad sid e d hab as back i n I n d ia , c o m ple te w ith b rig ht tu b elig hts a nd p la sti c c hair s . ‘Is th is e v en N ew Y ork ?’ I l a ughed . ‘It’ s M id to w n M anhatta n,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ Y ou l ik e i t? ’ ‘I l o ve i t. I n f a ct, y o u c o uld h av e j u st b ro ught m e h ere f ir s t.’ ‘D arn , w aste d m oney a t T ao . D id n’t r e aliz e y o u c o uld b e a c heap d ate .’ Date . H e u se d t h e w ord d ate . I a m o n a d ate . I f e lt th rille d a t th e p ro sp ect o f b ein g o n a d ate . Even i f a t a r a m sh ackle p ara nth a s h o p c alle d L aho ri K eb ab . ‘C an w e h av e a p ara nth a?’ I s a id . ‘H uh? D id n’t w e j u st e at? ’ ‘I a m P unja b i. R ic e i s n ’t d in ner.’ We w alk ed in to th e s h ab by b ut b rig htl y lit re sta ura nt. D eb u o rd ere d tw o ta nd oori p ara nth as with g o bi s tu ffin g i n sid e. ‘G re en c hillie s o n th e s id e, p le ase ,’ I s a id , m y m outh s a liv ati n g a t th e p ro sp ect. I n o ti c ed f o ur se ed y-lo okin g In d ia n g uys in th e re sta ura nt. T hey w ore n eo n c o nstr u cti o n-w ork er ja ckets . I c aught th em s ta rin g a t m y l e gs. Ye s, f in ally I h ave a n a udie n ce f o r a ll t h at e ffo rt, I s a id to m yse lf. ‘L et’ s s it d ow n,’ D eb u s a id a s h e n o ti c ed th e w ork ers . Nobody h as e v er c hecked o ut m y l e gs, I w ante d to te ll h im . L et m e e njo y th e m om ent. Oh w ell, bette r b e t h e g ood g ir l, y o u e xh ib itio nis t , m in i- m e s a id . The r e sta ura nt h ad I n d ia n d esse rts . P ost- p ara nth as, w e h ad tw o r a sg ulla s e ach. Yo u bette r sk ip lu nch to m orro w , m in i- m e sa id , th ere is no poin t in w axin g fa t le g s. Ele p hants d on’t w ax, d o t h ey? ‘I l o ve h o w y o u e at. Y ou a re e njo yin g th is ,’ D eb u s a id to m e. ‘S orry . I h av en’t h ad I n d ia n f o od i n w eeks,’ I s a id . He w ip ed m y l ip s w ith a ti s su e. I s m ile d a t h im . ‘T here a re a c o up le o f In d ia n r e sta ura nts in B ro okly n to o, w here I liv e,’ D eb u s a id . H e w as re fe rrin g to a no th er b oro ugh o f N ew Y ork , s o uth o f M anhatta n. ‘Y ou liv e in B ro okly n?’ I sa id . M ost o f m y G old m an c la ss p la nned to ta ke a p artm ents in Manhatta n. T hey c o nsid ere d B ro okly n to o f a r. ‘Y eah. T old y o u. A dverti s in g is g la m oro us o nly o n p ap er. T hey d on’t p ay. T hat’ s th e o nly pla ce w e c an a ffo rd a d ecent a p artm ent.’ ‘W e a s i n ?’ ‘I s h are i t. T w o o th er g uys f r o m w ork .’ ‘O h o kay. I n eed to f in d a n a p artm ent s o on to o,’ I s a id . The b ill a rriv ed . I p aid th is ti m e, a to ta l o f e ig ht d olla rs . W e s to od u p to l e av e. ‘Y ou w ant to s e e a m ovie n ext w eek? S hah R ukh’s Don 2 i s r e le asin g,’ D eb u s a id . ‘T hey h av e I n d ia n m ovie th eatr e s h ere ?’ I s a id i n e xcite m ent. ‘J u st a c o up le . B ut th ey d o,’ h e s a id . ‘ N ext F rid ay?’ I n o dded . T he f o od i n m y m outh p re v ente d m e f r o m ta lk in g. Date t w o, b aby , I s a id to m yse lf a nd m enta lly h ig h-fiv ed . O 7 O ne m onth la te r n th e la st d ay o f asso cia te tr a in in g, I re ceiv ed an em ail fr o m m y tr a in in g m anager, Ja ne Rose nb erg . S he h ad c alle d m e to h er o ffic e. I w ond ere d if I h ad d one a nyth in g w ro ng. I h ad s k ip ped c la ss to m eet D eb u a fe w ti m es. H ad t h ey f o und o ut? Deb u a nd I h ad w atc hed tw o m ovie s, o ne Y ankees b ase b all g am e a nd o ne B ro ad w ay m usic al c alle d The L io n K in g . W e v is ite d q uain t re sta ura nts all o ver M anhatta n and ate Ita lia n, M id dle E aste rn a nd I n d ia n f o od. I h ad f a lle n i n l o ve w ith N ew Y ork . I h ad a ls o s ta rte d l ik in g D eb u, e v en th o ugh th in gs w ere n’t r o m anti c y et. Why w asn ’t h e m akin g a m ove? W hen w ould I h ave m y o w n b oyfr ie n d? W ould I e ver h ave m y o w n b oyfr ie n d? P erh ap s it w as b ecause o f th ese in se curiti e s in sid e m e, b ut I w ante d th in gs t o c hange s o on. Our n ext d ate w as to m orro w . I h ad p ic ked a s h o rt w in e-c o lo ure d d re ss, m y b old est s o f a r. ‘J a ne a sk ed y o u to c o m e to h er o ffic e a s w ell? ’ M ark , a n A meric an a sso cia te a b out m y a ge, c am e u p to m e. ‘H uh?’ I s a id , a s I c am e b ack fr o m m y th o ughts a b out w hat s h o es to p air w ith m y w in e d re ss. ‘ Y eah. H ow d o y o u k no w ?’ ‘Y ou a re c o pie d o n m y e m ail. I t’ s y o u, m e a nd a no th er a sso cia te , C arl W ong.’ I r e ached J a ne’s o ffic e o n th e s ix te enth flo or o f 8 5 B ro ad S tr e et. J a ne, in h er fo rti e s, s a t a t h er d esk , l o st i n h er c o m pute r. ‘W elc o m e. Y ou m ust b e th e n ew a sso cia te s,’ J a ne s a id a s w e s a t d ow n. I l o oked a t M ark a nd C arl. T hey s e em ed r e la xed i n c o ntr a st to a j itte ry m e. ‘I h av e c alle d y o u h ere b ecause I h av e fr e sh o ffe rs fo r y o u. T he th re e o f y o u h av e b een s e le cte d f o r th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up .’ ‘Y es!’ M ark s a id a nd f is t- p um ped . C arl a nd M ark h ig h-fiv ed e ach o th er. ‘R eally ?’ I s a id . H as th ere b een a m is ta ke? I w ante d to a sk . S ure , I h ad a p plie d . I h ad a ls o m et a f e w p eo ple a s a sk ed . H ow ev er, I d id n’t r e ally th in k I h ad a c hance. ‘It’ s a to ugh c halle nge b ut a g re at o pportu nity ,’ J a ne w as s a yin g. ‘ A re y o u g o in g to a ccep t th is or d o y o u w ant to b e i n a no th er d ep artm ent? ’ ‘Y es, o f c o urs e , I a ccep t,’ M ark s a id . ‘ A m g o in g to k ill i t.’ ‘T ota lly a ccep t,’ C arl s a id ; h is v oic e h ad a n A meric an a ccent e v en th o ugh h e w as e th nic ally Chin ese . ‘Y ou, R aa-d ee-k aa?’ ‘Y eah. W ell, I a m th in kin g.’ What w as I th in kin g? H as th ere b een a m is ta ke? C an I d o th is ? I s th is to o d iffic u lt? T his is what g ir ls lik e m e d o. T he b oys in fr o nt o f m e ju m ped u p in c o nfid ence. I, o n th e o th er h and , tr ip le - guesse d a nd q uad ru p le -g uesse d m yse lf. Min i- m e, w ill y o u b e s u pportiv e a nd b e q uie t f o r o nce? I to ok a d eep b re ath . ‘Y eah, I a ccep t,’ I s a id . I s ig ned th e o ffe r le tte r a nd fe lt a s u rg e o f e xcite m ent. I w ante d to s h are th is w ith s o m eo ne. I decid ed to c all h o m e l a te r w hen I n d ia w oke u p . H ow ev er, m om a nd d ad w ould h av e l ittl e i d ea a b out my a chie v em ent. ‘D eb u,’ I s a id a s I c alle d h im a fte r I l e ft J a ne’s o ffic e, ‘ I g o t d is tr e sse d d eb t.’ ‘D id n’t I s a y y o u c o uld d o i t? ’ ‘Y eah, y o u d id . W e w ill s e e i f I c an l a st. W hat a re y o u d oin g?’ ‘Y ou w ill d o a m azin g. I’ m a t w ork . B usy w ith a p re se nta ti o n. W e a re m eeti n g to m orro w , rig ht? ’ ‘Y eah. C an it b e m y tr e at? T ra in in g e nd ed , I d id m ake it to th e b est g ro up . I th in k w e s h o uld cele b ra te .’ ‘S ure . I c an’t w ait,’ D eb u s a id . I m ad e a no th er i m porta nt c all. ‘C om ple te ly B are ? I w ant to b ook a w axin g a p poin tm ent.’ ‘C ham pagne, m ad am , ju st a s y o u o rd ere d ,’ th e w aite r s a id . H e p oure d tw o g la sse s a nd p ut th e b ottl e in a n i c e b ucket. We h ad c o m e to A quagrill in S oho . T he r e sta ura nt s p ecia liz e d in s e afo od. D eb u h ad to ld m e he u se d to h av e f is h w ith e v ery m eal b ack h o m e i n K olk ata . W e c ho se th e s e t d in ner. The w aite r a rriv ed w ith a n a p peti z e r m ad e o f s a lm on a nd a sp ara gus. ‘T his i s a m azin g,’ D eb u s ig hed . ‘Y ou l ik e s e afo od, th at’ s w hy I c ho se th is p la ce,’ I s a id . H e n o dded a nd g rin ned , h is m outh f u ll of f o od. I f o und h is c urly h air, b eard a nd s m ile m ore a d ora b le e v ery ti m e I m et h im . My d re ss e nd ed h ig h o n m y th ig hs. I h ad n o t e ate n a ny l u nch to a v oid l o ve h and le s. I w ond ere d if h e n o ti c ed . ‘W e h av e s e en e ach o th er e v ery w eek s in ce th e f ir s t ti m e w e m et, r ig ht? ’ h e s a id . I g aze d a t h is lip s. Ye s, w e h ave, b ut w hy h aven ’t w e k is se d y et? I s it w ro ng fo r a g ir l to th in k th at? S hould h e be a sk in g m e t h at i n ste a d? W here a re t h e r u le s? ‘W hat a re y o u th in kin g?’ D eb u s a id . H e s n ap ped h is f in gers , a s I d id n’t r e sp ond . ‘H uh? O h, n o th in g. J u st n erv ous a b out m y n ew a ssig nm ent, I g uess.’ How c a n a g ir l a dm it s h e i s t h in kin g a bout k is sin g? I s n ’t t h at w hat s u per-s lu ts d o? ‘R ela x. Y ou c an c ra ck a nyth in g. Y ou a re r e ally s m art. O ne o f th e s m arte st p eo ple I’ v e m et.’ I lo oked a t h im . Wow , a m an w ho a ckn ow le d ges a w om an’s s m artn ess. Now I w ant t o k is s h im e ven m ore . A re yo u g oin g to m ake a m ove, D eb u? O r w ill y o u k eep e a tin g th at sh rim p c o ckta il in th e m artin i gla ss? I b ro ught m y l e gs c lo se a nd e njo yed th eir s m ooth ness a gain st e ach o th er. Deb u, m ake t h e r ig ht moves, a nd y o u c o uld b e a r e a lly h appy m an t o nig ht. ‘D is tr e sse d d eb t. S ound s s c ary , th o ugh,’ D eb u s a id . How d o I c h ange th e to pic fr o m d is tr e sse d d eb t to m y a m azin gly w axed le g s? I c o uld n’t. I dra in ed m y c ham pagne g la ss. ‘It i s ,’ I s a id . ‘ Y ou h av e to n ego ti a te w ith h ard -n o se d b usin ess o w ners . T hey s o m eti m es r e fu se to p ay th e b ank. Y ou h av e to s e iz e p ro perti e s. S queeze o ut v alu e.’ ‘W ow ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ D oesn ’t s o und l ik e a r e gula r b anker o n a d esk j o b.’ ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . ‘ A ls o , th ere a re h ard ly a ny w om en i n th e te am . I t’ s a m an’s j o b.’ ‘W hat n o nse nse ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ W hy c an’t a w om an d o i t? T hey a re b ette r n ego ti a to rs .’ I l ik e t h is m an. A l o t. G o o n, D eb u. He c o nti n ued , ‘ It’ s a ll th is b ulls h it m en s p re ad . T o s c are w om en o ut o f a r o le o r p ositi o n. F act is , m en a re s h it- s c are d o f ta le nte d w om en l ik e y o u.’ ‘T hanks, D eb u.’ Okay, I h ad a c halle nge b ig ger th an d is tr e sse d d eb t to nig ht. I h ad to e nsu re D eb u m ad e a m ove, so s o m e n aughti n ess c o uld h ap pen. O f c o urs e , b ecause I a m a w om an, I s o m eho w a ls o h ad to p re te nd to b e in no cent, a s if I h ad n o r o le to p la y in m akin g a nyth in g h ap pen. I h ad to s te er h im w ith o ut h im re aliz in g h e h ad b een s te ere d . The w aite r b ro ught u s o ur f in al c o urs e o f c o dfis h s e rv ed w ith m is o s a uce. ‘W ow ,’ D eb u s a id a s h e to ok a b ite , ‘ b est f is h I h av e e v er ta ste d . I n f a ct, m ayb e th e b est th in g I hav e e v er ta ste d .’ ‘Y eah. W ell, th ere ’s s ti ll d esse rt, s a v e th e b est f o r th e l a st,’ I s a id . Was t h at d ouble m ea nin g? F uck, d on’t s lu tify y o urse lf . He l a ughed . Did h e g et t h e r e fe re n ce? ‘Y ou k no w B ongs a nd m is h ti ,’ h e s a id . No, h e d id n’t . B e c a re fu l. A lw ays g iv e o ut a c h aste good-In dia n-g ir l v ib e. ‘H ow ’s w ork ?’ I s a id . ‘It’ s g re at. U nd er A rm or a cco unt i s a lm ost i n ,’ h e s a id a nd c ro sse d h is f in gers . ‘I a m s u re i t w ill c o m e i n ,’ I s a id . ‘It w ill b e m y fir s t b ig w in . M y b oss sa id if I get it I get p ro m ote d to se nio r cre ati v e asso cia te .’ ‘T hat s o und s a l o t c o ole r th an d is tr e sse d d eb t a sso cia te .’ He l a ughed . ‘Y ou g et th e b ucks. T hat’ s c o ol e no ugh,’ h e s a id . Som eho w I n ev er w ante d to d is c uss th e m oney I m ad e w ith D eb u. I h ad to s h ift th e to pic b ack to h im . ‘U nd er A rm or i s a c utti n g-e d ge b ra nd . I s a w th eir s to re y este rd ay. G re at s tu ff,’ I s a id . ‘I c an’t w ait to w ork o n th eir c am paig n.’ We h ad a d ark c ho co la te m ousse c ake w ith o ra nge s a uce a s o ur l a st d is h . ‘G re at c ho ic e o f re sta ura nt, R ad hik a,’ D eb u s a id . ‘A t fir s t I th o ught th is p la ce to o fa ncy, b ut lo ok a t th e f o od. W ow .’ We f in is h ed o ur m eal a nd th e b ill a rriv ed . T he w aite r h and ed i t to D eb u, b ut I p lu cked i t f r o m his h and s. I h ad to ld D eb u it w ould b e m y tr e at. I h ad a q uic k lo ok. T he b ill c am e to 2 00 d olla rs . I pla ced th e c ash i n th e b ill f o ld er a nd h and ed i t to th e w aite r. ‘Is i t a l o t? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘ It i s , i s n ’t i t? W hy d id y o u s p end s o m uch?’ ‘L ook, I w ante d to c ele b ra te w ith y o u. M y o nly tr u e fr ie nd in N ew Y ork . S o th ank y o u fo r bein g th ere .’ I h eld m y c ham pagne g la ss h ig h. H e d id th e s a m e a nd m ad e a to ast. ‘C ongra tu la ti o ns. T o m y ta le nte d fr ie nd R ad hik a, w ho w ill k ic k a ss a t d is tr e sse d d eb t a nd sh o w th e m en h o w i t i s d one,’ h e s a id . We d ecid ed to w alk fr o m A quagrill to th e B enja m in H ote l, a h alf- a n-h o ur s tr o ll. F ro m th ere D eb u co uld g et a d ir e ct ‘ 4 ’ tr a in to B ro okly n. I h ad th ir ty m in ute s to g et th is m an to m ake a m ove. A p art o f me w ante d to s c re am , O h D eb u, j u st k is s m e a lr e ad y. Of c o urs e , a life ti m e o f b ra in w ash in g to b e a ‘ g o od In d ia n g ir l’ w ould n ev er a llo w m e to d o th at. He d id n’t m ake a ny m ove. H ow ev er, h e d id s a y a m azin g th in gs o n o ur w alk . ‘It’ s re ally im porta nt th at w om en d o w ell. It se ts a n e xam ple fo r o th er y o unger w om en. It in sp ir e s th em ,’ h e s a id . ‘W ho a m I in sp ir in g?’ I s a id , m y m in d fille d w ith a lte rn ate th o ughts . Did h e n otic e m y le g s yet? D id d in ner m ake m y s to m ach l e ss f la t? A re m y b oobs i n p la ce? C an t h is g uy w alk s lo w er s o I ca n k eep u p i n m y h eels ? ‘O f c o urs e y o u a re a n in sp ir a ti o n. T o y o ur y o unger c o usin s, fo r e xam ple . I a m s u re th ey w ill se e th eir R ad hik a d id i a nd w ant to b e l ik e h er.’ I l a ughed . ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id . ‘I d on’t k no w . M y s is te r A diti h as m ore fa ns. S he b are ly g ra d uate d . S he k no w s m ake-u p a nd clo th es w ay b ette r th an m e, th o ugh.’ That is w hen D eb u s a id s o m eth in g, s o m eth in g e v en b ette r th an th e a m azin g th in gs h e h ad s a id ab out m y w ork a nd i n te llig ence. ‘Y ou h av e g re at ta ste i n c lo th es,’ h e s a id . Oh, I l o ve t h is m an. H e m ust b e p artia lly b lin d b ut I l o ve t h is m an . ‘R eally ?’ I sa id . I fo und it hard to ta ke a co m plim ent th at d id n’t in v olv e gra d es o r jo b in te rv ie w s. ‘Y eah. Y ou h av e th is s u b tl e , u nd ers ta te d s ty le . T his r e d d re ss, p ard on m e, b ut. . .’ ‘B ut w hat? ’ I s a id . Is i t r ip ped s o m ew here ? I th o ught i n h o rro r. ‘P ard on m e, b ut i t m akes y o u l o ok s o h o t,’ h e s a id . Oh D eb u! B le ss h im , g ods. G iv e h im a ny a dvertis in g a cco unt h e w ants . F or th e fir s t ti m e in my l ife , a p art f r o m w hen I h ad f e v er, I h ad b een a sso cia te d w ith th e w ord h o t. S om eo ne i n th is w orld fo und m e h o t. H ot. F uck, R adhik a , s o m eo ne c a lle d y o u h ot. M y s o ul b re ak-d anced i n sid e m e. ‘R eally ?’ I s a id , m y to ne a s c asu al a s p ossib le , e v en a s I f is h ed f o r m ore . ‘Y eah. Y ou d on’t m in d m e s a yin g th at, I h o pe.’ Do I m in d? B rin g it o n, d ude. W e h ave te n m ore m in ute s to re a ch th e h ote l. P le a se k eep pra is in g m e. T he s h allo w er th e b ette r. M ake it o nly a bout c lo th es, lo oks a nd le g s. T hose a re th e co m plim en ts I m is s. O f c o urse , I h ave t o s a y i t i n a w ay t h at h e d oesn ’t t h in k I a m t o o k een . ‘N o, I d on’t m in d . U su ally w e ta lk a b out m ore i n te lle ctu al a nd w ork -re la te d s tu ff. I t i s s tr a nge but n o , i t’ s o kay. C urio us to s e e h o w y o u m en th in k,’ I s a id a nd g ig gle d l ik e a n i d io t. ‘I th in k y o u h av e a n ic e f ig ure ,’ h e s a id . Whic h p art, w hic h p art? I w ante d to s c re am in e xcite m ent. D o y o u lik e m y w ais t? B oobs? Ass? B e a rtic u la te , D eb u. ‘R eally ?’ I s a id , d ra ggin g o ut th e w ord , a s if I n ev er e xp ecte d th is . I p unched h is s h o uld er— su b tl e e nco ura gem ent a nd f a ke s h yness a ll r o lle d i n to o ne. ‘Y eah. Y our l e gs, I m ean. . .y o u h av e n ic e l e gs.’ ‘O h, s o th at i s a ll y o u l ik e a b out m e?’ Desp era te , la m e, s tu pid . W hat w as th at, R adhik a ? I to ld m yse lf a s I fis h ed . O h I d id n’t ju st fis h . I s e nt a f is h in g te am w ith a tr a ile r to c atc h a s h ip lo ad . ‘N o, n o . I l ik e y o ur f a ce to o. Y our h air. Y our e yes. Y our w ho le p ers o nality , a ctu ally .’ ‘Y eah, y eah. N ow y o u w ill s a y a ll th is . I t’ s a b out th e l e gs, r ig ht? ’ It b ette r b e a bout t h e l e g s. I p aid 1 00 d olla rs t o C om ple te ly B are . ‘N o, n o . S orry . . . I m ean. . .’ ‘R ela x, D eb u. I a m k id din g,’ I s a id a nd s q ueeze d h is w arm h and . I d id n’t w ant to le t g o o f it. How ev er, I d id n’t w ant i t to c o unt a s a m ove e ith er. Why d o w e g ir ls h ave t o f o llo w s o m any r u le s? If h e l ik es m y w hole p erso nality , w hy c a n’t I b e f u lly m e? I r e le ase d h is h and . W e w alk ed p ast a B arn es a nd N oble b ooksto re a nd h ad to c ro ss a tr a ffic sig nal. H e u se d it a s a n e xcuse to h o ld m y h and . W e c ro sse d th e r o ad to geth er. H e d id n’t r e le ase m y hand a fte rw ard s. I g av e h im a s id ew ays g la nce. H e s m ile d a t m e. ‘M y s is te r i s c o nsid ere d th e p re tti e r o ne, a ctu ally ,’ I s a id . ‘I f in d th at q uite h ard to b elie v e. U nle ss s h e i s M is s U niv ers e o r s o m eth in g.’ I s m ile d a t h is i n d ir e ct c o m plim ent. I f e lt l ik e r u nnin g m y f in gers th ro ugh h is c urly h air. He c o nti n ued , ‘ A ctu ally , e v en i f s h e i s M is s U niv ers e . I f in d y o u r e ally p re tty .’ Sw eet l ie s, t h ey d o h ave a p la ce i n l ife . I s ig hed . ‘T hanks, D eb u,’ I s a id . We re ached th e B enja m in H ote l. W e h ad m ad e s o m e p ro gre ss. W e h ad h eld h and s, b ut o nly th at. Did I i n tim id ate h im ? D id h e t o ta lly l ie b ut a ctu ally n ot f in d m e a ttr a ctiv e? I s h e s c a re d ? ‘S o th is i s w here I l iv e. T ra in s to p i s r ig ht th ere .’ I p oin te d a t th e s u b w ay s ig n. ‘S ure ,’ h e s a id . ‘ I h ad a g re at ti m e. T hanks f o r th e tr e at.’ ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e,’ I s a id . ‘ B ye.’ My h eart s a nk a b it. I d id n’t w ant h im to g o . ‘H ey, j u st o ne th in g. D oesn ’t h av e to b e to day,’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou h av e y o ur s is te r’s p ho to in y o ur r o om ? W ante d to c heck. I a m s u re th e c la im th at s h e is pre tti e r i s f a ls e ,’ h e s a id . Was th at a m ove? H e m en tio ned m y ro om . D id h e w ant to c o m e u psta ir s? O r h e c o uld te ch nic a lly w ant m e t o g o u p a nd b rin g d ow n s o m e p ic tu re s. H eck, I h ad A diti d id i’s p hoto s o n m y phone. S o i s t h is a m ove? W ill s o m eo ne t e ll m e, p le a se ? I s m ile d a t h im . ‘N o, r e ally ,’ D eb u s a id , ‘T hat’ s s w eet. S o a re y o u.’ ‘P re tty ?’ I l a ughed . ‘ N o. H and so m e. S m art. C re ati v e to o.’ ‘T hanks,’ h e s a id . ‘O kay, I th in k I h av e s o m e p ho to s o n m y l a p to p u p sta ir s . Y ou w ant to c o m e u p ?’ I s a id . ‘ N 8 o w ay,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ S he i s n o t p re tti e r th an y o u.’ ‘O h, c o m e o n,’ I s a id . ‘ A diti d id i i s s o n ic e-lo okin g.’ ‘L is te n, s u re s h e i s , b ut n o t m ore th an y o u. N o w ay. Y ou h av e b ette r f e atu re s.’ ‘T hat’ s n o t w hat m y m oth er l e d m e to b elie v e,’ I s a id . ‘M ust b e th e P unja b i th in g. T he w hite r th e s k in , th e p re tti e r th e p ers o n. N onse nse ,’ h e s a id , s o m ew hat a gita te d . We s a t o n th e e d ge o f th e h o te l b ed , m y la p to p in th e m id dle . I h ad a tw o-y ear-o ld fa m ily a lb um o pen o n th e s c re en. ‘A ll m y l ife I h av e b een th is n erd y, s tu d io us g ir l. A diti d id i i s c o nsid ere d th e l o oker.’ ‘S orry , s h e’s y o ur s is te r, b ut s h e d re sse s lik e s h e is g o in g to a p arty e v en fo r r a nd om fa m ily p ic tu re s a t h o m e.’ ‘S he i s l ik e th at,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou d id w ear h o rrib le g la sse s th o ugh,’ D eb u s a id . I l a ughed . ‘I s w itc hed to c o nta cts a y ear a go ,’ I s a id , a nd p oin te d to a p ic tu re o f m y fa m ily in o ur liv in g r o om . ‘ T hat i s d ad . S im ple , q uie t m an. J u st d oesn ’t w ant p eo ple i n s o cie ty to s a y a nyth in g c riti c al o f h im . T his i s m y m oth er. D om in ate s d ad to ta lly .’ Deb u e xam in ed th e p ic tu re s a s I s p oke a gain . ‘I m is s h o m e,’ I s a id . ‘ S eein g th ese p ic tu re s I m is s In d ia . I w ant to w atc h T V s e ria ls w ith m y m oth er a nd d o n o th in g.’ ‘S ays th e n ew h o ts h o t d is tr e sse d d eb t b anker. T oo l a te , g ir l.’ D eb u l a ughed . I m ad e a m ock-s a d f a ce. I n eed a h ug. M ove t h in gs f o rw ard , D eb u. D o I h ave t o g iv e y o u a n i n str u ctio n m anual? ‘It’ s a s w eet f a m ily ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘It is ,’ I s a id . I w ante d to s ta ll th e c o nv ers a ti o n w ith s h o rt, b orin g r e p lie s. A w kw ard s ile nces l e ad to m any i n te re sti n g th in gs. Unfo rtu nate ly , c erta in i n te lle ctu al B engali m en d on’t o fte n g et th e h in t. ‘H av e y o u r e ad The B ea uty M yth b y N ao m i W olf? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘N o, w hat’ s th at? ’ ‘A la nd m ark fe m in is t b ook. It ta lk s ab out ho w w om en are cultu ra lly b ullie d in to fe elin g c o nsc io us a b out th eir l o oks a ll th e ti m e,’ h e s a id . ‘R eally ? W ell, to a c erta in e xte nt i t’ s tr u e,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. D o m en c o m pare th eir p hysic ality w ith th eir s ib lin gs s o m uch?’ ‘I g uess n o t.’ A t a no th er ti m e o r p la ce, l ik e a t o ne o f o ur F rid ay d in ners , I w ould h av e l ik ed to engage i n th is i n te lle ctu ally s ti m ula ti n g c o nv ers a ti o n. N ot n o w . I h ad o th er th in gs o n m y m in d . ‘E xactl y ,’ h e s a id , ‘ s h e s a ys i t i s a w ay f o r m en to c o ntr o l w om en a nd . . .’ ‘M y fe et a re k illin g m e,’ I in te rru p te d h im . I r e m oved m y s h o es. I b ro ught m y fe et u p o n th e bed . M y s h o rt d re ss in ched u p a littl e fu rth er o n m y th ig hs. D eb u fo rg o t h is c hain o f th o ught. I g uess th ere a re w ays f o r w om en to c o ntr o l m en to o. ‘S orry , w hat w ere y o u s a yin g?’ I s a id . I s q ueeze d a nd r e le ase d m y to es. ‘H uh?’ h e s a id . ‘ N oth in g. I w ill g iv e y o u th e b ook.’ ‘N ot u se d to w alk in g l o ng d is ta nces i n h eels ,’ I s a id . ‘D o y o u w ant m e to g iv e y o u a f o ot m assa ge?’ h e s a id . And th e R ep ub lic D ay b ra v ery a w ard f in ally g o es to D eb ash is h S en, I w ante d to a nno unce. ‘R eally ?’ I s a id . ‘ Y ou k no w h o w to ?’ It w as o ne o f th o se stu p id th in gs g ir ls so m eti m es sa y. W e k no w it is stu p id b ut w e sa y it anyw ay to a ct n a ï ve o r w hate v er. I l o ved h is h and s o n m y f e et. ‘W ow , th at’ s n ic e,’ I s a id . H e p re sse d m y fe et ti m id ly , a s if I w ould g et u p a nd s la p h im a ny se co nd . He m assa ged m y s h in s. H is h and s s lo w ly m oved u p to m y k nees. I d id n’t s to p h im . ‘D o y o u h av e lo ti o n?’ h e s a id . I p oin te d to th e b ed sid e ta b le . H e to ok a b ottl e o f m ois tu riz e r and s p la sh ed i t o n m y f e et. I j e rk ed a s th e c o ld l o ti o n to uched m y s k in . H e p ut h is w arm h and s o n m y le gs. H e m oved th em i n a s lid in g m oti o n f r o m s h in to k nee. I c lo se d m y e yes. I c o uld fe el h is h and s r e ach a b ove m y k nees. N obody h ad e v er to uched m e th ere b efo re , u nle ss y o u c o unt th e w axin g to rtu re -c ham ber l a d y. T in gle s o f p le asu re r a n u p m y th ig hs. He b ecam e b old er e v ery m in ute , g o in g h ig her. W e d id n’t e xchange a w ord . H e re ached th e hem o f m y d re ss. H is f in gers d anced ta nta liz in gly u p on m y th ig hs. Is t h is a ll m ovin g t o o f a st? a v oic e w ith in m e s a id . H eck, I d id n’t c are . ‘Is th is o kay?’ D eb u s a id . I n o dded . I o pened m y e yes. I sig nalle d h im to b rin g h is fa ce c lo se r to m in e. H e le aned fo rw ard . O ur l ip s m et. I k is se d f o r th e f ir s t ti m e i n m y l ife . I c o uld fe el h e h ad b ottl e d u p h is d esir e to o. H is lip s re fu se d to le av e m in e. O ur to ngues to uched . I lo st tr a ck o f ti m e, s p ace a nd o rie nta ti o n. I h ad s e en k is se s in th e m ovie s. I h ad im agin ed what m y f ir s t o ne w ould b e l ik e. B ut th is w as b ette r. B ette r th an a nyth in g I h ad s e en o r i m agin ed . ‘Y ou a re s o b eauti fu l,’ h e w his p ere d i n to m y e ar a s h e n ib ble d m y e arlo be. He p la ced h is h and o n m y b re ast, o ver m y d re ss. H e w ante d to s lid e h is h and i n b ut c o uld n’t. I would h av e h ad to r e m ove th e e nti r e f itte d d re ss to g iv e h im a ccess. I p ush ed b ack h is c hest. ‘Is th is g o in g to o f a st? ’ I s a id . L ik e a ny g uy w ould a ctu ally s a y, ‘ Y es, i t i s .’ ‘N o. O f c o urs e n o t. I t f e els r ig ht,’ D eb u s a id , o ne h and o n m y th ig h. He m oved h is o th er h and to m y b ack, tr y in g to f in d th e z ip per f o r m y d re ss. ‘T here ’s to o m uch l ig ht,’ I s a id . S ure , h e h ad p ra is e d m y b ody. H ow ev er, I h ad n ev er ta ken o ff my c lo th es i n f r o nt o f a m an. I c o uld n’t w ith s o m uch l ig ht. He s w itc hed o ff a ll th e l ig hts i n th e r o om . T he w in d ow c urta in s r e m ain ed o pen. T he d im l ig ht fr o m th e M anhatta n s k ylin e w as j u st a b out e no ugh f o r u s to s e e e ach o th er. I h ad w orn a n ew m atc hin g p air o f r e d l in gerie f r o m T riu m ph, i n a nti c ip ati o n. Deb u p ulle d m y d re ss o ff. H e u nho oked m y b ra f r o m b ehin d . H e r e m oved h is s h ir t a s w ell. ‘W hat a re y o u m akin g m e d o, D eb u?’ I w his p ere d a s I h eld m y u nho oked b ra i n p la ce w ith m y hand s. I f e lt I h ad to m ake i t s e em l ik e h e m ad e m e d o th is . N ev er m in d th e p re -p la nned l in gerie . ‘J u st g o w ith th e flo w ,’ D eb u s a id , s ta nd ard b oy-s p eak fo r ‘le t m e p le ase h av e s e x w ith o ut in te rru p ti o n’. He p ulle d th e r e d b ra o ut o f m y h and s. H e g ra b bed m y b re asts . ‘N ot s o h ard , p le ase ,’ I s a id . ‘S orry ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘Y ou h av e d one th is b efo re ?’ I s a id . He to ok a f e w s e co nd s to a nsw er. ‘If I s a y y es, w ill y o u a sk m e to s to p?’ D eb u s a id . I l a ughed . ‘N o, s illy . J u st th at th is i s m y f ir s t ti m e,’ I s a id . ‘I h ad o ne g ir lfr ie nd b efo re . T w o y ears b ack.’ ‘C an w e n o t ta lk a b out th at n o w ?’ I s a id . He k is se d m y n ip ple s. H e m oved u p a nd k is se d m y c o lla rb one. H e k is se d m y c hin a nd th en m y lip s fo r s e v era l m in ute s. H e tu gged a t m y p anti e s. M y h eart b eat fa st. W as I r e ally g o in g to g et fu lly naked i n f r o nt o f a m an? I g uess i t w as to o l a te . H e p ulle d d ow n m y p anti e s. H e r e m oved h is tr o use rs a nd u nd erw ear. I had n o t se en a n aked m an so u p -c lo se . I w ante d to g et a g o od lo ok, m ore a s a n a nato m y le sso n. How ev er, h e h eld m e ti g ht a nd c o nti n ued to k is s m e. H is h and s m oved h ig her o n m y th ig hs. ‘Y our l e gs a re s o s o ft,’ h e s a id . I d ecid ed to ta ke a l ife m em bers h ip a t C om ple te ly B are . He to uched m e b etw een m y l e gs. T he B ra zilia n h ad m ad e e v ery th in g s m ooth . ‘W ow , y o u a re w et,’ h e s a id . I w asn ’t j u st w et. I w as s o aked . T he g o od g ir l i n m e w ond ere d i f h e w ould j u d ge m e f o r i t. He b ent a nd b ro ught h is f a ce c lo se r b etw een m y l e gs. ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g?’ I s a id . ‘H uh? G oin g d ow n.’ ‘D ow n w here ?’ I s a id . ‘D ow n. T here .’ ‘R eally ? Y our m outh ? T here ?’ ‘Y eah. J u st r e la x.’ I c an’t re ally d esc rib e th e n ext te n m in ute s. H is to ngue fe lt th e e xact o pposite o f th e b ru ta l waxin g s tr ip s. E very f lic k tr a nsp orte d m e to a s ta te o f e xtr e m e p le asu re . Why d on’t p eo ple d o t h is a ll th e t im e? W ow , w hy d id n’t a nyo ne t e ll m e s e x f e els s o d am n g ood? He p ut a f in ger i n sid e m e. I w in ced o nce. ‘C are fu l,’ I s a id . ‘D oes i t f e el g o od?’ h e s a id . I n o dded , m y e yes c lo se d . He c o nti n ued to w ork w ith h is to ngue. I b ecam e m ore a ro use d . I s o on r e ached a p oin t w here th e i n te nsity b ecam e to o m uch. ‘S to p,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id . ‘C om e h ere ,’ I s a id . He c am e u p c lo se . I k is se d h im , w hic h w as a littl e s tr a nge c o nsid erin g w here h is m outh h ad been j u st n o w . He c lim bed o ver m e. ‘M ay I ? ’ h e s a id . Was I g oin g t o h ave s e x? H ad I f in ally g ro w n u p? B ut w ait, s h ould I ? ‘I h av e p ro te cti o n,’ h e s a id . Dam n, d id t h e g uy a ntic ip ate t h is ? W as I t o o e a sy ? ‘I h ap pened to h av e i t i n m y w alle t,’ D eb u s a id , a s i f r e ad in g m y m in d . I d id n’t w ant to th in k a nym ore . I g av e h im th e s lig hte st n o d. He e nte re d m e g entl y . It h urt a b it. F ra nkly , h is to ngue h ad fe lt b ette r. How ever, th is is w hat peo ple c a ll s e x , I th o ught, so I g uess t h is i s w hat w e h ave t o d o . Radhik a M eh ta , y o u a re fin ally h avin g s e x , I s a id to m yse lf a nd m enta lly h ig h-fiv ed . It fe lt lik e a m ajo r m ile sto ne i n l ife , o n p ar w ith g etti n g i n to I IM A o r s c o rin g G old m an S achs. O r d is tr e sse d deb t. Will t h at j o b b e t o ugh? O ka y, w hy a m I t h in kin g a bout d is tr e sse d d eb t w hen t h ere i s a m an i n me? ‘Y ou f e el s o a m azin g,’ h e s a id . I w as g la d h e f e lt th at w ay. A s f o r m e, I c o uld n’t s e e w hat th e b ig f u ss w as a b out s e x. How d o I a sk h im t o d o t h at ‘ g oin g d ow n’ s tu ff a gain ? I s i t t o o l a te ? W hat i s t h e p ro to co l i n bed ? His s tr o kes b ecam e fa ste r. H e g rip ped m e ti g ht o n m y s h o uld ers a nd g ro aned . I g uess h e h ad had a n o rg asm . H e g asp ed f o r a f e w s e co nd s a s h e w ent l a x o n m e. ‘W ow ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ A mazin g, i s n ’t i t? ’ So, h o w d id I f e el a fte r h av in g s e x th e f ir s t ti m e? W ell, y o u k no w h o w y o u s o m eti m es w ait f o r a b ig S alm an o r S hah R ukh m ovie f o r m onth s a nd th en i t f in ally a rriv es? Y ou g o f o r th e f ir s t d ay f ir s t sh o w , a nd th en th e m ovie i s n o t b ad , b ut n o t s o g re at e ith er. ‘Y eah, w as a m azin g,’ I s a id . I g uess i t’ s j u st p olite to a gre e w ith p eo ple i n b ed . He s lid o ff m e a nd l a y o n th e s id e. H e s ta re d a t th e c eilin g. W e h eld h and s. ‘Y ou a re w ond erfu l. T hank y o u,’ h e s a id . ‘T hank y o u’? W hat o n e a rth w as th at? I s th e s h ow o ver? W hy is h e p lo pped lik e a p hone with out c h arg e n ow ? ‘W as i t g o od?’ I s a id . ‘I r e p eat, a m azin g. I a m s o s p ent a nd f in is h ed .’ ‘F in is h ed ?’ ‘S ati s fie d , I m ean,’ h e s a id . ‘D eb u.’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘C an y o u m ake m e s p ent a nd f in is h ed to o? P le ase ?’ ‘H uh?’ D eb u s a id . H e tu rn ed to m e, s u rp ris e d . ‘T hat g o in g d ow n th in g y o u d id . C an y o u d o i t a b it m ore ?’ I s a id . ‘S ure , b ab y.’ Good. I g uess th at d id n’t m ake m e th e s h y a nd c o y g ir l a ll In d ia n g ir ls s h o uld b e. M ayb e it ev en m ad e m e s e em l ik e a s lu t. H ow ev er, I w ould r a th er b e a s p ent a nd f in is h ed s lu t th an a g o od b ut fr u str a te d I n d ia n g ir l. Fiv e m in ute s l a te r, I m oaned o ut l o ud to o. W ow . I p re sse d h is h ead h ard b etw een m y l e gs. M y le gs s h o ok, a nd th en m y w ho le b ody. Oka y, s o t h is i s w hat a n o rg asm f e els l ik e. ‘H ow a re y o u?’ h e s a id . I h id m y f a ce i n e m barra ssm ent. ‘W hat? I s a id , “ H ow a re y o u”.’ H e l a ughed . ‘S pent. A nd f in is h ed .’ ‘ W 9 T w o m onth s la te r e a re s tu ck in th is M egaB ow l d eal,’ s a id J o nath an H usk y, v ic e p re sid ent a nd m y b oss in th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . My p ho ne b uzze d i n m y p ocket. I c hecked th e ti m e. I t w as 7 i n th e e v enin g. I h ad to m eet D eb u i n a n h o ur. I t s e em ed u nd oab le . We s a t i n th e m eeti n g r o om o f th e G old m an S achs D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . F ro m th e G old m an s id e, th ere w as J o nath an, C la rk S m ith , w ho w as a no th er a sso cia te i n th e g ro up , a nd m e. W e a ls o h ad a r e p re se nta ti v e fr o m e ach o f th e s e v en b anks th at h ad le nt to M egaB ow l, a B osto n-b ase d b uild er o f b ow lin g a lle ys. W hile p eo ple w ho p la yed in th eir b ow lin g a lle ys h ad fu n, th eir c re d ito rs h ad a d iffe re nt s to ry . M egaB ow l h ad d efa ulte d o n f ifty m illio n d olla rs ’ w orth o f l o ans. ‘T here are no asse ts ,’ Jo nath an co nti n ued . ‘T he co m pany has no th in g ap art fr o m lo ts of b ow lin g p in s a nd b ow lin g b alls .’ Reco verin g f ifty m illio n d olla rs w ould r e q uir e a l o t o f b ow lin g b alls , I th o ught. T he b ankers l o oked a t e ach o th er in s ile nce, s y m path iz in g w ith e ach o th er fo r th eir c o lle cti v e s tu p id ity in le nd in g s o m uch m oney to M egaB ow l. ‘T ell u s w hat to d o,’ o ne o f th e b ankers s a id . ‘ W e ju st w ant o ut. I c an’t d eal w ith th eir s tu p id C EO .’ My h and w ent i n to m y h and bag a nd g ra b bed m y p ho ne. ‘R ad hik a.’ J o nath an s a yin g m y n am e s ta rtl e d m e. ‘ P le ase s h are th e p la n.’ Dam n, I n eed ed a m in ute to te ll D eb u I c o uld n’t m ake it to nig ht. I re le ase d m y p ho ne a nd b ro ught m y h and o ut o f m y b ag. ‘E h, s u re , J o nath an,’ I s a id . I s h are d th e s p ecia l b ookle ts I h ad p re p are d f o r th e m eeti n g. ‘O ur b asic p re m is e ,’ I s a id , o penin g th e f ir s t p age, ‘ is to k eep M egaB ow l a s a g o in g c o ncern . T here is littl e v alu e in liq uid ati o n, ju st a b out s ix c ents o n th e d olla r. H ow ev er, it is fifty c ents if w e a llo w th e C EO to c o nti n ue.’ ‘F ir e h im ,’ D ir k G rig ly , a f a t a nd b ald b anker f r o m B ank o f A meric a, s a id . ‘ H e h as c ause d a ll t h e m ess.’ ‘H e h as, y es,’ I sa id , ‘b ut w e n eed h im to sta b iliz e o pera ti o ns fo r n o w . W e a ls o h av e to r e tr e nch p eo ple a nd c ut s a la rie s. L et’ s u se h im to d o th e d ir ty w ork .’ I w alk ed th em th ro ugh th e p la n. It w ould e nab le th e c o m pany to re d uce its s iz e a nd re d uce c o sts . The b ankers p ore d o ver th e b ookle ts . I th o ught o f a n e xcuse I c o uld u se to ta ke o ut m y p ho ne. I did n’t w ant D eb u to l e av e f o r th e r e sta ura nt. The b ankers c are d l ittl e a b out m y b oyfr ie nd . ‘W hat’ s th e g uara nte e i t i s g o in g to w ork ?’ o ne o f th e l e nd ers s a id . ‘T here is n ’t,’ I s a id , ‘ b ut n o w th at w e h av e fin ally v alu ed th e b usin ess, tw enty -fiv e m illio n is maxim um r e co very . O r f ifty c ents o n th e d olla r.’ ‘W e c an o ffe r th ir ty c ents ,’ J o nath an s a id , ‘ a nd y o u c an b e o ut o f th is .’ That’ s h o w w e w ork ed . B id a t th ir ty c ents , h o ped to r e co ver f ifty . ‘T hir ty c ents ? ’ D ir k s a id . ‘ T hat’ s n o th in g.’ ‘G old m an i s ta kin g a ll th e r is k h ere o f r e v iv in g i t,’ J o nath an s a id . The c re d ito rs h ud dle d to geth er. ‘S ho uld w e l e av e y o u a lo ne f o r te n m in ute s? ’ J o nath an s a id a nd s to od u p . Yes, th is w as m y c hance to m ake m y c all. J o nath an, C la rk a nd I l e ft th e r o om . I r u sh ed b ack to m y c ub ic le . I c alle d D eb u. ‘H ey b ab y, w here a re y o u? I w as j u st a b out to l e av e. D id y o u s e e m y m essa ges? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘N o, I j u st s te p ped o ut o f a n ev er-e nd in g c re d ito r m eeti n g.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘W e a re a b out to c lo se a d eal. M y f ir s t, a ctu ally .’ ‘It’ s 7 .3 0. W e h av e a n 8 o ’c lo ck r e se rv ati o n. C om ed y C ella r d oesn ’t a llo w y o u l a te e ntr y .’ ‘I a m s o s o rry . C an y o u c ancel i t, p le ase ?’ ‘W e’v e a lr e ad y p aid . F ifte en b ucks e ach.’ ‘I k no w . I a m s o s o rry .’ ‘W hat? R eally ?’ h e s a id , h is v oic e l o w . ‘C an I m ake i t u p to y o u? T onig ht? C om e o ver to m y p la ce.’ ‘W hen?’ ‘H av e y o ur d in ner a nd c o m e o ver. I w ill j o in y o u s o on.’ I h ung u p a nd w aite d a t m y d esk . I h ad r e nte d a o ne-b ed ro om u nit i n T rib eca, o ne o f th e c lo se st re sid enti a l n eig hb ourh o ods fr o m W all S tr e et. D eb u h ad a n e xtr a s e t o f k eys, a s h e c am e o ver o n a re gula r b asis . I h ad g o ne to h is p la ce i n B ro okly n o nly a f e w ti m es. A ty p ic al b achelo r p ad , i t h ad m ore b eer th an g ro cerie s in th e fr id ge. H e s h are d th e a p artm ent w ith tw o o th er g uys, o ffe rin g u s littl e p riv acy. They k ep t th eir h o use k eys u nd er a p otte d p la nt o uts id e th e h o use . W hen I a sk ed D eb u w hy, h e s a id , ‘J u st s im ple r, b ab y, w e l o st s ix d up lic ate k eys i n th e l a st th re e m onth s.’ My d esk p ho ne r a ng. J o nath an h ad c alle d f r o m th e m eeti n g r o om . ‘C an y o u a nd C la rk c o m e o ver? ’ h e s a id . Cla rk a nd I r e ached th e m eeti n g r o om . ‘C la rk , R ad hik a, I a m h ap py to s a y th e le nd er g ro up h ere h as a gre ed . W e h av e a d eal. Y our fir s t, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y es. T hat i s g re at n ew s,’ I s a id . ‘R ad hik a, w e n eed a q uic k te rm s h eet. T he r e m ain in g d ocum enta ti o n c an b e d one l a te r.’ My h eart s a nk. A te rm s h eet w ould ta ke a c o up le o f h o urs . J o nath an a nd C la rk to ok th e l e nd ers dow nsta ir s fo r a d rin k to H arry ’s C afé & S te ak, tw o b lo cks fr o m th e G old m an b uild in g. I w ork ed a t my d esk , d ra fti n g th e te rm s h eet w ith a ll th e d eal c o nd iti o ns. Jo nath an c am e u p to m y d esk l a te a t n ig ht. H e l o oked a t h is w atc h. ‘T en m in ute s to m id nig ht. O h n o . S orry a b out th is . Y ou s h o uld g o h o m e, R ad hik a,’ h e s a id . ‘J u st m aile d y o u th e f in al te rm s h eet.’ I l o gged o ut o f m y c o m pute r. ‘W ell d one. Y ou w ere f a nta sti c i n th is d eal. Y ou a re a r e al a sse t to th e g ro up ,’ J o nath an s a id . I fe lt a w arm g lo w o f h ap pin ess in sid e m e a s I le ft th e G old m an b uild in g. J o nath an’s w ord s sta yed i n m y h ead . I c o uld n’t w ait to s h are th em w ith D eb u. ‘I a m s le ep in g, b ab y,’ D eb u c o m pla in ed a s I s w itc hed o n th e b ed ro om c eilin g l ig ht. ‘S orry ,’ I s a id a s I s w itc hed th e l ig ht o ff. I tu rn ed o n th e b ed sid e l a m p i n ste ad . ‘W hat ti m e i s i t? ’ h e s a id i n a s le ep y v oic e. ‘1 2.3 0,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id , a nd o pened h is e yes w id e. ‘ Y ou w ere i n o ffic e u nti l n o w ?’ ‘Y eah. W hat to d o? M y f ir s t b ig d eal. Y ou k no w w hat J o nath an to ld m e?’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘R ad hik a, y o u a re a r e al a sse t to th e g ro up .’ ‘W hy n o t? T hey s e em to b e d um pin g a ll th eir w ork o n y o u.’ ‘N oth in g lik e th at. T hey s ta yed la te to o. M any littl e th in gs o ne h as to b e c are fu l a b out in th e docum enta ti o n. I t to ok m e a w hile .’ ‘D id y o u e at d in ner? ’ ‘N o, b ab y,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ D eb u s a t u p i n b ed . ‘I d id n’t g et th e ti m e.’ ‘T his i s te rrib le . W ait.’ He g o t o ff th e b ed , w alk ed u p to th e o pen k itc hen i n th e l iv in g r o o m a nd to ok o ut a tr a y o f e ggs fr o m th e f r id ge. ‘I’ ll m ake y o u s o m e b hurji,’ h e s a id , ‘ h av e i t w ith b re ad .’ ‘G o to s le ep . I w ill h av e s o m e c ere al.’ ‘H av e s o m eth in g h o t.’ ‘I w ill h av e m y h o t b oyfr ie nd th en. C om e h ere .’ I p ulle d h im b y h is T -s h ir t a nd k is se d h im . ‘S orry I w as l a te . L et m e m ake i t u p to y o u,’ I s a id . He p ush ed m e a w ay. ‘W ait, e ggs f ir s t.’ He g o t b usy w hip pin g th e e ggs. H e c ut o nio ns a nd to m ato es a nd p la ced a s a ucep an o n th e sto ve. T en m in ute s l a te r h e s e rv ed m e m y d in ner. ‘T ry ,’ h e s a id . I to ok a b ite . ‘H ow i s i t? ’ h e s a id . ‘Y um . T hank y o u.’ ‘W elc o m e.’ ‘D eb u, l is te n.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘I l o ve y o u.’ ‘I l o ve y o u to o. J u st d on’t g et to s e e y o u m uch.’ ‘S orry , b ab y.’ ‘L et’ s m ove i n to geth er. T hat w ay I w ill s e e y o u a t l e ast.’ I b ecam e s ile nt. ‘I w ill s h are th e r e nt. D on’t w orry .’ ‘N ot th at, s illy . B ut th at’ s a l iv e-in . T hat m eans w e a re i n a s e rio us r e la ti o nsh ip .’ ‘A re n’t w e?’ D eb u s a id . I s m ile d a t h im . ‘K eep th e p la ce c le an, o kay?’ I s a id . ‘ I 1 0 O ne y e ar la te r will th in k a b out m arria ge la te r, m om . I a m s ti ll n ew a t m y jo b. L et m e fo cus o n th at. P le ase ,’ I s a id . I r a n d ow n th e s u b w ay s te p s to th e W all S tr e et s ta ti o n p la tf o rm . T he F rid ay e v enin g r u sh h o ur m ad e i t d iffic ult f o r m e to h ear h er. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , a s th e s o und o f a n a rriv in g tr a in d ro w ned h er w ord s. ‘J o b is n o t th at im porta nt,’ s h e s a id . I c o uld h ear s o und s o f h er m akin g te a in h er k itc hen. It w as 8 .3 0 in th e e v enin g fo r m e, 6 in th e m orn in g fo r h er. J o nath an h ad m ad e m e d o a p re se nta ti o n t w ic e, g iv in g m e a d ir ty l o ok w hen h e n o ti c ed s o m e i n ad verte nt ty p os. ‘It is im porta nt. I a m in th e m ost c halle ngin g g ro up in th e fir m . E very o ne h ere th in ks I a m o ne o f th e b est,’ I s a id . ‘W hat a b out e v ery o ne h ere th in kin g w hy i s n ’t M r M ehta ’s s e co nd d aughte r g etti n g m arrie d ? I s s o m eth in g w ro ng w ith h er? ’ ‘R eally , m om ? Y ou th in k s o m eth in g i s w ro ng w ith m e?’ I s te p ped in to th e n um ber 3 tr a in . T he d oors s h ut. I h ad ju st th re e s to ps to C ham bers S tr e et in T rib eca, a f iv e-m in ute s u b w ay r id e. S om eho w , s p eakin g to m om m ad e i t s e em m uch l o nger. ‘It’ s b een a y ear s in ce y o u h av e b een a b ro ad . Y our s is te r m arrie d tw o y ears a go . L et u s a t l e ast s ta rt l o okin g. I t ta kes a w hile , y o u k no w .’ ‘A diti d id i w ante d to g et m arrie d . I d on’t.’ ‘Y ou d on’t? ’ ‘N ot y et. L ook a t m y l ife . I j u st f in is h ed w ork . I t’ s 8 .3 0 a t n ig ht h ere .’ ‘W hat k in d o f a j o b i s th is ? M akin g g ir ls s ta y s o l a te .’ ‘C an y o u s to p c riti c iz in g e v ery a sp ect o f m y l ife ? I a m n o t r e ad y to g et m arrie d o r e v en l o ok a t a ny o pti o ns.’ Well, I d id n’t n eed m ore o pti o ns. M y o pti o n h ad m essa ged m e th ric e a s h e w aite d fo r m e fo r d in ner. ‘S o w hat d o y o u w ant? ’ m om s a id . ‘M any o th er th in gs. I w ant to d o w ell a t w ork . I w ant to b e p ro m ote d th is y ear, g et a g o od b onus. I w ant to tr a v el. E njo y N ew Y ork . C om e h o m e a nd v is it a ll o f y o u.’ ‘Is th ere a b oy?’ s h e s a id . My h eart s k ip ped a b eat. M y m oth er’s s ix th s e nse h ad s p ru ng u p . ‘N o. N ot r e ally ,’ I s a id . I g uess te llin g h er a b out m y liv e-in s ta tu s w ith a g uy fo r th e p ast o ne year w ould b e to o m uch to s h are a t o ne g o . ‘M eanin g?’ ‘I h av e f r ie nd s. L ik e th is g uy, D eb ash is h . H e i s a ls o f r o m S R CC.’ ‘D eb ash is h w ho ?’ s h e s a id , h er v oic e c urio us. ‘D eb ash is h S en. S enio r in co lle ge. D id n’t kno w him th en. W ork s in M anhatta n at an ad agency.’ ‘B engali? ’ s h e s a id , a ti n ge o f d is g ust i n h er to ne. ‘Y eah. W hy?’ ‘N oth in g. T hey a re s m elly , n o ? T hey e at a l o t o f f is h .’ ‘W hat n o nse nse !’ ‘A nyw ay. I h o pe h e i s j u st a f r ie nd .’ I h ad a n u rg e to te ll h er th at w e h ad c o ntr a cep ti v es o n o ur g ro cery l is t. ‘Y es. I h ard ly g et ti m e. B ut I h av e m et h im .’ ‘M et h im ?’ ‘In g ro up s, n o th in g m ore ,’ I s a id h urrie d ly . Why a m I n ot te llin g h er? I s h ould te ll h er. H ow ever, th is D eb u h as to g et h is a ct to geth er and t e ll m e f ir st. ‘Y ou a re n o t th e b oyfr ie nd a nd l o ve ty p es. A diti w as l ik e th at.’ ‘W hat is th at su p pose d to m ean?’ I sa id , m y v oic e lo ud e no ugh to sta rtl e tw o sk in ny g ir ls sitti n g n ext to m e. ‘N oth in g. Y ou a re th e s tu d io us ty p es. W hat b oyfr ie nd a nd a ll y o u w ill m ake? W e w ill h av e to fin d s o m eo ne f o r y o u.’ ‘R eally , m om ? Y ou w ould d o th at f o r m e? T hank y o u. H ow c an I e v er r e p ay y o u?’ ‘It’ s o kay. W e a re p are nts . I t i s o ur d uty .’ She d oesn ’t g et s a rc a sm a t a ll. I w ante d to l a sh o ut m ore . I w ante d to s a y, S ure , th anks, m om , do h o ok m e u p w ith s o m eo ne. F or w ho e ls e w ould ta ke y o ur u nlo vab le d aughte r? I c ho se n o t to a ggra v ate th e s itu ati o n. I to ok a d eep b re ath i n ste ad . ‘M y s ta ti o n h as a rriv ed . Y ou m ad e te a?’ ‘Y eah, I d id . I c an ta lk s o m e m ore . Y our f a th er i s s ti ll i n th e b ath ro om .’ I s te p ped o ut o f th e tr a in . I c lim bed u p th e s ta ir s a nd c am e o ut to C ham bers S tr e et. M y h o use was a s ix -m in ute w alk f r o m h ere . ‘H ow ’s d ad ?’ I s a id . ‘W aiti n g f o r h is te a. H e s ti ll h as to f ig ure o ut w hat to d o w ith h is r e ti r e d l ife .’ ‘D id y o u g et th e m oney?’ ‘It w as to o m uch, b eta .’ ‘J u st te ll d ad to c hange h is c ar, p le ase . A t le ast g et a H ond a C ity . T hat M aru ti b elo ngs in a muse um .’ ‘I w ill te ll h im . W e f e el b ad ta kin g m oney f r o m o ur d aughte r.’ ‘W hy? I f I w ere y o ur s o n i t w ould b e o kay?’ ‘Y es. B ut y o u a re n o t, n o ?’ ‘S o w hat? I a m y o ur c hild . W hy c an’t I h elp i m pro ve y o ur l ife sty le ?’ ‘W ith s o ns i t i s d iffe re nt. I t’ s l ik e y o ur r ig ht.’ ‘M om , y o u k no w a ll th is s tu ff ir rita te s m e a lo t. I h av e h ad a lo ng d ay. I w as in o ffic e fo r th ir te en h o urs . C an y o u p le ase s a y s o m eth in g n ic e?’ ‘W e m is s y o u.’ ‘I m is s y o u g uys to o.’ ‘W e f e el b ad . O ur d aughte r i s w ork in g th ir te en h o urs a d ay a nd s e nd in g m oney h o m e. W e m ay hav e l im ite d m eans a fte r d ad ’s r e ti r e m ent, b ut th in gs a re n o t s o b ad .’ ‘A gain , m om ,’ I s a id , m y v oic e u p se t, ‘ y o u h av e to s to p. L et m e d o th in gs f o r m y f a m ily .’ ‘D on’t s h o ut a t m e. I t’ s e arly m orn in g h ere .’ ‘W ell, y o u h av e to s to p i r rita ti n g m e.’ ‘I a m n o t i r rita ti n g y o u. Y ou k eep s a yin g “ fa m ily ”. I f y o u d on’t g et m arrie d h o w w ill y o u h av e a f a m ily ?’ ‘B ye, m om . I d on’t w ant to l o se i t. P le ase g o h av e te a w ith d ad .’ ‘D id I s a y a nyth in g w ro ng n o w ? I t’ s a f a ct, n o ?’ ‘I h av e r e ached h o m e. I h av e to ta ke th e l ift. I w ill ta lk to y o u l a te r.’ ‘A s y o u w is h . A ll y o u k id s b ehav e in th is h i- fi m anner n o w . C all w henev er. E nd w henev er. Sho ut w henev er. I a m j u st y o ur m oth er.’ I to ok th re e d eep b re ath s. ‘I a m s o rry f o r s h o uti n g a t y o u,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re b eco m in g to o a ggre ssiv e. I f y o u s ta y l ik e th is w ho w ill. . .’ Befo re s h e c o uld s a y th at m y a ggre ssio n w ould h am per m y c hances o f g etti n g m arrie d , I h ad to end th e c all. ‘S orry ,’ I s a id , ‘ I a m s o rry .’ ‘G o r e st. D on’t w ork s o h ard .’ I e nte re d th e a p artm ent. D eb u s a t i n th e l iv in g r o om w atc hin g f o otb all o n T V. H e w ore a l o ose g re y T - sh ir t a nd a p air o f b la ck s h o rts . H e h eld a c an o f b eer i n h is h and . ‘H ey,’ h e s a id , h is e yes n o t m ovin g a n i n ch f r o m th e s c re en. ‘H i,’ I s a id , m y v oic e c urt. Is i t t o o m uch f o r h im t o g et u p f r o m t h e s o fa a nd g iv e m e a h ug? I r e m oved m y j a cket a nd p la ced i t o n th e d in in g ta b le . I s a w ta keaw ay b ow ls f r o m M r C ho w , a Chin ese r e sta ura nt i n T rib eca. ‘Y ou o rd ere d i n ?’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. F elt to o l a zy to m ake a nyth in g. P lu s, th ere w as th is g am e.’ ‘T his f o od i s to o g re asy f o r m e. Y ou c o uld h av e o rd ere d s o m eth in g h ealth ie r.’ ‘M r C ho w i s c heap . H av e y o u s e en th e p orti o n s iz e s? I t w ill l a st u s tw o d ays.’ I d um ped m y h and bag o n th e d in in g c hair. S om eti m es, I w is h ed D eb u w asn ’t so o bse sse d ab out s a v in g a f e w b ucks. ‘I f o ught w ith m y m oth er. I c alle d h er to h av e a c hat a nd e nd ed u p y ellin g a t h er.’ ‘U h h uh,’ h e s a id , e yes o n th e T V. ‘ T hat’ s n o t n ic e.’ ‘D eb u, c an y o u p le ase s h ut th e T V o ff f o r a m in ute ?’ I s a id . S cre am ed , i n f a ct. Deb u l o oked m ild ly s u rp ris e d . H e d id n’t s w itc h o ff th e T V, b ut m ute d i t. H e tu rn ed to m e. ‘W hat h ap pened , b ab y?’ ‘I’ v e c o m e h o m e a fte r a l o ng d ay. C an y o u j u st p re te nd to b e h ap py to s e e m e?’ ‘O f c o urs e I a m h ap py, b ab y.’ ‘G iv e m e a h ug. D on’t j u st s a y “ hey” w hen I e nte r th e h o use .’ He s p ra ng u p f r o m h is s e at. H e c am e u p to m e a nd h ugged m e. I p ush ed h im a w ay. ‘N ot w hen I h av e to a sk . A nd b e in te re ste d . M y m om a nd I h ad a h uge arg um ent.’ ‘W hat a b out? ’ ‘G uess.’ ‘Y our m arria ge? H er w ho le “ w ho w ill m arry m y p oor d aughte r” r o uti n e?’ ‘Y es, D eb u,’ I s a id , g la rin g a t h im . ‘ Y ou a re s o c le v er to f ig ure i t o ut. B ut s e rio usly , w ho w ill marry h er p oor d aughte r? ’ My m oth er a nd I h ad a t l e ast o ne b lo w out p er w eek a b out m y m arria ge. D eb u k new a b out i t. I ho ped h e w ould g et in to a cti o n a nd p ro pose a p la n. O f c o urs e , a stu p id m in o r le ague A meric an fo otb all g am e w as m ore i m porta nt. I c o nti n ued to g la re a t h im . ‘W hat? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘ S to p l e tti n g h er a ffe ct y o u s o m uch. S he’s r e gre ssiv e a nd o ld -fa sh io ned .’ He to ok a p ap er p la te a nd s c o oped s o m e n o odle s o n i t. H e h and ed i t to m e, a c heap p orti o n o f cho w mein to c o m pensa te f o r m y u ncerta in f u tu re . ‘D eb u, r e ally ? I s th at w hat y o u th in k I a m u p se t a b out? ’ ‘It’ s n o t? ’ h e s a id , h is f a ce b la nk. Why d on’t g uys e ver g et it? I t’s n ever ju st o ne th in g w ith w om en . I t’s a lo ng d ay a t w ork , dir ty lo oks fr o m m y b oss, s e ein g w om en th in ner th an m e in th e tr a in , a rg uin g w ith m y m oth er, co m in g h om e t o a d is in te re ste d b oyfr ie n d a nd t h en e a tin g g re a sy f o od f o r d in ner t h at w ould m ake me e ven fa tte r th an th e s k in ny g ir ls o n th e tr a in . O h, a nd a dd b oyfr ie n d n ever h avin g th e g uts to dis c u ss o ur f u tu re . ‘N o,’ I s a id , i n a s p ati e nt a v oic e a s p ossib le , ‘ it i s n ’t o nly th at.’ ‘O h,’ h e s a id , g enuin ely a sto nis h ed . ‘D eb u, w hat th e f u ck!’ ‘W hat? W hat d id I d o?’ ‘W hat d id y o u n o t d o?’ ‘T he h ug? I a m s o rry a b out th e h ug, b ab y.’ ‘It’ s n o t th e h ug. I t’ s u s. A re y o u s o th ic k o r a re y o u p re te nd in g to b e s o ?’ ‘B e c le ar, b ab y.’ ‘D on’t b ab y m e.’ I p ush ed m y p la te a w ay. I d id n’t w ant to e at th is c ard ia c a rre st o n a p la te . I d id n’t w ant to lis te n to th e ‘ b ab y, b ab y’ c ra p . ‘W hat’ s th e m atte r? ’ ‘D eb u, w here a re w e g o in g?’ ‘M eanin g?’ I p ic ked u p th e r e m ote a nd s w itc hed o ff th e T V. ‘U s. W here i s th is r e la ti o nsh ip g o in g? M y m oth er w ants m e to g et m arrie d . A re y o u l is te nin g?’ ‘B ut y o u d on’t w ant to , r ig ht? N ot r ig ht n o w , r ig ht? ’ h e s a id , p uzzle d . ‘B ut w here d o y o u s e e u s i n th e f u tu re , D eb u?’ ‘I lo ve y o u, b ab y. I m ean, R ad hik a. A nd y o u lo ve m e. W e lo ve e ach o th er s o m uch. W ho e ls e do w e h av e, r e ally ?’ ‘L ove i s f in e. Y es, I d o l o ve y o u. F ra nkly , s o m eti m es I f e el I a m to o i n v olv ed w ith y o u. I c an’t ev en th in k o f a no th er g uy. M ayb e th at i s w hy I f la re u p w ith m om .’ ‘S o th at’ s g o od, n o ?’ ‘B ut d o w e h av e a f u tu re ? O r a re w e j u st s h arin g r e nt a nd h av in g s e x?’ ‘D on’t ta lk l ik e th at.’ I w alk ed a cro ss th e r o om a nd s a t o n th e s o fa . I s w itc hed o n th e T V a gain . He c am e a nd s w itc hed i t o ff. ‘W hy d id y o u s w itc h o n th e T V ?’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou w on’t ta lk ,’ I s a id , ‘ a nd y o u te ll m e n o t to ta lk . S o w hat to d o? L et’ s p re te nd th ere is n o pro ble m .’ ‘O kay, I w ill ta lk ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘S ure . I a m l is te nin g.’ ‘It’ s m y j o b. I a m w aiti n g f o r th is p ro m oti o n.’ ‘It’ s s u p pose d to c o m e th ro ugh n ext m onth .’ ‘Y eah, b ut y o u n ev er k no w . It’ s c ra zy. T w o o f m y p eers to ld m y b oss I d on’t d ese rv e th e pro m oti o n. A dverti s in g i s d og-e at- d og. I a m s o s tr e sse d .’ ‘W ell, th at’ s te rrib le . B ut h o w i s th is r e le v ant w hen i t c o m es to u s? ’ ‘I w ant to b e a s e nio r c re ati v e d ir e cto r. G et a r a is e . A f e w m ore a cco unts . I w ant to b e a l ittl e more s o lid a t w ork b efo re th in kin g a b out m arria ge. I w ant to f o cus o n m y c are er, n o t g et d is tr a cte d .’ ‘I a m n o t a sk in g y o u to m arry m e n ext w eek.’ ‘I j u st. . . O kay, f in e, I w ant to g et p ast th is p ro m oti o n. W in a c o up le m ore a cco unts . I w ill b e re ad y to ta ke th e n ext s te p th en.’ ‘W hat d o I te ll m om ?’ ‘T ell h er a b out m e. T ell h er y o u h av e a b oyfr ie nd .’ ‘S he’s n o t l ik e th at. S he w ill f lip o ut. I w ill te ll h er o nce, a nd a t th e r ig ht ti m e. W hen i t i s ti m e to ta ke th in gs a head .’ ‘Y our w is h ,’ h e s a id . ‘ C om e h ere .’ I d id n’t m ove f r o m m y s e at. H e c am e to m e a nd h eld m e. ‘I l o ve y o u,’ h e s a id . ‘M e to o. S orry I s n ap ped a t y o u.’ We l a y d ow n i n b ed . H e r a n h is f in gers u p a nd d ow n m y a rm . ‘N ot to nig ht, D eb u,’ I s a id . ‘ J u st n o t i n th e m ood.’ ‘Y ou w ill f e el b ette r.’ ‘N o,’ I s a id . He p la ced a h and o n m y b re ast. I p ush ed i t a w ay. ‘F ocus o n y o ur c are er, D eb u, d on’t g et d is tr a cte d . G oodnig ht.’ ‘ F 1 1 ore clo se o n th e c o m pany p ro perti e s fir s t. S care h im s o h e p la ys b all,’ I s a id to J o nath an. W e s to od b y th e c o ffe e m achin e in th e o ffic e p antr y . W e w ere ta lk in g a b out M ed T ro n, a s e m ic o nd ucto r c o m pany g o ne b ust. ‘T hat’ s tr u e. S m art s u ggesti o n,’ J o nath an s a id . I m ad e tw o e sp re sso s a nd p asse d h im a c up . My p ho ne r a ng. D eb u. I l o oked a t i t a nd p ut i t a sid e. ‘G o a head , ta ke i t,’ J o nath an s a id . ‘It’ s a p ers o nal c all. I c an c all b ack,’ I s a id . ‘N o, g o a head . I ’ ll s e e y o u b ack a t y o ur d esk .’ Jo nath an l e ft th e p antr y . I p ic ked u p th e p ho ne. ‘H i,’ I s a id . ‘ A m id dle -o f- th e-d ay c all. N ic e!’ ‘W ell, y o u a re s p eakin g to a s e nio r c re ati v e d ir e cto r o f B BD O,’ h e s a id . ‘O h m y G od! I t h ap pened ! C ongra ts , D eb u. T his i s h ead lin e n ew s.’ ‘T hank y o u. Y ou a re th e f ir s t p ers o n I c alle d .’ ‘O f c o urs e . W e to ta lly n eed to c ele b ra te th is .’ ‘It’ s o kay. T hey p ro m ote d tw o o th ers to o.’ ‘It’ s h uge. Y ou k no w it is . A nyw ay, I g o t to g o . N eed to m ake s o m e c alls . W hat ti m e w ill y o u b e h o m e to day?’ ‘7 .3 0. W hy?’ ‘N oth in g. I m ig ht g et a l ittl e l a te . O kay, M r S enio r C re ati v e D ir e cto r, b ye!’ I h am mere d o ut a q uic k p la n. I m essa ged A vin ash , A sh is h a nd N id hi. ‘K in d o f b ig n ew s. D eb u g o t p ro m ote d . M y b oyfr ie nd is a s e nio r c re ati v e d ir e cto r! S urp ris e c ele b ra ti o n d rin ks. O ur p la ce. 7 p .m . s h arp . 5 5B , 5 0 F ra nklin S tr e et, T rib eca.’ With in m in ute s e v ery o ne c o nfir m ed . I m essa ged a fe w o th ers . S om e w ante d to b rin g th eir f r ie nd s a lo ng. In h alf a n h o ur, I h ad a m in i- p arty o rg aniz e d w ith a b out a d oze n c o nfir m ed g uests . F in ally , I d ash ed D eb u a m essa ge. ‘B usy d ay. M ay g et l a te . H av e d in ner a nd s le ep .’ ‘ S urp ris e !’ e v ery o ne s h o ute d in u nis o n a s a c lu ele ss D eb u o pened th e d oor. H is s h o cked a nd d aze d exp re ssio n h ad e v ery o ne b urs ti n g i n to l a ughte r a nd m ad e m y h o urs o f f r a nti c p re p ara ti o n w orth w hile . I had ord ere d piz za s fr o m R ay’s . T he sa la d s, nuts and bar sn acks cam e fr o m W ho le Foods. Cham pagne w as c hillin g i n th e f r e eze r. I t w as th e f ir s t ti m e D eb u a nd I h ad s o m any g uests i n o ur l ittl e ap artm ent. C hatte r a nd la ughte r fille d th e liv in g r o om . It m ad e m y w orld s e em c o m ple te . M y h o use fe lt l ik e a h o m e. I d im med th e l ig hts a nd tu rn ed u p th e m usic . ‘W hat a g re at p arty !’ N id hi s a id . ‘T em pla te f o r y o u. Y ou n ev er d o s u ch s u rp ris e s f o r m e,’ A sh is h , n o w h er h usb and , s a id . ‘W e a re m arrie d . T hey a re b oyfr ie nd a nd g ir lfr ie nd . T here ’s a d iffe re nce.’ ‘W hate v er,’ A sh is h s a id . N id hi l a ughed . I f e lt a ta p o n m y s h o uld er. I tu rn ed a ro und . I t w as D eb u. H e l o oked d eep i n to m y e yes. ‘I l o ve y o u,’ h e s a id . ‘I l o ve y o u to o,’ I s a id . Deb u p ecked m e o n th e lip s. A vin ash w his tl e d . E very o ne lo oked a t u s. I c o vere d m y fa ce in em barra ssm ent. T he h o use f e lt w arm a nd f u zzy. I h ad n ev er b een h ap pie r i n m y w ho le l ife . ‘I j u st to ld y o u th is a fte rn o on. H ow d id y o u d o a ll th is s o f a st? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘I to ok th e r e st o f th e d ay o ff.’ ‘T hank y o u f o r m akin g m e f e el s o s p ecia l, s u p erw om an.’ ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e. B ut y o u a re s ti ll h elp in g m e c le an u p a fte r th e p arty , o kay?’ I s a id . Thre e m onth s la te r ‘S up erb jo b o n M egaB ow l. W e w ill re co ver th ir ty m illio n, n o t tw enty -fiv e. W ell d one, R ad hik a!’ I re ad J o nath an’s o ld e m ail o n m y la p to p. H e h ad c o pie d J o n C ru z, a p artn er in th e D is tr e sse d D eb t Gro up . J o n h ad s e nt a ‘ w ell d one’ e m ail a s w ell. ‘B ab y, s h ut y o ur la p to p. C om e, lie d ow n,’ D eb u s a id in a d ro w sy v oic e. I w as s itti n g n ext to him o n th e b ed . I h ad s w itc hed o ff th e r o om lig hts . H ow ev er, th e g la re o f th e la p to p s c re en b oth ere d him . ‘It’ s s ti ll to o b rig ht. W hat ti m e i s i t? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘1 1 .3 0,’ I s a id . ‘ O nly a f e w m ore m in ute s, I p ro m is e .’ He e xhale d n o is ily . ‘W hat a re y o u w ork in g o n?’ h e s a id , p utti n g h is a rm a ro und m y w ais t. I n ud ged th e la p to p hig her to a cco m modate h im . ‘M y o w n p erfo rm ance r e v ie w . I h av e to tu rn i t i n to m orro w .’ ‘Y ou a re a m azin g,’ h e s a id a nd n uzzle d m y s h o uld er. ‘U nfo rtu nate ly , n o s u ch o pti o n h ere . I h av e to w rite d eta ils o n a ll th e d eals I w ork ed o n i n th e past y ear.’ ‘T hey k no w y o u a re g o od. C om e, s le ep . L et m e h o ld y o u.’ H e p ulle d m e c lo se r. ‘Y ou s le ep . I k no w th e l a p to p i s b oth erin g y o u. I w ill s it i n th e l iv in g r o om ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s c o ld .’ ‘I’ ll tu rn o n th e h eat i n th e h all,’ I s a id . I k is se d D eb u o n th e f o re head , c lim bed o ff th e b ed a nd sh ut th e d oor. I w ent in to o ur liv in g r o om , a d ju ste d th e th erm osta t a nd s a t o n th e c o uch. I o pened m y la p to p again a nd r e ad th e p erfo rm ance r e v ie w f o rm . Lis t i n sta nces w here y o u a dded s ig nific a nt v a lu e i n a d ea l. I h ad w ork ed o n th re e d eals th is la st y ear; M egaB ow l w as th e d eal I h ad c o ntr ib ute d to th e most. I e nte re d th e d eta ils . L ast y ear, w hen I jo in ed th e fir m fr e sh o ut o f c o lle ge, w e h ad h ad a fix ed bonus. M y p erfo rm ance r e v ie w w ould d ecid e m y b onus th is y ear. I r e ached th e l a st q uesti o n. What is yo ur o vera ll a sse ssm en t o f yo ur p erfo rm ance o n a sc a le o f 1 –5, b ase d o n th e cla ssific a tio n b elo w : 1: S ig nific a ntly b elo w e xp ecta tio ns 2: B elo w e xp ecta tio ns 3: M eets e xp ecta tio ns 4: B ette r t h an e xp ecta tio ns 5: S ig nific a ntly b ette r t h an e xp ecta tio ns I p ond ere d o n m y o vera ll r a ti n g f o r a f e w m in ute s. C ho osin g a ‘ 5 ’ f e lt p om pous. I s e ttl e d f o r a ‘3 ’ a nd p re sse d ‘ s u b m it’ . ‘D one?’ I h eard D eb u’s v oic e f r o m th e b ed ro om . ‘Y eah, c o m in g,’ I s a id . I ti p to ed a cro ss to P artn er J o n C ru z’s c ab in ; h is s e cre ta ry a sk ed m e to w ait a s J o n e nd ed a c all. B onus day i n G old m an a lte re d th e a ir i n th e o ffic e. I n sid e, p eo ple f e lt h uge a nxie ty a nd e xcite m ent. O uts id e, th ey h ad to p re te nd to b e c o ol, l ik e i t w as a ny o th er d ay. O f c o urs e , i t w as a nyth in g b ut th at. B onus i s what b ankers w ork fo r, a nd th e ‘n um ber’ d efin es w heth er y o u a re g o od o r n o t. A z e ro b onus o r a rid ic ulo usly l o w n um ber c o uld e v en m ean a s ig nal to l e av e th e f ir m . Jo n C ru z w ould c o m munic ate th e b onuse s to e v ery o ne i n th e N ew Y ork d is tr e sse d d eb t te am . I had a b ase s a la ry o f 1 20,0 00 d olla rs a y ear. I f e lt a 3 0,0 00 n um ber w ould b e g o od, tr a nsla ti n g to th re e month s’ s a la ry . A nyth in g h ig her, s a y a th ir ty -fiv e o r f o rty , w ould m ake i t a r a in b ow i n m y s k y. ‘H ow y o u d oin g?’ J o n s a id , s ta rin g a t h is s c re en. H e a lw ays tr ie d to r e la x th e p ers o n b efo re h e sh are d th e n um ber. H e h ad th e m agic s p re ad sh eet w ith a ll th e b onus d ata o pen o n h is c o m pute r. ‘I a m g o od. H ow a re y o u f e elin g?’ I s a id . ‘A b it l ik e S anta C la us to day.’ I s m ile d . B ut o nly a l ittl e . I n a p artn er’s o ffic e o ne a lw ays h ad to b e p ois e d . ‘Y our f ir s t r e al b onus, r ig ht? ’ h e s a id . I n o dded . ‘H ow d o y o u th in k y o u h av e d one?’ h e s a id . ‘I g uess I w ill f in d o ut,’ I s a id . He la ughed . ‘W ell, p eo ple lik e y o u a ro und h ere . T he w ors t ra ti n g in a ll y o ur re v ie w s c am e fr o m y o u. Y ou g av e y o urs e lf a th re e; a lm ost e v ery o ne e ls e g av e y o u a f iv e.’ I w as s p eechle ss. J o y h o pped th ro ugh m e lik e a ra b bit a s I re aliz e d p eo ple h ad n o ti c ed m y tw elv e m onth s o f s lo g. ‘S o y o ur b onus f o r th e y ear i s 1 50,0 00 d olla rs .’ ‘W hat? ’ I b lu rte d o ut. I s h o uld n’t h av e b ut I d id . W hat d id h e j u st s a y? ‘W hat d o y o u m ean w hat? L ik e i t? ’ J o n s a id . ‘S orry , h o w m uch d id y o u s a y a gain ?’ ‘1 50,0 00 d olla rs . S o y o ur to ta l c o m pensa ti o n is 1 20,0 00 b ase p lu s 1 50,0 00 b onus. Y ou m ad e 270,0 00 d olla rs f o r th e y ear.’ I fe lt d iz zy. I p re sse d m y fe et h ard o n th e flo or to k eep m y b ala nce. T w o h und re d a nd s e v enty th o usa nd d olla rs , I r e p eate d th e n um ber i n m y h ead to a b so rb i t. I t c o nv erte d to 1 c ro re a nd 5 0 l a kh i n ru p ees. Sta y c a lm , s ta y c a lm , s ta y c a lm , I k ep t r e p eati n g to m yse lf. ‘Y ou a ls o g et a b ase i n cre m ent. I t i s n o w 1 40,0 00 a y ear. K eep i t u p .’ ‘W ell, y eah. T hanks, J o n. I w ill d o m y b est,’ I s a id , m y v ocal c ho rd s n o t to o c o opera ti v e. ‘Y ou s o und f u nny.’ ‘S orry . I t i s a b ig n um ber f o r m e,’ I s a id . Jo n l a ughed . ‘ Y ou d ese rv e i t. B y th e w ay, i t i s o ne o f th e h ig hest b onuse s a t th e a sso cia te l e v el th is y ear.’ ‘T hanks.’ ‘B ut I m ust a d d th at b onus n um bers a re c o nfid enti a l. P le ase d o n o t s h are th em w ith a nyo ne in th e f ir m .’ ‘I u nd ers ta nd ,’ I s a id . ‘G ood. B ack to w ork n o w .’ I f e lt l ig hth ead ed a s I r e tu rn ed to m y s e at. I l o oked a t C ra ig i n th e a d ja cent c ub ic le . I w ante d to hig h-fiv e h im . I c o uld n’t. I s im ply s m ile d . I o pened a fin ancia l m odel s p re ad sh eet o n m y c o m pute r. How ev er, m y m in d c o uld n’t fo cus. I h ad to sh are m y b onus n ew s w ith so m eo ne. In d ia w ould b e asle ep , I c o uld n’t c all h o m e. I c alle d D eb u. He d id n’t p ic k u p . Pro bably in a w ork m eetin g , I th o ught. I c alle d D eb u a gain a fte r h alf a n h o ur. H e s ti ll d id n’t pic k u p . I h eard J o nath an a nd C ra ig m ake l u nch p la ns w ith th eir s ig nific ant o th ers . Where i s D eb u w hen I n eed h im ? Fin ally , D eb u c alle d b ack a fte r a n h o ur. ‘W hat’ s u p ?’ ‘W ant to m eet f o r l u nch?’ ‘W hen? N ow ?’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘I a m a t w ork . C an’t s te p o ut. T oo m uch p oliti c s h ap penin g o n a n a cco unt.’ ‘I g o t m y b onus n um ber,’ I w his p ere d to h im . ‘O h. C ool. T ell m e.’ ‘I w ant to s h are i t f a ce-to -fa ce.’ ‘Y ou w ill te ll m e a t h o m e to nig ht? ’ ‘L et’ s g o o ut,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah. I w ill p ic k a p la ce n ear y o ur o ffic e. C om e s tr a ig ht f r o m w ork . 6 .3 0?’ I 1 2 booked N era i, a h ig hly ra te d G re ek re sta ura nt a te n-m in ute w alk fr o m th e B BD O o ffic e. I s e nt Deb u a m essa ge a fte r m akin g th e r e se rv ati o n. ‘N era i, 5 5 E ast 5 4th S t., 6 .3 0.’ I le ft w ork a t 5 .3 0 p .m . I h ad to w alk to th e S outh F erry s ta ti o n a nd ta ke th e ‘ 1 ’ tr a in to r e ach t h e r e sta ura nt. I d ecid ed to ta ke a ta xi in ste ad . H eck, I d ese rv ed a tw enty -d olla r c ab r id e to day. T he y ello w N ew Y ork ta xi to ok th e F D R d riv e, a h ig hw ay a lo ng th e e ast sid e o f M anhatta n. T he c ab w his k ed m e to 4 9th S tr e et w ith o ut a tr a ffic sig nal. F ro m th ere th e ta xi d ro ve w estw ard s to w ard s N era i’s l o cati o n. I r e ached e arly a nd s u rv eyed th e r e sta ura nt a t l e is u re ; G re ek p ain ti n gs o n w hite e xp ose d -b ric k w alls . I s c anned th e w in e l is t a nd o rd ere d a b ottl e o f G re ek r e d w in e. I r e ceiv ed a m essa ge f r o m D eb u. ‘S orry , s tu ck a t w ork . R unnin g te n m in ute s l a te .’ ‘N o i s su es,’ I r e p lie d . ‘O rd er s o m eth in g. V ery h ungry ,’ h e r e sp ond ed . I o rd ere d a w ate rm elo n a nd fe ta c heese s a la d a lo ng w ith a tr io o f d ip s. T he fo od a rriv ed . D eb u d id n’t. I k ep t w aiti n g. He e nte re d th e r e sta ura nt a t 7 p .m . ‘I a m s o , s o s o rry ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘It’ s f in e,’ I s a id . I s to od u p a nd w e h ugged . He r e m oved h is l o ng b la ck o verc o at a nd h ung i t o n th e b ack o f h is s e at. ‘T oo m uch w ork ?’ I s a id a s w e s a t d ow n. ‘J u st p oliti c s. O n w ho g ets c re d it f o r a c am paig n. E ver s in ce m y p ro m oti o n I s p end m ore ti m e m anagin g p oliti c s th an d oin g a nyth in g c re ati v e.’ ‘Y ou a re s e nio r, a fte r a ll. T hat’ s w hat m anagers d o.’ ‘Y eah, I g uess. O h, f o od i s h ere . H ow i s i t? I a m s ta rv in g.’ ‘I h av e n o t tr ie d . W as w aiti n g f o r y o u.’ Deb u p ic ked u p p ita b re ad a nd h ad it w ith th e h um mus d ip . I a te so m e sa la d . H is h unger s a ti a te d a fte r a f e w b ite s, D eb u s p oke a gain . ‘A nyw ay, h o w a re y o u? B ig d ay?’ h e s a id . I s m ile d . H e c o nti n ued , ‘ N ot te llin g m e o n th e p ho ne. D in ner o ut o n a w eekd ay. Y ou d o lik e y o ur s u sp ense .’ ‘N oth in g l ik e th at. I w ante d to s h are i t i n p ers o n.’ He r u b bed h is h and s to geth er. ‘ S o, w hat i s i t? ’ ‘J o n c alle d m e th is m orn in g to h is r o om . I to ld y o u a b out J o n, r ig ht? T he p artn er.’ ‘Y es.’ ‘S o h e to ld m e I h ad r e ceiv ed g o od r e v ie w s f r o m o th er p eo ple .’ ‘S ee, I to ld y o u. Y ou a re a s ta r.’ ‘W ell, i t’ s n ic e w hen a p artn er p ra is e s y o u.’ ‘W hat’ s th e n um ber, b ab e?’ ‘I w ill te ll y o u. . .’ ‘I c an’t w ait a nym ore .’ ‘M y b onus f o r th e y ear i s . . .d on’t te ll a nyo ne, o kay?’ ‘W ho m w ill I te ll? ’ ‘A h und re d a nd f ifty .’ ‘A h und re d a nd f ifty w hat? ’ h e s a id , s o und in g c o nfu se d . ‘1 50,0 00 d olla rs .’ ‘1 50,0 00 d olla rs ? ’ h e r e p eate d m y w ord s. ‘Y eah.’ ‘Y ou m ean to ta l c o m pensa ti o n? Y ou g et 1 20 a lr e ad y, s o th ir ty m ore b onus? ’ ‘N o. O ne-fifty i s th e b onus. T ota l c o m p i s 2 70.’ Deb u’s m outh fe ll o pen. It sta yed lik e th at fo r a fe w se co nd s b efo re h e sp oke a gain , o ne delib era te w ord a t a ti m e. ‘Y ou m ad e 2 70,0 00 d olla rs l a st y ear? ’ h e s a id . H is b ig e yes s e em ed e v en b ig ger. ‘Y eah.’ ‘O h,’ h e s a id i n a l o w v oic e. ‘ H oly f u ck! T hese b anks.’ ‘W ell, n o t e v ery o ne h ad th is n um ber. T hey to ld m e i t i s o ne o f th e h ig hest f o r a sso cia te s o f m y le v el. I h ad a f iv e r a ti n g.’ ‘N ic e,’ h e s a id i n a m ute d v oic e. The w aite r a rriv ed to ta ke D eb u’s o rd er. H e o pened th e m enu a nd to ok fiv e m in ute s s e le cti n g his d is h ; p ro bab ly f ig urin g o ut w hic h i te m o ffe re d th e b est v alu e. ‘O ne l a m b k eb ab a nd o ne f a la fe l, p le ase .’ The w aite r l e ft. ‘Y ou o kay w ith th e o rd er, b ab y? W ante d a nyth in g e ls e ?’ D eb u s a id to m e. ‘N o. T ho ugh y o u s e em m ore i n te re ste d i n th e m enu th an l is te nin g to m e.’ ‘N o, n o . A nyw ay. Y ou w ere s a yin g?’ I s m ile d . ‘ T hat I h ad th e h ig hest b onus a m ong th e a sso cia te s.’ ‘T hat’ s nic e, b ab e. I m ean, I can’t ev en im agin e th at kin d o f m oney. Y ou kno w , I b are ly re ached a n 8 0,0 00 c o m pensa ti o n e v en a fte r th e p ro m oti o n.’ Why d oes h e h ave t o t e ll m e h is s a la ry n ow ? I a lr e a dy k n ow i t. ‘Y ou a re d oin g v ery w ell to o,’ I s a id . I r e gre tte d s a yin g i t th e n ext i n sta nt. Why d id I h ave to a dd a re a ssu rin g a nd p atr o niz in g, ‘Y o u a re d oin g v ery w ell to o’? A s if te llin g a k id w ho i s s e co nd i n a r a ce, ‘ Y o u r a n w ell t o o.’ Thankfu lly , I d on’t th in k h e n o ti c ed . I c o nti n ued , ‘ T here ’s n o d oub t y o u a re a w eso m e a t B BD O. You a re o ne o f th eir b est.’ ‘P eo ple a re s tu p id i n m y c o m pany. Y ou w on’t b elie v e w hat h ap pened i n th is c am paig n.’ Oka y, w hat ju st h appen ed h ere ? W hy h as it b eco m e a bout h im ? Is n ’t th is , lik e, m y b ig mom en t? The w aite r a rriv ed w ith a b ottl e o f r e d w in e. D eb u l o oked a t h im , s u rp ris e d . ‘I o rd ere d G re ek w in e to c ele b ra te m y b ig b onus. A w ho le b ottl e !’ I s ig nalle d th e w aite r to pour u s tw o g la sse s. ‘C ool,’ h e s a id . ‘ N ic e.’ Cool. N ic e. W ill t h is g uy e ver m ove o n f r o m t h ese w ord s t o s a y s o m eth in g m ore s u bsta ntia l? The f o od a rriv ed . H is f a ce l it u p . ‘T his l a m b s m ells s o g o od. B ab y, y o u p ic k th e b est p la ces. R eally , n o body p ic ks r e sta ura nts i n New Y ork l ik e y o u d o. T his i s s o c lo se to m y o ffic e to o. W ill c o m e h ere w ith m y te am .’ Mr D eb ash is h S en , I d o o th er t h in gs b esid es p ic k r e sta ura nts . L ik e m ake a t o n o f m oney f o r a g ir l m y a ge. H eck, I m ake a lo t o f m oney fo r a nyo ne a ny a ge. I a ls o g ot a to p r a tin g in m y re vie w s. C an y o u a t l e a st p ra is e m e a l ittle f o r i t? ‘T his i s y um . T ry th e l a m b. I t’ s s o s o ft. O uts ta nd in g,’ D eb u s a id , te n ti m es m ore e nth usia sm i n his v oic e th an th e ‘ n ic e’ h e’d u tte re d f o r m y b onus. I s e rv ed m yse lf. I w ond ere d w hy I d id n’t f e el e csta ti c a b out m y b onus a nym ore . Why a m I s o k een fo r h is p ra is e ? I h ave e a rn ed th at b onus. J o n, o ne o f th e m ost s e n io r partn ers a t G old m an S ach s, h as re co gniz e d m y w ork . S till, I w ant D eb u to a ls o a ckn ow le d ge it. Why? W hy d o w e g ir ls h ave th is d efe ct? W hy d o w e n eed o ur m en to p ra is e a nd v a lid ate u s in ord er f o r u s t o f e el a cco m plis h ed ? ‘H ow i s i t? L am b i s s o te nd er, n o ?’ h e s a id . ‘It’ s n ic e,’ I s a id . ‘ F uck y o u’ i s w hat I w ante d to s a y. So e ven if it is a d efe ct, e ven if I d o n eed h im to p ra is e m e, w hy c a n’t h e? W hen h e g ot a pro m otio n I’d ju m ped u p a nd d ow n a nd th ro w n a s u rp ris e p arty fo r h im . H e c a n’t g et p ast th e te n dern ess o f h is l a m b? I k ep t s ile nt a nd d id n o t m eet h is e ye. H e h ad k no w n m e l o ng e no ugh— a y ear a nd a h alf, to b e pre cis e — to f ig ure o ut I w as u p se t. ‘I a m p ro ud o f y o u, b ab y. S o p ro ud o f y o u. Y ou w ork ed h ard f o r i t. I k no w i t,’ h e s a id . ‘T hat d oes f e el n ic e to h ear. T hanks,’ I s a id a nd s q ueeze d h is h and o n th e ta b le . ‘I a m s o rry . I s ti ll c an’t g et o ver th e n um ber. I t’ s i n sa ne. Y ou h av e l e ss th an tw o y ears o f w ork exp erie nce.’ ‘D is tr e sse d p ays w ell. M y d eals m ad e a lo t o f m oney. S o a b it o f lu ck to o. B ut y eah, e v en I was s h o cked w hen I h eard i t.’ ‘Y ou m ake, l ik e, th re e ti m es a s m uch a s m e? M in d blo w in g.’ Why d id h e h ave to sa y it lik e th at? W hy c o m pare ? I w ante d to te ll h im a b out m y b ase in cre m ent to o. I d on’t k no w w hy b ut I d ecid ed a gain st i t. ‘W ell, b etw een tw o p eo ple s o m eo ne w ill e nd u p e arn in g m ore . S om e in d ustr ie s p ay m ore , a s sim ple a s th at,’ I s a id . ‘H mmm. . .’ H e s ta b bed a p ie ce o f l a m b w ith h is f o rk . ‘L et’ s g o o n a n ic e v acati o n. A nyw here . E uro pe? H aw aii? ’ I s a id . He l a ughed . ‘ F eelin g r ic h?’ ‘I am r ic h. We a re r ic h. L et’ s g o s h o ppin g th is w eekend . Y ou w ill c o m e?’ ‘M ayb e. Y ou to ld y o ur p are nts ? ’ ‘I w ill. I w ill c all m om w hen s h e w akes u p .’ ‘T hey w ill b e s o h ap py.’ ‘I h o pe s o . I w ante d th em to b uy a H ond a C ity . I th in k I w ill a sk th em to g et a n e v en b ette r c ar.’ ‘Y ou a re a g re at d aughte r. T hey w ill b e s o p ro ud o f y o u.’ ‘T hanks. D eb u, I h av e o ne q uesti o n.’ ‘Y eah?’ ‘A re y o u p ro ud o f m e? F or r e al? ’ ‘Y eah, I a m .’ We lo oked in to e ach o th er’s e yes. T ogeth er, w e h ad m ad e a p la ce fo r o urs e lv es in th is n ew city . W e h ad n o t o nly s u rv iv ed , b ut a ls o th riv ed . H e h ad b een p ro m ote d . I h ad d one w ell. W e w ere go od f o r e ach o th er. I h eld o n to h is h and . H e c le are d h is th ro at to s p eak. I w ond ere d i f h e w ould s a y so m eth in g r o m anti c . ‘S orry , b ut a re y o u g o in g to e at th at l a st p ie ce o f l a m b?’ h e s a id . ‘A h und re d a nd fifty th o usa nd d olla rs . S o o ne-a nd -a -h alf la kh d olla rs ,’ I sa id o n th e p ho ne to m y moth er. ‘T ell m e i n r u p ees,’ s h e s a id . ‘It i s f o rty -fiv e to th e d olla r n o w . S o, a ro und 7 0 l a khs.’ ‘T hat’ s y o ur b onus? ’ I h eard a v esse l d ro p. ‘I a m s e nd in g s o m e m oney to y o ur a cco unt. P le ase g o s h o ppin g,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou h ad a 7 0-la kh-ru p ees b onus? ’ m y m oth er r e p eate d . ‘Y es.’ ‘In a d diti o n to y o ur s a la ry ?’ ‘Y es.’ ‘W hat k in d o f w ork d o y o u d o a nyw ay?’ ‘W hat i s th at s u p pose d to m ean?’ ‘I h av e n ev er h eard a nyo ne e arn th at m uch.’ ‘I to ld y o u, I a m i n d is tr e sse d d eb t. S o w e w ork w ith c o m panie s i n tr o ub le .’ ‘H ow c an y o u m ake m oney i f th o se c o m panie s a re i n tr o ub le ?’ I l a ughed , ‘ W e d o. I s d ad a ro und ?’ ‘Y eah,’ s h e s a id a nd s h o ute d o ut f o r h im . ‘ L is te n. C om e h ere . Y our d aughte r m ad e 7 0 l a khs!’ Her v oic e co uld p ro bab ly b e heard acro ss th e w ho le co lo ny th ey liv ed in . S o m uch fo r Gold m an’s c o nfid enti a lity c la use s. I n arra te d th e e nti r e b onus s to ry a nd c alc ula ti o n to d ad . A fte r a m in ute o f s tu nned s ile nce, h e sp oke i n a n e m oti o nal v oic e. ‘ E ven th e S B I c hair p ers o n d oesn ’t m ake th at m uch. Y ou a re tw enty -fo ur years o ld . M y l ittl e g ir l h as b eco m e s u ch a b ig s h o t.’ I f o und i t d iffic ult to h o ld b ack te ars . ‘I a m s ti ll y o ur l ittl e d aughte r, d ad . T he o ne w ho h eld y o ur f in ger o n th e w ay to th e s c ho ol b us sto p.’ ‘Y ou a re m y s w eete st l ittl e o ne,’ h e s a id . ‘R em em ber y o u u se d to te ll m e to s ta nd o n m y o w n f e et? T o n o t w orry a b out a nyth in g e ls e , to ju st d o th e b est I c an? T hat’ s a ll I d id , d ad .’ I h eard h im s o b. M y f a th er c rie s m ore th an a ll th e w om en i n th e h o use . ‘I a m s o p ro ud o f y o u,’ h e s a id . ‘I l o ve y o u. I m is s y o u,’ I s a id . ‘C om e h o m e s o on,’ h e s a id . ‘I w ill. I w ill ta ke a v acati o n a t C hris tm as ti m e. W hat d o y o u w ant? C an I g et y o u a nyth in g?’ ‘G et m y l ittl e g ir l to m e s o onest.’ I h ung u p th e p ho ne. I r e aliz e d I h ad c rie d a fte r a l o ng ti m e. W ho k new 2 70,0 00 d olla rs c o uld make y o u s o e m oti o nal? ‘ C 1 3 heers !’ J o nath an r a is e d a to ast. ‘ T o m y a m azin g a sso cia te s, C ra ig a nd R ad hik a .’ We l ifte d o ur g la sse s. A s p er d is tr e sse d d eb t tr a d iti o n, th e e nti r e g ro up w ent o ut f o r d rin ks o n t h e F rid ay n ig ht o f th e b onus a nno uncem ent w eek. W e h ad c o m e to H arry ’s C afé & S te ak, a fiv e- m in ute w alk fr o m th e G old m an b uild in g. H arry ’s w as a W all S tr e et in sti tu ti o n, w here s e nio r b ankers a nd C EO s lu nched a nd c lo se d s o m e o f th e b ig gest m erg ers a nd fin ancia l d eals . A ro und tw enty o f u s f r o m th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up c o ngre gate d in th e b ar a re a. J o n C ru z c am e o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s; h e c hatte d w ith se nio r M Ds a nd v ic e p re sid ents b efo re le av in g fo r th e w eekend a t h is H am pto ns b each h o use . ‘S ee y o u, g uys. A nd e njo y y o urs e lf. It’ s o n m e,’ J o n s a id a s h e le ft th e b ar, le av in g h is c re d it c ard b ehin d . Peo ple had in v ite d th eir sig nific ant o th ers , w hic h m eant w iv es, husb and s, gir lfr ie nd s and b oyfr ie nd s. E ven I h ad in v ite d D eb u. I h ad fin ally g ath ere d th e c o ura ge to m ake h im p ub lic to m y t e am . U nti l n o w m y g ro up c o nsid ere d m e a g eek, i n a r e la ti o nsh ip w ith h er f in ancia l m odels . T onig ht t h ey w ould s e e m y m an. White -g lo ved w aite rs p asse d a ro und c ham pagne g la sse s o n s ilv er tr a ys. ‘H ap py w ith y o ur n um ber? ’ C ra ig s a id to m e. C onfid enti a lity c la use s a p art, b onus g o ssip w as j u st to o h ard to r e sis t. ‘It’ s m y f ir s t r e al o ne. O f c o urs e I a m h ap py,’ I s a id , tr y in g n o t to r e v eal to o m uch. ‘I a m s u re th ey p aid y o u r e ally w ell. T hey lo ve y o u h ere ,’ C ra ig s a id . I w ond ere d if h e h ad a h in t o f s n ark i n h is v oic e. I c o uld n’t te ll. ‘H ey, is th at J o nath an’s w ife w ho ju st a rriv ed ?’ I s a id , d efle cti n g th e to pic . I p oin te d to th e H arry ’s e ntr a nce. I r e co gniz e d h er f r o m th e p ic tu re s o n J o nath an’s d esk . ‘Y eah, th at’ s C la ra ,’ C ra ig s a id . Cla ra , a ta ll A meric an b lo nd e w ho w ork ed i n th e M etr o polita n M use um o f A rt, w as w earin g a l o ng p urp le d re ss. ‘Y ou h av e s o m eo ne c o m in g to o?’ I s a id . ‘A mand a i s c o m in g i n a f e w m in ute s,’ C ra ig s a id . I r e m em bere d h im m enti o nin g h is g ir lfr ie nd t o m e o nce. S he w as a n a sp ir in g a ctr e ss, w ork in g i n a n o ff- B ro ad w ay th eatr e p ro ducti o n. ‘H ow a b out y o u?’ C ra ig s a id . ‘I h av e a f r ie nd c o m in g,’ I s a id . ‘F rie nd ?’ I l a ughed . ‘ O kay, b oyfr ie nd . S orry , I j u st h av en’t to ld a nyo ne i n th e f ir m .’ ‘I d id n’t k no w y o u h av e a b oyfr ie nd .’ Cra ig r a is e d h is g la ss a nd to uched i t to m in e. I to ok a no th er s ip o f m y c ham pagne. ‘I n ev er m enti o ned h im ,’ I s a id . ‘W ell, to day w e’ll g et to s e e h im ,’ C ra ig s a id , ‘ th e b oyfr ie nd o f o ur s u p ers ta r a sso cia te .’ ‘I a m s ti ll a l o w ly m in io n,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re g o od. I h ate to a d m it it, b ut y o u a re b ette r th an m e. T hey w ill m ake y o u V P in s ix month s. Y ou w ait a nd s e e.’ ‘I d on’t k no w . . .’ ‘A mand a i s h ere ,’ C ra ig s a id i n a h ig her p itc h. A g o rg eo us b lo nd e w ith g re y e yes e nte re d th e b ar. E very o ne in th e g ro up , m en a nd w om en, pause d th eir co nv ers a ti o ns to lo ok at her. She had curly go ld en hair, and her m ake-u p w as im peccab le , o xb lo od l ip sti c k a nd s m oky e yes. She c am e a nd h ugged C ra ig . F or a fe w s e co nd s, d esp ite b ein g a n a sso cia te , C ra ig b ecam e a su p ers ta r i n th e r o om . I c hecked m y p ho ne. ‘S ti ll s tu ck a t w ork . S orry ,’ D eb u h ad m essa ged . ‘C om e s o on. E very o ne i s h ere ,’ I r e p lie d . Cra ig i n tr o duced m e to A mand a. T he w aite r g av e u s a no th er c ham pagne g la ss e ach. ‘I h av e h eard s o m uch a b out y o u,’ A mand a s a id . ‘Y ou h av e?’ I s a id . ‘C ra ig m enti o ns h is d eals , a nd h o w y o u a re a to ugh n ego ti a to r. A nd th at y o u a re r e ally g o od,’ sh e s a id . I l a ughed . ‘I a m n o t. I g et l u cky s o m eti m es,’ I s a id . W ell, th at i s h o w I ta ke c o m plim ents . I d on’t s a y th ank yo u. I j u st d eny th e c o m plim ent. ‘I l o ve th e c o lo ur o f y o ur s k in ,’ A mand a s a id . ‘R eally ? I w is h I h ad y o urs ,’ I s a id . S he l a ughed . A ll th e m en a ro und u s n o ti c ed h er l a ugh. ‘S o I h ear y o u a re a n a cto r? ’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. D oin g a s m all th eatr e p art r ig ht n o w . A ud iti o nin g fo r te le v is io n a nd m ovie s. It’ s h ard , th o ugh. S o I a ls o w ork a s a p art- ti m e p ia no te acher.’ ‘Y ou a re s o p re tty . I a m s u re i t w ill w ork o ut,’ I s a id . ‘T oo m any p re tty w om en i n N ew Y ork ,’ A mand a s a id . ‘B ut y o u a re th e p re tti e st,’ C ra ig s a id a nd k is se d h er o n to p o f h er h ead . S he g ig gle d . C ra ig in tr o duced h er to J o nath an a nd a c o up le o f o th er V Ps. A ll th e m en l is te ned to e v ery w ord A mand a h ad to s a y. I w ante d to b e A mand a. I d on’t k no w w hy. I s c o ld ed m yse lf fo r th in kin g th at w ay. A mand a did n’t h av e a r e al j o b. A mand a d id n’t k no w h o w to m ake f in ancia l m odels . A mand a c o uld n’t c lo se a fin ancia l d eal. A mand a d id n’t m ake 2 70,0 00 d olla rs a y ear. But A m anda i s s o h ot. A m anda a ls o h as men h overin g a ro und h er, h opin g t o g et h er a d rin k. W here i s m y o ne a nd o nly m an? ‘D eb u, w here a re y o u?’ I s e nt a m essa ge a gain . He d id n’t r e p ly fo r a n h o ur. M eanw hile , I m et th e b ette r h alv es o f e v ery o ne in th e d is tr e sse d deb t te am . I f in is h ed th re e g la sse s o f c ham pagne. T he w oozin ess i n m y h ead to ld m e I n eed ed to s lo w dow n a b it. Deb u c alle d m e a t 9 .3 0. ‘W here a re y o u, D eb u? E very o ne i s l e av in g. D id y o u g et m y m essa ge?’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. S hit h ap penin g a t w ork . I w ill te ll y o u a b out i t l a te r.’ I c o uld h ear c ro w d n o is e s a ro und h im . ‘W here a re y o u n o w ?’ I s a id . ‘I c am e d ow nsta ir s f o r a d rin k w ith m y te am .’ ‘D eb u? Y ou w ere s u p pose d to c o m e to m y o ffic e p arty f o r d rin ks to nig ht. I w ante d to i n tr o duce yo u to e v ery o ne!’ ‘S tu p id p oliti c s h ap penin g. I h av e to ta lk to p eo ple . I w ill c o m e.’ ‘W hen?’ ‘In a n h o ur? ’ ‘It’ ll b e o ver. R eally , D eb u? Y ou h ad to d o y o ur o ffic e s tu ff o n th e o ne d ay I c all y o u?’ ‘I g o t s tu ck. I c an’t te ll y o u th e b acksta b bin g th at h ap pened h ere .’ ‘D eb u,’ I s a id , m y v oic e c o nfid ent a fte r th e c ham pagne, ‘I d on’t c are a b out y o ur o ffic e rig ht no w . Y ou s a id y o u w ould c o m e.’ ‘I th o ught I m ig ht. L is te n, i t’ s j u st b ankers , r ig ht? I t’ s a nyw ay n o t m y s c ene.’ ‘R eally ? I a m a b anker to o.’ ‘Y ou a re d iffe re nt. B ut th ey ta lk a b out m oney a nd d eals a nd . . .’ ‘D eb u, th ey a re p eo ple to o. T oday, e v ery o ne h as c o m e w ith th eir sig nific ant o th ers . I to ld Cra ig y o u a re c o m in g. W hat d o I te ll h im ?’ ‘T hat I a m s tu ck a t w ork . W hat e ls e ?’ ‘S o th ey’ll th in k I m ad e u p m y b oyfr ie nd .’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘N oth in g. B ye.’ ‘S o s h o uld I c o m e i n a n h o ur o r n o t? ’ ‘D on’t. D rin k w ith y o ur b acksta b bin g c o lle agues. I t’ s o kay. B ye.’ I h ung u p . I p ic ked u p a g la ss o f c ham pagne a nd k no cked i t d ow n b otto m s u p . J o nath an n o ti c ed me. ‘S om eo ne d oesn ’t l ik e to g o s lo w a nd s a v our th eir F re nch b ub bly ,’ h e s a id . ‘H ey, J o nath an,’ I s a id . ‘C ra ig to ld m e y o ur b oyfr ie nd i s c o m in g. I s h e h ere ? W ould l o ve to s a y h i.’ ‘H e’s s tu ck a t w ork , s a d ly .’ ‘O h, th at’ s u nfo rtu nate . W hat d oes h e d o?’ I d on’t k n ow w hat th e fu ck h e d oes , I w ante d to s a y in r e fle x. H is n o t s h o w in g u p , th e fo ur gla sse s of cham pagne and m y re aliz a ti o n I w asn ’t as pre tty as A mand a had all ad ded to m y fr u str a ti o n. I to ok a d eep b re ath to c o m pose m yse lf. ‘H e w ork s i n a d verti s in g. O n M ad is o n A venue,’ I m anaged to s a y. ‘O h, n ic e. T he c re ati v e ty p e.’ ‘I g uess.’ ‘T he b anker a nd th e c re ati v e. I n te re sti n g c o m bin ati o n.’ ‘Y eah. . .w here ’s y o ur w ife ?’ He i n tr o duced m e to C la ra , w ho to ld m e s h e c o uld n’t b elie v e h o w h ard w e a ll w ork ed . Forty -fiv e m in ute s l a te r th e c ro w d f r itte re d a w ay f r o m H arry ’s . I n s m alle r g ro up s, p eo ple l e ft fo r th eir o w n r e sp ecti v e d in ner p la ns. I h ad n o ne. I w alk ed o ut i n to th e f r e ezin g c o ld a nd tr ie d to f in d a c ab . I c o uld n’t, g iv en it w as F rid ay n ig ht. I w alk ed in to th e s u b w ay a nd lo oked a t m y p ho ne. D eb u had n o t c alle d o r m essa ged . D iz zy w ith a lc o ho l, I r e aliz e d I h ad n o t e ate n a nyth in g fo r a lo ng ti m e. I cam e o ut o f th e tr a in s ta ti o n. O n th e w alk h o m e, I p ic ked u p a p iz za s lic e fo r m yse lf fr o m a s m all ta keaw ay d eli. E ven in m y in co here nt s ta te , I w ond ere d if th at id io t D eb u h ad e ate n d in ner. I p acked ano th er s lic e f o r h im , j u st i n c ase . I r e ached h o m e. D eb u w as s itti n g o n th e s o fa , h yp no ti z e d b y E SPN . ‘W hat th e. . .y o u a re h ere ?’ I s a id . H e s to od u p a nd c am e f o rw ard to h elp ta ke a w ay th e p iz za boxes a nd m y h and bag. I r e m oved m y w in te r c o at a nd p la ced i t o n th e h anger. ‘I j u st a rriv ed . T en m in ute s a go . H onest,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou a te d in ner? ’ I s a id . ‘N o, n o t r e ally . J u st s o m e b ar s n acks.’ ‘C om e, l e t’ s e at. I g o t p iz za ,’ I s a id . ‘T hanks, b ab y.’ ‘D on’t “ b ab y” m e. J u st e at.’ ‘W hat? Y ou u p se t? E very th in g o kay?’ Is h e a m oro n t o a sk ? I d id n’t r e sp ond . W e s a t f a cin g e ach o th er a t o ur s m all w hite d in in g ta b le i n th e l iv in g r o om . I to ok o ut th e p iz za s lic es fr o m th e b oxes a nd p ut th em o n p la te s. S tr in gs o f m olte n c heese h ung fr o m slic es. ‘L ooks y um my,’ h e s a id . I lo oked a t th e c heesy p iz za s lic e a nd th o ught o f A mand a. I b et s h e d oesn ’t e a t th is s tu ff. N o wonder sh e lo oks lik e sh e d oes. My anger m ulti p lie d at th e th o ught o f eati n g th is calo rie -b om b din ner. I p ush ed m y p la te a w ay. ‘W hat, b ab y?’ D eb u s a id , m outh s tu ffe d w ith f o od. ‘I a m n o t h ungry .’ ‘W hy?’ ‘I c an’t e at th is . T oo f a tte nin g.’ ‘Y ou o nly b ought i t, b ab y.’ ‘Y eah, b ecause I a m s tu p id . O kay? A nd s to p c allin g m e “ b ab y”.’ Deb u p ut h is p iz za s lic e d ow n. ‘L is te n, I k no w y o u a re u p se t. I d id n’t c o m e to y o ur p arty . B ut I h ad a r e ally r o ugh d ay.’ ‘S o i t i s a b out y o u n o w ?’ I s a id . ‘T hey to ok m e a nd tw o o f m y j u nio rs o ff th e U nd er A rm or a cco unt.’ ‘W hat? H ow ?’ I s a id . ‘ T hat w as y o ur a cco unt! ’ ‘I to ld y o u. P oliti c s. T hey c alle d i t a r e sh uffle . H ow ev er, th ey s to le i t f r o m m e.’ ‘It a ll h ap pened to day?’ ‘T hey a nno unced i t to day. B ut th ey h ad p lo tte d a gain st m e f o r m onth s. A ll p la nned .’ ‘S orry to h ear th at. Y ou s ti ll h av e o th er g o od a cco unts , r ig ht? ’ ‘I a m f u cked .’ I d id n’t k no w w hat to s a y. H e h ad to ld m e a b out th e p oliti c s in h is g ro up fo r m onth s. T he in iti a l e xcite m ent D eb u h ad h ad a b out w ork in g i n a d verti s in g h ad d is a p peare d . M any i n h is te am o fte n exclu d ed h im f r o m c lie nt m eeti n gs, a w orry in g s ig n. ‘W hat w ere y o u d oin g o uts id e th e o ffic e th en?’ I s a id . ‘I w as w ith m y p eo ple . T ry in g to f ig ure o ut w hat h ap pened .’ ‘D id y o u?’ ‘T hey f u cked m e. W hat i s th ere to f ig ure o ut? ’ ‘S o y o u c o uld h av e c o m e f o r m y o ffic e p arty i n ste ad o f a d rin k w ith th e b oys a fte r w ork .’ ‘R ad hik a, i s y o ur o ffic e p arty a ll y o u c are a b out? ’ ‘N o. B ut I a m w ond erin g i f y o u c are a b out m e a t a ll.’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean? S o I d id n’t c o m e to a s tu p id b anker th in g. B ig d eal.’ I s to od u p a nd s la m med m y f is t o n th e ta b le . ‘It w as n o t a s tu p id b anker th in g. It w as my th in g. I g o t a h uge b onus th is w eek. T his w as th e cele b ra ti o n. I w ante d y o u to m eet m y te am . I w ante d th em to m eet y o u. D on’t y o u g et i t? ’ ‘S it d ow n. C an w e e at d in ner? ’ h e s a id . ‘I d on’t w ant to e at,’ I s c re am ed . ‘D on’t th ro w a ta ntr u m . A re y o u d ru nk?’ ‘N o,’ I s a id . ‘A b it h ig h?’ ‘It d oesn ’t m atte r. I c an s ti ll th in k m ore c le arly th an y o u.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y ou n eed to c hange y o ur j o b. E very d ay y o u b ic ker a b out th e p oliti c s. W hat a re y o u g o in g to do a b out i t? ’ ‘I d on’t k no w .’ ‘O f c o urs e y o u d o. A re y o u h ap py a t y o ur j o b?’ ‘N ot e xactl y .’ ‘H ow ev er, y o u a re s tu ck th ere . S o y o u n eed to g o o ut th ere a nd a p ply a gain .’ ‘B BD O i s p re sti g io us. H ow to l e av e i t? ’ ‘S cre w p re sti g io us. If y o ur g ro up is n o t g o od, c hange. T here is stu ff h ap penin g in d ig ita l ad verti s in g. Y ou te ll m e a b out i t s o m uch. F in d a j o b i n th at.’ ‘I c an’t. I t’ s n o t e asy. A nd th ey a re s ta rt- u p s a nd u ncerta in . . .’ ‘W hate v er, D eb u! S o s ta y h ere , f in e. B ut q uit c o m pla in in g s o m uch.’ ‘I c an’t e v en s h are a nd v ent w ith y o u?’ ‘Y ou c an. B ut a t s o m e p oin t, d o s o m eth in g a b out it. Y ou d on’t, D eb u. Y ou d on’t d o a nyth in g ab out u s. Y ou d on’t d o a nyth in g a b out th e j o b y o u d on’t l ik e.’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean I d on’t d o a nyth in g a b out u s? ’ ‘M y m oth er c alls m e e v ery w eek. S he w ants m e to s ta rt lo okin g a t b oys. I te ll y o u e v ery ti m e sh e s a ys th at. D o y o u e v er ta ke th e h in t? ’ He k ep t q uie t. I h ad b ro ught o ut a ll th e to uchy to pic s a t o ne g o . ‘Y ou h av e se en h o w m y c are er is g o in g a t th e m om ent. If o nly it w as o kay, I w ould h av e th o ught a b out i t.’ ‘S o d o s o m eth in g a b out th e c are er, D eb u,’ I s a id . I l e ft th e r o om . I to ok a s h o w er a nd w ent to b ed . I s w itc hed o ff a ll th e l ig hts . Deb u c hanged a nd s lid i n to b ed n ext to m e. H e p la ced h is a rm a ro und m e. I b ru sh ed i t a sid e. ‘C om e h ere , b ab y,’ h e s a id . ‘G o to s le ep ,’ I s a id . ‘ W 1 4 e m ad e a te n-m illio n-d olla r in v estm ent. W e w ill n o w re co ver th ir ty -s ix m illio n d olla rs ,’ I s a id . I m ad e m y f in al c o m ments o n th e l a st p re se nta ti o n s lid e. W e h ad i n v este d i n C ity P ro perti e s, a M anhatta n re al- e sta te fir m go ne bust. F ortu nate ly , th e pro perty m ark et had im pro ved afte r our i n v estm ent a nd w e tr ip le d o ur m oney. ‘F anta sti c . W e s h o uld s e ll. N ow th at is w hat I c all a h o m e r u n,’ J o n s a id . ‘ W hat a d eal! W ell d one, R ad hik a.’ ‘J o nath an a nd C ra ig g uid ed m e th ro ugh i t a ll,’ I s a id . I c am e b ack to m y s e at. I c alle d D eb u. I w ante d to te ll h im a b out J o n’s p ra is e . ‘H ey,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat’ s u p ?’ ‘J u st w ork in g o n a p itc h. I d on’t th in k w e w ill g et i t, th o ugh. H ow a b out y o u?’ D eb u s a id . ‘I a m a t w ork . A no th er d eal c lo se d .’ ‘Y ou c alle d f o r a r e aso n?’ ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . H ow ev er, a t th at m om ent I d id n’t w ant to te ll h im m y s u ccess s to ry . P erh ap s it w as b ette r n o t to s h are i t th an to d o s o a nd n o t g et a n e nth usia sti c r e sp onse . ‘W hat i s i t? ’ ‘W ell,’ I s a id a nd w ond ere d w hat to s a y n ext. W hy w as I h id in g m y s u ccess f r o m h im ? ‘I j u st h ad a g o od d ay a t w ork ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? M anaged to m ake m ore m oney?’ H e l a ughed . He w as b ein g fu nny. S ti ll, I d id n’t lik e w hat h e s a id , o r m ayb e it w as ju st h is to ne. I ig no re d h is b arb . ‘N o ju st. . . I d on’t k no w . I ju st fe lt g o od. G ra te fu l fo r w hat w e h av e. W e s h o uld b e g ra te fu l, n o , D eb u? W e h av e s o m uch. W e h av e i n d ep end ence, j o bs, h ealth , f a m ily , a g re at c ity w e l iv e i n a nd l o ve. W e h av e l o ve. I t’ s a l o t to b e g ra te fu l f o r, i s n ’t i t? ’ ‘Y eah, b ab y. W e d o.’ H e s o und ed lik e h e w as a b out to y aw n. ‘ T hat’ s s w eet. A nyw ay, I b ette r g o b ack to m y p itc h.’ ‘S ure . S orry I d is tu rb ed y o u.’ ‘B ye, b ab y,’ h e s a id a nd h ung u p . I w ent b ack to m y s c re en. ‘K ille d i t.’ C ra ig c am e to m y d esk a nd h ig h-fiv ed m e. ‘D on’t w e a lw ays? ’ I w in ked a t h im . ‘H i, th is i s R ad hik a M ehta f r o m th e N ew Y ork o ffic e,’ I s a id . I h ad d ia lle d i n to a c o nfe re nce c all w ith our A sia n o ffic e i n H ong K ong. O w in g to th e ti m e d iffe re nce th e c all h ad b een s c hed ule d l a te , a t 1 0 i n th e n ig ht. I to ok th e c all f r o m h o m e, s itti n g o n th e l iv in g r o om s o fa . D eb u r e ad a b ook i n th e b ed ro om , waiti n g f o r m e to f in is h . ‘H i, R ad hik a. T his i s P ete r W u f r o m th e H ong K ong o ffic e,’ a v oic e o n th e p ho ne s a id . ‘J o sh A ng f r o m H ong K ong,’ c am e a no th er o ne. ‘J o nath an f r o m th e N ew Y ork o ffic e,’ J o nath an s a id . I p la ced th e p ho ne o n s p eaker m ode s o I c o uld h av e m y h and s f r e e. I h ad m ad e m yse lf a c up o f min t te a, a nd c up ped i t i n b oth h and s. Jo nath an i n tr o duced th e d eal. ‘W e a re d ealin g w ith a c o m pany c alle d L uxv is io n, a s p ecta cle s a nd s u ngla sse s m anufa ctu re r. Rad hik a h as a lr e ad y s e nt o ut th e in fo m em o. C urre ntl y in tr o ub le , h as n o c ash . T he o nly a sse ts a re so m e f a cto rie s i n C hin a.’ Gold m an S achs e xcelle d in w ork in g to geth er a cro ss o ffic es. W hile th e d eal c am e fr o m N ew York , w e w ould e ngage th e H ong K ong o ffic e to h elp u s o ut. J o sh a nd P ete r w ould v is it th e c o m pany pla nts i n C hin a to s e e i f th e f a cto rie s a ctu ally e xis te d , a nd i f th ey h ad a ny v alu e. ‘C lie nt i s s a yin g th e f a cto ry i s i n S henzh en, j u st a cro ss th e b ord er f r o m H ong K ong,’ I s a id . ‘E asy th en. W e c o uld d o a d ay tr ip ,’ P ete r s a id . ‘T hat w ould b e g o od,’ I s a id . ‘ T hey a re s a yin g th e fa cto ry is in th e h eart o f to w n, a nd if w e clo se i t d ow n w e c o uld r e zo ne i n to r e sid enti a l u se a nd s e ll a p artm ents .’ As I fin is h ed m y s e nte nce, D eb u ti p to ed in to th e liv in g r o om . I p la ced a fin ger o n m y lip s to sig nal h im to b e q uie t. H e n o dded a nd p oin te d a t th e f r id ge. H e w alk ed u p to th e f r id ge a nd to ok o ut a cup o f str a w berry y o ghurt. H e o ffe re d m e so m e. I d eclin ed a nd sip ped m y te a. I sm ile d a t h o w dom esti c ate d w e h ad b eco m e. H e c o uld b e i n th e k itc hen d oin g h is th in g. I c o uld s ip m y te a a nd w ork . I s e nt h im a f ly in g k is s. H e s m ile d b ack. I tu ned b ack i n to th e c all. ‘S henzh en is g ro w in g fa st. D ep end s o n th e lo cati o n a nd lo cal p erm is sio ns. W hat a b out th e work ers ? ’ a sk ed J o sh , a V P i n th e H ong K ong D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . Deb u s a t a t th e d in in g ta b le a nd a te h is s n ack. T he c all c o nti n ued o n th e s p eakerp ho ne. ‘T w o h und re d w ork ers . I f w e c o nti n ue th e m anufa ctu rin g th ey s ta y,’ I s a id . ‘T ho ugh if w e k eep th e b usin ess r u nnin g it is o nly w orth fo rty m illio n. If w e s e ll th e la nd fo r ap artm ents , i t i s s e v enty m illio n,’ J o nath an s a id . ‘W ow ,’ P ete r s a id , ‘ h uge d iffe re nce i n v alu e.’ ‘Y eah, s o o bvio usly w e w ant th e w ork ers o ut a nd to e xp lo re th e l a nd s a le o pti o n,’ I s a id . ‘O kay, g iv e u s a f e w d ays, w e w ill m ake a v is it a nd r e v ert,’ J o n s a id . ‘H ope w e g et g o od n ew s,’ I s a id . The c all e nd ed . I h ung u p a nd s h ut m y l a p to p. I n o ti c ed D eb u. ‘H ey, y o u a re s ti ll h ere ,’ I s a id . He s c ra p ed o ut th e l a st o f h is y o ghurt. ‘Y eah. I w as l is te nin g to b its o f y o ur c all.’ ‘B orin g b anker s tu ff, r ig ht? ’ ‘K in d o f. H ow ev er, I th in k I s o rt o f u nd ers to od w hat i s h ap penin g.’ I s tr e tc hed m y a rm s a b ove m y h ead . ‘It’ s a n ew d eal. C om pany g o ne b ust, f a cto rie s i n C hin a,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, a nd y o u g uys a re tr y in g to c lo se i t d ow n, s e ll th e l a nd f o r a p artm ents .’ ‘T ru e. T he fa cto ry is o ld b ut in a g re at lo cati o n. C hin a is g ro w in g fa st, s o th is is th e h eart o f to w n n o w . R ead y f o r b ed ? I t’ s l a te .’ ‘N o, w ait, w hat a b out th e w ork ers ? ’ H e c am e to s it o n th e s o fa n ext to m e. ‘T hey w ill h av e to b e l e t g o o f. W e w ill g iv e th em s o m e c o m pensa ti o n,’ I s a id . ‘A nd th eir f a m ilie s? W hat a b out g etti n g n ew j o bs? ’ ‘D eb u, th ey w ill fig ure it o ut. W e w ill g iv e th em a fe w m onth s’ s a la ry a s c o m pensa ti o n. T hey will f in d a no th er j o b m eanw hile .’ ‘It’ s n o t th at e asy. W hat k in d o f b la ta nt c ap ita lis m i s th is ? ’ I l o oked a t D eb u i n s h o ck. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘ S erio usly ? B la ta nt c ap ita lis m ?’ ‘Y ou a re tr y in g to m ake th e m ost m oney.’ ‘W ell, y eah, th at i s m y j o b. W e i n v est m oney, s o w e w ant g o od r e tu rn s o n i t.’ ‘B ut w hy d o y o u h av e to f ir e p eo ple ?’ I r o lle d m y e yes. ‘Is th is a B engali c o m munis t th in g? B engalis l o ve c o m munis m , r ig ht? ’ ‘I d on’t k no w . I t j u st f e els w ro ng, w hat y o u a re d oin g to m ake m oney.’ ‘I a m n o t d oin g a nyth in g w ro ng. W e a re d oin g w hat is le gally p ossib le a nd tr y in g to g enera te maxim um v alu e.’ ‘T o m ake so m e ric h G old m an S achs p artn ers e v en ric her? W hat a b out th e w ork ers a t th is fa cto ry ?’ ‘D eb u! G old m an S achs h as n o t c re ate d tr o ub le fo r th e w ork ers . T he c o m pany m anagem ent sc re w ed up , b orro w ed to o m uch m oney, ra n th eir b usin ess b ad ly and w ent b ankru p t. H ence th e work ers s u ffe re d . W e a re s im ply th ere to c le an u p th e m ess.’ ‘L ik e v ultu re s. T hey c o uld sa y th ey h av e c o m e to c le an u p w hen th ey a re a ctu ally fe ed in g th em se lv es.’ ‘T hat’ s n o t s u ch a n ic e a nalo gy, b ut y es. Y ou c o uld s a y th at. Y es, e v en i n th e f in ancia l s y ste m , yo u n eed th e m ortu ary .’ ‘Y ou m ake m oney d oin g th is .’ ‘S o? W e a ls o ta ke h uge r is k s. N obody w ants to to uch th ese c o m panie s o th erw is e .’ I f in is h ed m y te a. I w ent to th e k itc hen s in k a nd w ash ed th e c up . Deb u c am e u p b ehin d m e. ‘Y ou l ik e y o ur j o b?’ I tu rn ed to h im . ‘Y eah, D eb u. I lo ve it. I a m g o od a t it. It’ s e xciti n g. I a m le arn in g s o m uch. It’ s a g re at fir m . I am p aid w ell. I t k ills m e a t ti m es w ith w ork b ut I l o ve i t.’ ‘I d on’t k no w . J u st d oesn ’t f e el r ig ht. I h o pe th e j o b d oesn ’t h ard en y o u.’ ‘H ard en m e?’ I s a id . ‘ W hat a re y o u ta lk in g a b out? ’ ‘Y ou w ere th is s w eet, i n no cent g ir l w hen I m et y o u. Y ou h ad a s o ft s id e.’ ‘I s ti ll d o. I a m th e s a m e p ers o n. T his is a jo b. I a m m ore th an th at. I d o it a nd c o m e h o m e to cud dle w ith y o u. D on’t I ? ’ ‘Y eah,’ h e s a id , s o und in g u nco nv in ced . ‘Y ou a p plie d to d ig ita l a d a gencie s? ’ ‘I w ill. S oon.’ ‘I th o ught y o u s a id y o u w ould .’ ‘I w ill, R ad hik a. D on’t k eep p ush in g m e s o m uch. S ee, th is is w hat I m ean. Y ou h av e b eco m e hard .’ ‘I a m j u st c o ncern ed ,’ I s a id a nd th re w m y h and s u p i n th e a ir. ‘ I w ant y o u to b e h ap py i n y o ur jo b to o. I w ant y o u to s e ttl e d ow n s o w e c an ta ke th e n ext s te p .’ ‘W hat s te p ?’ I’ d h ad e no ugh o f h im f a kin g i g no ra nce. H e k new e xactl y w hat I w as ta lk in g a b out. W ith g re at effo rt, I k ep t c alm a nd s p oke a gain . ‘A bout m arria ge. H ow m any ti m es d o I h av e to b rin g it u p ?’ I s a id . ‘ I fe el lik e I h av e to b eg yo u.’ ‘Y ou d on’t h av e to b eg m e.’ ‘S o h o w l o ng d o I f e nd o ff m y m oth er? ’ ‘I h av e to ld y o u. I a m n o t r e ad y.’ My b re ath in g b ecam e f a st. I c o uld n’t ta ke th is a nym ore . ‘W e w on’t g et m arrie d to m orro w , D eb u. B ut w e h av e to m ake s o m e p la ns. I h av e to te ll m y pare nts I h av e s o m eo ne i n m y l ife , s o th ey d on’t k no ck o n e v ery d oor i n W est D elh i to f in d a b oy f o r me. I w ant to te ll th em s o on.’ ‘W hat d o y o u w ant f r o m m e?’ ‘T ell m e w hat is y o ur p la n fo r u s. Y ou w ant to g et m arrie d in o ne y ear? T w o y ears ? T hre e years ? S om eth in g a t l e ast.’ ‘I th in k i t i s to o s o on to th in k a b out a ll th is .’ ‘W e h av e d ate d , s o rry , l iv ed -in f o r a b out tw o y ears . I th in k i t i s a b so lu te ly th e ti m e to a t l e ast th in k a b out th is .’ ‘I th in k i t i s n o t,’ D eb u s a id . ‘I th in k i t i s ,’ I s a id . W e l o cked e yes. ‘A nd s o y o u m ust b e r ig ht. A fte r a ll, y o u g et th e h ig her b onus, s o w hat d o I k no w , y eah?’ D eb u sa id . I g asp ed . I r a is e d m y h and a nd p oin te d a f in ger a t h im . ‘W hat th e f u ck! W hat d id y o u s a y?’ ‘N oth in g,’ h e s a id , p ro bab ly r e gre tti n g h is s ta te m ent. ‘D id y o u j u st b rin g m y b onus i n to o ur m arria ge d is c ussio n?’ ‘N o, I d id n’t.’ ‘Y ou d id . I d on’t e v en th in k a b out i t a nym ore . I s i t o n y o ur m in d ?’ ‘N o, I d on’t c are .’ ‘Y ou s u re ? I f I w ere th e s w eet a nd i n no cent g ir l y o u m et, w hate v er th at m eans, y o u w ere a ls o th e sw eet b oy w ho ta lk ed ab out fe m in is m w hile w e w alk ed in M anhatta n. R em em ber? Yo u w ill in sp ir e o th er g ir ls ? W om en n eed t o s h ow m en t h ey a re n o l e ss ?’ ‘I d on’t c are a b out y o ur b onus. O kay? T hat i s n o t w hat th is i s a b out.’ ‘S o th en w hat? E xp la in to m e. W hy is it w ro ng fo r u s to d is c uss th e fu tu re if w e h av e liv ed with e ach o th er f o r a lm ost tw o y ears ? ’ ‘I a m n o t s u re ,’ h e s a id . ‘A bout w hat? ’ ‘I d on’t k no w . S up pose w e m arry e ach o th er. W e w ill s ta rt a f a m ily , h av e k id s, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah, o f c o urs e ,’ I s a id . ‘S o I a m th in kin g. I d on’t k no w . I h ad th is i d ea o f w hat th e m oth er o f m y k id s w ould b e l ik e.’ ‘H uh? M oth er o f y o ur k id s? ’ I s a id . S om eti m es, D eb u ta lk s s u ch w hacko s tu ff, I w ond er w hat th ey s m oke i n th eir a d a gency o ffic es. ‘Y eah. I t’ s i m porta nt, r ig ht? W hat k in d o f m oth er I w ant f o r m y k id s,’ D eb u s a id . ‘S ure . I w ant a g o od f a th er f o r m y k id s to o. C an y o u c o m e to th e p oin t? ’ ‘S o a re y o u g o in g to k eep w ork in g l ik e th is o r l e av e w ork o nce y o u h av e k id s? ’ ‘I d on’t k no w . I h av en’t d ecid ed y et. I ’ d l ik e to w ork i f p ossib le .’ ‘Y ou th in k y o u c an?’ ‘L et’ s s e e. W ill h av e to w ork it o ut. If I m ake a s m uch m oney a s I d o I c an a ffo rd fu ll- ti m e help , ta ke a h o use c lo se to w ork , h av e o ur p are nts c o m e. . .’ He i n te rru p te d m e. ‘S ee, th is i s w hat I a m n o t s u re a b out.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘W hen y o u ta lk i n s u ch p ra cti c al te rm s.’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean?’ ‘L ik e, i f y o u a re l ik e th is , i n th is h ard j o b, “ fir e th e w ork ers ” k in d o f r o le , w ould y o u e v en b e affe cti o nate to w ard s o ur k id s? ’ ‘W hat th e f u ck, D eb u!’ I s h o ute d . ‘S ee, n o w y o u a re l o sin g i t. T hen y o u s a y y o u w ant to d is c uss th in gs!’ ‘T his i s n o t a d is c ussio n. Y ou a re ta lk in g b ulls h it. M akin g s w eep in g j u d gem ents .’ ‘I a m n o t. O kay, I l ik e y o u. I l o ve y o u. B ut I w ant m y k id s’ m oth er to b e a t h o m e f o r th em .’ ‘M ayb e I w ill b e. I f n eed ed .’ ‘S ee, y o u a re n o t s u re . Y ou h av e th is h i- fi m ega-p ayin g j o b.’ ‘M y j o b w ill h av e n o th in g to d o w ith m y c o m mitm ent a s a m oth er. D o y o u g et i t? ’ We s ta re d a t e ach o th er in s ile nce fo r a b out th ir ty s e co nd s. H e fin ally s p oke a gain .‘ I d on’t th in k I c an d o th is . R eally , I c an’t.’ My h eart s to pped f o r a s e co nd . D id h e j u st p ro pose a b re ak-u p ? O h m y G od, h ad th e o nly m an who e v er l o ved th e u nlo vab le m e th re ate ned to l e av e m e? I tu rn ed m y v olu m e d ow n a nd s p oke i n a c alm v oic e. ‘ D eb u. W hat’ s th e m atte r w ith y o u? W hy are y o u b ein g l ik e th is ? ’ He s h ru gged . ‘W ork s tr e ss? ’ ‘N o.’ ‘Is i t th e c all? L is te n, th is i s th e d is tr e sse d d eb t b usin ess. D on’t g et s o a ffe cte d . I t’ s b usin ess.’ ‘N ot o nly th at.’ I c hecked th e ti m e. It w as m id nig ht. I h ad to w ake u p a t 6 .3 0 to p re p are fo r a n e arly m orn in g meeti n g. ‘D eb u, c alm d ow n. S orry I s n ap ped a t y o u. I w ill tr y to b e u nd ers ta nd in g, o kay?’ I w ent u p b ehin d h im a nd h ugged h im . ‘T his i s n o t th e ti m e to ta lk a b out s u ch th in gs. I t’ s m y m is ta ke,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s f in e,’ h e s a id , d is e nta nglin g m y a rm s. ‘S hall w e g o to b ed ?’ I s a id . He n o dded . We s lip ped u nd er th e s h eets . I to ok o ff m y n ig hts u it a nd d re w h im c lo se r. ‘I’ m ti r e d . G oodnig ht, b ab y,’ h e s a id a nd tu rn ed a w ay f r o m m e. With in a fe w m in ute s h e w as a sle ep . I, o n th e o th er h and , k ep t a w ake a ll n ig ht, w ond erin g what I w ould d o i f th e o ne m an w ho l o ved m e d ecid ed to l e av e m e. Sin ce I h ad n’t s le p t I g o t o ut o f b ed a t 5 a .m . I s p ent th e n ext h o ur m akin g b re akfa st. I m ad e p ancakes, Deb u’s f a v ourite . I a ls o c ut f r u it, b oile d s o m e e ggs a nd m ad e to ast. I w ond ere d w hy I w as d oin g th is . Was i t b ecause I c o uld n’t s le ep ? O r d id I w ant to c alm D eb u d ow n? O r to s h o w I c o uld b e d om esti c eno ugh to b e a g o od m oth er? O r d id I w ant to p ro ve th at I c o uld b e sw eet a nd in no cent, w hic h pro bab ly tr a nsla te s i n to d ocile a nd s u b m is siv e? I w ante d D eb u to w ake u p a nd b e h ap py. I w ante d it m ore th an th e C hin a d eal o r a b onus o r anyth in g e ls e . I s c o ld ed m yse lf fo r fe elin g th at w ay, b ut I c o uld n’t h elp it. H is w ord s a b out m e n o t bein g p ote nti a l m oth er m ate ria l h ad s h aken m e u p . Wake u p, D eb u, e a t t h e p anca kes a nd p le a se t e ll m e I a m l o va ble . He e nte re d th e liv in g ro om a t 6 .4 5. I h ad a lr e ad y la id o ut th e p la te s a nd p la ced a ju g fille d with o ra nge j u ic e o n th e ta b le . I s w itc hed o n th e e le ctr ic h o bs a nd p ut a s a ucep an o n i t. ‘W ow ,’ h e s a id , r u b bin g h is e yes. ‘G ood m orn in g,’ I s a id i n m y m ost c heerfu l v oic e. ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g?’ ‘M akin g p ancakes. Y ou l o ve th em , r e m em ber? Y ou w ant th em w ith m ap le s y ru p o r h o ney?’ ‘M ap le s y ru p . Is it th e w eekend ?’ h e s a id in a p uzzle d v oic e a s h e d ra gged a d in in g c hair o ut to s it. ‘N o, W ed nesd ay. I j u st th o ught I w ould c o ok u s s o m eth in g s p ecia l.’ On ty p ic al w eekd ays w e w ould g o bble d ow n c ere al a nd m ilk a nd r u sh o ut o f th e h o use . I p ut a p la te o f b lu eb errie s, r a sp berrie s a nd b la ckb errie s i n f r o nt o f D eb u. ‘F ancy,’ h e s a id . ‘B errie s a re g o od f o r y o u. S ta rt w ith th is w hile th e p ancakes g et c o oked .’ He w av ed h is h and s. ‘D on’t y o u h av e to g o to w ork ?’ h e s a id . ‘I d o.’ ‘Y ou h ad a n i m porta nt m eeti n g i n th e m orn in g, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah. I w ill h av e b re akfa st w ith y o u a nd th en g et r e ad y.’ The sm ell o f b utte ry d ough fille d th e liv in g ro om . T he p ancakes tu rn ed go ld en-b ro w n. I arra nged tw o o f th em o n a p la te , d riz zle d m ap le s y ru p o n th em . I c ut a b anana in to th in s lic es a nd arra nged th em a ro und th e p ancakes. ‘H ow a b out y o u?’ D eb u s a id a s I g av e h im h is p la te . ‘I a m m akin g m ore ,’ I s a id . Does h e th in k I a m le ss h ard en ed n ow ? I w ond ere d . H e a te in s ile nce, p erh ap s w ond erin g if th is w as a d re am . I m ad e m y p ancakes a nd s a t i n f r o nt o f h im . ‘T hey a re d elic io us,’ h e s a id . ‘T hank y o u.’ ‘I s h o uld s a y th ank y o u. Y ou p ut in s o m uch e ffo rt. W hat ti m e d id y o u w ake u p to m ake a ll th is ? ’ ‘F iv e. J u st a n h o ur e arlie r,’ I l ie d . I h ad n’t s le p t a t a ll. ‘Y ou d o l o ok ti r e d .’ ‘It’ s o kay. I w ill b e f in e.’ I c ut a p ie ce o f p ancake. ‘R ad hik a, I w ant to s a y s o m eth in g,’ D eb u s a id . I k n ow y o u w ill s a y s o rry. I t is o ka y, I s a id to m yse lf. H e m ust fe el g uilty n o w a fte r h e s a w ho w m uch I c are f o r h im . ‘W hat? ’ ‘T his i s r e ally s w eet.’ ‘T hanks. S o a re y o u. A s w eet g estu re f o r m y s w eet b oyfr ie nd .’ ‘T hank y o u, R ad hik a. T his i s r e ally s w eet b ut. . .’ ‘B ut w hat? ’ ‘T oday y o u a re m akin g b re akfa st l ik e th is . T his i s a w eso m e. B ut I a m n o t h ap py.’ ‘N ot h ap py a b out w hat, b ab y?’ ‘U s.’ ‘W hy? Is th is a b out la st n ig ht? W e w ere b oth a ngry ,’ I s a id . I fo und it d iffic ult to s w allo w th e slic e o f b anana i n m y m outh . ‘It’ s n o t j u st a b out y este rd ay o r a b out b ein g a ngry . I h av e b een th in kin g a b out i t f o r m any d ays. Weeks, a ctu ally .’ ‘R eally ? A nd y o u d id n’t d is c uss it w ith m e?’ I s a id . I fe lt a littl e s tu p id a b out c o okin g a ll morn in g. ‘T here i s n o th in g to d is c uss. I k no w I a m n o t h ap py.’ ‘Y ou a re b ore d o f m e?’ ‘D on’t b e s tu p id .’ ‘S o?’ ‘I a m b ein g c alm , o kay? B ut I h av e a n i m age o f th e w ife I w ant. T he m oth er o f th e k id s I w ant. I a m n o t j u d gin g y o u, b ut I th in k I w ant a h o use w ife .’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . M y f o rk a lm ost f e ll o ut o f m y h and s. ‘It’ s w hat I h av e s e en g ro w in g u p . I g o to w ork , m ake th e m oney. W ife ta kes c are o f th e h o m e. Sim ple n eed s, h ap py f a m ily .’ ‘W hat a re y o u ta lk in g a b out, D eb u? D id n’t y o u sa y w om en c o uld a chie v e a nyth in g to day? Did n’t y o u e nco ura ge m e w hen I h ad to a p ply f o r d is tr e sse d d eb t? ’ ‘I d id . I s ti ll a d m ir e y o u. I r e sp ect a ll w om en w ho a chie v e b ig th in gs. I th in k i t i s g re at. . .’ ‘B ut y o u c an’t b e w ith th em ?’ ‘I d on’t k no w . M ayb e n o t. M ayb e I c o uld . B ut y o u m ad e m e th in k a b out m arria ge a nd I d id . I vis u aliz e d a f u tu re h o m e. I w ould l ik e m y w ife to b e th ere f o r m e a nd m y k id s.’ ‘A nd I c an’t b e th at? ’ ‘W ill y o u l e av e y o ur j o b?’ ‘W hy, D eb u? W hy d o I h av e to l e av e i t? I l ik e i t. I t’ s r e w ard in g a nd f u lfillin g to m e.’ ‘W hat a b out th e h o m e?’ ‘W hat a b out th e h o m e? Y ou a re g o in g to w ork to o, r ig ht? W hy c an’t I ? ’ ‘O h, s o y o u w ant to w ork a nd I s ta y a t h o m e?’ ‘I d id n’t s a y th at, b ut w hy d o I h av e to c ho ose o ne o f th e tw o?’ ‘I g et i t.’ ‘W hat, D eb u?’ ‘Y ou m ake m ore m oney. I s h o uld q uit m y j o b, r ig ht, n o t th e h ig h-fly in g y o u?’ ‘W ill y o u s to p it? S to p c allin g m e h ig h-fly in g o r w hate v er. W hen y o u d o w ell I a m h ap py fo r yo u. A m I n o t? W hy c an’t y o u b e?’ He lo oked a t m e o nce a nd th en s id ew ays. I le t o ut a d eep b re ath a nd s p oke a gain , a s c alm a s possib le . ‘N obody n eed s to q uit i f th ey d on’t w ant to . W e c an s ti ll h av e a g o od h ap py f a m ily ,’ I s a id . Deb u k ep t q uie t. I c o uld te ll m y w ord s d id n o t c o nv in ce h im . ‘S ay s o m eth in g,’ I s a id , p utti n g m y c utl e ry d ow n. He r e m ain ed q uie t, c o nti n ued to e at i n s ile nce. T ears w elle d u p i n m y e yes. I w ip ed th em w ith a ti s su e. He p la ced h is h and o n m in e. ‘D on’t c ry ,’ h e s a id . ‘D on’t m ake m e c ry a nd th en s a y “ d on’t c ry ”,’ I s a id , m y v oic e b re akin g. ‘L eav e a ll th is b ankin g a nd m orn in g m eeti n gs. Y ou a re s tr e ssin g y o urs e lf o ut.’ ‘I a m f in e,’ I s a id a s I c o nti n ued to c ry . ‘ I a m f in e.’ ‘Y ou a re th is s im ple I n d ia n g ir l. Y ou n eed to l o ve a nd b e l o ved .’ ‘Y eah, I a m ,’ I s a id , s n ifflin g a s I c o m pose d m yse lf. ‘I w ill ta ke c are o f u s. D on’t y o u j u st w ant to b e th ere f o r m e a nd o ur f u tu re k id s? ’ I c hecked th e ti m e. ‘It’ s 7 .2 0. I r e ally n eed to r u sh .’ I w alk ed to w ard s th e b ath ro om . D eb u s p oke b ehin d m e. ‘S ee. T his i s w hat y o u d o. I a m d is c ussin g s o m eth in g w ith y o u,’ h e s a id . I tu rn ed to h im a t th e b ath ro om d oor. ‘I h av e a m orn in g m eeti n g. I a m p re se nti n g a d eal. I to ld y o u.’ ‘B ut I a m d is c ussin g s o m eth in g i m porta nt. L eav e th e m eeti n g to day.’ ‘I c an’t. I h av e to p re se nt th e C hin a d eal.’ I w ent in to th e b ath ro om , to ok a q uic k s h o w er a nd c hanged fr o m m y n ig htc lo th es to a w hite sh ir t a nd b la ck tr o use rs . W hen I c am e o ut D eb u w as s ti ll s itti n g a t th e d in in g ta b le . ‘T his i s w hat I f e ar. E ven a s a m oth er th is i s w hat y o u w ill d o. T hen w hat? ’ h e s a id . I d id n’t r e sp ond . I s ta re d a t h im f o r f iv e s e co nd s. H e c o w ere d a l ittl e , n erv ous a t w hat I w ould do n ext. I re ached th e e ntr a nce d oor a nd o pened it. I s te p ped o ut o f th e h o use . I g la re d a t h im o ne more ti m e a nd s la m med th e d oor s h ut. ‘ W 1 5 ho a, b ig p arty n ig ht y este rd ay?’ J o nath an s a id . W e s a t i n th e m eeti n g r o om w aiti n g f o r o th ers to a rriv e. ‘N o, I w as a t h o m e. W e h ad th e C hin a d eal c all, r ig ht? ’ I s a id . ‘B ut y o ur e yes. T hey a re r e d .’ ‘I d id n’t s le ep w ell, a ctu ally .’ ‘D eal s tr e ss? ’ ‘L ife s tr e ss.’ Jo nath an s m ile d . ‘I k no w th e f e elin g,’ h e s a id . Cra ig , J o n a nd a f e w o th er V Ps a nd a sso cia te s f r o m th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up a rriv ed i n th e n ext f e w m in ute s. I p re se nte d th e L uxv is io n d eal to g et e v ery o ne’s v ie w s. ‘I w ould g et a l o cal C hin ese p ro perty d ev elo per i n v olv ed s o on,’ J o n s a id . He w as r ig ht. C hin a h ad to o m any r e gula ti o ns; y o u n eed ed a s tr o ng lo cal p artn er to n av ig ate t h e s y ste m . ‘S ure ,’ I sa id . ‘H ong K ong o ffic e is v is iti n g th e fa cto ry . W ill ask th em to ta lk to a fe w d ev elo pers to o.’ I f in is h ed m y p re se nta ti o n a nd s a t d ow n. A no th er te am p re se nte d th eir d eal. M y h ead h urt f r o m l a ck o f s le ep . I w as tr y in g m y b est to p ay a tte nti o n to th e s p eaker w hen m y p ho ne b uzze d i n m y tr o use r p ocket. I ig no re d it a t fir s t. It b uzze d a fe w m ore ti m es. T he m eeti n g r o om w as d ark a s th e s p eaker m ad e a s lid e p re se nta ti o n. I s lid o ut m y p ho ne a nd h eld i t i n m y h and b eneath th e ta b le . I h ad s e v era l m essa ges, a ll f r o m D eb u. ‘R ad hik a, I c an’t d o th is a nym ore .’ ‘T hin k w hate v er o f m e b ut th is i s n o t w hat I w ant.’ ‘T ru st m e. Y ou a re n o t a n e asy p ers o n to b e w ith .’ ‘I w ant a s im ple l ife . I j u st w ant a s im ple I n d ia n g ir l.’ ‘I w ant to b re ak u p . I w ill m ove o ut.’ ‘W ill l e av e th e r e nt f o r th is m onth o n to p o f th e f r id ge. B ye.’ My f a ce f r o ze a s I s ta re d a t th e s c re en. I c o uld n’t r e act i n f r o nt o f th e te am . I c le nched m y te eth s o m y e yes w ould n’t s tr e am . ‘E xcuse m e,’ I w his p ere d to J o nath an n ext to m e a nd s to od u p . ‘I n eed to s te p o ut,’ I w his p ere d a nd ti p to ed o ut o f th e m eeti n g r o om to c o nfr o nt th e d ark ness I f a ced i n m y l ife . I w ent to th e l a d ie s’ r o om a nd r e -re ad th e m essa ges. I c alle d D eb u. H e c ut m y c all. I c alle d tw ic e a gain . ‘C an y o u c all m e?’ I s e nt h im a m essa ge. He d id n’t re sp ond . I c am e b ack to m y c ub ic le , s a t in m y s e at a nd c o vere d m y fa ce w ith m y hand s. T ric ia , a s ix ty -y ear-o ld A meric an s e cre ta ry i n o ur g ro up , g la nced a t m e. ‘Y ou o kay?’ I n o dded , m y l ip s a f la t l in e. ‘J u st ti r e d ,’ I s a id w ith e ffo rt. ‘A re y o u g o in g to c all m e?’ I s e nt a m essa ge a gain . ‘T here i s n o th in g to ta lk a b out,’ h e r e p lie d . I c alle d h im . H e c ut m y c all a gain . ‘A m b usy,’ h is m essa ge s a id . ‘W hat c o uld b e m ore i m porta nt th an th is ? ’ I r e sp ond ed . ‘C an y o u l e av e m e a lo ne, p le ase ?’ c am e h is a nsw er. My e yes w elle d u p . I d id n’t w ant to c ry i n th e o ffic e. I s u cked i n m y b re ath . ‘W e h av e l iv ed to geth er f o r tw o y ears . I s i t th at s im ple to e nd i t? ’ I s e nt h im a m essa ge. ‘I s h o uld h av e e nd ed i t e arlie r,’ h e s a id . I c alle d h im . H e p ic ked u p . ‘I h av e to ld y o u I c an’t ta lk . S to p c allin g m e, p le ase .’ ‘C an w e ta lk l a te r? ’ I p le ad ed a s m y v oic e b egan to q uiv er. ‘I r e ally h av e to g o . B ye,’ h e s a id . That w as th at. M y f a ce r e d , I k new I h ad to l e av e th e o ffic e b efo re I d is in te gra te d . ‘I a m j u st g o in g o ut f o r a w alk ,’ I c alle d o ut to T ric ia . ‘ F eelin g a b it u neasy.’ ‘F re sh a ir w ill d o y o u g o od,’ T ric ia s a id . ‘T ell J o nath an to c all o n m y c ell i f h e n eed s m e.’ I s te p ped o ut o f 8 5 B ro ad S tr e et. T he s u n s h o ne b rig ht, ta kin g a w ay a b it o f th e c hill. I t w as a beauti fu l d ay w eath er-w is e , b ut it fe lt lik e m y w ors t d ay in N ew Y ork s o fa r. I fe lt lik e c allin g h im again , b ut re sis te d th e te m pta ti o n. I k ep t sta rin g a t m y p ho ne, h o pin g h e w ould c all m e b ack. H e did n’t. I r o am ed u p a nd d ow n W all S tr e et a d oze n ti m es. I d id n’t h av e a nyo ne l ik e D eb u i n N ew Y ork . Sure , I h ad s o m e fr ie nd s a t w ork a nd o uts id e. H ow ev er, I c o uld n’t im agin e th is c ity w ith o ut D eb u. Mayb e h e i s j u st u pse t , I to ld m yse lf. B ut h e h ad s e em ed s o c o ld a nd f ir m w hen h e s p oke to m e. I w ent b ack to w ork a fte r a n h o ur. I s o m eho w f in is h ed th e d ay. I d id n’t e at a ny l u nch. I l e ft th e offic e a t 5 i n th e e v enin g a nd to ok th e s u b w ay b ack a nd r e ached h o m e. I s w itc hed o n th e lig hts o f th e liv in g ro om . I w ent to th e b ath ro om . I s a w th e c o unte r d id n’t hav e D eb u’s p erfu m e o r h is b eard tr im mer. T he c lo th es-h o ok i n th e b ath ro om d id n o t h av e a ny o f h is clo th es. I w ent to th e b ed ro om , o pened th e c lo se t— no th in g. I f e lt l ik e s o m eo ne h ad k ic ked m e i n th e s to m ach, h ard . No, t h is i s j u st a n ig htm are . I d id n’t s le ep a ll n ig ht s o I a m i m agin in g a ll t h is . I s a t o n th e b ed a nd s ta re d a t th e e m pty c lo se t. T hen I c rie d . A nd c rie d . T ill m y e yes w ere a s em pty a s D eb u’s c up board . ‘P le ase , D eb u. T he h o use i s s o e m pty w ith o ut y o u,’ I s a id . I h eld o n to th e p ole in th e s u b w ay c o m partm ent. D eb u h ad le ft h o m e fiv e d ays a go . I h ad calle d h im e v ery d ay, tr y in g to c o nv in ce h im to c o m e b ack. ‘It i s y o ur h o use . Y ou s ta yed th ere a lo ne b efo re m e, r ig ht? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘Y eah, b ut n o w i t i s o ur h o m e.’ ‘It’ s n o t. I t’ s r e nte d . T oo m uch r e nt, i f y o u a sk m e.’ The tr a in s h o ok a s i t s h ifte d tr a cks. I f o und i t to ugh to b ala nce m yse lf. ‘Y ou k no w w hat I m ean,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s o kay. Y ou w ill g et u se d to i t,’ h e s a id . ‘I c an’t. P le ase , D eb u. D on’t y o u m is s m e?’ I s a id . A p art o f m e fe lt h o rrib le fo r g ro vellin g befo re h im l ik e th is . I te are d u p i n f r o nt o f e v ery o ne i n th e s u b w ay. ‘I a m j u st a h ab it. T ru st m e,’ D eb u s a id . ‘M y s to p h as c o m e. I w ill c all y o u f r o m h o m e,’ I s a id a nd h ung u p . I t g av e m e a n e xcuse to c all him a gain a fte r a w hile . M ayb e h e w ould b e c o nv in ced th is ti m e? How d esp era te a re y o u? m in i- m e sa id . Ye s, so I a m a little d esp era te , b ut o nly fo r lo ve. There ’s n oth in g w ro ng i n b ein g d esp era te f o r l o ve, r ig ht? At ho m e I sa t o n th e b ed and calle d him again . H e to ok m y call. I heard no is e s in th e backgro und . ‘I’ v e c o m e o ut f o r d rin ks. W ith o ffic e p eo ple . C an w e ta lk l a te r? ’ ‘T alk to m e fo r tw o m in ute s, p le ase ,’ I s a id . T he h o use fe lt lo nely a s h ell. I n eed ed h im n ear me, i f n o t i n p ers o n, th en a t l e ast o n th e p ho ne. ‘C om e o n c hat. B ut o nly tw o m in ute s,’ h e s a id . O f c o urs e , lik e a n o bed ie nt s la v e, I a gre ed to whate v er s c ra p s h e o ffe re d m e. ‘W assu p ,’ h e s e nt m e a m essa ge. ‘H ow w as y o ur d ay?’ I r e p lie d . ‘W as f in e. I s th at w hat y o u w ante d to s a y?’ ‘I c an’t s le ep a t n ig ht.’ ‘Y ou s h o uld .’ ‘I b eg y o u, c o m e b ack.’ ‘N ot th at a gain , R ad hik a. P le ase . H av e to ld y o u m y d ecis io n.’ ‘W hat i s m y f a ult? J u st te ll m e. I w ill c hange m yse lf.’ ‘It’ s f in e.’ ‘Y ou w ant m e to n o t w ork ? L eav e m y j o b? J u st s a y i t.’ ‘D o w hate v er. Y our l ife .’ ‘D eb u, p le ase !’ ‘L is te n, o ffic e p eo ple h ere . G ot to g o . B ye.’ He d id n’t r e sp ond a fte r th at. I o pened th e f r id ge, f o und a b ottl e o f w hite w in e, p oure d m yse lf a big g la ss. T hen a no th er a nd a no th er. I s e nt h im a m essa ge i n m y d ru nken s ta te . ‘I l o ve y o u, D eb u.’ He d id n’t r e sp ond . ‘I w ill d o a nyth in g f o r y o u. N oth in g e ls e m atte rs ,’ I s e nt a no th er o ne. ‘L ove y o u, D eb u. M ore th an a nyo ne e ls e ,’ I c o nti n ued m y m essa ge b arra ge, a s th e w in e i n sid e me m eant I h ad n o lim its a nym ore . F ro m d esp era te I h ad n o w m oved to fu ll- o n p ath eti c . I s a w th e ‘ty p in g. . .’ n o ti fic ati o n o n W hats A pp. H e w as g o in g to r e sp ond ! J o y fille d m e in a nti c ip ati o n o f h is re sp onse . ‘H ow d o y o u s a y “ sto p b oth erin g m e” n ic ely ?’ c am e h is r e p ly . I p oure d m yse lf a f o urth g la ss. I n eed ed to p ass o ut a nd , w ell, n o t b oth er h im a nym ore . A 1 6 month a fte r D eb u le ft w e c lo se d th e L uxv is io n d eal. T he C hin a fa cto ry s ite d id h av e re al- esta te p ote nti a l. W ith th e r ig ht lo cal p artn ers , w e c o uld s e e a g o od p ro fit o n th e d eal in tw o y ears . W e h ad c lo se d a c o m plic ate d d eal. J o nath an w ante d to c ele b ra te . ‘I a m b uyin g a r o und o f d rin ks. H arry ’s a t 7 ,’ h e s a id to C ra ig a nd m e i n th e a fte rn o on. Cra ig d id th um bs u p f r o m h is c ub ic le . ‘R ad hik a, y o u o n?’ J o nath an s a id . I g av e h im a b la nk s ta re . In th e la st m onth I h ad w ork ed o n a uto pilo t. I s h o w ed u p a t th e G old m an o ffic e in th e m orn in g, s a t in m y s e at, w ork ed o n m y c o m pute r a nd le ft p ost 8 in th e e v enin g. I w ante d to r e ach h o m e a s la te a nd a s ti r e d a s p ossib le . If I h ad s p are t i m e o r th e e nerg y to th in k, I w ould m essa ge a nd c all D eb u. H e h ad sto pped ta kin g m y c alls o r r e sp ond in g to m essa ges s o m eti m e b ack. B ut i t d id n’t d ete r m e. I d id n’t s o cia liz e w ith a nyo ne. I a te c ere al w ith m ilk f r o m te tr a p acks f o r b re akfa st a nd d in ner. I s k ip ped lu nch. I s p oke v ery littl e to m om . A nd w hen I d id I a sk ed h er m eanin gle ss q uesti o ns lik e w hat s h e h ad m ad e f o r d in ner o r w hat th e te m pera tu re w as i n D elh i. I s le p t n o m ore th an tw o to th re e h o urs a n ig ht. T he re st o f th e ti m e I s ta re d a t th e b ed ro om c eilin g o r w atc hed A meric an T V i n fo m erc ia ls a b out s lim min g p ro ducts p ro m is in g e te rn al f itn ess a nd h ap pin ess. Hence, w hen J o nath an a sk ed m e a s im ple q uesti o n, i t d id n’t r e gis te r w ith m e. ‘Y ou d on’t h av e p la ns th is e v enin g, d o y o u?’ J o nath an s a id . I s h o ok m y h ead . I d id n’t h av e p la ns. I w ill n ever h ave p la ns. ‘C om e f o r d rin ks a t H arry ’s th en. L uxv is io n d eal- c lo sin g d rin ks.’ ‘S ure ,’ I m anaged to s a y. Of c o urs e , h eartb re ak, a lc o ho l a nd I a re a n e xp lo siv e c o m bin ati o n. E very o ne c ele b ra te d th e e nd o f a ll th e h ard w ork o n th e C hin a d eal w ith c ham pagne a nd m arti n is . I d ra nk m y g la ss o f w in e to k ill th e p ain th at ju st w ould n o t g o a w ay. I c o uld n’t b elie v e I lo ved th is g uy s o m uch. I tr ie d to fin d r e aso ns to h ate h im . H ow h e u se d to s it w atc hin g T V d oin g n o th in g. H ow h e w ould n o t s h o w er o n w eekend s u nti l th e e v enin g. H ow h e w ould s c an th e m enu to o rd er th e c heap est d is h es. Y eah, h e i s n ’t w orth it, R ad hik a, I tr ie d to te ll m yse lf. It d id n’t w ork . In fa ct, th e th in gs th at a nno yed m e a b out h im m ad e m e m is s h im m ore . I s lip ped to o ne c o rn er o f th e b ar w ith m y s e co nd g la ss o f w in e. I w atc hed m y c o lle agues c hat a nd l a ugh f r o m a d is ta nce. I l is te ned to th e s o ng p la yin g i n th e b ar. I t w as P asse nger’s L et h er g o . Yo u o nly n eed t h e l ig ht w hen i t i s b urn in g l o w Only m is s t h e s u n w hen i t s ta rts t o s n ow . How d id P asse nger k no w w hat I w as g o in g th ro ugh? G od, I m is se d D eb u. I w ante d h im to ho ld m e l ik e h e d id e v ery n ig ht. I t m eant m ore to m e th an a ny s tu p id j o b o r s tu p id d eal. ‘W hat’ s u p , R ad hik a?’ J o nath an c am e u p to m e. ‘ C om e j o in u s.’ ‘In a b it. T akin g i t e asy. P lu s, I l ik e th is s o ng.’ Sta rin g a t t h e c eilin g i n t h e d ark Sam e o ld e m pty f e elin g i n y o ur h ea rt Cause l o ve c o m es s lo w a nd i t g oes s o f a st. Jo nath an r a is e d h is g la ss. I r a is e d m in e a s w ell a nd to uched i t to h is . I c o uld q uit t h is j o b. S ure , t h at’s w hat D eb u w ante d . ‘E njo yin g y o urs e lf i n th e d is tr e sse d g ro up ?’ J o nath an s a id . I s h ru gged . I c o uld n’t p re te nd to b e c heerfu l a nym ore . ‘W hat? ’ J o nath an w as p uzzle d . ‘I d on’t k no w . I c an’t r e ally s a y.’ Even th o ugh J o nath an w as a c o lle ague, m y b oss a nd I to ta lly s h o uld n o t h av e d one th is , I b urs t in to te ars . Fuck, w hy d o I c ry s o m uch th ese d ays? I s w allo w ed h ard to c urb m y te ars . I a m n ot goin g t o m ake a f o ol o f m yse lf i n f r o nt o f m y c o w ork ers. ‘A nyth in g w e c an h elp w ith ?’ J o nath an s a id , s u rp ris e d . I s h o ok m y h ead , k eep in g m y g aze d ow n. If th ere is o ne th in g A meric ans u nd ers ta nd , it is n o t to in v ad e so m eo ne’s p ers o nal sp ace. Jo nath an f ig ure d s o m eth in g w as a m is s. ‘I a m g o in g to l e t y o u b e. J o in u s i f y o u w ant to . O kay?’ I n o dded . ‘T hanks,’ I m um ble d . I d ecid ed to q uit m y j o b. N o d eal o r c o m pany o r j o b w as w orth i t. I o nly e njo yed a ll th is w hen I h ad D eb u. I n eed ed lo ve. U nfo rtu nate ly , G old m an d oesn ’t h and o ut lo ve a t b onus ti m e. I d eb ate d wheth er I s h o uld te ll J o nath an n o w . H ow ev er, h e s e em ed to b e h av in g a f u n c o nv ers a ti o n w ith C ra ig . I did n’t w ant to s p oil a nyo ne’s m ood. I d id b otto m s-u p o n m y th ir d o r fo urth o r fifth g la ss o f w in e. I tr ie d to c all D eb u to te ll h im ab out m y d ecis io n to q uit w ork . H e d id n’t p ic k u p . I d ecid ed to te ll h im fa ce-to -fa ce. I g estu re d to Jo nath an th at I n eed ed to g o . H e g av e m e a n u nd ers ta nd in g n o d. I c am e o ut o f H arry ’s . T he w in e m ad e m e f e el w eig htl e ss, a ir b orn e. A t a f lo ris t k io sk o n W all Str e et I b ought a d oze n d ark r e d r o se s. I c hecked th e ti m e— 7.3 0 p .m .— and h aile d a y ello w c ab . ‘T iffa ny o n F ifth A venue, p le ase ,’ I s a id . I r e ached th e T iffa ny s to re j u st a f e w m in ute s b efo re i ts c lo sin g ti m e. ‘R in gs, f o r m en,’ I s a id . The p olite sa le sp ers o n to ok o ut se v era l go ld and p la ti n um rin gs. I cho se a cla ssic m en’s pla ti n um b and . ‘E xcelle nt c ho ic e. T hat w ould b e 2 ,0 00 d olla rs ,’ th e s a le sp ers o n s a id . I to ok o ut m y c re d it c ard . ‘T hank y o u. W ould y o u l ik e i t g ift- w ra p ped ?’ h e s a id . ‘Y es, p le ase ,’ I s a id . I r u sh ed o ut o f th e s to re a nd h aile d a no th er c ab . ‘B ro okly n H eig hts , p le ase .’ The ta xi to ok th e F D R, cro sse d B ro okly n B rid ge and ente re d B ro okly n. It to ok m e fo rty min ute s to r e ach D eb u’s b uild in g. H e h ad m oved b ack to h is a p artm ent w ith h is o ld r o om mate s. T he ele v ato r o f h is b uild in g h ad s h ut d ow n f o r te m pora ry r e p air s s o I c lim bed u p th e f iv e f lo ors to r e ach his a p artm ent. I w as a b out to r in g th e b ell b ut p ause d . I w ante d to g iv e h im a c o m ple te s u rp ris e . I h ad co m e w ith n ew s o f a r e sig nati o n, a b ouq uet o f r o se s a nd a r in g. I w ante d h im . I w as r e ad y to b e h is gir l, ju st th e w ay h e w ante d m e to b e. I lifte d th e p otte d p la nt o uts id e h is fla t. I fo und th e b unch o f ho use k eys u nd er i t. I o pened th e d oor. It w as d ark in th e liv in g ro om . I sw itc hed o n th e lig hts . I w ond ere d if anyo ne w as h o m e. T w o b ed ro om s h ad th eir d oors a ja r. T hese b elo nged to D eb u’s r o om mate s. I w alk ed u p to th e th ir d b ed ro om — his . I c o uld h ear m usic . Y ep , D eb u w as in sid e. I k no cked tw ic e. I d on’t th in k h e h eard it. H ad h e g o ne to s le ep w hile lis te nin g to m usic ? I c hecked th e h o use keys. I tr ie d th em o ne b y o ne o n th e b ed ro om d oor w ith m y r ig ht h and s in ce I h eld th e b ouq uet a nd th e blu e T iffa ny b ox in m y le ft. O ne o f th e k eys w ork ed . I g entl y o pened th e d oor. I ju st w ante d to s lip in to b ed w ith h im . A ti n y b ed sid e l a m p w as s w itc hed o n. I t to ok m e a s e co nd to p ro cess w hat I s a w : Deb u a nd a w hite g ir l l a y th ere n aked , i n te rtw in ed w ith o ne a no th er. I c o uld n’t b re ath e. I n h in d sig ht I re aliz e I s h o uld h av e s h ut th e d oor a nd d ash ed o ut. I n ste ad , I f r o ze . ‘W hat th e f u ck. . .’ D eb u s a id a s h e s a w m e. ‘I. . .I . . .s o rry . . .s o rry . . .’ ‘O h fu ck,’ th e A meric an g ir l s a id a s s h e s a w m e. S he h ad a la rg e ta tto o o f a b ir d o n h er le ft up per b re ast. S he a ls o h ad a p ie rc ed u p per l ip . I d on’t k no w w hy I s to od th ere a nd n o ti c ed a ll th is a nd did n o t j u st r u n o ut. ‘R ad hik a?’ D eb u s a id . I s ta rte d to s h iv er. ‘Y ou k no w h er? ’ th e g ir l s a id . ‘H uh?’ D eb u s a id a s h e v is ib ly w ond ere d w hat to te ll h er. ‘ U se d to . W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere , Rad hik a?’ ‘N oth in g,’ I s a id . M y fa ce w as o n fir e w ith e m barra ssm ent. What th e h ell w as I d oin g h ere anyw ay? W ith a b ouquet a nd T iffa ny b ox i n m y h and? Then, in a s e co nd , I w as g o ne. I tu rn ed a ro und a nd ra n o ut o f h is h o use . I d on’t k no w if h e cam e a fte r m e. I d on’t th in k h e d id . N ot th at I l o oked b ack. I s im ply r a n a nd r a n, d ow n th e s ta ir s a nd on th e e m pty s tr e ets . I w ante d to d is a p pear i n to th in a ir. I n th e m id dle o f th e r o ad I p ra yed f o r a c ab , but n o ne c am e. ‘D on’t c ry , d on’t c ry , d on’t c ry , R ad hik a,’ I m um ble d , r o ckin g m yse lf. I h ad to k eep i t to geth er unti l I r e ached h o m e. O r a t l e ast u nti l I f o und a ta xi. M y h and s tr e m ble d , m y k nees w obble d . ‘D on’t, R ad hik a,’ I s a id o ut lo ud e v en a s I le t g o . M y le gs fe lt w eak. I k neele d d ow n o n th e ro ad a nd c rie d . I d id n’t ju st c ry , I h o w le d . A c o up le o f p eo ple fr o m th e g ro und -flo or a p artm ents peep ed o ut fr o m th eir w in d ow s to lo ok a t m e. I d id n’t c are . Where d id I g o w ro ng? I lo oked a t th e sk y. I a m s o rry, G od, b ut w hat w ro ng d id I d o? The i m age o f D eb u w ith th e ta tto oed w hite g ir l w ould n’t v acate m y h ead . An N YPD p olic e c ar c am e u p o n th e r o ad a nd s to pped n ear m e. ‘Y ou a ll r ig ht, l a d y?’ a c o p s p oke to m e f r o m i n sid e th e c ar. I l o oked u p a t h im a nd n o dded . ‘Y ou l iv e h ere ?’ ‘N o. T rib eca.’ ‘Y ou w ant to g o h o m e?’ I n o dded . ‘C om e, w e c an d ro p y o u a t th e s u b w ay s ta ti o n.’ I s a t i n a p olic e c ar f o r th e f ir s t ti m e i n m y l ife . F iv e m in ute s l a te r, h e d ro pped m e a t th e C la rk Str e et s u b w ay s to p. I s w ip ed m y M etr o card a nd to ok th e n um ber 2 tr a in to C ham bers S tr e et. L ik e a co rp se I r e ached h o m e. O nce i n sid e, I s a t o n th e s o fa a nd l o oked a t m y h and s; I s ti ll h ad th e b ouq uet and r in g. I th re w th em o n th e f lo or a nd c alle d h o m e. ‘I m is s y o u, m om ,’ I s a id . My m oth er s e nse d m y s a d , ti r e d a nd d ev asta te d s ta te . ‘W hat h ap pened , b eta ?’ ‘N oth in g.’ ‘S ay w hat h ap pened .’ ‘N oth in g. J u st h o m esic k.’ ‘W e m is s y o u to o.’ ‘I l o ve y o u, m om !’ ‘L ove y o u to o, b eta . I t’ s l a te , s le ep n o w .’ ‘G oodnig ht, m om .’ I l a y d ow n o n th e s o fa a nd p asse d o ut. ‘H ey, w hat’ s u p , d ealm aker? C om e r ig ht o n i n ,’ J o n s a id a s I k no cked a t h is o ffic e d oor. I c am e i n a nd s a t d ow n i n f r o nt o f h im . ‘S o, J o nath an to ld m e,’ J o n s a id . ‘Y eah, I f ig ure d ,’ I s a id . ‘P ers o nal r e aso ns? ’ J o n s a id . I n o dded . I h ad s e nt i n m y r e sig nati o n. I h ad re ally tr ie d to g et b ack to n o rm al. B ut N ew Y ork w ould n’t le t m e. E very s tr e et, e v ery no ok, ev ery in ch of M anhatta n m ad e m e th in k of him . H ell, I w as su ch a w re ck th at ev ery ad verti s e m ent h o ard in g (b ecause D eb u w ork ed in a d verti s in g, y o u s e e) m ad e m y h eart s in k. E very re sta ura nt m enu to ok m e b ack to d in ners w ith h im . E ven in m y o w n h o use th e k itc hen, th e c o uch, th e bed , e v ery th in g s c re am ed h is a b se nce. I h ad n o p la n f o r th e f u tu re . I o nly k new I c o uld n’t b ear to b e a min ute m ore i n th is c ity , w here I h ad l o ved a nd l o st th e o nly m an w ho l o ved m e. I l o oked o ut o f J o n’s win d ow . I s a w th e H ud so n R iv er, a nd th e b uild in gs o f B ro okly n p ast it. B ro okly n— th e w ord its e lf mad e m y e yes w ell u p . I s w allo w ed h ard . I h ate g ir ls w ho c ry in th e o ffic e. L et a lo ne in fr o nt o f a G old m an S achs partn er. Don’t b e a c ry b aby , I s c o ld ed m yse lf. ‘C an I h av e s o m e w ate r? ’ I s a id i n ste ad . ‘S ure ,’ J o n s a id . I p oure d m yse lf a g la ss o f w ate r, to ok a s lo w s ip b ut th e te ars s lip ped o ut a nyw ay. I l ifte d th e gla ss h ig her to c o ver m ore o f m y fa ce. It d id n’t h elp . M y b ody s h o ok a s I s ta rte d to c ry . S om e o f th e wate r s p ille d o n h is ta b le . ‘I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s o kay,’ J o n s a id . H e p asse d m e a b ox o f ti s su es. If th is w ere a n In d ia n o ffic e, th e b oss would h av e a sk ed fiv e ti m es w hat h ap pened , a nd w ould r e q uir e a ll th e g o ry d eta ils . In s tr a it- la ced Americ a, n o m atte r w hat, th ey l e t y o u b e, u nle ss y o u w ant to s h are . ‘I h o pe y o u f e el b ette r,’ J o n s a id a s I w ip ed m y f a ce. I n o dded . ‘L is te n, I a m n o t g o in g to te ll y o u w hat to d o. H ow ev er, y o u d o k no w h o w m uch w e v alu e yo u,’ J o n s a id . ‘Y eah,’ I s a id , s ta rin g a t th e g la ss b efo re m e to a v oid e ye c o nta ct. ‘S o if th ere is a nyth in g w e c an d o to k eep y o u. . . If y o u n eed a lo ng b re ak o r ti m e o ff, anyth in g. . .’ I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘W hat n ext? ’ J o n s a id . ‘I h av e n o i d ea. L eav e N ew Y ork . M ayb e g o h o m e.’ ‘Y ou w ant to te ll m e w hat th e i s su e i s ? ’ J o n s a id . I k ep t s ile nt. ‘S orry , i t’ s n o t m y p la ce to a sk . Y ou d on’t h av e to te ll m e. J u st w ante d to h elp i f I c o uld .’ ‘I c an’t b e i n N ew Y ork ,’ I s a id . ‘O kay. D o y o u n eed to b e s o m ep la ce s p ecific ?’ ‘N o. J u st n o t N ew Y ork . T oo m uch b aggage.’ Jo n n o dded , l e anin g b ack o n h is e rg o no m ic H erm an M ille r c hair. ‘A r e la ti o nsh ip e nd ed . I d id n’t r e aliz e I w as th is a tta ched . O r i t w ould h urt s o m uch.’ ‘H mm. . .’ Jo n w as p ro bab ly w ond erin g h o w h is f a v ourite a sso cia te c o uld b e s o f o olis h a s to l e av e a j o b and a c ity o ver a g uy. ‘N ow e v ery c o rn er o f M anhatta n r e m in d s m e o f h im ,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou c o uld a lw ays m ove to B ro okly n,’ h e s a id a nd s m ile d , p oin ti n g to th e w in d ow . He l o oked a t m e. O f c o urs e h is j o ke h ad n o t w ork ed . ‘H e l iv es i n B ro okly n n o w ,’ I s a id i n a p la in v oic e. ‘S orry , s o rry . I w as j u st b ein g f u nny. D id n’t w ork , o bvio usly ,’ J o n s a id . ‘Y ou p ro bab ly th in k I a m i n sa ne. T o th ro w a w ay a c are er f o r a g uy. T hat to o a g uy w ho i s n o t with m e a nym ore .’ ‘I d on’t j u d ge p eo ple . A nd I k no w y o u a re n o t i n sa ne.’ ‘T hanks, J o n. A nyw ay, I w ant to th ank y o u. I h av e h ad a w ond erfu l e xp erie nce. . .’ I s a id a s h e in te rru p te d m e. ‘W ait. H ow a b out w e k eep y o u? B ut w e tr a nsfe r y o u?’ ‘T ra nsfe r? ’ ‘T o a no th er o ffic e w ith in th e g ro up .’ ‘W here ?’ ‘W here v er w e h av e o ffic es. Y our l a st d eal w as th at C hin a o ne, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah. L uxv is io n.’ ‘S o th at d eal n eed s to b e m onito re d u nti l w e e xit. Y ou c o uld d o i t f r o m H ong K ong. T hat w ill get y o u s ta rte d . P lu s, f in d n ew d eals th ere . A sia i s g ro w in g.’ ‘H ong K ong?’ I s a id . ‘T hat’ s a s f a r a s i t g ets f r o m N ew Y ork b y th e w ay, o n th is p la net,’ h e s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘Y ou a re s a yin g I c o uld tr a nsfe r to d is tr e sse d d eb t i n H ong K ong?’ I s a id . ‘I c o uld m ake s o m e c alls ,’ J o n s a id . ‘ S ee i f th ey c an a cco m modate .’ Jo n w as b ein g m odest; a p artn er o f h is s ta tu re c allin g th e H ong K ong o ffic e m eant th ey w ould oblig e h im i n a s e co nd . ‘I k no w n o th in g a b out H ong K ong.’ ‘L ots o f C hin ese p eo ple ,’ J o n s a id . ‘ S eem s lik e a fu n p la ce fr o m w hat I h av e s e en d urin g m y tr a v els .’ ‘I a lr e ad y s u b m itte d m y r e sig nati o n. I s e nt y o u a n e m ail.’ ‘I h av e a lr e ad y d ele te d i t,’ J o n s a id , c lic kin g a b utto n o n h is c o m pute r m ouse . Both o f u s s m ile d . ‘T hank y o u, J o n. T hank y o u s o m uch.’ ‘I w ill c all N eel. H e i s th e p artn er th ere . Y ou k no w h im ?’ J o n s a id . ‘N ot m uch. H e d id a s e ssio n d urin g a sso cia te tr a in in g, r ig ht? ’ ‘S m art g uy. I w ill ta lk to h im . H ow s o on c an y o u m ove?’ ‘W hen i s th e n ext f lig ht? ’ ‘ J 1 7 FK , p le ase ,’ I s a id to th e c ab d riv er. I s a t i n a y ello w c ab to th e a ir p ort. I t w as a lm ost 5 i n th e e v enin g. F in ally , th e m overs h ad l e ft a nd I h ad s u rre nd ere d th e k eys to m y T rib eca a p artm ent. My n ew j o b o ffe r h ad c o m e th ro ugh, w ith o nly o ne b rie f c all w ith N eel a s a n i n te rv ie w . G iv en J o n’s re co m mend ati o n, N eel sa id th is w as a fo rm ality a nd m ore a ‘w elc o m e to H ong K ong’ c all. H um an R eso urc es s e nt m e a n ew o ffe r. G iv en th e h ig h re nts in H ong K ong, th ey a d ded a h o usin g a llo w ance o f 6 0,0 00 d olla rs a y ear to m y b ase s a la ry . I h ad d ecid ed to q uit a nd g o b ack to W est D elh i w ith a ze ro sa la ry . M ayb e I w ould h av e y ie ld ed to m y m oth er’s b ad gerin g a b out g etti n g m arrie d . I s h o uld h av e b een s e rv in g te a a nd m ith ai i n t r a ys to p ro sp ecti v e g ro om s. I n ste ad , I h ad a w elc o m e b ro chure f r o m th e G old m an S achs A sia -P acific R elo cati o n G ro up in m y h and . I m ig ht n o t h av e lo ve in m y life , b ut I d id h av e U ncle G old m an S achs t a kin g c are o f m e. T he b ro chure s a id I w ould b e s ta yin g a t th e S hangri- L a H ote l i n H ong K ong u nti l I f o und a n ew a p artm ent. The cab p asse d th e T w eed C ourth o use near th e M anhatta n sid e entr a nce to th e B ro okly n B rid ge. F ro m a d is ta nce, I c o uld se e th e sk ysc ra p ers o f th e F in ancia l D is tr ic t. E ven th o ugh I h ad w ante d to g et o ut o f N ew Y ork a t th e e arlie st, I f e lt a ti n ge o f r e gre t. I h ad b eco m e a tta ched to th e c ity o f m y f ir s ts — fir s t j o b, f ir s t b oyfr ie nd , f ir s t i n d ep end ent h o m e a nd , w ell, f ir s t b re ak-u p . ‘C ould y o u s to p h ere f o r a s e co nd , p le ase ?’ I s a id a s th e c ab r e ached th e b rid ge. The d riv er s lo w ed d ow n th e c ab . ‘C an I w alk a cro ss th e b rid ge? Y ou c an m eet m e o n th e o th er s id e.’ ‘T he e nti r e b rid ge? T hat w ill ta ke y o u h alf a n h o ur.’ ‘I h av e ti m e. C an I h av e y o ur n um ber? ’ He g av e m e a b usin ess c ard w ith h is n am e a nd n um ber. ‘I a m g o nna h av e to k eep th e m ete r o n,’ h e s a id , c hew in g g um . ‘S ure , I w ill c all y o u w hen I r e ach th e o th er s id e.’ I s te p ped o ut o f th e ta xi a nd c lim bed th e s te p s u p to th e p ed estr ia n w alk w ay o f th e b rid ge. T he B ro okly n B rid ge is a n o ld c ab le -s ta yed -c um -s u sp ensio n b rid ge in N ew Y ork C ity . C om ple te d in 1 883, i t c o nnects th e b oro ughs o f M anhatta n a nd B ro okly n b y s p annin g th e E ast R iv er. A ro und a m ile l o ng, i t h as a p ed estr ia n w alk w ay i n th e m id dle , a b ove th e a uto m obile l a nes. If y o u h av e s e en m ovie s s e t in N ew Y ork , y o u w ould h av e p ro bab ly s e en s c enic s h o ts o f th e B ro okly n B rid ge. I b egan m y w alk . T he o ra nge-c o lo ure d s k y a t s u nse t a nd M anhatta n’s s k ylin e o n m y l e ft s e em ed lik e a p erfe ct la st m em ory o f th e c ity . T he p eak h o ur tr a ffic p asse d b elo w m e. I n o ti c ed t h at th e b rid ge w ith i ts tr u sse s r e se m ble d th e H ow ra h B rid ge i n K olk ata . Pain s in ged m y h eart; K olk ata re m in d ed m e o f D eb u. I h ad to ld m yse lf to n o t th in k o f h im . That’ s w hat s u cks a b out l o ve. I t ta kes a w ay y o ur c o ntr o l o ver y o ur th o ughts . A ny tr ig ger, a nyth in g th at so m eho w c o uld b e c o nnecte d b ack to D eb u, w ould s p ark a f ir e o f m em orie s i n sid e m e. I j u st w ante d my la st w alk in th e c ity to b e p eacefu l. A la s, n o s u ch lu ck. I a p pro ached B ro okly n. I w ond ere d if Deb u w ould b e h o m e a lr e ad y. O r if th e ta tto oed w hite g ir l w ould b e w aiti n g fo r h im . O ne o f h is ro om mate s h ad to ld A vin ash , w ho th en to ld m e, th at th e g ir l w as a w aitr e ss a t C hip otl e , a M exic an fa st- fo od c hain . I d id n’t a sk fu rth er. I w ond ere d if h e lo ved h er s o m uch th at h e n ev er th o ught o f m e. Or d id h e m is s m e? Focu s o n t h e w alk , b re a th e , I to ld m yse lf . W hy d oesn ’t t h e b ra in l is te n o nce i n a w hile ? W hy ca n’t i t j u st t a ke i n t h e b ea utifu l v ie w ? I s n ’t i t t h e b ra in ’s j o b t o f ig ure o ut a w ay t o a vo id p ain ? S o why i s i t o nly g en era tin g t h oughts t h at k ill m e? I r e ached th e m id poin t o f th e b rid ge. T ouris ts to ok p ic tu re s o f th e p ano ra m ic s c enery . I to ok o ut my p ho ne to ta ke a la st sn ap sh o t o f N ew Y ork a s w ell. A fte r I c lic ked th e p ic tu re , I o pened m y Whats A pp. I d on’t k no w w hy I d id it, b ut I c hecked D eb u’s p ro file . H e h ad th e sa m e p ic tu re a s alw ays, o f h im p osin g n ext to T he L ake, in C entr a l P ark . H e w as o nlin e. I to ok a d eep b re ath , ty p ed ‘H i’ a nd p re sse d s e nd . He r e ad m y m essa ge b ut d id n’t r e sp ond . I d id n’t w ant h im to th in k I w as c hasin g h im a gain . I ty p ed a no th er m essa ge. ‘I a m l e av in g N ew Y ork .’ You k no w th e m ost a nno yin g th in g in th e w orld ? W hen it s a ys ‘ty p in g. . .’ o n W hats A pp b ut th en th e ‘ ty p in g. . .’ v anis h es. I h av e a c ab w aiti n g. Deb u, s a y w hat y o u h ave to s a y fa st, p le a se , I sa id i n m y h ead . ‘G ood’ c am e h is r e sp onse . Could h e b e a ny m ea ner? S o o kay, I h ad b arg ed i n to h is a p artm ent. I h ad e v en e nte re d h is b ed ro om . S ure , h e w as m ad a t m e. B ut d id h e r e aliz e th at th e p ers o n h e’d l iv ed with f o r tw o y ears w as l e av in g th e c ity , th e c o untr y o r e v en th e c o nti n ent? ‘I m eant I a m l e av in g n o w . O n m y w ay to th e a ir p ort.’ He th en d id a no th er m ean th in g y o u c an d o o n W hats A pp. H e s e nt m e a th um bs-u p s m ile y. W ho mad e th at s tu p id s m ile y? W hat th e f u ck i s th at th um bs-u p s u p pose d to m ean? Lik e a n i d io t I c o nti n ued to s e nd m essa ge a fte r m essa ge. A ll i n th e h o pe o f a s c ra p o f e m oti o n or v alid ati o n. T his m an h ad th e a b ility to m ake m e f e el w re tc hed i n s e co nd s. ‘I a m m ovin g to H ong K ong.’ ‘G re at. M ore m oney f o r y o u, I h o pe.’ Rea lly ? H e h ad t o s a y t h at? I d ecid ed to i g no re h is s n id e c o m ment. ‘S o I a m l e av in g N ew Y ork f o re v er,’ I s a id . I m eant, I l o ve y o u s o m uch , t h is i s w hat I h ave t o do t o g et o ver y o u. A nd I a m s o l o nely a nd s c a re d , c a n y o u p le a se s a y s o m eth in g n ic e b efo re I g o t o a s tr a nge c o untr y, I b eg y o u. He d id n o t r e sp ond fo r a m in ute . I c hecked th e ti m e. I h ad to r e ach th e o th er e nd s o on. I s e nt him a no th er m essa ge to p ro m pt h im to r e sp ond . ‘J u st w ante d to le t y o u k no w . N o c hance o f m e b oth erin g y o u n o w , I g uess,’ I sa id . I a m gro vellin g n ow . A t l e a st s a y s o m eth in g n ic e. ‘T hank y o u f o r th at. T his w ay y o u c an a chie v e y o ur g o als . A nd I c an f in d s o m eo ne c arin g,’ h e sa id . That h urt. I g rip ped m y p ho ne ti g ht, to p re v ent m y f in gers f r o m ty p in g a gain . I l ik e to h um ilia te myse lf, b ut I g uess I h ad to s e t l im its o n h o w m uch. No m ore , I s a id to m yse lf. I to ok a d eep b re ath . O n a n i m puls e , I to sse d m y p ho ne i n to th e E ast Riv er. T ouris ts a ro und m e g asp ed in d is b elie f a s I to sse d a w ork in g iP ho ne in to th e w ate r. T he n ext min ute I fe lt stu p id . H ow ev er, it ensu re d I d id n’t hav e a p ho ne o n m e fo r th e next fe w ho urs , parti c ula rly a t th e a ir p ort. O f c o urs e , I c o uld h av e s im ply d ele te d h is c o nta ct. H ow ev er, th at w ould n’t sto p m e fr o m e xp ecti n g h im to r e sp ond o r fr o m c heckin g m y p ho ne e v ery tw o m in ute s. N o, I h ad to to ss th at h um ilia ti o n d ev ic e in to th e r iv er. P eo ple w ith littl e e m oti o nal s e lf- c o ntr o l m ust ta ke d ra sti c ste p s. I r e su m ed m y w alk to w ard s B ro okly n. A s I s ta re d a t th e w ooden p ath w ay, a q uesti o n c ro sse d my m in d . Dam n, h ow w ill I r e a ch t h e c a b d riv er w ith out m y p hone? I d id m anage to fin d th e ta xi— by b orro w in g a to uris t’ s p ho ne a nd u sin g t he c ard th e d riv er g av e m e. In tw enty m in ute s w e r e ached J F K a ir p ort. ‘T erm in al 7 ple ase , C ath ay P acific ,’ I sa id to th e driv er as w e ap pro ached th e air p ort driv ew ay. I c hecked i n a nd w aite d to b oard i n th e C ath ay P acific l o unge. A p art o f m e f e lt g la d I h ad l o st my p ho ne. If I d id n’t I w ould b e c allin g D eb u r ig ht n o w . I th o ught a b out h is c urt r e sp onse s. C ould n’t he h av e s a id , ‘ A ll th e b est, b ab y. I a m s o rry i t e nd ed th is w ay’? H e c o uld h av e e v en s e nt a ‘ L et’ s b e in to uch. I s ti ll c are a b out y o u’. W as I s o h o rrib le ? W as h e s o r e lie v ed to b e r id o f m e? Lost i n th ese th o ughts , I b oard ed th e C ath ay P acific p la ne w ith i ts d ark -g re en i n te rio rs . I s a t i n th e p lu sh b usin ess-c la ss s e at, c o urte sy o f m y b ank, th e o nly o ne i n th e w orld th at s e em ed to c are a b out me. A p re tty C hin ese g ir l i n a f itte d r e d c heo ngsa m d re ss c am e u p to m e. S he o ffe re d m e a g la ss o f cham pagne. I d eclin ed . I h ad n o r e aso n to c ele b ra te . I lo oked o ut th e w in d ow a s th e p la ne s ta rte d to ta xi f o r i ts l o ng s ix te en-h o ur f lig ht. M y e yes f ille d w ith te ars . I f e lt l o st i n m y l u xurio us s u rro und in gs. Too s a d to s ta y. T oo s a d to le av e. Perh aps th is is h ow it w ill b e fr o m n ow , I th o ught. I w ill re m ain sa d fo re ver . T he p la ne to ok o ff. I c o nti n ued to c ry a s N ew Y ork b ecam e s m alle r a nd s m alle r in m y win d ow . The f lig ht a tte nd ant n o ti c ed m y te ars . A fte r th e s e atb elt s ig ns w ent o ff, s h e c am e u p to m e w ith a h o t to w el a nd ti s su es. I u se d th e h o t to w el to w ip e m y f a ce. T he h eat f e lt n ic e o n m y s k in . ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘W ould y o u l ik e to e at s o m eth in g, m a’a m ?’ s h e s a id . I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘M ayb e j u st th e s ta rte r? W e a ls o h av e a l o vely c arro t- a nd -g in ger s o up .’ I n o dded . S he p ulle d o ut m y tr a y ta b le a nd p la ced a w hite c lo th o n it. S he to ok a no th er c lo th nap kin a nd p la ced it o n m y la p . S he b ro ught m e a tr a y o f fo od. It c o nta in ed fr e sh s a la d , s o up a nd bro w n b re ad . I h ad n o t e ate n a ll d ay. I f in is h ed e v ery th in g o n m y tr a y. Late r, s h e o ffe re d a ra sp berry p ud din g fo r d esse rt. A fte r I a te it a ll u p s h e b ro ught m e h o t pep perm in t te a. I e njo yed h er f u ll a tte nti o n. Is t h is t h e k in d o f w ife m en w ant? ‘R ead y f o r b ed ?’ s h e s a id . I n o dded . S he a d ju ste d m y s e at a nd c o nv erte d it in to a fla t b ed . S he p la ced a w hite s h eet a nd pillo w o n it. A s I la y d ow n, s h e d ra p ed a q uilt o ver m e. I r e aliz e d s o m eth in g. D eb u w asn ’t th e o nly one. I a ls o w ante d s o m eo ne l ik e th is l a d y to ta ke c are o f m e. W hy c an’t w om en g et a w ife ? I 1 8 wip ed a te ar fr o m th e c o rn er o f m y r ig ht e ye. A b it o f k aja l c am e a w ay o n m y fin ger. I s a t d ow n on th e l e g r a is e m achin e. D eb u c o nti n ued to l o ok a t m e w ith a n a p olo geti c e xp re ssio n. ‘I h av e n o t f o rg o tte n a nyth in g, D eb u. B ut I d on’t n eed to b e r e m in d ed o f i t e ith er.’ ‘I a m s o rry , b ab y,’ h e s a id a nd to uched m y e lb ow . I p ush ed h is h and a w ay. I s to od u p to l e av e. ‘I n eed to g o . A nd y o u h av e to s to p c allin g m e b ab y.’ I tr ie d to w alk p ast h im . H e b lo cked m e. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘P le ase . S ta y. L is te n to m e. P le ase .’ ‘W hat’ s th e p oin t? I h av e l ite ra lly a h und re d p eo ple w aiti n g u p sta ir s .’ My p ho ne r a ng. ‘S ee, i t i s m y s is te r,’ I s a id . ‘T ell h er y o u n eed te n m ore m in ute s.’ ‘W hat f o r? ’ I p la ced a f in ger o n m y l ip s to s ig nal D eb u to b e q uie t a nd a nsw ere d th e c all. ‘Y eah, d id i. I w ent to th e w ash ro om . . .n o , n o t in th e ro om . . .I a m c o m in g. G iv e m e fiv e m in ute s. . .n o n eed to c o m e f e tc h m e. . .I w ill c o m e o n m y o w n.’ I h ung u p . I s a w D eb u. H is e yes, h is d re am y p up py-d og e yes, c o nti n ued to l o ok a t m e. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘I m ad e th e b ig gest m is ta ke o f m y l ife ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘It d oesn ’t m atte r,’ I s a id . E ven th o ugh I s a id i t d id n’t m atte r, I d id f e el g o od i n sid e. A t l e ast h e f in ally f e lt s o m e r e gre t. ‘Y ou w ere th e b est th in g th at h ap pened to m e. S erio usly ,’ D eb u s a id . ‘W hy? T hat w hite c hic k d id n’t w ork o ut? ’ ‘W ho ?’ ‘T hat g ir l. W ho w as w ith y o u w hen I . . .’ ‘N o. W e tr ie d . T here w as n o i n te lle ctu al m atc h.’ ‘O h, y o u c are a b out a g ir l’s i n te lle ct to o n o w ?’ ‘O f c o urs e I d o. I a lw ays d id . T hat i s w hy I l ik ed y o u.’ ‘T hat i s a ls o w hy y o u d um ped m e.’ ‘I to ld y o u. I m ad e a m is ta ke. A b ig m is ta ke. M onum enta l m is ta ke.’ ‘Y ou s a id m y j o b w ould h ard en m e. W hat e ls e d id y o u s a y? Y ou h ad a v is io n f o r th e m oth er o f y o ur k id s. Y ou w ante d m e to q uit w ork in g.’ ‘I a m s o rry . I b ecam e a l ittl e i n se cure .’ ‘O h, re ally ? N ow yo u re aliz e it! Y ou w ere n’t a littl e in se cure . Y ou w ere m onum enta lly in se cure .’ I re aliz e d m y v olu m e h ad in cre ase d . A b ody-b uild er-ty p e w hite g uy s ta re d a t u s th ro ugh h is bic ep c urls . ‘D o y o u h av e a ny i d ea h o w m uch I l o ved y o u?’ I s a id . He k ep t q uie t, h is h ead d ow n. I n o ti c ed th e th ic k c urls o n h is h ead . I c o nti n ued , ‘ I w as r e ad y to quit m y jo b. Ju st to m ake y o u h ap py. I c am e to B ro okly n to te ll y o u I w ould re sig n. I w ante d to pro pose to y o u th at n ig ht. Y ou w ante d a s im ple f a m ily . I w as g am e. I e v en b ought a r in g.’ ‘Y ou d id ?’ h e s a id , l o okin g u p , h is e yes w id e. I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘A ll p oin tl e ss, D eb u. M y f a m ily i s u p sta ir s . C an I g o n o w ? A nd I s u ggest y o u l e av e G oa s o on to o.’ He g ra b bed m y h and . I e xtr a cte d i t, a lm ost i n r e fle x. ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g, D eb u? M y w ould -b e i n -la w s a re i n th is h o te l.’ ‘I k no w . I ju st. . .’ A nd th en h e d id s o m eth in g I h av e n ev er s e en h im d o. H e s ta rte d to c ry . Puzzle d g ym tr a in ers m ust h av e b een w ond erin g w hy a g ro w n-u p m an w as c ry in g in th eir g ym e v en befo re h e h ad b egun to e xerc is e . ‘D on’t m ake a s c ene, D eb u,’ I s a id . I tr ie d to r e m ain u naffe cte d , b ut to s e e h im c ry lik e th is cho ked m e. H e k nelt o n th e f lo or. ‘P le ase , b ab y. P le ase , I b eg y o u,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ I h av e c o m e a ll th e w ay f r o m N ew Y ork .’ I l o oked a ro und . T he l a st th in g I w ante d w as a nyo ne n o ti c in g u s. I h eld D eb u b y th e s h o uld ers . ‘G et u p , p le ase .’ I p ulle d h im u p . I h and ed h im o ne o f th e h and to w els k ep t i n th e g ym . H e u se d i t to w ip e h is f a ce a nd c o m pose him se lf. ‘S to p b ein g th e v ic ti m h ere , D eb u. R em em ber h o w y o u tr e ate d m e? Y ou w ould n o t ta ke m y calls . Y ou w ere r u d e o n m essa ges.’ He n o dded h is h ead v ig o ro usly . ‘Y ou w ere , y o u w ere . . .’ I s e arc hed f o r th e r ig ht w ord . ‘A n a ssh o le . Y es,’ h e s a id . ‘G ood. S o n o w , y o u a re d oin g th ese te ars a nd tr ip s. B ut h o w d id y o u tr e at m e e arlie r? E ven o n my l a st d ay. I s ti ll r e m em ber. Y ou s e nt m e a th um bs-u p s m ile y. T hat’ s i t.’ ‘I s a id “ I w ill m is s y o u” te n m in ute s l a te r. Y ou d id n’t r e p ly .’ ‘Y ou d id ?’ ‘Y eah. W hy d id n’t y o u r e p ly ?’ ‘I to sse d m y p ho ne i n th e r iv er.’ ‘W hat? ’ I s h o ok m y h ead a nd th re w m y h and s u p . ‘N o p oin t d ig gin g u p th e p ast.’ ‘W hy n o t? A fte r y o u, I tr ie d to b e w ith s e v era l p eo ple . I d ate d o th er g ir ls . N obody c o nnecte d with m e lik e y o u d id . N obody h ad th e c o m ple te p ackage o f q ualiti e s lik e y o u. Y ou a re s m art, c arin g and h um ble . Y ou a re e asy to l iv e w ith . Y ou k ep t o ur l ittl e a p artm ent s o w ell. I s ti ll r e m em ber h o w y o u gav e m e th at s u rp ris e p arty w hen I g o t a p ro m oti o n. W hic h g ir l d oes th at? ’ Anger f ille d m e. I w ante d to s la p h im . M y a rm ti g hte ned . ‘W hat? Y ou w ant to s la p m e, r ig ht? D o i t.’ I lo oked aro und . E very b ody se em ed b usy w ith th eir o w n exerc is e s. I lifte d m y hand and sla p ped h im h ard a cro ss h is c heek. ‘O w !’ h e h o w le d . ‘ Y ou a ctu ally s la p ped m e?’ I f le xed m y f in gers ; m y h and h urt. ‘N ow y o u te ll m e a ll th at? Y ou c o uld n’t s a y it e arlie r? I g av e y o u s u rp ris e p arti e s, y es. B ut ho w d id y o u r e act w hen I g o t m y f ir s t b onus? ’ ‘L ik e a d ic k.’ ‘E xactl y . W here d id y o ur f e m in is m g o ?’ ‘M y f e m in is m d id n’t g o a nyw here . M y m asc ulin ity d id . I to ld y o u, I f e lt i n se cure . H ow c an m y gir l m ake th re e ti m es a s m uch a s I d o?’ ‘S o w hat? I w ork in a b ank. It p ays b ette r. Y ou c ho se y o ur p assio n, a d verti s in g. W hy d id y o u hav e to c o m pare ? W asn ’t i t a ll o ur m oney?’ My p ho ne r a ng a gain . T his w as m y m oth er. ‘B ye, D eb u.’ ‘T w o m in ute s. P le ase .’ I c ut th e c all. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘I d id n’t v alu e y o u. I a m s o rry . I h ad to lo se y o u to r e aliz e h o w a m azin g y o u w ere . L ik e th at Passe nger s o ng. L et h er g o .’ I k new th at s o ng. I h ad c rie d to it. I w ante d to te ll h im b ut I d id n’t. I to ok d eep b re ath s to n o t lo se i t a gain . I h ad to r e m ain s e re ne f o r d in ner, l ik e a g o od I n d ia n b rid e s h o uld b e a fte r b haja ns. ‘W ell, to o b ad . A nyth in g e ls e ? H av e a s a fe tr ip b ack o th erw is e ,’ I s a id . ‘I h av e a p la n,’ h e s a id . ‘P la n?’ ‘Y eah. S w ap th e g ro om .’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , m y h and s o n m y h ip s. ‘I u nd ers ta nd y o u h av e y o ur e nti r e fa m ily h ere . Y ou c an’t s to p th e w ed din g. B ut I a m r e ad y. I want to m arry y o u r ig ht h ere i n G oa. I w ill c all m y p are nts f r o m K olk ata , m ayb e s o m e c lo se r e la ti v es and . . .’ I c ut h im s h o rt. ‘H old o n th ere . W hat d id y o u s a y? W e g et m arrie d ? R ig ht h ere ?’ ‘A sk y o urs e lf, R ad hik a. I a m y o ur f ir s t l o ve. S ure , I m ad e a m is ta ke. B ut I w ant to a m end i t. I want y o u m ore th an a nyth in g e ls e i n th e w orld . S o I c an g et m arrie d n o w . Y our p are nts w ill f r e ak, b ut at le ast th ey’ll k no w it is n o t a c ancelle d w ed din g. T he b oy’s s id e, y es, th ey w ill b e u p se t to o. B ut I will h and le i t.’ ‘Y ou h av e r e ally th o ught i t a ll o ut.’ ‘I h ad ti m e o n th e l o ng f lig ht h ere . I r e aliz e d I c o uld n’t l o se y o u a t a ny c o st.’ ‘A nd w hat m akes y o u th in k I w ant to m arry y o u?’ ‘B ecause I k no w . D eep d ow n, y o u s ti ll h av e fe elin gs fo r m e. I w ill k eep y o u h ap py, R ad hik a. Do w hate v er y o u w ant. J u st b e w ith m e.’ I sa t b ack o n th e le g p re ss m achin e a gain . I c o vere d m y fa ce w ith m y p alm s; th is w asn ’t hap penin g. N o, I c o uld n’t b e fa cin g th is . This is a h orrib le d re a m , I to ld m yse lf. When I r e m ove m y hands f r o m m y f a ce, D eb u w ill b e g one . How ev er, h e s to od th ere , l o okin g a t m e l ik e h e d id y ears a go w hen w e f ir s t f e ll i n l o ve. ‘J u st a gre e a nd I w ill h and le e v ery th in g e ls e .’ ‘T his i s n o t a j o ke, D eb u. M y e nti r e f a m ily , B rije sh ’s e nti r e f a m ily , i s h ere .’ ‘B rije sh i s th e p ers o n y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d to ?’ ‘Y es,’ I s a id . Did I ju st s h ow th at I w as c o nsid erin g D eb u’s id ea ? W as it ju st a bout h ow to m anage th e fa m ily e m barra ssm en t n ow ? ‘I a m h ere f o r y o u. W e c an g o b ack to h o w w e w ere . R em em ber o ur ti n y a p artm ent? ’ ‘O f c o urs e ,’ I s a id , m y v oic e s o fte nin g. My p ho ne r a ng a gain . ‘T hey w ill s e nd s e arc h p arti e s f o r m e!’ ‘I w ill w ait f o r y o u. W ill y o u th in k a b out th is a nd l e t m e k no w ?’ D eb u s a id . ‘I d on’t k no w . M y m in d i s n o t w ork in g. I b ette r g o .’ ‘I a m i n th e r e so rt a cro ss th e r o ad . T hey d id n’t h av e r o om s h ere a t th e M arrio tt.’ ‘I k no w ,’ I s a id . Thank G od f o r s m all m erc ie s. Day fo ur ‘H ow a re y o u?’ B rije sh s m ile d a t m e. W e w ere o n th e s a nd y b each f o r a n e arly m orn in g s tr o ll. W hen he’d a sk ed m e o ut o n a m orn in g w alk th e p re v io us n ig ht, h e s a id h e w ante d to c atc h u p b efo re th e re la ti v es w oke u p . ‘S le ep y,’ I s a id a nd y aw ned . I c hecked th e ti m e: 6 .3 0. ‘I a m s o rry . I s h o uld n’t h av e m ad e i t s o e arly ,’ h e s a id . ‘N o, i t’ s f in e. O nce p eo ple w ake u p , c hao s b egin s,’ I s a id . I h ad w orn p in k ly cra le ggin gs a nd a w hite to p. H e w ore a g re y tr a cksu it. W e w ere b oth bare fo ot. O ccasio nally , th e w av es w ould s p la sh h ig h a nd r u n th ro ugh o ur to es. ‘D id n’t s le ep e no ugh?’ h e s a id . ‘F our h o urs . I t i s o kay,’ I s a id . S le ep d ep riv ati o n d ela yed m y r e acti o ns to r e cent e v ents . D eb u had flo oded m e w ith m essa ges a ll n ig ht, r ig ht fr o m r e m in d in g m e o f o ur fir s t d ate to a sk in g m e h o w lo ng b efo re I to ok a d ecis io n. ‘T he b haja ns w ere w ond erfu l. S uch a g re at i d ea,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘M y m oth er’s i d ea, a ctu ally ,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, i t j u st m akes th e w ho le e v ent m ore p ure ,’ B rije sh s a id . Sure , e sp ecia lly p ure if th e b rid e g oes to th e h ote l g ym to m ake e sc a pe p la ns w ith h er e x- boyfr ie n d. ‘M ehnd i to day th en?’ B rije sh s a id . ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . ‘ N ot m uch f o r y o u to d o.’ ‘O h, th ey h av e p la ns f o r m e to o. T hey w ill a p ply tu rm eric p aste a ll o ver m e.’ ‘M arin ati n g th e g ro om b efo re th e r o ast? ’ Both o f u s l a ughed . He h eld m y h and ; I d id n’t p ro te st. H ow c o uld I? W e w ere g etti n g m arrie d . H e c la sp ed it ti g hte r, a nd a lth o ugh it fe lt a b it w eir d , I h eld h is h and to o, n o t m ere ly le av in g m y h and in h is . I wante d s u p port, p erh ap s, to d ecid e w hat I n eed ed to d o. ‘Y ou h ap py?’ B rije sh s a id . I l o oked a t h im . H is s m ile w as c hild lik e. H e w as v is ib ly th rille d to h o ld m y h and . ‘Y es, I a m h ap py, B rije sh ,’ I s a id . T o m ake o th ers f e el b ette r, w om en l ie a b out th eir f e elin gs a ll th e ti m e. I t’ s a m azin g h o w e asily i t c o m es to u s. ‘S o I to ld y o u a b out M enlo P ark , rig ht? I th o ught w e c o uld ta ke a p la ce th ere o r n ear th e Gold m an o ffic e. T hat w ay, a t l e ast o ne o f u s c an b e h o m e q uic kly i f n ecessa ry .’ ‘S ound s g o od,’ I s a id a b se ntl y . ‘A lth o ugh, i f m y s ta rt- u p h ap pens, I d on’t h av e to b e i n M enlo . W e c o uld b e n ear y o ur o ffic e i n th at c ase . I f I e v er ta ke th at s te p , th o ugh.’ ‘I a m s u re y o u w ill,’ I s a id . He s h ru gged h is s h o uld ers . T he m orn in g s u n w as o n o ur f a ces. I h ad w ork ed h ard to r e m ain o n a p la n o f r e gula r d ie t a nd e xerc is e b efo re th e w ed din g. I h o ped I d id n’t lo ok fa t in m y ti g ht w ork o ut clo th es. ‘Y ou a re b eauti fu l,’ B rije sh s a id , a s i f r e ad in g m y m in d . I d on’t k no w w hy, b ut I la ughed . I s u ck a t r e ceiv in g c o m plim ents a nyw ay, a nd la ughin g in th e co m plim ent- g iv er’s f a ce i s a no th er w ay o f d efle cti n g th em . ‘D id I s a y s o m eth in g w ro ng?’ B rije sh s a id . ‘N o,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘ T hank y o u.’ ‘I h av e n ev er s a id th is to a g ir l. E ver,’ h e s a id . I lo oked a t h im . H e lo oked lik e a n e arn est s c ho olb oy, e v en th o ugh h e c o uld w ork th e w orld ’s most c o m plic ate d c o m pute rs . ‘W ell, I s h o uld b e f la tte re d th en,’ I s a id . We w alk ed i n s ile nce. A fte r a f e w m in ute s I c hecked m y p ho ne. I t h ad a m essa ge f r o m D eb u. ‘G ood m orn in g, b eauti fu l.’ ‘W ho i s i t? ’ B rije sh s a id . ‘H uh? N oth in g. D id i w oke u p a nd i s l o okin g f o r m e.’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah, l e t’ s g o b ack,’ I s a id . ‘I th o ught w e c o uld h av e b re akfa st o uts id e. A t a b each s h ack. J u st u s,’ B rije sh s a id . My p ho ne b uzze d a gain . ‘I l o ve y o u,’ D eb u h ad s e nt a no th er m essa ge. I r e le ase d B rije sh ’s h and . I c o uld n’t h o ld m y g ro om -to -b e w ith o ne h and a nd u se th e o th er to check l o ve m essa ges f r o m m y e x. ‘W e b ette r g et b ack,’ I s a id . ‘A nyth in g h ap pened ?’ I n o dded . B rije sh d id n’t s a y a nyth in g a fte r th at. W e w alk ed b ack to th e h o te l. I k ep t a littl e dis ta nce f r o m h im , s o h e c o uld n’t h o ld m y h and a gain . I h eld m y p ho ne ti g ht a nd i g no re d a ny i n co m in g messa ges. We r e ached th e h o te l e le v ato r f o r m y w in g. I tu rn ed to h im b efo re I s te p ped i n to th e l ift. ‘S orry , B rije sh . I k no w y o u’re m akin g a n e ffo rt s o w e g et to k no w e ach o th er b ette r. I a m tr y in g to o. B ut s o m eho w I j u st c an’t r ig ht n o w . T oo m uch o n m y m in d .’ He s m ile d . ‘W e w ill h av e p le nty o f ti m e a fte r m arria ge.’ ‘Y ou a re v ery s w eet,’ I s a id . He b lu sh ed a s h e h id h is s m ile . O h, it w ould k ill m e if I h ad to s ta b h im in th e b ack a nd r u n aw ay w ith s o m eo ne e ls e . W hy c o uld n’t B rije sh b e a n e v il g ro om ? L ik e th e o nes in th e m ovie s, th e ones w ho s h o ot i n no cent p ig eo ns f o r f u n? I w av ed h im g o odbye. ‘S ee y o u a t m ehnd i,’ h e s a id . ‘N o b oys a llo w ed th ere , m is te r,’ I s a id . He s m ile d . I g av e h im a n e xtr a -w id e, a lm ost f a ke s m ile i n r e tu rn . T hankfu lly , th e e le v ato r d oor sh ut. I h eav ed a h uge s ig h o f r e lie f a s B rije sh d is a p peare d f r o m s ig ht. ‘G od h elp m e,’ I s a id a s th e l ift s ta rte d to c lim b u p th e f lo ors . ‘ P 1 9 ut y o ur p ho ne a sid e, R ad hik a d id i. H ow w ill h e a p ply th e m ehnd i? ’ S w eety , m y e ig hte en-y ear- o ld c o usin , s a id . Four m ehnd iw alla hs h ad se t u p sta lls in th e fu ncti o n ro om . S ura j h ad a ls o a rra nged fo r a b angle s ta ll. T he fu ncti o n r o om tu rn ed in to a s to ck e xchange o f h o tl y tr a d ed g o ssip a s w om en o f a ll a ges a sse m ble d to a p ply m ehnd i a nd c ho ose b angle s. W aite rs s e rv ed h o t m asa la te a a lo ng w ith s n acks l ik e m in i s a m osa s a nd ja le b is . A s w om en w aite d th eir tu rn , th ey d is c usse d to pic s ra ngin g fr o m th e l a te st l e henga tr e nd s to th e c re ep ie st u ncle s to w ho s le p t w ith w ho m i n B olly w ood. I h ad a d ed ic ate d m ehnd iw alla h c alle d P ura n S in gh. H e c la im ed to b e a n a rti s t w ho o nly s p ecia liz e d i n b rid al m ehnd i. ‘Y ou w ould n o t h av e s e en a ny d ulh an w ith s u ch b eauti fu l m ehnd i,’ P ura n s a id a s h e w ent to w ork a t a s lo w p ace. T he o th er m ehnd iw alla hs w ork ed a t tr ip le th e s p eed w ith m y c o usin s. ‘I c an u se th e p ho ne w ith o ne h and , s e e,’ I s a id to S w eety . I u se d m y r ig ht h and a s h e a p plie d m ehnd i o n m y l e ft. ‘W ho a re y o u m essa gin g? B rije sh b haiy a?’ J y o ti , m y s e co nd c o usin , s a id . E very o ne b urs t i n to l a ughte r. ‘A re y o u e xcite d a b out th e fir s t n ig ht? W hat w ill y o u d o?’ S w eety sa id . E very o ne g ig gle d a gain . ‘M y sis te r is in no cent. P le ase d on’t c o rru p t h er,’ A diti d id i sa id . A cco rd in g to h er, I w as c lu ele ss a b out m en. It w as p artl y m y fa ult. I h ad n’t to ld th em a b out m y re la ti o nsh ip s. I c o uld n’t. N eith er A diti d id i n o r m y m om w ould g et it. F or th em r e la ti o nsh ip s m eant o ne th in g— to g et m arrie d a s f a st a s p ossib le . Salo ni, A diti d id i’s b est f r ie nd , h eld m y c hin . ‘Y ou k no w w hat w ill h ap pen o n th e f ir s t n ig ht? D o y o u h av e a ny e xp erie nce?’ Well, d oes h avin g r e g ula r s e x f o r s e vera l y ea rs c o unt? I s h o ok m y h ead . I c o uld a t l e ast tr y to b e th e d em ure b rid e. ‘C om e, I w ill te ll y o u,’ S alo ni d id i s a id . S he b ro ught h er m outh c lo se to m y e ar. ‘J u st d riv e h im c ra zy. T ear o ff a ll h is c lo th es a nd d riv e h im c ra zy,’ s h e w his p ere d . It w as s u p pose d to b e a n o utr a geo us s ta te m ent. I w as s u p pose d to g et e m barra sse d . I p la yed t h e p art a nd b lu sh ed , s o m y c o usin s a nd fr ie nd s c o uld e njo y th e s h o w . I h id m y fa ce in S alo ni d id i’s s h o uld ers . I d on’t k no w w hy I d id th at. Ju st t o e n te rta in t h e c ro w d? O r t o m ake t h em b elie ve I w as a ctu ally ‘ in nocen t’ ? W hy d o I h ave t o b e t h is f a ke? The g ir ls fin ally le ft m e a lo ne a s th eir tu rn c am e w ith th e o th er m ehnd iw alla hs. I c hecked m y p ho ne. ‘B ab y, I a m w aiti n g,’ D eb u h ad s e nt m e o n W hats A pp. ‘I k no w ,’ I r e p lie d . ‘It’ s n o t th at d iffic ult. J u st te ll th em y o u h av e a no th er g uy.’ ‘W ho m d o I te ll? ’ ‘A nyo ne. Y our m oth er. Y our s is te r.’ ‘Is th is a g o od i d ea, D eb u? I a m r e ally c o nfu se d .’ ‘It’ s lo ve, b ab y. It’ s m eant to b e c o nfu sin g. E ven I w as a b out y o u. B ut n o w I a m s u re . I w ant yo u to b e M rs R ad hik a S en.’ The n am e M rs R ad hik a S en m ad e m e s q uir m a l ittl e . ‘M ad am , d on’t m ove s o m uch,’ th e m ehnd i g uy s a id a s I f u rio usly ty p ed w ith m y r ig ht h and . ‘N ot s u re i f I w ill c hange m y s u rn am e.’ ‘D on’t,’ h e s a id . I d id n’t r e sp ond . H e ty p ed a fte r a m in ute . ‘Is th at a y es, th o ugh?’ ‘I d on’t k no w , D eb u. I a m a t m y m ehnd i. H ard to u se th e p ho ne to o.’ ‘B ab y, p le ase , j u st s a y y es.’ I p ut th e p ho ne a sid e. ‘I h av e b een d oin g th is f o r tw enty y ears . Y ou h av e th e m ost b eauti fu l h and s o f th em a ll,’ P ura n sa id . ‘Y ou s a y th is to e v ery b rid e?’ I s a id . He l o oked a t m e a nd s m ile d , s h o w in g h is p aan-s ta in ed te eth . ‘A ctu ally , y es.’ I s m ile d b ack, s h akin g m y h ead . M y p ho ne b uzze d a gain . ‘Y our l e ft h and i s a lm ost d one. W ill n eed th e o th er o ne s o on,’ P ura n s a id . I n o dded a nd c hecked m y p ho ne. T he m essa ge h ad n o t c o m e fr o m D eb u. It c am e fr o m a n unkno w n i n te rn ati o nal n um ber. I t b egan w ith ‘ + 852’, th e c o de f o r H ong K ong. ‘H i. I t’ s N eel,’ th e m essa ge s a id . ‘M ad am , c an I h av e y o ur o th er h and ? A nd d on’t m ove y o ur l e ft h and n o w . I t h as f r e sh m ehnd i,’ Pura n s a id . ‘G iv e m e o ne m in ute ,’ I s a id to th e m ehnd iw alla h. ‘H i, N eel,’ I r e p lie d . ‘I h eard y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d . I n G oa.’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘C ool. O ffic e p eo ple to ld m e.’ ‘Y es. W hat’ s u p ?’ ‘I a m i n S ri L anka. D ue d ilig ence o n a d eal.’ ‘O kay.’ ‘C an I c all y o u?’ ‘R ad hik a, f o cus o n y o ur m ehnd i o r I w ill k id nap y o ur p ho ne a gain ,’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘T en s e co nd s,’ I i m plo re d A diti d id i. ‘T oo c aught u p r ig ht n o w ,’ I ty p ed b ack. I p re sse d s e nd . I p ut th e p ho ne a sid e o n th e c ush io n n ext to m e. P ura n h eld m y r ig ht h and a nd sta rte d to a p ply m ehnd i. H e h ad s p ent tw o h o urs to m ake a n in tr ic ate flo ra l p atte rn o n m y le ft h and . He n eed ed th e s a m e ti m e o n m y r ig ht. My p ho ne s c re en l it u p o n th e b eauti fu l c ush io n. I h ad a no th er m essa ge. ‘It’ s u rg ent,’ N eel s a id . I c o uld n’t r e sp ond . I d id n o t h av e a ny h and f r e e. He c alle d . I u se d m y p in kie f in ger to d is c o nnect th e c all. He s e nt a no th er m essa ge, ‘ L is te n, p le ase ta lk to m e f o r tw o m in ute s.’ I c o uld n’t. H ow d o I te ll h im ? H e c o nti n ued to s e nd m e m essa ges, o ne a fte r th e o th er. ‘D on’t m ove, R ad hik aji,’ P ura n s a id . Neel c o nti n ued w ith h is m essa ges. ‘I h av e a l o t to te ll y o u.’ ‘B een m eanin g to r e ach y o u s o oner.’ ‘A re y o u g o in g to r e p ly a t l e ast? ’ I c a n’t , I s c re am ed in m y h ead a s P ura n S in gh d re w a n in tr ic ate c ir c le o n m y r ig ht p alm w ith henna p aste . T he m essa ges k ep t p oppin g u p . ‘Y ou k no w w hat. T his c an’t b e d one o n c hat.’ ‘O r e v en o n a c all.’ ‘S om e th in gs a re j u st b ette r d is c usse d f a ce-to -fa ce.’ ‘S o m ayb e I s h o uld d o th at.’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘O kay th en. Y ou a re r e ad in g m y m essa ges b ut n o t r e sp ond in g.’ ‘S o y eah. F ace-to -fa ce.’ I s a t th ere , e xasp era te d a nd h elp le ss. ‘B haiy a, c an y o u h urry u p ?’ I s a id to P ura n. ‘It i s s h aad i k i m ehnd i. H ow c an y o u h urry i t u p ? Y ou s a w y o ur l e ft h and ? I h av e to m ake th is eq ually b eauti fu l.’ I s a w m y p ho ne f lic ker e v ery f e w s e co nd s. ‘D am n,’ I m um ble d to m yse lf. I h ad to r e sp ond b efo re h e d id a nyth in g c ra zy. I h ad e no ugh o n my p la te a lr e ad y. ‘T here y o u g o ,’ P ura n s a id a fte r tw o h o urs . ‘T hank y o u. T hank y o u s o m uch. C an I g o n o w ?’ ‘Y es. B ut y o u w on’t g iv e m e a ny s p ecia l g ift? ’ I g estu re d to m y s is te r. S he g av e th e m ehnd i g uy a 2 ,0 00-ru p ee ti p . H e s m ile d a nd fo ld ed h is hand s to s a y th anks. ‘D on’t w ash y o ur h and s fo r fo ur h o urs . W ill m ake th e c o lo ur la st b eyo nd th e h o neym oon,’ Pura n s a id . ‘D id y o u s a y f o ur h o urs ? ’ I s a id . I to ld m y c o usin s I n eed ed to u se th e r e str o om . I r a n u p to m y r o om . A diti d id i f o llo w ed m e th ere . ‘H ow w ill y o u u se th e r e str o om w ith y o ur h and s l ik e th is ? C om e h ere ,’ s h e s a id . Aditi d id i u nfa ste ned m y s a lw ar d ra w str in gs. ‘I w ill c o m e i n w ith y o u?’ s h e s a id , p oin ti n g to th e b ath ro om . ‘F uck i t. I a m w ash in g m y h and s,’ I s a id . ‘N o, w ait. . .’ I r a n in to th e b ath ro om . I p la ced m y h and s u nd er th e r u nnin g w ate r a t th e w ash b asin ta p . T he mehnd i s ta in s w ere d ark o ra nge r a th er th an th e d eep d ark b ro w n I c o uld h av e a chie v ed h ad I s h o w n more p ati e nce. H ow ev er, I n eed ed m y fin gers . I h ad to r e sp ond to N eel a nd p re v ent a no th er la yer o f chao s i n m y l ife . ‘H ey. S orry . C ould n’t r e sp ond e arlie r,’ I h urrie d ly ty p ed a r e p ly . ‘It’ s o kay,’ N eel r e p lie d i n a n i n sta nt. ‘W hat’ s u p ?’ I s a id . He c alle d m e. I p ic ked u p th e c all i n th e b ath ro om . ‘H i,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s b een s o l o ng s in ce I h eard y o ur v oic e.’ ‘W hat’ s th e m atte r, N eel? ’ ‘H ow a re y o u?’ ‘C an y o u h urry u p , p le ase ? W hat i s i t? ’ ‘I h av e s o m eth in g i m porta nt to te ll y o u.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘L ik e I to ld y o u, i t i s b ette r i n p ers o n.’ ‘N ot p ossib le . J u st te ll m e.’ ‘Y ou a re i n G oa, r ig ht? W hic h r e so rt? ’ ‘N eel, I a m w ith 2 00 p eo ple h ere . C an th is w ait? ’ ‘W hic h r e so rt? O r s h o uld I c all y o ur o ffic e to f in d o ut? ’ ‘J u st te ll m e w hat y o u h av e to . I a m a t m y w ed din g. Y ou a re o n d ue d ilig ence.’ ‘Y eah, a t s o m e r e m ote c o pper m in e i n th e s o uth o f S ri L anka. D on’t a sk . N o f lig hts f r o m h ere . Wait, l e t m e c heck m y c o m pute r.’ Aditi d id i k no cked o n th e b ath ro om d oor. ‘S erio usly , N eel, I h av e to g o . B ye.’ ‘O kay, b ye. C ongra tu la ti o ns,’ h e s a id . ‘O h w ell. W hate v er. B ye n o w .’ I c am e o ut o f th e b ath ro om . ‘W hat? Y ou w ash ed a w ay th e m ehnd i? ’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘It’ s s ti ll a s tr o ng c o lo ur,’ I s a id . I b egan to c hange i n to m y w ork o ut c lo th es. ‘It’ s y o ur w ed din g m ehnd i. Y ou c o uld n’t b e p ati e nt f o r a f e w h o urs ? ’ ‘S orry , d id i. I a m n o t a s n ic e a g ir l a s y o u. O kay?’ I s a id , i r rita te d . ‘A re y? W hy a re y o u s n ap pin g a t m e? A nd w hy a re y o u c hangin g i n to th ese c lo th es? ’ ‘S orry f o r b ein g r u d e, d id i. I j u st n eed to g et s o m e a ir. I a m g o in g f o r a w alk o n th e b each.’ ‘W ith w ho m ?’ ‘A lo ne.’ ‘W hy? I w ill c o m e w ith y o u.’ ‘N o, d id i,’ I s a id , m y v oic e fir m . ‘ I w ant to b e a lo ne. N o B rije sh . N o y o u. N o m om a nd d ad . Can I g et a n h o ur? I n eed to c le ar m y h ead .’ Aditi d id i c am e a nd p atte d m y c heek. ‘W hat h ap pened ?’ ‘N oth in g. A ll th is w ed din g s tu ff i s j u st to o m uch. I n eed a n h o ur.’ She g av e m e a h ug. ‘G o. I w ill c o ver f o r y o u.’ I w alk ed o n th e b each o uts id e M arrio tt. I c o nti n ued f u rth er n o rth u nti l I h ad l e ft th e h o te l b ehin d . I s a w th at B rije sh h ad m essa ged m e. I d ecid ed n o t to o pen it. I c o uld n’t d eal w ith a nyo ne. I fo cuse d o n th e ora nge s u n, w hic h s a nk d eep er in to th e w ate r e v ery m in ute . M y m in d w as fille d w ith th o ughts . How did N eel f in d o ut? O h w ell, i t i s n ’t d iffic u lt i f y o u w ork i n t h e s a m e f ir m , e ven i f i n d iffe re n t o ffic es. What’s h e d oin g i n S ri L anka ? M akin g e ven m ore m oney, I g uess. W hy d id h e c a ll m e? W hy d id n’t he t e ll m e w hat h e w ante d t o ? W hat’s w ith a ll t h e s u sp en se ? ‘R ad hik a,’ a v oic e f r o m b ehin d s ta rtl e d m e. ‘D eb u?’ I tu rn ed aro und . H e w ore a w hite p rin te d T -s h ir t and B erm ud a sh o rts . H e cam e ru nnin g to m e, h uffin g a nd p uffin g a s h e c aught h is b re ath . ‘A re y o u f o llo w in g m e?’ I s a id . ‘N o. I s ta y i n th at p ro perty ,’ h e s a id a nd p oin te d to a h o te l b uild in g a t a d is ta nce. ‘D on’t s ta lk m e.’ ‘I a m n o t. . .’ ‘O h r e ally ?’ ‘I a m j u st w aiti n g f o r y o ur r e p ly . I h ung o ut a t th e b each a ll d ay. H onestl y , I s a w y o u a lo ne s o I co uld n’t r e sis t. S orry .’ I l o oked a ro und . ‘I d on’t w ant a nyo ne to s e e u s,’ I s a id . ‘T here ’s a s h ack o n th e o th er s id e, n o body w ill f in d u s. C an w e ta lk ?’ h e s a id . ‘N o, D eb u.’ ‘P le ase ,’ h e s a id . I c hecked th e ti m e o n m y p ho ne. ‘T en m in ute s,’ I s a id . We w ent to K in g’s S hack o n M ir a m ar b each. W e s a t o n s e a-fa cin g c ane c hair s . T he e v enin g se a b re eze c o ole d o ur s k in . H e o rd ere d a b eer. I h ad a g la ss o f w ate r. ‘H ow w as y o ur d ay?’ h e s a id . I s h o w ed h im th e m ehnd i o n m y h and s. ‘T hat’ s p re tty .’ ‘T hanks. W hat d id y o u d o?’ He lifte d th e le ft sle ev e o f h is T -s h ir t. H e h ad a tw o-in ch ta tto o o n h is u p per a rm . It sa id ‘R ad hik a’. ‘W hat th e h ell, D eb u?’ I s a id . ‘I h ad n o th in g to d o a ll d ay. I d ecid ed to g et o ne. I s h o uld h av e d one i t a l o ng ti m e a go .’ ‘Y ou a re g etti n g ta tto os w ith m y n am e w hile I g et m arrie d to a no th er m an? H av e y o u g o ne mad ?’ ‘I l o ve y o u, R ad hik a. C all i t m ad ness i f y o u w ant.’ It i s n o t j u st w hat D eb u s a ys. I t’ s h o w h e s a ys i t. I t c an m ake e v en th e m ost h ard ened b itc h o f a heart m elt. H e p la ced o ne h and o n h is c hest a nd lo oked a t m e w ith h is d ro opin g e yes. H e b ro ught fo rw ard h is h and to h o ld m in e. I s h o ok m y h ead . H e w ith d re w . ‘P le ase , b ab y,’ D eb u s a id , ‘ o ne m ore c hance.’ ‘I h av e to g o b ack,’ I s a id . I s ig nalle d th e w aite r to g iv e u s th e b ill. ‘I h av e m ad e th e p la n. Y ou b re ak th e n ew s to th e fa m ily ju st o ne d ay b efo re y o ur w ed din g. I will h av e m y p are nts , a unts , u ncle s a nd c o usin s c o m e d ow n. M y p are nts w ill d o th e ta lk in g w ith yo urs . D on’t w orry . Y ou j u st h and le th e b oy’s s id e.’ ‘M e?’ ‘Y eah. D on’t g iv e th em to o m uch ti m e to r e act. J u st s a y y o u c an’t d o th is a nd th ey c an le av e. You d on’t h av e to te ll th em a b out m e u nti l o ur w ed din g i s o ver.’ My h eart s ta rte d to b eat a t tu rb o s p eed . ‘D eb u,’ I s a id . ‘It s o und s c ra zy, b ab y, b ut th is is th e o nly w ay. Y our r e la ti v es w ill m urm ur a b it, b ut a t le ast th ey w on’t s a y th at th e w ed din g w as c ancelle d . A s f o r th e b oy’s s id e, w ho c are s? W e w ill b e i n N ew York i n n o ti m e.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y ou c an g et a tr a nsfe r b ack to N ew Y ork , r ig ht? O r if y o u w ant to r e m ain in L ond on, I c an co m e th ere . W ill d o w hate v er y o u s a y. I a m s u re y o u a re i n a n i m porta nt r o le n o w .’ ‘D eb u, w hat a re y o u ta lk in g a b out? A ll th is . . .o kay, n o w I n eed to g o ,’ I s a id . I s to od u p a nd w alk ed o ut o f th e r e sta ura nt. H e f o llo w ed m e. H e c am e u p c lo se b ehin d m e a nd whis p ere d , ‘ H av e f a ith i n m e, b ab y.’ My p ho ne r a ng. B rije sh . I s te p ped a sid e to ta ke th e c all. ‘H ey,’ I s a id . ‘I s e nt y o u a m essa ge.’ ‘S orry , I d id n’t s e e.’ ‘W here a re y o u n o w ?’ ‘I’ m ,’ I s a id a nd w ond ere d w hat to s a y, ‘ a ro und . J u st a ro und o nly .’ ‘A no th er s u nse t w alk ? L ik e y este rd ay?’ Deb u w ent b ack to p ay th e b ill a nd s m ile d a t m e fr o m a d is ta nce. I s p oke to B rije sh . ‘ N o, I don’t w ant to g o f o r a w alk .’ ‘O h o kay,’ B rije sh s a id , d is a p poin te d . ‘B ut I n eed a d rin k,’ I s a id . ‘T here ’s th at o pen a ir l o unge i n th e M arrio tt. . .’ h e s a id a s I i n te rru p te d h im . ‘N o, a w ay f r o m th e M arrio tt. S om ew here e ls e . I n eed to g et a w ay,’ I s a id . ‘S ho uld I a sk f o r a c ar? ’ ‘I w ant s o m e f r e sh a ir. A ls o , I d on’t w ant to g o w ith a d riv er. C an y o u a rra nge a b ik e?’ ‘Y ou m ean o ne o f th o se r e nta l A cti v as? ’ ‘Y eah. C an y o u r id e o ne o f th o se ?’ ‘W ell, y es. I d id i n c o lle ge.’ ‘G ood. S ee m e o uts id e th e M arrio tt i n f ifte en m in ute s.’ I h ung u p . ‘A ll g o od, b ab y?’ D eb u s a id , c o m in g o ut o f th e s h ack. ‘I a m g o in g o ut w ith B rije sh ,’ I s a id . ‘O h,’ h e s a id , s o und in g d is h earte ned . ‘I a m n o t d oin g th is to h urt y o u.’ ‘Y ou c an h urt m e. I h urt y o u a s w ell. B ut p le ase th in k. T his is a b out o ur fu tu re . Y ou c an’t b e with a g uy y o u d on’t l o ve.’ ‘A ll th is i s m essin g m e u p , D eb u. I n eed to b re ath e.’ ‘S ure , b ab y. T ake y o ur ti m e.’ ‘T hanks. N ow d on’t c o m e n ear m e. S ta y p ut f o r f iv e m in ute s w hile I w alk a w ay.’ He n o dded . H e o pened h is a rm s w id e, a sk in g f o r a h ug. I l o oked a ro und . N obody c o uld s e e u s. I h ugged h im . H e w ould n’t r e le ase m e. ‘It f e els s o n ic e to h o ld y o u, b ab y,’ h e w his p ere d . ‘It’ s e no ugh, l e av e m e n o w . P le ase ,’ I s a id i n a s o ft v oic e. ‘ C 2 0 are fu l,’ I sa id . T he A cti v a w obble d on th e bum py ro ad as w e cam e out of th e M arrio tt d riv ew ay. ‘I h av en’t r id den o ne o f th ese i n f iv e y ears ,’ B rije sh s a id . I w ond ere d i f I s h o uld h o ld h im f r o m b ehin d . I c o uld , c o nsid erin g I w ould b e h is w ife i n th re e d ays. H ow ev er, I d id n’t w ant h im to th in k I w as to o e asy e ith er. I k ep t m y h and s o n h is s h o uld ers i n ste ad . We p asse d d ow n a n arro w r o ad b etw een r ic e fie ld s. H e w ent fa st. T he b re eze m ad e m y h air f ly a ll o ver m y f a ce. ‘T his i s f u n,’ I s a id . ‘G re at i d ea, R ad hik a,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘ D um p th e r e la ti v es. D o o ur o w n th in g.’ ‘W here a re w e g o in g?’ I s a id . ‘A nju na. T hat’ s w here w e h ung o ut w hen w e c am e o n a c o lle ge tr ip .’ Thir ty m in ute s la te r, w e r e ached th e r o cky A nju na b each a nd p ark ed th e b ik e. W e w alk ed fo r f iv e m in ute s a nd r e ached a s h ack c alle d C urlie s. W e s a t o n a d ja cent e asy c hair s , b oth o f u s f a cin g th e A ra b ia n S ea. I r e m oved m y s n eakers to r e st m y f e et o n th e s a nd y f lo or o f C urlie s. ‘B eer? ’ B rije sh s a id . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . H e a sk ed a w aite r to b rin g u s tw o K in gfis h ers . T w o ta b le s a w ay, I s a w a no th er I n d ia n c o up le . T he g ir l w ore r e d a nd w hite b angle s o n b oth h and s, a w ed din g c hud aa; th ey h ad ju st g o tte n m arrie d . M ust b e th eir h o neym oon. T hey h eld h and s, b ut i t s e em ed a l ittl e a w kw ard . A rra nged m arria ge, m ayb e. I lo oked a t B rije sh . W e w ould b e a m arrie d c o up le to o b y th is w eekend . B rije sh s m ile d a s h e h and ed m e a h alf- p in t K in gfis h er b ottl e . ‘W hat d id y o u te ll y o ur f o lk s? ’ B rije sh s a id . ‘I to ld A diti d id i th at I a m g o in g f o r a w alk w ith y o u.’ ‘T hey d on’t k no w y o u a re a t A nju na?’ ‘N o,’ I s a id , ‘ m om w ill f r e ak o ut.’ I s ip ped m y b eer. We w atc hed th e s u n g o d ow n. A y o ung s in ger a t C urlie s s a ng a nd p la yed th e g uita r. T he G oan s u nse t b ecam e e v en m ore p oig nant w ith th e m usic . T he s in ger s a ng J u sti n B ie b er’s s o ng, S orry . Is i t t o o l a te n ow t o s a y s o rry ? Ye a h, I k n ow t h at I l e t y o u d ow n Is i t t o o l a te t o s a y I ’m s o rry n ow ? The s o ng m ad e m e th in k o f D eb u. H e h ad c o m e a ll th e w ay f r o m N ew Y ork . S ure , h e h ad b een a je rk . B ut d on’t p eo ple m ake m is ta kes? W ould n’t m ost m en re act th e s a m e w ay if th eir g ir lfr ie nd earn ed tr ip le th eir s a la ry ? All h e w ants n ow i s t o m arry m e. D oesn ’t h e d ese rv e a c h ance? ‘Y ou s e em l o st,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘ A m I s o b orin g?’ I s h o ok m y h ead . I s c o ld ed m yse lf fo r le tti n g m y m in d g o b ack to D eb u a gain a nd a gain . And why a m I r a tio naliz in g h is b eh avio ur s o m uch ? I s i t a gain m y f e m ale m anufa ctu rin g d efe ct, s a yin g th in gs l ik e ‘ B ut i s n ’t t h at w hat m ost m en w ould d o’? Focu s o n t h e m an y o u a re w ith r ig ht n ow , m in i- m e s c re am ed a t m e. ‘N o, y o u a re n o t b orin g. I t’ s a l o vely p la ce. T hanks, B rije sh ,’ I s a id . I s ti ll d id n’t l ik e h is n am e. H ate d i t, i n f a ct. W hy d id i t h av e to b e s o u nfa sh io nab le ? ‘ M eet m y husb and , D eb ash is h S en’ v ers u s ‘ M eet m y h usb and , B rije sh G ula ti ’ . E w w. Gir l, s to p d ayd re a m in g . ‘W e c am e to G oa o n a m echanic al- e ngin eerin g c o lle ge f ie ld tr ip .’ ‘E ngin eerin g f ie ld tr ip to G oa?’ I s a id . ‘W ell, w e c o nv in ced th e c o lle ge a uth o riti e s th ere ’s e no ugh i n d ustr y i n G oa.’ ‘L ik e d ra ught- b eer-b re w in g m achin es? ’ I s a id . He la ughed . ‘ I a d m it it w as a b it o f a fr a ud . B ut w e d id v is it th e G oa S hip yard a nd V ed anta ’s ir o n o re f a cility .’ ‘F or te n m in ute s? ’ ‘F ifte en m in ute s. R est o n th e b eaches. B ut h ey, w e s u b m itte d a r e p ort a nd e v ery th in g.’ I to ok a no th er s ip o f b eer. ‘T his i s w hat h ap pens a t N IT ? G oa tr ip s i n th e n am e o f i n d ustr y v is its ? ’ I tu t- tu tte d . ‘S om e o f o ur c la ssm ate s d id g o to th e B hila i S te el P la nt. T hey h ate u s ti ll to day.’ We l a ughed to geth er. Oka y, I c a n d o t h is , I to ld m yse lf. H e m ay n o t b e th e m ost i n te re sti n g g uy aro und , b ut th e e ngin eerin g c o lle ge s to rie s d id m ake h im m ore h um an. ‘Y ou s e em to h av e h ad f u n i n c o lle ge.’ ‘I’ m n o t a s b orin g a s y o u th in k.’ ‘I d id n’t s a y y o u a re .’ ‘A ctu ally , I a m . P arti c ula rly w hen i t c o m es to ta lk in g to w om en. B ut w ith th e b oys, I d id h av e fu n.’ ‘Y eah? Y ou l ik e b oys? ’ I s a id a nd w in ked a t h im . ‘N o. . .n o I m eant. . .’ h e s a id a nd b lu sh ed . I l a ughed . ‘ I a m te asin g y o u.’ ‘I k no w . S orry . Y ou g o t m e.’ ‘Y ou th in k w om en a re d iffe re nt? ’ I s a id . He s h ru gged . ‘T hey a re , r ig ht? W om en a re n o t l ik e m en,’ h e s a id . ‘W ell, i n s o m e w ays n o t. B ut i n m any w ays, y es.’ ‘O f c o urs e , w e a re a ll p eo ple . P eo ple a re th e s a m e,’ h e s a id . I tr ie d n o t to s ta re a t h im to o m uch. I w ond ere d if h e e v er th o ught a b out th in gs lik e g end er eq uality . ‘B rije sh , d o y o u k no w w hat i s a f e m in is t? ’ ‘S ort o f. B ut w hat e xactl y is it? ’ h e s a id a nd b lin ked h is e yes. H e g enuin ely d id n’t s e em to kno w . ‘Y ou h av en’t h eard th e w ord “ fe m in is t” ?’ ‘O f co urs e I hav e. I so rt o f kno w w hat it is . E qual rig hts fo r w om en, rig ht? Is th at th e defin iti o n?’ ‘F em in is m is a m ovem ent th at se eks to defin e, esta b lis h and achie v e eq ual politi c al, eco no m ic , c ultu ra l, p ers o nal a nd s o cia l r ig hts f o r w om en. A f e m in is t i s s o m eo ne w ho b elie v es i n th is movem ent.’ ‘W ow ,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat w ow ?’ ‘T he w ay y o u s a id th e d efin iti o n. I t’ s c o ol.’ ‘T hanks. B ut a re y o u o ne?’ ‘N ev er r e ally th o ught a b out i t. N ev er f a ced a s itu ati o n w here I h ad to b e o ne. B ut I g uess, y es.’ ‘Y ou a re ?’ I s a id . ‘I th in k a ll h um an b ein gs sh o uld h av e e q ual rig hts . It’ s n o t m en v ers u s w om en, it’ s h um an vers u s h um an. F em in is t is a w ro ng te rm . It sh o uld b e h um anis t. T he rig ht q uesti o n is “ A re y o u a hum anis t? ” W ell, e v ery o ne s h o uld b e,’ h e s a id . ‘T ru e,’ I s a id . ‘A re y o u a f e m in is t, R ad hik a?’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean? I a m a w om an.’ ‘N ot a ll w om en a re f e m in is ts .’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘M oth ers w ho tr e at s o ns b ette r th an d aughte rs . A re th ey f e m in is ts ? ’ ‘N o,’ I s a id . ‘W om en w ho ju d ge oth er w ork in g w om en as no t bein g go od eno ugh m oth ers . A re th ey fe m in is ts ? ’ ‘N o. I s e e y o ur p oin t. Y es, I c o nsid er m yse lf a f e m in is t,’ I s a id . ‘C an I s a y s o m eth in g?’ ‘S ure .’ ‘I d on’t th in k a nyo ne h as to s p ecific ally c all h im se lf o r h ers e lf a fe m in is t. If y o u a re a fa ir pers o n a nd w ant e q ual o pportu niti e s f o r a ll, th at’ s a s ta rt.’ I l o oked a t h im a nd s m ile d . The w aite r b ro ught u s a no th er r o und o f b eer. T he s u n h ad v anis h ed , l e av in g b ehin d a d ark g re y sk y. W e w atc hed th e w av es s p la sh o n th e b eachfr o nt. ‘W hat e ls e d id y o u d o i n G oa o n y o ur f ie ld tr ip ?’ I s a id . ‘S tu ff. S tu ff y o u d on’t w ant to k no w .’ I g o t i n te re ste d . ‘ O h, r e ally . L ik e w hat? ’ ‘N oth in g.’ ‘T ry m e.’ ‘O kay, c heckin g o ut a ll th e f ir a ng w om en o n a ll th e b eaches.’ ‘Y ou m ean l e chin g a t th em ?’ ‘O f c o urs e n o t. I w ould c all i t m ore a s tu d ie d o bse rv ati o n,’ h e s a id . I l a ughed . ‘E ngin eers a re s ic k,’ I s a id . ‘T hey a re . D ep riv ati o n d oes th at to u s.’ ‘W hat e ls e ?’ ‘W e s m oked u p .’ ‘W hat? W eed ?’ He n o dded . ‘Y ou h ad w eed i n G oa?’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. Y ou c an g et it a t A nju na. T here a re s o m e s h o ps b ehin d th e s h ack. I d on’t k no w if th ey sti ll o pera te . B ut w e s c o re d f r o m th ere .’ ‘M r B rije sh G ula ti , y o u d o h av e a p ast.’ He la ughed . ‘ M ost o f it is a ro und s tu d yin g to to p th e c la ss a nd g et a s c ho la rs h ip to th e U SA . But y es, w e d id s o m e f u n s tu ff.’ ‘S ho uld w e tr y s o m e?’ ‘Y ou w ant to s m oke w eed ? N ow ?’ h e s a id , s ta rtl e d . ‘Y eah. O r is it to o m uch fo r a g o od In d ia n b rid e to s m oke a jo in t a c o up le o f d ays b efo re th e wed din g?’ ‘N o, n o , n o th in g l ik e th at.’ ‘T oo f e m in is t? ’ ‘N o, R ad hik a. N oth in g l ik e th at. H ow c an w e s m oke u p ? W e h av e a ll o ur r e la ti v es h ere .’ ‘N ot a t A nju na. S ee i f y o u c an g et s o m e.’ He l o oked a t m e. I g av e h im a w ic ked g rin . H e s to od u p . ‘G iv e m e f ifte en m in ute s,’ h e s a id . ‘C om e b ehin d th e r o cks. N obody w ill s e e u s,’ B rije sh s a id a s I to ok a d ra g. We h ad le ft C urlie s a nd c o m e u p to a re m ote c o rn er o n A nju na b each. B rije sh ro lle d th re e jo in ts . W e s ta rte d w ith o ur f ir s t o ne. ‘Y ou h av e d one th is b efo re ?’ h e s a id . ‘N o, b ut I a lw ays w ante d to tr y ,’ I s a id . ‘G o s lo w ,’ h e s a id . With each d ra g m y m in d b ecam e m ore calm , m y se nse s m ore num b. T he str e ss o f D eb u ho verin g a ro und th e M arrio tt w ent u p i n s m oke. B rije sh a ls o d id n’t f e el a s u nfa m ilia r. ‘W ow , th is r e m in d s m e o f m y c o lle ge d ays,’ h e s a id . ‘B et y o ur p are nts n ev er th o ught th is i s th e k in d o f b ahu th ey a re g etti n g,’ I s a id . He s h ru gged . ‘W hat k in d o f b ahu?’ ‘T his k in d . S m okin g u p o n th e b each b efo re h er w ed din g. I t’ s n o t w hat g o od I n d ia n b ahus d o.’ ‘If th eir s o n c an d o th is , w hy c an’t th e b ahu?’ h e s a id . ‘N ow th at i s f e m in is m ,’ I s a id a nd h ig h-fiv ed h im . ‘E very th in g d oesn ’t n eed h i- fi l a b els l ik e f e m in is m . J u st l o gic . I f I c an d o i t, y o u c an d o i t.’ ‘Y ou a re s w eet.’ ‘Is n ’t s w eet th e w ord w om en u se w hen th ey a re n’t a ttr a cte d to a g uy b ut d on’t w ant to h urt h im eith er? ’ ‘S m art y o u a re , M r F aceb ook. N ot to o d uh a b out g ir ls .’ ‘W ell, i n th is a sp ect I a m g o od. B een M r S w eet a ll m y l ife .’ ‘S w eet i s g o od,’ I s a id a nd to ok th e l a st p uff o f th e j o in t. He s m ile d . ‘S hall w e h ead b ack? I t w ill g et l a te ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah. S av e th o se tw o j o in ts f o r th e M arrio tt. W e w ill n eed th em .’ We r o de b ack o n th e A cti v a. T his ti m e I h eld h im a ro und th e w ais t. M ayb e i t w as th e b eer a nd th e j o in t, b ut i t d id n’t f e el o dd. W e p asse d th ro ugh th e s a m e r ic e f ie ld s, n o w i n v is ib le i n th e d ark ness. The h ead lig ht o f th e A cti v a s h o w ed u s th e r o ad . W e s to pped a t a c ro ssro ad s to c o nfir m th e w ay. ‘W e ta ke a r ig ht f r o m h ere , y es? ’ I s a id , p la cin g m y c hin o n h is s h o uld er. ‘Y eah,’ h e s a id . As w e tu rn ed , w e p asse d tw o c o ps a t a c heckp oin t. T hey s to pped u s. ‘L ic ence,’ o ne o f th e c o ps s a id . Brije sh s to od u p fr o m th e A cti v a a nd s ifte d th ro ugh h is p ockets . H e to ok o ut h is w alle t a nd checked i n sid e. H e c o uld n’t f in d i t. ‘O h, I th in k I k ep t i t i n th e h o te l s a fe ,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ th e c o p s a id . ‘I h av e a C alifo rn ia l ic ence. F ro m th e U SA . I l e ft i t a t th e h o te l, s o rry .’ The c o ps l o oked a t e ach o th er. ‘W e h av e to f in e y o u,’ o ne c o p s a id . H e to ok o ut a c halla n b ookle t. The o th er c o p tu rn ed to m e. ‘M ad am , th is i s n o t r ig ht. Y ou s h o uld n o t d riv e w ith o ut a l ic ence.’ ‘W e a re to uris ts . S orry .’ We h ad to p ay a fin e o f 4 00 r u p ees. B rije sh to ok o ut a 1 ,0 00-ru p ee n o te fr o m h is w alle t. T he co ps g av e h im th e c hange. A s B rije sh p ut th e w alle t b ack i n h is p ocket, a s m all p ap er b und le f e ll o ut. ‘Y ou d ro pped s o m eth in g,’ th e c o p s a id a nd p ic ked it u p . H e h eld it in h is h and a nd b ro ught it clo se r to h is f a ce. H e s n iffe d a t i t o nce, a nd g av e i t to h is c o lle ague. Dam n. ‘C an b oth o f y o u s te p a sid e, p le ase ? G iv e u s th e A cti v a k eys.’ ‘W hat’ s th e m atte r? ’ I s a id . He l ifte d u p th e p ap er p acket. ‘T his i s m ariju ana. I t i s i lle gal. W e n eed to ta ke y o u to th e p olic e s ta ti o n.’ ‘ A 2 1 nju na p olic e sta ti o n, m om . O pposite C hild re n’s P ark . T he d riv er w ill kno w . P le ase co m e q uie tl y w ith d ad . D on’t te ll a ny o f th e r e la ti v es.’ ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g i n th e p olic e s ta ti o n?’ m y m oth er s a id , h er v oic e h yste ric al. ‘S to p s h o uti n g, m om . I a m h ere w ith B rije sh .’ ‘B rije sh ? B rije sh a nd y o u a re a t th e p olic e s ta ti o n? W hy?’ ‘If y o u c o m e h ere I c an te ll y o u. B rin g d ad , o kay?’ ‘W hat a b out B rije sh ’s p are nts ? ’ m om s a id . ‘H e h as c alle d th em s e p ara te ly . T hey a re c o m in g to o.’ ‘O h G od. W hat i s g o in g o n? A re y o u s a fe ?’ ‘Y es. M om , B rije sh d id n’t h av e a l ic ence.’ ‘L ic ence? W hy?’ ‘W e w ent f o r a r id e o n a n A cti v a.’ ‘A cti v a? T here a re s o m any c ars w e h av e h ir e d .’ ‘M om , j u st c o m e.’ I h ung u p th e p ho ne. B rije sh s a t n ext to m e. S ub -in sp ecto r S am uel D ’S ouza s a t i n f r o nt o f u s. ‘W here d id y o u b uy i t? ’ ‘It’ s c o m mon i n th e l a nes o f A nju na b each. I a m s u re y o u k no w ,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘A re y o u s u ggesti n g w e k no w a nd d o n o th in g a b out i t? ’ ‘N o s ir,’ I s a id . ‘ S orry .’ I e lb ow ed B rije sh to b e q uie t. ‘W hen i s th e w ed din g?’ th e s u b -in sp ecto r s a id . ‘F rid ay,’ I s a id . ‘In tw o d ays. A nd th is i s h o w y o u s ta rt y o ur m arrie d l ife . D oin g d ru gs? ’ ‘It’ s n o t a d ru g, s ir. I t’ s m ild h erb al s tu ff. I n f a ct, i n C alifo rn ia i t i s l e gal,’ B rije sh s a id . The s u b -in sp ecto r g av e u s a s te rn l o ok. ‘Is th is C alifo rn ia ?’ h e s a id . ‘N o, s ir,’ B rije sh s a id , h ead d ow n. ‘W hat i s th is p la ce?’ ‘G oa, s ir.’ ‘W hat d o p eo ple c o m e h ere to d o?’ th e s u b -in sp ecto r s a id . ‘T o p arty , s ir ? ’ B rije sh s a id , i n a s o ft v oic e. ‘N o,’ th e s u b -in sp ecto r s h o ute d . ‘P eo ple c o m e h ere to h av e a g o od, c le an, p eacefu l h o lid ay. N ot to d o th is n o nse nse .’ ‘Y es, s ir,’ B rije sh s a id , h is to ne a p olo geti c . I p re sse d m y te eth ti g ht to p re v ent a s m ile . A s n ig ger s lip ped o ut. T he i n sp ecto r tu rn ed to m e. ‘A re y o u f in d in g th is f u nny?’ S ub -in sp ecto r D ’S ouza s a id . ‘N o, s ir,’ I s a id , k eep in g a s tr a ig ht f a ce. Brije sh ’s a nd m y p are nts e nte re d th e p olic e s ta ti o n. T hey s a w u s, s itti n g a cro ss fr o m th e s u b - in sp ecto r. ‘W hat h ap pened , i n sp ecto r? ’ m y f a th er s a id . ‘A re y o u th e p are nts ? C om e s e e w hat y o ur c hild re n a re u p to ,’ S ub -in sp ecto r D ’S ouza s a id . ‘Y ou a re to o m uch, R ad hik a,’ m y m oth er s a id . I s a t i n a c ar w ith m y p are nts . B rije sh s a t i n a s e p ara te car w ith h is o w n f o lk s. T he n aughty k id s h ad to b e s e p ara te d , I g uess, a s w e m ad e o ur w ay b ack to th e ho te l. ‘I a m s o rry , m om ,’ I s a id f o r th e s e v enth ti m e, ‘ a nd th ank y o u, d ad .’ My fa th er h ad fin ally m ad e th e c o ps th aw . D ad fig ure d o ut a c o nta ct in S ta te B ank o f In d ia in Goa, w ho in tu rn k new th e p olic e c o m mis sio ner o f th e s ta te . A fe w c alls , to ns o f a p olo gie s a nd a wed din g i n v ita ti o n to th e e nti r e p olic e s ta ti o n w as w hat i t to ok to f in ally m ake th e s u b -in sp ecto r m elt. ‘B oth o f y o u a re g o in g to s ta rt a l ife to geth er. H av e k id s to geth er. I s th is h o w m atu re a d ults a re exp ecte d to b ehav e?’ th e s u b -in sp ecto r s a id b efo re w e l e ft. M y f a th er k ep t q uie t a s h e s a t i n th e f r o nt se at o f th e c ar. M y m oth er c o nti n ued to ta lk . ‘I h av e n ev er h eard o f a ny g ir l d rin kin g a nd s m okin g dru gs b efo re h er w ed din g. N ev er.’ I k ep t q uie t. S he c o nti n ued , ‘ If o ur r e la ti v es f in d o ut, w hat w ill th ey th in k? O ut- o f- c o ntr o l g ir l.’ I w ante d to r e act. H ow ev er, I c le nched m y f is ts ti g ht to r e str a in m yse lf. S he d id n’t s to p. ‘W hat w ill th e G ula ti s th in k?’ s h e s a id . ‘ T hey m ust b e q uesti o nin g th eir d ecis io n to nig ht.’ ‘O kay, m om , th at i s e no ugh,’ I s a id . ‘W hat e no ugh? D rin kin g b eer. H av in g c hara s-g anja . I s th is e v en a g ir l? ’ ‘T heir s o n d id th e s a m e.’ ‘S o?’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean, s o ? W hy a re n’t y o u s a yin g th ey m ust b e a sh am ed o f th eir s o n to o?’ ‘H e i s a b oy. H e w ill d o h is m is c hie f. W hy d o y o u h av e to d o th e s a m e? I s th is y o ur s o -c alle d eq uality ?’ ‘M om . I t’ s d one. C an w e p le ase b e q uie t u nti l w e g et to th e h o te l? ’ She f a ced m e w ith f o ld ed h and s. ‘I c an b e q uie t. B ut y o u a ls o h av e to b ehav e. I b eg y o u. C an y o u p le ase c o ntr o l y o urs e lf u nti l yo ur w ed din g?’ ‘A nd w hat a fte r th at? ’ I s a id . ‘ I a m n o l o nger y o ur h ead ache?’ She g la re d a t m e. I l o oked a w ay. ‘W ill y o u b ehav e?’ s h e s a id f in ally . ‘O kay f in e,’ I s a id . ‘G ood.’ We r e ached th e h o te l. A ll o f u s g o t o ut o f th e c ar. ‘S orry , d ad ,’ I s a id to h im . ‘I tr u st y o u to m ake th e r ig ht c ho ic es, b eta . D on’t e m barra ss u s.’ I s a t o n th e b ed , w ell p ast m id nig ht. A diti d id i l a y d ow n n ext to m e. ‘W eed ? G ra ss? Y ou d id g ra ss w ith B rije sh ?’ ‘O ne s h are d j o in t. S ti ll w e g o t i n to s o m uch tr o ub le .’ ‘H ow d id y o u e v en g et th e s tu ff? ’ ‘B rije sh s c o re d i t f r o m th e l a nes i n A nju na.’ She tu rn ed to m e, s u rp ris e d . ‘I th o ught b oth o f y o u a re th e s tu d io us ty p es.’ ‘W e a re n o t th at d ull, d id i,’ I s a id . ‘P ro ud o f y o u, l ittl e s is te r,’ A diti d id i s a id . I h eard tw o k no cks o n th e d oor. D id i a nd I l o oked a t e ach o th er. ‘W ait,’ A diti d id i w his p ere d a s sh e ste p ped o ff th e b ed . S he w ent to th e d oor a nd lo oked th ro ugh th e k eyho le . ‘W ho i s i t? ’ s h e s a id o ut l o ud . ‘O h, s o rry . E xcuse m e, w ro ng r o om ,’ I h eard a f a in t v oic e. Did i c am e b ack to b ed . ‘W ho ?’ I s a id . ‘I d on’t k no w . S om e m an in a s u it. A nyw ay, te ll m e m ore a b out th e p olic e s ta ti o n d ra m a. It’ s to o f u nny.’ ‘O ne-tw o-th re e-fo ur. C om e o n, sta rt,’ M ic key, th e cho re o gra p her, sh o ute d as he sw itc hed o n th e music . T he so ng L ond on th um akd a fille d th e ro om . F iv e o f m y a unts , in clu d in g R ic ha m am i a nd Kam la b ua, w ere p ra cti s in g o n s ta ge w ith th e c ho re o gra p her. ‘F ollo w m y m oves,’ h e s a id . Mic key h ad a l e an b ody. I n b la ck ti g hts a nd a b la ck T -s h ir t h e l o oked l ik e a n i n se ct c o m pare d to m y w ell- fe d , s u b sta nti a l P unja b i a unts . T he a unts m oved . T he m akesh ift s ta ge g ro aned u nd er th e pre ssu re . ‘D on’t b ang y o ur fe et s o h ard . G ra ce, g ra ce,’ M ic key c alle d o ut. P la cin g h is r ig ht h and o n h is head h e tw ir le d . I p ra cti s e d in a no th er c o rn er o f th e fu ncti o n r o om , a lo ng w ith m y c o usin s. M ic key’s a ssis ta nt Vik ra m w as to te ach u s o ur m oves. ‘F aste r, fa ste r, m atc h th e b eat o f th e s o ng,’ M ic key s a id a nd c la p ped o n th e s ta ge. T he a unts moved th eir b otto m s le ft a nd r ig ht tw ic e, b efo re c ir c lin g a ro und . K am la b ua m ad e a fa ce. S he h ate d so m uch a cti o n th is e arly i n th e m orn in g. ‘L ad ie s,’ V ik ra m s a id to m y g ro up , ‘ I w ill s h o w y o u o nce a nd th en y o u f o llo w .’ Vik ra m p la yed D J w ale b ab u. T he r a p s o ng r e q uir e d u s to b e j e rk y to m atc h th e e rra ti c b eat. Bam ! I h eard a lo ud n o is e fr o m th e s ta ge. H ote l s ta ff ru sh ed to th e s c ene. M y a unts a nd th e cho re o gra p her h ud dle d a ro und R ic ha m am i, w ho h ad f a lle n d ow n. A h und re d a nd te n k ilo s o f P unja b i mass l a y o n th e f lo or, w ra p ped i n a n o vers iz e d w hite s a lw ar-k am eez. ‘W ho h ir e d th is id io t c ho re o gra p her? S uch d iffic ult s te p s fo r u s,’ s h e s h rie ked , h o ld in g h er ankle . ‘S orry , m ad am , s o rry ,’ M ic key s a id . ‘W hat s o rry ?’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘ Y ou s h o uld s e e w ho c an d o w hat s te p .’ ‘Y es, m ad am .’ The h o te l sta ff b ro ught a fir s t- a id k it a nd sp ra yed a p ain re lie v er o n h er le g. T w o w aite rs help ed R ic ha m am i s ta nd u p . ‘C an w e ta ke a b re ak?’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘B ut m ad am , th e s a ngeet i s to nig ht,’ M ic key s a id . ‘W e h av en’t e v en h ad b re akfa st. W on’t w e g et w eakness if w e d o d ance w ith o ut b re akfa st? ’ Ric ha m am i s a id . She w as r ig ht. P unja b is n eed c alo rie s, b y th e h o ur, e v ery h o ur. My c o usin s a nd I to ok a ta b le b y th e w in d ow a t o ur f a m ily ’s d ed ic ate d b re akfa st b uffe t a re a. S om e o f th em w ere r e hears in g th eir s te p s e v en n o w . I w ent to th e b re akfa st c o unte r a nd p ic ked u p a p la te . ‘C an I h av e w ho le -w heat to ast, p le ase ?’ I s a id to a w aite r. ‘W ould y o u l ik e th at w ith p eanut b utte r a nd h o ney?’ s a id a v oic e b ehin d m e. I tu rn ed a ro und . M y e yes a lm ost p opped o ut o f m y f a ce. ‘N eel? ’ I s a id o ut l o ud . ‘H i,’ h e sa id . H e lo oked th e sa m e, h and so m e a s h ell. H e h ad g elle d h air, sa lt- a nd -p ep per stu b ble a nd a l ith e f r a m e. H e w ore a b la ck s u it a nd a w hite s h ir t, b oth c ris p . ‘N eel? ’ I w his p ere d h is n am e a gain , m ore a w are o f m y s u rro und in gs. ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g here ?’ ‘I to ld y o u. I h av e to ta lk to y o u fa ce-to -fa ce. I c am e to y o ur ro om la st n ig ht. A no th er la d y answ ere d . S o I l e ft.’ ‘M y s is te r,’ I in fo rm ed h im fa in tl y , lo okin g a ro und ra p id ly . ‘K eep y o ur v oic e lo w . H ow d id yo u e v en g et h ere s o f a st? W ere n’t y o u i n s o m e c o pper m in e i n S ri L anka?’ ‘I j u st. . .’ h e s a id a nd p ause d . ‘ I to ok a c harte re d f lig ht. D oesn ’t m atte r. C an w e ta lk ?’ ‘Y ou c harte re d a p la ne to c o m e h ere ?’ I s a id . N eel d id n o t m eet m y e yes. The w aite r b ro ught m e w ho le -w heat to ast. ‘I h av e to g o ,’ I s a id . ‘I k no w ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou c an’t c o m e h ere . T his i s o ur p riv ate f a m ily d in in g a re a.’ ‘I k no w .’ ‘N eel, l o ok a t m e.’ He l o oked a t m e f in ally th en, a nd I r e m em bere d th o se e yes. T ho se e yes a nd a l o t m ore . Hon g K on g Two Y ea rs A go ‘ T 2 2 his is y o ur d esk ,’ s a id B ia nca, a s e cre ta ry in th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . ‘L ook o uts id e, y o u e v en h av e a H ong K ong h arb our v ie w .’ It to ok m e a w hile to a d ju st to m y n ew s u rro und in gs. G old m an S achs i n H ong K ong i s l o cate d a t th e C heung K ong C entr e s k ysc ra p er i n C entr a l, o ccup yin g th e s ix ti e th to th e s ix ty -e ig hth f lo ors . T he d is tr e sse d d eb t te am is lo cate d o n th e s ix ty -s e v enth flo or. F ro m th e flo or to th e c eilin g w in d ow s o f t h e g la ss-a nd -s te el b uild in g, o ne c an s e e th e H ong K ong s k ylin e a nd h arb our to w ard s th e n o rth . I n th e s o uth ern d ir e cti o n, o ne h as v ie w s o f th e P eak, th e to p o f th e g re en h ill o n H ong K ong I s la nd . Hong K ong i s a n e x-B riti s h c o lo ny, n o w u nd er C hin ese c o ntr o l. T he B riti s h e xite d i n 1 997, b ut l e ft b ehin d o ne o f th e m ost m odern , d ev elo ped a nd e ffic ie nt c iti e s in th e w orld . C onsis ti n g o f th e H ong K ong I s la nd , th e K ow lo on p enin su la a nd N ew T errito rie s, th is c ity o f s e v en m illio n i n hab ita nts i s one of th e busie st glo bal fin ancia l centr e s. C om pact, brig htl y lit and buzzin g, H ong K ong o verw helm s y o u u p on a rriv al w ith i ts i n so m nia a nd b eehiv e a cti v ity . ‘A c o m pany b ro ker w ill c all y o u. T o h elp w ith th e h o use -h unti n g,’ B ia nca c o nti n ued . ‘A nd h ere a re s o m e o th er h elp fu l c o nta cts .’ She g av e m e a f ile o f a ll th e p eo ple w ho w ould h elp m e i n m y r e lo cati o n. ‘N eel w ill m eet y o u i n h is o ffic e a t 9 ,’ B ia nca s a id a nd l e ft. I lo gged in to m y c o m pute r, a rra nged th e s ta ti o nery o n m y d esk . I p ut u p a fe w fa m ily p ic tu re s o n m y c ub ic le w alls . A t 9 , I w alk ed u p to N eel’s c o rn er o ffic e. ‘A h, R ad hik a. C om e r ig ht o n i n ,’ N eel s a id . He w ore a w hite s h ir t, s ilv er c ufflin ks a nd a b lu e H erm es s k in ny ti e . I h ad n o t s e en h im s in ce a sso cia te tr a in in g tw o years ago . H is o ffic e had p ano ra m ic v is ta s o f H ong K ong. T he su nsh in e p ourin g i n to th e r o om m ad e h is s k in g lo w . He g av e m e a f ir m h and sh ake. ‘T hank y o u f o r h av in g m e i n y o ur g ro up ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s o ur p le asu re . W e d on’t n o rm ally g et h ig h p erfo rm ers fr o m N ew Y ork h ere . H ow a re y o u s e ttl in g i n ?’ ‘I a m g o od. J u st a rriv ed o ver th e w eekend .’ ‘W here a re y o u s ta yin g?’ ‘S hangri- L a.’ ‘N ic e. H ey, d id y o u h av e a ny b re akfa st? W ant to s te p o ver to th e b re ako ut a re a f o r a c o ffe e?’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . We to ok th e e le v ato r d ow n to th e s ix ty -fir s t flo or. T he G old m an b re ako ut a re a is a c afé o f s o rts , w here th e s ta ff o fte n ta ke a b re ak f o r m eals . Neel a nd I w ent u p to th e c o unte r p ers o n. N eel tu rn ed to m e. ‘ W hat w ould y o u l ik e?’ ‘W ho le -w heat to ast. W ith p eanut b utte r a nd h o ney,’ I s a id . ‘T oast? A nd w hat? ’ th e c o unte r p ers o n s a id . ‘P eanut b utte r a nd h o ney,’ I s a id . ‘H uh?’ s h e s a id . ‘ Faa s a ng z o en g m at m goi ,’ N eel s a id . T he w om an s m ile d a nd n o dded . ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘N o is su es. I d on’t re ally s p eak C anto nese . B ut le arn in g a fe w w ord s is n ev er a b ad id ea,’ Neel s a id . H e o rd ere d a b la ck c o ffe e a nd b agel f o r h im se lf. We to ok o ur f o od a nd s a t a t a w in d ow -fa cin g ta b le . H e b rie fe d m e a b out th e g ro up . ‘W e a re te n p ro fe ssio nals h ere . I t i s n ’t a s l a rg e a s N ew Y ork . H ow ev er, w e a re g ro w in g f a ste r th an a ny o th er G old m an o ffic e.’ I n o dded a nd l is te ned w ith f u ll a tte nti o n. ‘Y ou w ill w ork w ith J o sh A ng a nd P ete r W u. T hey lo ok a fte r C hin a a nd K ore a r e sp ecti v ely . There m ay b e s p ecia l d eals f r o m ti m e to ti m e y o u m ig ht g et p ulle d i n to .’ ‘L ookin g f o rw ard to i t,’ I s a id . ‘G ood. W e h av e a m orn in g te am m eeti n g e v ery d ay a t 8 . T hat is w hen e v ery o ne ta lk s a b out th eir d eals .’ ‘O kay.’ ‘I w ant y o u to s p eak u p . I e nco ura ge p eo ple to ra is e q uesti o ns s o w e c halle nge e ach o th er,’ Neel s a id . ‘O f c o urs e .’ ‘F eel f r e e to c o m e i n to m y o ffic e. J o sh i s y o ur i m med ia te b oss, b ut w e d on’t r e ally b elie v e i n fo rm al r o le s h ere . T here ’s s o m e p eanut b utte r o n y o ur l ip .’ ‘O h, r e ally ?’ I s a id a nd w ip ed m y l ip w ith a ti s su e. ‘ I a m s o rry .’ ‘T he o th er s id e.’ I s h ifte d th e ti s su e a nd f e lt m y f a ce tu rn r e d . N eel s m ile d . H e l o oked e v en m ore g o rg eo us w hen he s m ile d . ‘W elc o m e to H ong K ong,’ h e s a id . ‘W e h av e a B ank o f E ast A sia d is tr e sse d d eb t a ucti o n c o m in g u p . T here a re fifty lo ans, s o ld a s a portf o lio . B id s d ue i n tw o w eeks,’ J o sh s a id a t th e m orn in g m eeti n g. ‘T w o w eeks? T hat’ s ti g ht,’ P ete r s a id . All b anks a ccum ula te b ad lo ans o ver ti m e. S om eti m es th e b ank fe els it is e asie r to s e ll o ff th o se l o ans a t a d is c o unt r a th er th an c hase th e b orro w ers . T o s p eed u p th in gs, th ey s e ll th o se l o ans a s a p ortf o lio , o r in a b unch. In a se nse , it c le ars th eir e nti r e d ir ty p la te in o ne sh o t. H ow ev er, fo r bid ders l ik e u s i t m eans a c ra zy a m ount o f w ork , e v alu ati n g w hat i s o n th e p la te . ‘W e c an p ass. P eo ple a re b usy w ith o th er d eals , r ig ht? ’ N eel s a id . ‘A ctu ally , I c o uld l o ok a t i t,’ I s a id . A ll e yes tu rn ed to m e. ‘I c an. I d on’t h av e to o m uch g o in g o n,’ I s a id . ‘It is fifty c o m panie s. Y ou’ll h av e to g o th ro ugh th em a ll. Y ou s u re ?’ J o sh s a id , in h is m ix ed Americ an a nd C hin ese a ccent. ‘W e h av e tw o w eeks. I c an w ork w eekend s to o,’ I s a id . ‘I c o uld s p are tw o d ays to o,’ P ete r s a id . ‘S o c an I ,’ s a id S im on, a no th er T aiw anese a naly st i n th e g ro up . Neel ta p ped h is f in gers o n th e c o nfe re nce r o om ta b le . ‘L et’ s d o i t,’ h e s a id f in ally , a nd s to od u p to s ig nal th e e nd o f th e m eeti n g. For th e n ext tw o w eeks, I c am ped in m y c ub ic le . B oxes o f d ocum ents to b e r e v ie w ed fo r th e bid s u rro und ed m e. I o nly w ent b ack to th e h o te l to s le ep , s h o w er a nd c hange. O ne F rid ay n ig ht I did n’t e v en d o th at. I w ork ed s tr a ig ht th ro ugh th e n ig ht a nd w atc hed th e S atu rd ay m orn in g s u nris e f r o m th e o ffic e w in d ow . ‘R ad hik a, w hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?’ N eel’s v oic e s ta rtl e d m e. I tu rn ed a ro und . In w ork o ut c lo th es, h e lo oked d iffe re nt fr o m h is u su al fo rm al s e lf. H e w as wearin g a b la ck U nd er A rm or T -s h ir t, a b ra nd th at r e m in d ed m e o f D eb u. T he p ortf o lio w ork h ad k ep t him o ff m y th o ughts o ver th e la st fe w d ays. B ut n o w I fe lt p ain flo od m y h eart. When w ill I g et o ver th at m an ? I w ond ere d . ‘G ood m orn in g, N eel,’ I s a id . ‘ J u st w ra p pin g u p th e b id . W ill h av e i t r e ad y M ond ay m orn in g.’ ‘Y ou h av e d ark c ir c le s u nd er y o ur e yes. D id y o u e v en g o b ack l a st n ig ht? ’ I s m ile d a nd s h o ok m y h ead . ‘T his i s to o m uch, R ad hik a. Y ou h av e to m ain ta in a b ala nce.’ He p la ced h is h and o n th e e d ge o f m y c ub ic le d oor. I c o uld s e e h is b ic ep fle x th ro ugh h is sle ev e. ‘G oin g to th e g ym ?’ I s a id . ‘I’ m g o in g o n a m ounta in h ik e. I p re fe r w ork in g o ut o utd oors .’ ‘T hat s o und s l ik e f u n.’ ‘Y es. M ore th an h alf o f H ong K ong i s c o untr y p ark s. B eauti fu l h ik es.’ ‘I h av e h eard .’ ‘H ope y o u s e e a b it o f th is c ity a nd n o t j u st th is o ffic e.’ ‘I w ill. J u st w ant th is p ortf o lio o ut o f th e w ay,’ I s a id a nd th en c o vere d m y m outh a s I y aw ned . ‘R ad hik a, y o u n eed to g o h o m e.’ ‘I w ill. S oon. W hat b rin gs y o u to th e o ffic e?’ ‘L eft m y m obile p ho ne b ehin d y este rd ay. J u st p ic kin g i t u p f o r th e h ik e.’ He w ent in to his offic e and cam e out afte r a fe w m in ute s. H e sa w m e sta rin g at m y sp re ad sh eet. ‘S ti ll h ere ? G o r e st.’ I s m ile d . ‘T w enty m ore m in ute s. T ops,’ I s a id . ‘I’ m l e av in g. G ood w ork , R ad hik a.’ ‘T hanks. B ye, N eel, h av e a n ic e h ik e,’ I s a id , e yes o n m y m onito r. He w alk ed a w ay f r o m m e a nd p ause d . H e tu rn ed a ro und a nd c am e b ack. ‘R ad hik a, th ere ’s s o m eth in g I w ant to te ll y o u.’ ‘O kay,’ I s a id a nd s h ifte d m y g aze to h im . ‘T here ’s a c o nfid enti a l d eal. S om e d is tr e sse d c o m panie s d on’t l ik e th e w orld to k no w th ey a re in d is tr e ss. I t c an a ffe ct th eir b usin ess.’ ‘S ure , I u nd ers ta nd ,’ I s a id . ‘T his o ne i s i n th e P hilip pin es. O nly th e G old m an S achs A sia h ead a nd I k no w a b out i t. I c an’t ev en d is c uss i t i n th e m orn in g m eeti n g.’ ‘O h, o kay,’ I s a id . ‘I n eed a n a sso cia te o n th e d eal. W ould y o u l ik e to b e o n i t? ’ The p ro sp ect o f m ore w ork in m y c urre nt e xhauste d sta te m ad e m e fe el e v en m ore ti r e d . How ev er, to b e i n a c o nfid enti a l d eal a nd w ork w ith a p artn er m eant a l o t. ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘ W hat’ s th e ti m in g?’ ‘Y ou f in is h th e b id . T hen I w ill b rie f y o u. W e’ll a ls o n eed to m eet th e c o m pany p eo ple .’ ‘S ure . W hat s e cto r i s i t? ’ ‘I’ ll te ll y o u. R eal s o on. B ye n o w . A nd g et o ut o f h ere f a st,’ h e s a id . What t h e h ell , I s a id to m yse lf. D eb u h ad u nfr ie nd ed m e o n F aceb ook. F or th e f ir s t ti m e i n H ong K ong I had fin is h ed w ork early and co m e b ack to m y ho te l at 5 p .m . T he te am had lik ed m y fin al pre se nta ti o n o n th e p ortf o lio . W e h ad s u b m itte d a b id fo r fo urte en c ents o n th e d olla r fo r th e lo ans. Exhauste d , I had b een lo okin g fo rw ard to a calm ev enin g in th e ho te l and a go od lo ng sle ep . How ev er, I m ad e th e m is ta ke o f o penin g m y la p to p a nd lo ggin g o n to F aceb ook. L ik e a n id io t, I se arc hed f o r D eb ash is h S en’s p ro file . I c o uld n’t f in d h im o n m y f r ie nd s’ l is t. Dam n. I ty p ed h is n am e f o r th e th ir d ti m e. Y es, h e h ad u nfr ie nd ed m e. I c o uld u nd ers ta nd w hy. Actu ally , I c o uld n o t u nd ers ta nd w hy. I w asn ’t s o m e s ta lk in g w itc h w ho w ould c ast a n e v il e ye o n h is posts a nd p ic tu re s. S ure , w e h ad b ro ken u p . P eo ple b re ak u p . T hey d on’t h av e to v anis h l ik e th is . I d id n’t h av e h is p ho ne n um ber a nym ore . I h ad d ele te d a ll h is p re v io us e m ails . I fe lt lik e callin g A vin ash to a sk f o r D eb u’s c o nta cts a gain . I s to pped m yse lf a nd tu rn ed o n th e T V i n ste ad . M ost of th e c hannels w ere i n C hin ese . O ne c hannel s h o w ed a s o ap o pera . I c o uld n’t u nd ers ta nd o ne w ord . How ev er, I s a w a g ir l o n th e s c re en c ry , p ro bab ly f o r h er l o st l o ve. I d on’t k no w w hat i t tr ig gere d i n me, b ut I jo in ed h er. I c lu tc hed m y p illo w ti g ht a nd c rie d . I h ad r e sis te d th is s o p erfe ctl y fo r w eeks. Ever s in ce I c am e to H ong K ong I h ad b urie d m yse lf i n w ork . I th o ught I h ad m ad e g re at p ro gre ss w ith my b re ak-u p . N ow I w as b ack to s q uare o ne. Why d id h e u nfr ie n d m e? I c rie d e v en m ore . I s w itc hed o ff th e h o te l r o om lig hts , o pened th e min ib ar a nd f o und l ittl e w his k y a nd v odka b ottl e s. I d ra nk f o ur o f th em , b otto m s u p , a nd l a y d ow n i n bed . M y h ead h urt a s i t s ifte d th ro ugh i m ages o f D eb u. Will I e ver g et o ver h im ? I c lo se d m y e yes. I s le p t, o r p asse d o ut, a s w eeks o f s le ep d ep riv ati o n c aught u p w ith m e. I w oke u p a s m y p ho ne r a ng. I h ad a b ad h ead ache. I o pened o ne e ye a nd s a w th e c alle r. I t w as Neel. Dam n. D am n. D am n. I s w itc hed o n th e l ig ht, r a n i n to th e b ath ro om a nd s p la sh ed w ate r o n m y fa ce. O nly th en d id I p ic k u p th e c all. ‘H ello ?’ I s a id , m y v oic e u ncle ar. ‘S orry , w ere y o u s le ep in g? I s i t to o l a te ?’ N eel s a id . I c hecked th e ti m e. I t w as o nly 8 .3 0 p .m . ‘N o, n o . J u st to ok a n ap . I a m s o rry . I l e ft o ffic e e arly to day.’ ‘Y ou d ese rv e th e r e st. S orry to w ake y o u u p .’ ‘It’ s f in e. I n eed ed to a nyw ay.’ Focu s, R adhik a . I t’s a p artn er o n t h e l in e. ‘I j u st c alle d to a sk i f y o u c o uld c o m e to th e o ffic e to m orro w a t 7 .3 0 a .m .? ’ N eel s a id . ‘H uh? Y es, s u re .’ ‘I c an b rie f y o u o n th e P hilip pin es d eal. B ette r w e ta lk a b out i t b efo re e v ery o ne a rriv es.’ ‘O f c o urs e ,’ I s a id . ‘E l C asa S eap la ne a nd R eso rts ,’ I re ad th e ta ste fu l a q uam arin e-c o lo ure d c o ver o f a b ro chure N eel hand ed to m e. He to ok a sip o f h is b la ck c o ffe e a nd p ut th e c up a sid e. H e p la yed w ith o ne o f h is b lu e sa p phir e c ufflin ks a s h e s p oke to m e. ‘ Y ou k no w m uch a b out th e P hilip pin es? ’ ‘O ne o f th e S outh east A sia n c o untr ie s, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah. S ev en th o usa nd -p lu s i s la nd s. C oup le o f m ain o nes th o ugh. M anila i s th e c ap ita l.’ ‘O kay,’ I s a id . I to ok n o te s i n m y n o te b ook. ‘T he co m pany is El C asa Seap la ne and R eso rts . They borro w ed to o m uch. B usin ess no se d iv ed d ue to a c yclo ne. T ro ub le . H ence a t o ur d esk .’ I s c rib ble d d ow n w hate v er I c o uld . N eel c o nti n ued to s p eak. ‘P ala w an i s i n th e s o uth o f th e P hilip pin es. O fte n v ote d a s o ne o f th e m ost b eauti fu l i s la nd s i n th e w orld .’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id , j o tti n g d ow n a t a f r a nti c p ace. ‘A ro und P ala w an th ere a re ti n y, s u p er-e xclu siv e, p riv ate ly o w ned is la nd s. E l C asa o pera te s te n r e so rts , e ach o n o ne o f th ese p riv ate m in i- is la nd s.’ I flip ped th ro ugh th e b ro chure . It h ad s tu nnin g a eria l p ic tu re s o f th e b outi q ue tr o pic al is la nd re so rts . T he b ro chure s a id th at n o ne o f E l C asa ’s r e so rts h ad m ore th an te n r o om s. ‘It s a ys r o om s a re 1 ,0 00 d olla rs a n ig ht,’ I s a id , s u rp ris e d . Neel s m ile d . ‘Y es, s o i t i s m ostl y s u p er-ric h f o re ig n to uris ts . L ocals c an’t a ffo rd i t.’ ‘H ow d oes o ne e v en g et th ere ?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou f ly f r o m M anila to P ala w an, a nd th en ta ke o ne o f th e c o m pany s e ap la nes to th e r e so rts .’ ‘E xp ensiv e o pera ti o n,’ I s a id . ‘Y es. S o w hen b usin ess ta kes a n o se d iv e i t g ets r e ally to ugh,’ N eel s a id . Neel to ld m e th at Typ ho on H aiy an, one of th e dead lie st tr o pic al cyclo nes, had hit th e Philip pin es l a st y ear. I t h ad l e ft th o usa nd s d ead . T he c o untr y h ad s ti ll n o t r e co vere d f r o m i t. H ig h-e nd to uris ts s ti ll a v oid ed th e P hilip pin es, m akin g E l C asa s u ffe r. I to ok n o te s a s N eel c o nti n ued to ta lk . ‘O w ner is M arc o s S ere no . F ifty y ears o ld , fir s t g enera ti o n, liq uo r b aro n. T ough b usin essm an, re sp ecte d in th e c o m munity . E l C asa is a p assio n p ro je ct fo r h im . S o h e is to uchy a b out th e w orld fin d in g o ut i t f a ile d .’ ‘Y ou h av e th e f in ancia ls ? ’ I s a id . Neel s lid a f iv e-in ch-th ic k s e t o f d ocum ents to w ard s m e. ‘T his co nta in s ev ery th in g. T he exis ti n g le nd in g banks w ant to get out. M arc o s w ants to co opera te , a s l o ng a s h is r e p uta ti o n s ta ys i n ta ct.’ ‘U nd ers to od,’ I s a id . ‘ I w ill g o th ro ugh a ll th is .’ ‘G ood. A nd l e t’ s g o to P ala w an n ext w eek a nd m eet M arc o s.’ ‘ O 2 3 ra nge j u ic e o r c ham pagne?’ a C ath ay P acific f lig ht a tte nd ant s a id . S he o ffe re d N eel d rin ks o n a t r a y. ‘O ra nge j u ic e, p le ase . T oo e arly f o r c ham pagne,’ N eel s a id . I to ok th e s a m e. W e s a t n ext to e ach o th er in th e b usin ess-c la ss c ab in o f th e m orn in g flig ht to M anila . I w as o n m y fir s t re al b usin ess tr ip , tr a v ellin g to a d iffe re nt c o untr y . I lo oked o ut o f th e w in d ow a s th e p la ne to ok o ff, m akin g H ong K ong’s s k ysc ra p ers l o ok l ik e L ego to ys d ow n b elo w . ‘S o w hat d id y o u th in k o f E l C asa ?’ N eel s a id . ‘O h, w ait,’ I s a id a nd o pened m y l a p to p b ag. I to ok o ut th e p rin to ut o f m y f in ancia l m odel. ‘K eep th is a sid e f o r n o w . T ell m e y o ur g ut f e elin g o n th e b usin ess,’ N eel s a id . ‘M y g ut f e elin g?’ I s a id , s u rp ris e d . I w as j u st a n a sso cia te . W hy w ould a p artn er c are a b out m y g ut f e elin g? W asn ’t i t m y j o b to j u st m ake th e f in ancia l m odel a nd r a ttl e o ut th e n um bers ? ‘Y eah, I ’ d l ik e to k no w . D o y o u e v en l ik e th e b usin ess? ’ I to ok a fe w s e co nd s to c o lle ct m y th o ughts b efo re I s p oke a gain . ‘ In s o m e w ays E l C asa is a r a re a sse t, s o q uite v alu ab le . I n o th er w ays i t i s a p ain , a s th ere a re l im ite d b uyers f o r th is th in g. A ls o , I c an’t i m agin e P hilip pin es l a w b ein g th e m ost i n v esto r-fr ie nd ly ,’ I s a id . ‘G ood. I l ik e h o w y o u th in k, i n s e v era l d ir e cti o ns a t th e s a m e ti m e,’ N eel s a id . ‘T hanks,’ I s a id , e m barra sse d b y h is p ra is e . I f u m ble d th ro ugh m y s h eets . ‘S o w hat d o w e d o h ere ?’ N eel s a id . ‘W e g et a b uyer,’ I s a id . ‘M eanin g?’ ‘W e ta lk to b ig h o te l c hain s. T his b usin ess n eed s a h ig h-e nd g lo bal b ra nd . O th erw is e p eo ple a re n o t g o in g to c o m e,’ I s a id . ‘H mmm. . .’ N eel s a id . ‘I a m th in kin g A man R eso rts , F our S easo ns. S om eth in g i n th at c ate go ry ,’ I s a id . Neel l o oked a t m e. I s a w p rid e i n h is e yes. ‘Y ou a re s m art,’ h e s a id . ‘N ot r e ally ,’ I s a id , l ik e a s tu p id f o ol. ‘W hat d o y o u m ean?’ ‘N oth in g. T hank y o u, I m eant. W ould y o u l ik e m e to s h o w y o u th e f in ancia l m odel? ’ ‘S ure ,’ h e s a id . Over th e n ext h o ur I w ent o ver th e n um bers . T he c o m pany h ad fifty m illio n d olla rs w orth o f l o ans. It co uld p ro bab ly re p ay o nly half. N eel lis te ned w ith fu ll atte nti o n, cro ss-q uesti o nin g m e s e v era l ti m es. ‘T hat’ s g o od. I th in k w e h av e a s e nse o f w hat i s g o in g o n h ere ,’ h e s a id w hen I f in is h ed . The f lig ht a tte nd ant s e rv ed u s b re akfa st: f r u it, c ere al, m ilk a nd o m ele tte s. ‘I c o uld a ls o b uild a no th er s c enario . . .’ I s a id a s N eel i n te rru p te d m e. ‘E no ugh. D o y o u o nly th in k a b out w ork ?’ ‘N o, I j u st. . .’ ‘L et u s e njo y o ur m eal. N o m ore ta lk in g s h o p.’ ‘S ure .’ I a te a s tr a w berry w ith m y f o rk . ‘H ow d o y o u f in d H ong K ong?’ N eel s a id . ‘E ffic ie nt. E very th in g i s c lo se b y.’ ‘Y ou f o und a n a p artm ent? ’ ‘Y es. O n O ld P eak R oad . I a m m ovin g i n n ext w eek.’ ‘It i s a g o od a re a,’ N eel s a id . Old P eak R oad p asse d th ro ugh th e M id le v els , a n a re a m id w ay to th e P eak. A o ne-a nd -a -h alf bed ro om a p artm ent i n th is e xp at a re a c o st m e 6 ,0 00 U S d olla rs a m onth i n r e nt. ‘W here d o y o u s ta y?’ I s a id . ‘R ep uls e B ay. O n th e S outh s id e. Y ou s h o uld v is it. I d o te am d in ners a t m y p la ce s o m eti m es.’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . He a p plie d ja m o n h is to ast. I n o ti c ed h is s le nd er fin gers . I c o nti n ued to g aze a t th em u nti l h e sp oke a gain , s ta rtl in g m e. ‘K usu m w ould l o ve to m eet y o u,’ h e s a id . ‘K usu m ?’ I s a id . ‘M y w ife . W e h av e tw o k id s. S iy a a nd A ry an. S ev en a nd th re e.’ Of c o urs e , a m an s o a m azin g h ad to b e m arrie d . ‘O h, h o w n ic e,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. H ow a b out y o u?’ ‘W ell, I a m n o t m arrie d ,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘O f c o urs e . B ut w here ’s y o ur f a m ily ?’ ‘D elh i. M om a nd d ad . I h av e a n e ld er s is te r.’ ‘G re at. Y ou c lo se to y o ur p are nts ? ’ I p ause d f o r a f e w s e co nd s to th in k b efo re I a nsw ere d . ‘In s o m e w ays I a m c lo se . D ad is r e ally q uie t. I a m c lo se to m y m om . B ut w e fig ht a lo t,’ I sa id . Neel l a ughed . ‘R eally ? O ver w hat? ’ h e s a id . ‘T he s tu p id est th in gs. M ostl y i t i s a b out h er o bse ssio n to g et m e m arrie d .’ ‘O h, y o u a re y o ung. W hy m arry s o s o on?’ ‘E xactl y . I f o nly s h e w ould g et th at.’ ‘T yp ic al I n d ia n p are nts , r ig ht? ’ N eel s a id . I n o dded . ‘W hen d id y o u l e av e I n d ia ?’ I s a id . ‘W hen I w as tw elv e. I g re w u p in L ond on a fte r th at. U nd erg ra d a t O xfo rd . H arv ard fo r m y MBA l a te r. M et K usu m th ere , a ctu ally .’ ‘O h, co lle ge sw eeth earts ,’ I sa id . I re aliz e d I sh o uld hav e sh o w n m ore re str a in t. I w as sp eakin g to a p artn er, m y b oss’s b oss. ‘Y ou c o uld s a y th at,’ h e s a id a nd l a ughed . The c ap ta in ’s a nno uncem ent a b out th e flig ht la nd in g in te rru p te d o ur c o nv ers a ti o n. W hen th e pla ne h o vere d a b ove M anila , N eel s p oke a gain . ‘W hy d id y o u l e av e N ew Y ork ?’ N eel s a id . ‘P ers o nal r e aso ns,’ I r e p eate d m y r e hears e d a nsw er. ‘O h, I a m s o rry . I d id n’t m ean to . . .’ N eel s a id a s I i n te rru p te d h im . ‘I h ad a b re ak-u p . A b ad b re ak-u p .’ Neel l o oked a t m e. H e r a is e d h is l o ng e yeb ro w s. ‘R eally ?’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah, w hy?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou m oved a ll th is w ay f o r a g uy?’ ‘W ors e . N ot f o r a g uy. B ut f o r a g uy w ho d id n’t w ant m e.’ Again I fe lt I h ad c ro sse d th e lin e o f a ccep ta b le c o nv ers a ti o n w ith a p artn er. N eel fu m ble d with h is s e atb elt a s h e s e arc hed f o r a s u ita b le r e sp onse . ‘W ell, a nyw ay. W elc o m e to th e P hilip pin es,’ h e s a id . The f lig ht l a nd ed w ith a g entl e th ud . ‘I s p ent y ears to b uild E l C asa . N o lo gic w hy I d id it. J u st w ante d to s h o w th e w orld h o w b eauti fu l my c o untr y i s ,’ M arc o s s a id . We s a t i n th e E l C asa o ffic e i n P ala w an a cro ss f r o m th e o w ner a nd C EO , M arc o s S ere no , w ho had a p ortl y f r a m e a nd w ore a H aw aiia n s h ir t. We h ad ta ken a no th er s h o rt flig ht fr o m M anila to P ala w an a nd c o m e fo r th e m eeti n g s tr a ig ht fr o m P ala w an a ir p ort. O n th e w ay, I s a w a s le ep y c ity f u ll o f p alm tr e es a nd l o ng, p ow dery b eaches. ‘Y our c o untr y is s tu nnin g. It w as e v id ent e v en in th e s h o rt jo urn ey fr o m th e a ir p ort to h ere ,’ Neel s a id to M arc o s. ‘Y ou h av e to s e e th e r e so rts . T his i s n o th in g,’ M arc o s s a id d is m is siv ely . ‘Y eah?’ N eel s a id . ‘Y ou a re s ta yin g a t o ne to nig ht, r ig ht? ’ M arc o s s a id . ‘W e had actu ally b ooked a ho te l in M anila o n o ur w ay b ack. O ur H ong K ong flig ht is to m orro w ,’ N eel s a id . Marc o s w av ed a n o w ith h is h and s. ‘F org et M anila . C ro w ded a nd p ollu te d . Y ou s ta y a t m y r e so rt.’ ‘B ut. . .’ N eel s a id b efo re M arc o s i n te rru p te d h im . ‘I i n sis t. M y s e ap la ne w ill ta ke y o u th ere .’ ‘S ure ,’ N eel s a id . A part f r o m b ein g g ra cio us to o ur c lie nt, w e w ante d to s e e th e q uality o f th e re so rts a nyw ay. M arc o s to ld h is s e cre ta ry to a rra nge tw o r o om s a t th e E l C asa P engalu sia n I s la nd . ‘N ow l e t u s ta lk b usin ess,’ M arc o s s a id a fte r h e d ele gate d o ur tr a v el a rra ngem ents . ‘M y c o lle ague R ad hik a h ere h as p re p are d s o m e n um bers ,’ N eel s a id . I p asse d o ut c o pie s o f th e f in ancia l m odel. ‘I h av e tr ie d to v alu e e ach r e so rt,’ I s a id . O ver th e n ext te n m in ute s I w alk ed h im th ro ugh m y assu m pti o ns a nd p ro je cti o ns. A fte r I f in is h ed , M arc o s to ok a d eep b re ath . ‘W hat n o w ?’ M arc o s s a id . I l o oked a t N eel. I t w as ti m e f o r h im to s p eak. ‘W e n eed a n ew b uyer. H ow ev er, n o body w ill b uy a c o m pany w ith a f ifty -m illio n-d olla r l o an on i t. W e h av e to s e ttl e th e b anks a t a d is c o unt f ir s t.’ ‘T hey w ill s e ttl e ,’ M arc o s s a id . ‘B ut w e w ant th em to s e ttl e a t a l o w p ric e. W e h av e to p ain t a te rrib le s c enario f o r th e b anks. Say th e b usin ess i s w orth a lm ost n o th in g. Y ou w ill h av e to p la y a lo ng,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ?’ M arc o s s a id . ‘Y es. S o th ey w ill s e ll th e lo ans to u s c heap . W e w ill th en fin d a n ew b uyer. F ro m o ur p ro fit, we c an g iv e y o u 2 0 p er c ent,’ I s a id . Marc o s’s e yes w id ened . H e l o oked a t N eel. ‘S he’s g o od,’ M arc o s s a id . ‘O nly m y b est p eo ple fo r y o u. A ny o th er is su es, M arc o s? ’ N eel s a id . M arc o s tu rn ed to m e again . ‘W ill th e n ew b uyer f ir e p eo ple ?’ M arc o s s a id . ‘D ep end s o n th e n ew o w ner,’ I s a id . ‘I d on’t w ant th at. N o f ir in g p eo ple . T hey a re m y p eo ple ,’ M arc o s s a id . I lo oked a t N eel. W e h ad a d ead lo ck. T he v alu e o f th e c o m pany w ould d ro p if th e n ew b uyer had a n o -la yo ffs c la use . ‘N o f ir in g a nyo ne f o r f iv e y ears . O kay?’ N eel s a id . Marc o s l o oked a t m e. I p urs e d m y l ip s. ‘F in e. W e c an b uild th at i n . B ut i f w e d o, d o w e h av e a d eal? ’ I s a id . ‘T his g ir l i s a q uic k o ne,’ M arc o s s a id to N eel a nd g rin ned . ‘In m y g ro up , w e l ik e to c lo se d eals ,’ N eel s a id . Marc o s e xte nd ed h is h and . ‘L et’ s d o i t,’ M arc o s s a id . We s h o ok h and s. W e h ad a n i n -p rin cip le a gre em ent. ‘I’ ll s e nd i n th e te rm s h eet to m orro w ,’ I s a id . ‘Is s h e a lw ays s o o bse sse d w ith w ork ?’ M arc o s s a id . ‘ N o u rg ency. S end i t i n a f e w d ays. T his is th e P hilip pin es. T here ’s m ore to l ife th an w ork h ere .’ There ’s n oth in g e ls e b ut w ork i n m y l ife , I th o ught. I s m ile d a t M arc o s. ‘T ry m y b eer. N um ber o ne i n th e P hilip pin es,’ M arc o s s a id a s h e o pened th e f r id ge b ehin d h is desk . ‘O kay, th is i s a l ittl e s c ary ,’ I s a id a s I ti e d th e f lim sy s e atb elt a ro und m e. N eel a nd I s a t n ext to e ach oth er in th e c o m pact fo ur-s e ate r E l C asa s e ap la ne. T he s e ats w ere ti n y, o ur h ead s in ches fr o m th e ro of. T he p ilo t g av e u s a th um bs-u p s ig n, i n d ic ati n g ta ke-o ff. ‘W hat p la ne i s th is ? ’ N eel a sk ed th e p ilo t. ‘A mphib io us C essn a 2 08 C ara v an, s ir,’ th e p ilo t s a id . T he p la ne c o uld ta ke o ff a nd la nd o n wate r a s w ell a s la nd . W e to ok o ff fr o m th e lo cal a ir p ort a t P ala w an. T he tu rb opro p n o is e m ad e it diffic ult to ta lk . N eel s a w m y p etr ifie d f a ce. ‘Y ou o kay?’ h e s c re am ed s o I c o uld h ear h im . I n o dded a nd b lin ked m y e yelid s. H e g rin ned . ‘B re ath e,’ h e s a id . I e xhale d a nd in hale d a fe w ti m es. T he p la ne to ok o ff. I lo oked o uts id e th e w in d ow . T he cry sta l- b lu e s e a, w hite b eaches a nd th e g re en c o ver o f tr e es b elo w m e m ad e m e f o rg et o ur p re cario us positi o n. ‘W ow ,’ I b lu rte d o ut a s I s a w s o m e o f th e m ost b re ath ta kin g s c enery I h ad e v er s e en i n m y l ife . ‘It r e ally i s s p ecta cula r,’ N eel s a id . Fifte en m in ute s l a te r, th e p la ne h o vere d o ver th e P engalu sia n I s la nd . L ess th an h alf a k ilo m etr e lo ng a nd o nly tw o h und re d m etr e s w id e, th e ric e-g ra in -s h ap ed is la nd s e em ed ti n y fr o m a b ove. T he beach r a n a ll a ro und th e p erim ete r o f th e i s la nd . O n th e s o uth ern ti p , a f e w h uts b ecam e v is ib le . ‘T hat’ s th e r e so rt,’ th e p ilo t s a id . ‘ T he r e st o f th e i s la nd i s j u st l e ft u nto uched . A ll n atu ra l.’ I c lo se d m y e yes a s th e p la ne l a nd ed o n i ts w ate r s k is . W hen I o pened th em , N eel a nd th e p ilo t were l o okin g a t m e. B oth o f th em h ad a g rin o n th eir f a ces. ‘I a m s o rry . I t’ s b eauti fu l, b ut s c ary ,’ I s a id . We s te p ped o ut o f th e p la ne in to th e s a nd . T w o p orte rs to ok o ur b ags. T he re so rt m anager gre ete d u s. ‘Y ou m ust b e M r M arc o s S ere no ’s s p ecia l g uests ,’ h e s a id . ‘ W elc o m e to E l C asa P engalu sia n. I a m C arlo s, th e r e so rt m anager.’ He s h o w ed u s o ur re sp ecti v e ro om s. E ach ro om w as a littl e c o tta ge o n s ti lts , b uilt a b ove a cle ar b lu e w ate r l a go on. ‘If y o u s it o n th e b alc o ny,’ C arlo s s a id , ‘ y o u c an s e e f is h i n th e w ate r b elo w y o u.’ I p ut m y b elo ngin gs i n th e l u xurio us r o om , w hic h h ad w ooden f lo ors a nd a th atc hed r o of. I f e lt ti r e d . I w ent u p to th e r e cep ti o n a re a w here I f o und N eel i n c o nv ers a ti o n w ith C arlo s. ‘P re tty s tu nnin g p la ce y o u h av e h ere ,’ N eel s a id . ‘T hank y o u, s ir,’ C arlo s s a id . I j o in ed th e tw o o f th em . ‘C arlo s, c an I ta lk to y o u l a te r? ’ I s a id . ‘ A f e w b usin ess-re la te d q uesti o ns a b out th e r e so rt? ’ ‘S ure . M r S ere no i n fo rm ed m e,’ C arlo s s a id . Neel s m ile d a t m y a tte m pt to d o d ue d ilig ence a t e v ery o pportu nity . C arlo s e xcuse d h im se lf and l e ft u s i n th e l o bby a re a. T he s u n s h o ne b rig ht, th o ugh th ere w as o nly o ne h o ur to s u nse t. ‘B eats w ork in g o n a b ank p ortf o lio , d oesn ’t i t? ’ N eel s a id . ‘T ota lly ,’ I s a id a nd l a ughed . ‘ T his i s th e b est d eal e v er. H ow b eauti fu l i s th is p la ce?’ ‘Y eah, g la d w e c am e. I h ad n o i d ea th is i s s o a m azin g.’ ‘W e w ill f in d a b uyer, r ig ht? ’ I s a id . ‘G osh . Y ou a re u nb elie v ab le . J u st l o ok a t th e v ie w . W orry a b out th e b uyer l a te r,’ N eel s a id . ‘S orry ,’ I s a id . We w alk ed o ut o f th e l o bby to f a ce th e s e a i n f r o nt o f u s. R ock f o rm ati o ns i n th e m id dle o f th e ocean m ad e th e v ie w e v en m ore d ra m ati c . ‘W hat’ s y o ur p la n f o r th e r e st o f th e e v enin g?’ N eel s a id . ‘I h av e to m ake th e te rm s h eet,’ I s a id . ‘C om e o n. D o i t b ack i n th e o ffic e. W ant to ta ke a w alk a ro und th e i s la nd b efo re d in ner? ’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘L et’ s c hange i n to w ork o ut c lo th es. S ee y o u h ere i n th ir ty m in ute s,’ h e s a id . Neel a nd I w alk ed o n th e tw o-k ilo m etr e tr a il th at c ir c le d th e is la nd . E very n o ok a nd c o rn er h ad sp ecta cula r s c enery . W arm s e aw ate r to uched o ur s h o es a s w e w alk ed o n th e s a nd n ear th e w ate r. If God h ir e d a n a rc hite ct to d esig n h eav en, th is w as h o w i t w ould b e d one. ‘L et’ s keep it b ris k ,’ N eel sa id and in cre ase d his str id e. H e no w w alk ed in fr o nt o f m e, lo okin g e v en b ette r i n h is w ork o ut c lo th es: k nee-le ngth b la ck s h o rts a nd a n eo n-g re en N ik e T -s h ir t. I w ore a w hite T -s h ir t a nd g re y tr a ckp ants . ‘Y ou a re r e ally i n to f itn ess,’ I s a id . ‘I tr y ,’ N eel s a id . ‘T he h ik e th at d ay. W alk to day.’ ‘W ell, w hen y o u g et to m y a ge, y o ur m eta b olis m d ro ps. N ot e asy to r e m ain f it.’ ‘Y ou lo ok s o fit,’ I s a id . I w ond ere d if I s h o uld h av e s a id it. I h ad ju st n o ti c ed a p artn er’s physic al a p peara nce. W ell, w ho i n th e o ffic e h ad n’t? ‘T hank y o u. I a m o ld n o w . F orty -fiv e.’ ‘T hat’ s n o t s o o ld ,’ I s a id . Oka y, w hy d id I h ave t o s a y t h at? He l a ughed . ‘ R eally ? H ow o ld a re y o u? S orry . I s h o uld n’t b e a sk in g a l a d y th at.’ ‘I a m tw enty -fiv e. W ell, tw enty -s ix s o on.’ ‘T hat’ s i n cre d ib ly y o ung. L ook a t y o u, a lr e ad y o n b ig d eals .’ ‘I a m l u cky.’ ‘D on’t s a y th at. Y ou a re g o od. Y ou w ork h ard . T hat’ s w hen l u ck c re ep s u p o n y o u.’ I tu rn ed to h im a nd s m ile d . ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘B ut y o u a re tw enty y ears y o unger. I f e el e v en o ld er n o w ,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y ou a re a p artn er a t G old m an S achs a t f o rty -fiv e. I t’ s p re tty y o ung. P lu s, y o u l o ok g o od.’ Now w hy th e fu ck d id I h ave to sa y th at? ‘Y o u lo ok g ood’? Yo u a re w ith th e h ea d o f dis tr e sse d d eb t f o r A sia . R adhik a , c o ntr o l y o ur t o ngue . ‘T hank y o u. D on’t g et to h ear th at s o m uch th ese d ays,’ h e s a id . We c ir c le d th e e nti r e i s la nd a nd r e tu rn ed to th e r e so rt. ‘D in ner i n a n h o ur? I w ill ta ke a s h o w er a nd s e e y o u a t th e r e sta ura nt,’ h e s a id . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘I m ig ht r u n a f e w m ore r o und s o f th e i s la nd b efo re th at,’ h e s a id . ‘I f e el l ik e a s lo b,’ I s a id . ‘R ela x. Y ou m ust b e ti r e d . S ee y o u s o on.’ ‘ C 2 4 ham pagne, s ir, c o urte sy o f M r M arc o s S ere no ,’ C arlo s s a id a s h e p ut a b ottl e o f D om P erig no n i n a c hille r n ext to u s. W e s a t i n th e o pen-a ir r e sta ura nt i n th e r e so rt, l o cate d i n a n a lc o ve. T he s u n h ad s e t. T he c le ar s e a r e fle cte d th e p ale tte o f th e s k y. T he r e sta ura nt h ad o nly s ix ta b le s, e ach w ith s e v era l l it c and le s o n i t. Ours w as th e o nly o ccup ie d ta b le . ‘W ould y o u l ik e s o m e?’ N eel s a id a s h e l ifte d th e b ottl e . ‘Y es, p le ase ,’ I s a id . Lik e a g entl e m an, N eel s to od u p a nd p oure d th e c ham pagne f o r m e. ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e,’ N eel s a id . W e r a is e d o ur g la sse s i n a to ast. ‘T o m any m ore d eals ,’ h e s a id . ‘E sp ecia lly o nes i n v olv in g p riv ate i s la nd a sse ts ,’ I s a id . B oth o f u s l a ughed . Waite rs b ro ught u s v ario us k in d s o f s e afo od, a ll c aught fr e sh fr o m th e s e a. E very th in g ta ste d d elic io us. One o f th e w aite rs b ro ught u s a h eart- s h ap ed r e d v elv et c ake. ‘F or th e l o vely c o up le ,’ h e s a id i n a F ilip in o a ccent. The w aite r’s w ord s l e ft m e s tu m ped . I s tr u ggle d to s p eak. ‘O h, a ctu ally , w e. . .’ I s a id . N eel i n te rv ened . ‘T hank y o u f o r th e c ake. D id n’t h av e to b e h eart- s h ap ed , a s w e a re n o t a c o up le .’ The w aite r l o oked a t b oth o f u s, s u rp ris e d . ‘W e a re h ere o n a b usin ess tr ip ,’ I s a id . T he w aite r b ecam e e v en m ore c o nfu se d . W ho c o m es t o P engalu sia n I s la nd o n w ork ? Neel s m ile d . ‘T hanks fo r th e c ake,’ h e r e p eate d . T he w aite r le ft u s. W e b urs t o ut la ughin g. N eel p oure d u s b oth a no th er g la ss o f c ham pagne. ‘O kay, th at w as a l ittl e w eir d ,’ I s a id . ‘T ota lly . D id n o t e xp ect th at.’ I c o uld f e el m y h ead s w im a fte r tw o d rin ks. ‘T ho ugh I m ust s a y I w as f la tte re d ,’ N eel s a id . ‘R eally ? W hy?’ I s a id , p re te nd in g to b e i g no ra nt e v en a s I f is h ed f o r m ore c o m plim ents . ‘W ell, e v en a t m y a ge h e th o ught I c o uld b e w ith y o u. T hat’ s a c o m plim ent.’ ‘W ell. T ru e th at,’ I s a id . ‘ A ll th at r u nnin g i s s u re ly h elp in g.’ We c lin ked o ur g la sse s. I d on’t k no w i f i t w as th e c ham pagne, th e b eauti fu l s e tti n g o r th at N eel mad e m e f e el c o m fo rta b le , b ut I f o und i t e asy to ta lk to h im . ‘Y ou s h o uld c o m e h ere w ith y o ur w ife ,’ I s a id . ‘H uh?’ h e s a id , s lig htl y s u rp ris e d . ‘ Y eah, K usu m w ould l o ve th is p la ce. W ho w ould n’t? ’ ‘S o y o u g uys m et i n c o lle ge? L ove a t f ir s t s ig ht? ’ I s a id . I d on’t k no w i f I h ad o vers te p ped th e lin e. A fte r th re e g la sse s o f c ham pagne, a ll s o -c alle d l in es s e em p re tty b lu rre d a nyw ay. ‘Y eah, y o u c o uld s a y th at, y eah,’ N eel s a id , a fte r d elib era ti n g f o r a s e co nd . ‘S orry , d id n’t m ean to p ry .’ ‘N o, i t’ s f in e. K usu m a nd I w ere i n th e s a m e c la ss. S he w as b orn a nd b ro ught u p i n th e U SA . I mostl y l iv ed i n th e U K . B oth o f u s w ere d esis , y et W este rn iz e d . I g uess w e c o nnecte d .’ ‘H ow w ond erfu l,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. A bso lu te ly ,’ h e sa id . H e b ecam e q uie t. H e to ok a b ig sip fr o m h is g la ss a nd sp oke again . ‘ H ow a b out y o u? I n l o ve p re tty h ard ? M ovin g c o untr ie s.’ ‘N ev er a gain . T his l o ve b usin ess i s n o t f o r m e,’ I s a id . I to ok a k nife a nd c ut a cro ss th e h eart- sh ap ed c ake. ‘T hat’ s s y m bolic ,’ h e s a id . ‘ A k nife th ro ugh y o ur b le ed in g r e d v elv et h eart.’ I l a ughed . ‘P re tty m uch w hat h ap pened . D is c ard ed l ik e u se d ti s su e. S w itc hed l ik e a T V c hannel,’ I s a id . ‘O uch, I a m s o rry ,’ N eel s a id . ‘ T ho ugh, e xcuse m e, I a m a b it s u rp ris e d .’ ‘S urp ris e d ?’ ‘L ik e w ho w ere y o u d ati n g? B ra d P itt? ’ I l a ughed . ‘ N ot r e ally . J u st a r e gula r g uy. J o b o n M ad is o n A venue. W hy?’ ‘H ow o n e arth c o uld a ny g uy l e av e y o u?’ N eel s a id . His w ord s fe lt lik e c o ld m enth o l b alm o n m y b ru is e d , w ound ed h eart. I c o uld h av e c rie d , b ut gir ls w ho c ry i n f r o nt o f th eir b osse s a re l o se rs , a nd th o se w ho d o i n f r o nt o f th e b oss’s b oss a re th e big gest l o se rs . ‘I a m n o t. . .th at. . .g re at,’ I f u m ble d f o r w ord s. W hat I w ante d to s a y w as ‘ T ell m e m ore a b out why I a m g re at.’ ‘A re y o u k id din g m e?’ N eel s a id a nd c o unte d o n h is f in gers . ‘ Y ou a re s m art, s u ccessfu l, f u n to ta lk to , y o ung, h ard -w ork in g, fu nny a nd , w ell, I sh o uld n’t b e sa yin g th is a s y o ur se nio r, b ut y o u kno w . . .’ H e p ause d m id -s e nte nce. ‘Y ou k no w — what? ’ I s a id . ‘I d on’t w ant to ta lk o ut o f tu rn .’ ‘It’ s o kay.’ ‘W ell, y o u k no w , y o u l o ok p re tty g o od. V ery g o od, i n f a ct.’ Wow , d id N eel G upta j u st t r y a l in e o n m e? B ut w ait, d id N eel G upta a ctu ally f in d m e g ood- lo okin g? A nd d id h e m ea n a ll t h ose o th er w onderfu l t h in gs h e j u st s a id ? I f e lt l o ad s o f s e lf- e ste em s h o ts b ein g i n je cte d i n to m y b lo odstr e am . ‘Y ou a re j u st s a yin g a ll th is to m ake m e f e el g o od,’ I s a id . I t m eant, sa y m ore . ‘N o. W hy w ould I ? I m ean i t. Y ou a re , p ro fe ssio nally a nd p ers o nally , o ne o f th e m ost a m azin g peo ple I h av e e v er m et,’ N eel s a id . I s w ear I f e lt th e s a nd s h ift b eneath m e. N eel s ta re d m e r ig ht i n th e e yes. W e h ad a m om ent o f sile nce a s I h eard th e s p la sh in g w av es. I a b so rb ed h is c o m plim ent. S om eo ne a s c o ol a s N eel fo und me a ttr a cti v e. It w as a ll to o m uch. S om eth in g h ad to s h o rt- c ir c uit in m e a s I g av e th e m ost id io ti c re sp onse . ‘It’ s o kay i f I s e nd M arc o s th e te rm s h eet b y to m orro w e v enin g, r ig ht? ’ I s a id . One m onth la te r ‘W ho le -w heat to ast. Faa sa ng zo en g m at ,’ I sa id . I had fin ally le arn t to o rd er b re akfa st at th e Gold m an c afé . N eel a nd I w ere th e e arly a rriv als , a t 7 .3 0 a .m . Neel to ok h is b la ck c o ffe e a nd a b ow l o f o ats . A m onth s in ce o ur P hilip pin es’ v is it, w e h ad th e te rm s h eet s ig ned . W e h ad a ls o r e ached s e ttl e m ent w ith th e b anks. ‘I c an’t te ll y o u th e d eta ils . B ut I h av e g o od n ew s,’ N eel s a id . ‘W e h av e a b uyer? ’ I s a id , e xcite d . ‘S hh!’ N eel s a id a nd p la ced a f in ger o n h is l ip s. ‘ Y es. W e c o uld b e g o in g to m eet M arc o s s o on and f in is h th e d eal.’ ‘C ool,’ I s a id . ‘ T ake o ver th e l o ans o n o ne s id e a nd s e ll th e c o m pany o n th e o th er.’ ‘W hat w e c all b ack-to -b ack d eals . N o r is k o n b ooks. B est d eal e v er,’ N eel s a id . W e g av e e ach oth er a th um bs-u p . H e r e v ie w ed th e d eal- c lo sin g d ocum ents . ‘L ooks g o od. F in gers c ro sse d . B uyer o n b oard s o on,’ N eel s a id . I p ut th e d ocum ents b ack in m y la p to p b ag. T hese la st fe w m in ute s o f o ur d aily c afé m eeti n g had b eco m e m y f a v ourite p art o f th e d ay. I t w as w hen N eel a nd I d is c usse d th in gs a p art f r o m w ork . ‘H ow i s y o ur n ew a p artm ent? ’ N eel s a id . ‘I l o ve i t. T hir ti e th f lo or, g re at v ie w . S ti ll d oin g i t u p ,’ I s a id . ‘C heck o ut I K EA , th ey h av e g o od h o m e s tu ff. N eat d esig ns, g o od p ric e,’ N eel s a id . ‘S ure . W ill g o th ere . N eed to j o in a g ym to o.’ ‘H av e y o u tr ie d y o ga?’ I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘ M ayb e a t s c ho ol i n I n d ia ,’ I s a id , ‘ w hen i t w as c o m puls o ry .’ Neel l a ughed . ‘C heck o ut P ure Y oga. T hey h av e a g re at s tu d io . I g o s o m eti m es,’ N eel s a id . ‘O kay. M y b ir th d ay i s c o m in g u p n ext w eek. M ayb e I w ill tr e at m yse lf to a m em bers h ip .’ ‘O h, g re at. H ap py b ir th d ay i n a d vance.’ ‘T hanks. S o y o u d o y o ga to o. H ow d o y o u d o i t a ll? ’ I s a id . ‘If y o u l o ve y o urs e lf, y o u w ill ta ke c are o f y o urs e lf, r ig ht? ’ I c o unte d th e tw enty -s ix p in k r o se s. T he b ouq uet o n m y d esk h ad a m aro on r ib bon w ra p ped a ro und i t. It c am e fr o m A rm ani F io ri, lo cate d in C entr a l. P art o f th e A rm ani b ra nd o f Ita lia n d esig ner G io rg io Arm ani, th e b ouq uets i n th e s h o p w ould b e n o l e ss th an 2 00 d olla rs a t l e ast. I r e m oved a s m all w hite env elo pe ti e d to o ne o f th e r o se s. A c ard i n sid e s a id , ‘ H ap py B ir th d ay— Fro m th e te am .’ I s a t b ack i n m y s e at, s u rp ris e d . T he h ard -n o se d a nd to ugh D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up i s n ’t k no w n fo r a ffe cti o n a nd f lo w ers . B ia nca p asse d m y c ub ic le . ‘H ap py b ir th d ay, R ad hik a,’ s h e s a id . ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id , ‘ a nd th anks f o r th e f lo w ers . T he m ost b eauti fu l b ouq uet I h av e e v er s e en.’ ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e. W e d on’t n o rm ally d o i t. B ut y o u a re n ew . M ayb e th at’ s w hy N eel w ante d it.’ ‘N eel? ’ ‘Y es, h e to ld m e to o rd er i t. H e e v en s e le cte d th e a rra ngem ent.’ I th anked e v ery o ne f o r th e b ir th d ay w is h es i n th e te am m eeti n g. ‘T he f lo w ers a re a n e xcep ti o n. D on’t g et h ig h h o pes,’ J o sh s a id . ‘M ostl y w e g ift e ach o th er b ad lo an d ocum ents ,’ S im on s a id . T he te am b urs t in to la ughte r. I lo oked a t N eel. H e s m ile d a t m e. ‘A te am fr o m th e M etr o polita n B ank o f T okyo is in to w n. T hey w ant to m eet fo r p ote nti a l c o - in v estm ents ,’ h e sa id , m akin g it c le ar th at th e b ouq uet a nd m y b ir th d ay d id n’t w arra nt a ny m ore dis c ussio n. ‘T hat’ s T anaka-s a n, S hin -s a n a nd I a m S ugim ula ,’ s a id A ra i S ugim ura , h ead o f th e D is tr e sse d D eb t Gro up a t M etr o polita n B ank o f T okyo , a s h e i n tr o duced h is te am . I n J a p an, th e ta g ‘ s a n’ i s a p plie d o ut of re sp ect, s o rt o f lik e ‘s h ri’ in H in d i. W e e xchanged b usin ess c ard s, h eld in b oth h and s, a s is th e no rm i n A sia . ‘L a-d hi- k a-s a n,’ A ra i s a id . ‘ D o I s a y y o ul n am e l ig ht? ’ ‘It’ s fin e,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . T he J a p anese b ankers b ow ed to u s a s th ey s a t d ow n. B ia nca ask ed u s i f w e n eed ed a nyth in g. E very o ne a gre ed to h av e C hin ese te a. ‘It’ s a n h o no ur y o u c am e to v is it u s,’ N eel s a id , tu rn in g o n h is c lie nt- c harm b utto n. ‘ H ow c an we d o b usin ess to geth er? ’ ‘G up ta -s a n, it is p liv ile ge fo r u s to o,’ A ra i s a id . ‘ G old m an S achs is p le s-ti - g io us b ank. Y oul glo up h as g o od l e p uta ti o n i n m alk et.’ Bia nca c am e b ack w ith te acup s a nd a k ettl e o f te a. S he p la ced th em o n th e ta b le a nd l e ft. ‘T hank y o u. I t’ s a ll d ue to m y g re at te am ,’ N eel s a id , w av in g h is h and a t u s. Neel p oure d te a f o r h im se lf. A s d id J o sh a nd P ete r. ‘L a-d hik a-s a n,’ A ra i s a id . ‘Y es? ’ I s a id . ‘W ould y o u m in d ?’ h e s a id a nd p oin te d to th e k ettl e . I r e aliz e d h e w ante d m e to p our te a f o r h is te am . I l o oked a t N eel a nd J o sh . T hey s e em ed c o nfu se d , b ut g estu re d th at I d o i t a nyw ay. I p oure d te a fo r th e J a p anese te am a nd a c up f o r m yse lf. Ara i e xp la in ed h is d esir e to c o -in v est w ith o ur g ro up . N obody e ls e f r o m A ra i’s te am s p oke a word . I n J a p an, w hen th e b oss ta lk s, y o u r e m ain s ile nt. ‘S o w hat k in d o f d eals a l y o u l o okin g a t? ’ A ra i s a id . ‘ A ny p olt- fo lio s? ’ Ara i had th e ty p ic al Ja p anese p ro ble m o f b ein g unab le to sp eak th e R so und , w hic h he su b sti tu te d w ith L . ‘R ad hik a b id f o r o ne r e centl y , m ayb e s h e c an ta lk a b out i t,’ J o sh s a id . ‘L a-d hik a-s a n?’ A ra i s a id . ‘Y eah, I c an te ll y o u a b out th is lo cal B ank o f E ast A sia a ucti o n. . .’ I b egan to s p eak b ut A ra i in te rru p te d m e w ith h is l a ughte r. ‘E xcuse m e?’ I s a id , w ond erin g i f I h ad s a id a nyth in g w ro ng. ‘S olly . I th o ught L a-d hik a-s a n yo ul se cle -ta ly . H ow can la d y do dis t- le sse d deb t? ’ A ra i co nti n ued to l a ugh. H is m in io ns a ls o g rin ned , ta kin g th eir b oss’s c ue. Neel p urs e d h is l ip s. H e l o oked a t m e o nce a nd tu rn ed to A ra i. ‘T he y o ung l a d y h ere i s o ne o f o ur b est d is tr e sse d d eb t a naly sts ,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y es, y es, o f c o uls e . B y th e w ay, I l e m em ber a j o ke w hen y o u s a id l a d y,’ A ra i s a id . None o f u s r e sp ond ed . H e c o nti n ued , ‘ Y ou k no w w hat th ey s a y a b out l a d y?’ H e tu rn ed to J o sh . Jo sh d id n’t a nsw er. Ara i c o nti n ued a nyw ay, ‘W hen a la d y s a y n o , s h e m eans m ayb e. W hen s h e s a ys m ayb e, s h e means y es. W hen s h e s a ys y es, w ell, s h e i s n o t a l a d y.’ His c o lle agues f o und th e j o ke e xtr a f u nny a nd l a ughed o ut l o ud . P ete r, J o sh , N eel a nd I l o oked at e ach o th er. ‘A ra i- s a n, I u nd ers ta nd th is i s a m usin g to y o u. B ut f r a nkly , th is m akes u s q uite u nco m fo rta b le ,’ Neel s a id . ‘S olly . Y ou m ay c o nti n ue,’ A ra i s a id . I to ok a d eep b re ath to r e gain m y c o m posu re . I s p oke a gain . ‘Y es, s o I w as s a yin g,’ I s a id . Neel s to od u p . ‘A ctu ally , n o ,’ N eel s a id a nd p ause d b efo re h e s p oke a gain . ‘ N o. T his w on’t w ork o ut.’ ‘W hat? ’ A ra i s a id , h is f a ce s e rio us. ‘W e l o ok f o r f it i n a p artn er. S orry , A ra i- s a n, w e w on’t b e a b le to d o b usin ess w ith y o u,’ N eel sa id . ‘W e hav e b illio n d olla ls to in v est. L ot o f fe e fo r G old m an S achs o n th at.’ A ra i lo oked stu p efie d . ‘I u nd ers ta nd ,’ N eel s a id , ‘ b ut. . .’ ‘A ctu ally , i t’ s o kay, N eel,’ I s a id . ‘ A ra i- s a n, i f I c an te ll y o u a b out th e p ortf o lio . . .’ Neel s h o ok h is h ead . ‘A ra i- s a n, T anaka-s a n, S hin -s a n, th ank y o u f o r c o m in g. I a m s u re y o u w ill f in d a g re at p artn er. We w ill p ass. W e a nyw ay h av e a lo t o n o ur p la te ,’ N eel s a id . J o sh a nd P ete r s to od u p , s o m ew hat su rp ris e d . T he J a p anese b ankers l o oked a t e ach o th er. ‘J o sh w ill s e e y o u o ut,’ N eel s a id a nd l e ft th e r o om . ‘H ey, R ad hik a, c o m e o n i n ,’ N eel s a id . I w ent i n to h is o ffic e a nd s a t d ow n i n f r o nt o f h im . H e w ore a p in k s h ir t a nd a r e d H erm es ti e . His f a ce r e fle cte d a b it o f p in k f r o m h is s h ir t. ‘B y th e w ay, h ap py b ir th d ay,’ h e s a id . ‘T hank y o u f o r th e f lo w ers .’ ‘T hey a re f r o m th e te am ,’ N eel s a id . ‘B ia nca to ld m e y o u c ho se th em .’ ‘O h, s h e d id ? S he d oesn ’t u nd ers ta nd c o nfid enti a lity .’ N eel g rin ned . He p la yed w ith h is c uffs . H e w ould d o th at w hen h e w as n erv ous. O r e xcite d . ‘N eel, a b out th e m eeti n g w ith th e J a p anese b ankers . . .’ ‘Y eah. W hat d oucheb ags.’ ‘Y ou c ancelle d th e d eal? ’ ‘W ell, w e c an’t w ork w ith s e xis t p eo ple l ik e th at. T hey m ad e y o u s o u nco m fo rta b le .’ ‘I w as ta ken a b ack a b it, y es. B ut a n o dd c o m ment h ere o r th ere d oesn ’t b oth er m e.’ ‘It’ s n o t o kay, R ad hik a,’ N eel s a id , r a is in g h is v oic e l o ud e no ugh f o r e v en B ia nca to n o ti c e. ‘T here w as b usin ess th ere ,’ I s a id . ‘S o?’ N eel s a id . I l o oked a t h im . W e e xchanged a g la nce. I d on’t k no w i f I i m agin ed i t, b ut i t l a ste d a h eartb eat lo nger th an i t s h o uld h av e b etw een a p artn er a nd a n a sso cia te . ‘L is te n, R ad hik a. I am no t go in g to allo w anyo ne to tr e at yo u lik e th is ,’ he sa id and im med ia te ly c o rre cte d h im se lf. ‘ I m ean, n o t g o in g to a llo w a nyo ne i n m y te am to b e tr e ate d l ik e th at.’ ‘A ll r ig ht. B ut I w as f in e,’ I s a id . ‘N o. D on’t b e f in e. N o b usin ess i s w orth th at. W e c an l e t i t g o , o kay?’ I l o oked a t N eel. ‘T hanks,’ I s a id i n a s u b dued v oic e. ‘Y ou a re w elc o m e,’ h e s a id . ‘ N ow , w hat a re y o ur b ir th d ay p la ns? ’ ‘I h av e a f e w c alls w ith p ro sp ecti v e E l C asa b uyers to nig ht.’ ‘G osh , y o u a re i n co rrig ib le ,’ N eel s a id . ‘It’ s n o t s o b ad . S im on h as o rg aniz e d d rin ks. A c o up le o f G old m an a sso cia te s a re c o m in g.’ ‘N ic e. H av e f u n,’ h e s a id . I w ond ere d i f I s h o uld i n v ite h im . H e r e ad m y m in d . ‘I w ould h av e c o m e, b ut i t w ill b e a w kw ard f o r th e r e st i f a p artn er s h o w s u p .’ ‘I u nd ers ta nd . N o i s su es,’ I s a id . ‘H ap py b ir th d ay a gain , R ad hik a,’ h e s a id . I c am e b ack to m y d esk . I to uched th e p eta ls o f o ne o f th e tw enty -s ix r o se s. M y p ho ne r a ng. I had a c all f r o m I n d ia . I p ic ked u p th e p ho ne. ‘H ey, s is te r,’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘ H ap py b ir th d ay. I c am e h o m e to day. W e m is s y o u.’ ‘ H 2 5 O ne m onth la te r ere y o u g o , w ho le -w heat to ast w ith p eanut b utte r a nd h o ney,’ N eel sa id a nd p asse d m e m y b re akfa st. I g estu re d h im a th anks w ith a th um bs-u p . I w as o n a c o nfe re nce c all. I w as n o w v ic e p re sid ent; m y e xp ecte d p ro m oti o n h ad b eco m e o ffic ia l tw o w eeks a go . W e s a t i n th e G old m an c afé a t 7 a .m . W e h ad a p ote nti a l b uyer f o r E l C asa c alle d G re enw ood H osp ita lity , a U S-b ase d c o m pany th at o w ned fifty bouti q ue ho te ls w orld w id e. O n th e call w ere M ad dox D ean, M D in th e m erg ers ’ d ep artm ent i n N ew Y ork ; P hilip pe G re enw ood, o w ner o f G re enw ood; N eel a nd I . ‘P hilip pe, th e d ocs a re w ate rti g ht h ere . I th in k w e s h o uld c lo se th is s o on,’ N eel s a id . ‘I d on’t m in d ,’ P hilip pe sa id , ‘ju st th at y o ur p ric e o f fifty m illio n is to o h ig h. H ow a b out f o rty ?’ Neel l o oked a t m e. I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘T oo l o w ,’ N eel s a id . ‘L et’ s l o ck a t f o rty -fiv e,’ G re enw ood s a id . Neel l o oked a t m e. I n o dded . ‘D one,’ N eel s a id . ‘ C an w e c lo se th e d ocs s o on, p le ase ?’ ‘T his i s f a nta sti c ,’ M ad dox s a id . ‘ W e h av e a d eal.’ ‘S up er. W e’ll g o d ow n to th e P hilip pin es a nd c lo se i t w ith E l C asa n ext w eek,’ N eel s a id . The c all e nd ed . ‘C ongra tu la ti o ns,’ I s a id . ‘H ow m uch i s th e f in al p ro fit? ’ N eel s a id . ‘T w enty m illio n, n et, to u s,’ I s a id . Neel a nd I h ig h-fiv ed e ach o th er. ‘ H ow d id y o u g uys d o i t? ’ M arc o s s a id , a s h e f lip ped th ro ugh th e d ocum ents . E ven th o ugh h e tr ie d to h id e i t, th e s m ile w ould n’t l e av e h is f a ce. H e h ad a b ankru p t b usin ess th at f a ced f o re clo su re a nd m ass l a y-o ffs . N ow h e w ould g et fiv e m illio n d olla rs n ext w eek in h is a cco unt a s a s e ttl e m ent fe e fo r h is co opera ti o n. N ot to m enti o n a g lo bal b uyer w ho w ould k eep h is r e so rts a liv e. ‘T hat’ s w hat w e d o. W e c lo se d eals , M arc o s,’ N eel s a id . ‘W ond erfu l. Y ou a re s ta yin g fo r s e v era l d ays th is ti m e, I h o pe,’ M arc o s s a id a s h e s ig ned th e docum ents . ‘ S ta y o n a d iffe re nt i s la nd e ach n ig ht.’ ‘I w is h ,’ N eel s a id . ‘ B ut th ere ’s a l o t o f w ork b ack i n H ong K ong. W e w ill l e av e to m orro w .’ ‘S am e p la ce th en? P engalu sia n?’ ‘Y es,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y ou s a v ed m y p eo ple th eir j o bs. T hank y o u s o m uch,’ h e s a id . I c o lle cte d a ll th e d ocum ents M arc o s h ad s ig ned . N eel s h o ok h and s w ith M arc o s. ‘P le asu re d oin g b usin ess w ith y o u,’ N eel s a id . I s to od i n f r o nt o f th e m ir ro r a t th e P engalu sia n I s la nd R eso rt a nd tu rn ed f r o m s id e to s id e. I w ond ere d if m y b la ck sh o rts and th e w hite gunje e o ver m y p in k sp orts b ra re v eale d to o m uch. N eel had su ggeste d a r u n b efo re o ur d eal- c lo sin g c ele b ra ti o n d in ner. ‘ L et’ s b urn c alo rie s b efo re w e c o nsu m e th em ,’ h e h ad s a id . ‘It’ s f in e. B e c o ol a b out i t,’ I s a id to m yse lf a nd c hecked m yse lf o ut o ne l a st ti m e. O kay, s o th e sh o rts w ere a l ittl e to o s h o rt. T he g unje e w as, w ell, a l ittl e to o s h o rt to o. I m et N eel a t th e r e cep ti o n a re a. H e w ore a b lu e w ork o ut T -s h ir t a nd b la ck c yclin g s h o rts . H e als o h ad b lu e m ir ro r-ti n te d R ayb ans o n. ‘W ow , y o u’v e tr a nsfo rm ed ,’ h e s a id . T he s u ngla sse s c o vere d h is e yes. I c o uld n’t te ll i f h e w as sta rin g a t m e. I th o ught h e d id . M ayb e I w is h ed h e d id . ‘I h av en’t r u n i n th e l o ngest ti m e,’ I s a id . ‘W e’ll j u st j o g. T hre e r o und s o f th e i s la nd ?’ ‘T w o, p le ase .’ He l a ughed . ‘O kay, l e t’ s g o ,’ h e s a id . We jo gged a ro und th e p erip hery o f th e ti n y is la nd . W e h ad w alk ed th is r o ute o n o ur p re v io us tr ip . H ow ev er, to day th e is la nd fe lt e v en m ore d re am lik e. D esp ite th e b rig ht s u n, a c o ol b re eze k ep t th e te m pera tu re j u st r ig ht. W e j o gged o n th e b each a w ay f r o m th e w ate r, w hic h s la p ped l a zily a gain st th e s h o re . N eel r a n s lo w er to m atc h m y p ace. T his w ay h e r e m ain ed o nly a fe w s te p s a head o f m e. I no ti c ed h is m usc ula r le gs. H e h ad p erfe ct, sc ulp te d c alv es. H e ra n in fla w le ss, g ra cefu l fo rm . I, meanw hile , g asp ed , k ic ked a nd p ante d th ro ugh th e tw o-k ilo m etr e r o ute . I w ante d to q uit a fte r th e f ir s t ro und . H ow ev er, N eel w ould n’t l e t m e. ‘E no ugh,’ I s a id , h o ld in g m y s to m ach. ‘C om e o n, y o u a re d oin g g re at,’ h e s a id . For th e s e co nd r o und h e r e m ain ed b ehin d m e. I l o oked b ack f r o m th e c o rn er o f m y e ye. I d on’t kno w i f h e n o ti c ed m y l e gs. I t w ould h av e b een h ard to m is s th em , c o nsid erin g m y s h o rts b unched u p ev en m ore w hen I r a n. ‘I a m d one,’ I s a id , g asp in g f o r b re ath a s I f in is h ed th e s e co nd r o und . ‘M in d i f I r u n a b it m ore ?’ h e s a id . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id a nd e xhale d n o is ily . ‘S ee y o u i n a n h o ur f o r d in ner,’ h e s a id a nd r a n a head . S oon, h e d is a p peare d i n to th e s a nd a nd gre en f o lia ge o f th e i s la nd . I w ent b ack to m y ro om a nd s h o w ere d . I o pened m y s u itc ase a nd to ok o ut a w hite flo w in g dre ss w ith a f lo ra l p rin t. I t s e em ed p erfe ct f o r a n i s la nd r e so rt d in ner. T he d re ss h ad a d eep n ecklin e; I w ore a b ead n eckla ce to c o ver it. I a p plie d m ake-u p , a nd c re ate d a s m oky e ffe ct a ro und m y e yes. I re aliz e d I h ad n o t d re sse d u p to lo ok g o od s in ce m y N ew Y ork d ays w ith D eb u. A ls o , I n o ti c ed th e nam e ‘ D eb u’ d id n’t s ti n g a s m uch a nym ore . I a p plie d p erfu m e a nd tr a nslu cent s tr a w berry lip g lo ss. I lo oked a t m yse lf i n th e m ir ro r o ne f in al ti m e. I f I m ad e a n e ffo rt I c o uld l o ok n ic e. Will h e lik e h ow I lo ok? T he q uesti o n flo ate d in m y h ead . M in i- m e s c o ld ed m e, He m ay b e fr ie n dly , b ut h e’s s till a p artn er, a nd m arrie d . G et i t? I 2 6 arriv ed a t th e r e sta ura nt b efo re N eel. I s ip ped a g la ss o f c ham pagne a s I w atc hed th e s u nse t. H e arriv ed tw enty m in ute s l a te r. ‘S orry I a m l a te . I r a n e xtr a r o und s,’ N eel s a id . He w ore a l in en T -s h ir t a nd b eig e s h o rts . ‘It’ s o kay,’ I s a id . H e p ulle d o ut a c hair a nd s a t i n f r o nt o f m e. ‘W ow ,’ h e s a id , h is g aze o n m e. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘Y ou l o ok. . .w ell, d iffe re nt,’ h e s a id . ‘G ood d iffe re nt o r b ad d iffe re nt? ’ I s a id . ‘Y ou l o ok s tu nnin g, a ctu ally . T his d re ss r e ally s u its y o u.’ He h ad g iv en m e h is fir s t d ir e ct c o m plim ent a b out m y lo oks. W hile w ork in g o n E l C asa w e h ad b eco m e f r e er i n te rm s o f ta lk in g to e ach o th er. H ow ev er, w e s ti ll m ain ta in ed p ro prie ty . W e d id n’t d is c uss f e elin gs, f o r i n sta nce. W e d id n’t m ake p ers o nal c o m ments . I n f a ct, w e n ev er e v en c alle d e ach o th er a f r ie nd . And y et, to day h is c o m plim ent d id n’t f e el o ut o f p la ce. ‘T hank y o u, N eel. T hat’ s s w eet o f y o u,’ I s a id . T here , I h ad b eco m e s o m uch b ette r a t ta kin g a c o m plim ent. He re m oved h is B ir k ensto ck s a nd als s o h is fe et c o uld to uch th e s a nd . I k ic ked o ff m y h eels t o o. ‘W here ’s m y d rin k?’ N eel s a id a nd s ig nalle d th e w aite r. T he w aite r p oure d c ham pagne fo r h im . ‘S o h o w d o y o u f e el a fte r th e r u n?’ N eel s a id . ‘G ood,’ I s a id , ‘b ut I n eed to b uild m y s ta m in a. P eo ple o ld er th an m e a re w hip pin g m e a nd d oin g e xtr a r o und s.’ Neel g rin ned . T he w aite r b ro ught u s th e s e t m enu c ho ic es. I c ho se th e v egeta ria n o pti o n. It c o nsis te d o f a n a v ocad o a nd ro cket le af s a la d , fo llo w ed b y m ush ro om tr u ffle p asta . N eel c ho se a s e afo od c ho w der s o up a nd p an-s e are d s a lm on c o oked i n a m ango s a ls a . ‘T o E l C asa , y o ur f ir s t b ig d eal i n A sia ,’ N eel s a id a nd r a is e d h is g la ss. ‘T o G re enw ood, th eir n ew b uyer.’ I to uched h is g la ss w ith m in e. ‘W hat a r e so rt, i s n ’t i t? ’ N eel s a id . H e p oin te d to th e s c enery a head o f u s. O nly h alf o f th e s u n r e m ain ed o n th e h o riz o n. T he d eep o ra nge-c o lo ure d s k y h ad tu rn ed a s ilk y te xtu re . ‘T he m ost b eauti fu l p la ce I h av e e v er b een to ,’ I s a id . ‘S am e f o r m e. W ith o ne o f th e m ost b eauti fu l m in d s I k no w ,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y eah, s u re . I t’ s o nly m y m in d th at’ s b eauti fu l,’ I s a id . I a m a f is h erw om an. I f is h , f is h , f is h . ‘O f c o urs e n o t. B ut it is n ’t a p pro pria te fo r m e to c o m ment o n th e re st o f y o u. P ro to co l,’ h e sa id . ‘W e n eed to g et s o m eth in g s tr a ig ht,’ I s a id a nd s a t u p rig ht. ‘W hat? ’ N eel s a id . ‘A re w e f r ie nd s o r a re w e c o lle agues o r a re y o u m y s u p er-s e nio r b oss? ’ I s a id . ‘T hat’ s a to ugh o ne,’ N eel s a id . ‘Is i t? ’ ‘W ell, y es. F act r e m ain s I a m th e h ead o f th e g ro up . Y ou a re th e V P. C heers .’ We to uched g la sse s a gain . I l o ok a b ig g ulp . ‘S o th at’ s w ho w e a re . C olle agues? ’ I s a id . ‘W ell, n o . I fe el lik e a fte r a ll th o se b re akfa st m eeti n gs I k no w y o u s o m ew hat. Y ou k no w m e to o. I n f a ct. . .’ h e s a id a nd p ause d . ‘In f a ct w hat? ’ ‘In f a ct, I a m g o in g to m is s o ur b re akfa st c hats th e m ost a fte r th is d eal,’ h e s a id a nd s ta re d i n to th e h o riz o n. ‘ O ur o atm eal a nd p eanut- b utte r-to ast c o nv ers a ti o ns.’ ‘D on’t f o rg et th e h o ney,’ I s a id . He l a ughed . ‘I w ill m is s o ur b re akfa sts to o,’ I s a id . ‘W ell, l ife g o es o n. A no th er d ay, a no th er d eal,’ N eel s a id . ‘W ait. S o w e a re n o t f r ie nd s? ’ ‘C an w e b e?’ ‘W hy n o t? ’ I s a id . ‘M any r e aso ns to n o t b e. I a m y o ur s e nio r. T w enty y ears o ld er. M arrie d . T w o k id s. Y ou, o n th e oth er h and , y o ung a nd s in gle . S m art a nd a ttr a cti v e.’ ‘A ttr a cti v e?’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘Y eah, o f c o urs e . Y ou a re r e ally a ttr a cti v e, R ad hik a. I a m j u st b ein g f a ctu al.’ Ah, t h e s w eet, s o oth in g f e elin g o f r e ceiv in g a c o m plim en t f r o m a w orth y m an. My l ife , a t th is m om ent, f e lt p erfe ct. ‘T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘ Y ou a re p re tty c o ol to o.’ ‘W hat i s th is ? A n o verw ork ed b ankers ’ s e lf- p ra is e s o cie ty ?’ N eel s a id . We l a ughed . T he w aite r r e fille d o ur c ham pagne g la sse s. ‘W e a re f r ie nd s,’ N eel s a id . ‘ I d on’t s e e y o u a s a j u nio r n o w .’ ‘D o n o te I g et to o c asu al w ith fr ie nd s. T ell m e if I o vers te p th e lin e. A fte r a ll, y o u a re m y se nio r,’ I s a id . ‘I a m n o t th e ty p ic al s e nio r. Y ou c an b e h o nest w ith m e. S peak y o ur m in d .’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah. T ry m e,’ N eel s a id . ‘O kay. W hat d o y o u tr u ly th in k o f m e?’ I s a id . ‘ A s a p ers o n.’ He w ip ed th e w ate r d ro ple ts o n h is g la ss w ith h is th um b. ‘G o o n, h it m e. B e f r a nk,’ I s a id . He s m ile d . ‘Y ou a re s m art, o f c o urs e . B ut y o u a re a ls o s im ple a nd a littl e lo st. Y ou a re o ne o f th e m ost attr a cti v e w om en I h av e m et. Y et y o u n eed e xte rn al v alid ati o n, a l o t o f i t. T his c o uld b e b ecause y o u hav e s e lf- e ste em i s su es. Y ou a re s e nsiti v e, b ut h av e c lo se d y o urs e lf. A fte r w hat h as h ap pened i n N ew York p erh ap s.’ ‘W ow ,’ w as a ll I c o uld s a y, i m pre sse d a nd s p eechle ss a t h is o bse rv ati o ns. ‘A b it to o f r a nk?’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah, o uch,’ I sa id and la ughed . ‘B ut no t b ad . Y ou d o o bse rv e m ore ab out m e th an th e fin ancia l m odels I c re ate .’ ‘O h, b ut y o ur w ork i s s te lla r. Y ou c o uld b e p artn er o ne d ay. R ad hik a M ehta , P artn er, G old m an Sachs. H ere ’s to th at,’ N eel s a id a nd r a is e d a to ast. H e f in is h ed h is g la ss i n o ne s h o t. I f o llo w ed h im . The c lo ud le ss s k y lo oked e v en m ore b eauti fu l a s littl e s ta rs b ecam e v is ib le a t d usk . A s lo w F re nch so ng b egan to p la y in th e b ackgro und . I c o uld n’t u nd ers ta nd th e ly ric s, b ut c o uld fe el th e p ain o f th e sin ger. ‘P artn er R ad hik a. W ith a l o t o f d eals u nd er h er b elt. B ut l o nely , w ith o ut l o ve,’ I s a id . ‘W hat n o nse nse . R ad hik a w ith a l o t o f l o ve,’ N eel s a id . ‘W hate v er. I d on’t th in k s o . W hic h s o ng i s th is ? I t’ s b eauti fu l.’ ‘L a v ie e n ro se . L ife th ro ugh ro se -ti n te d g la sse s. F am ous F re nch s o ng. B ut s e rio usly , th at’ s what y o u th in k? Y ou w on’t f in d l o ve?’ ‘Y eah. M y b ig gest f e ar, p erh ap s.’ Neel g av e m e a l o ok o f d is b elie f. ‘Y ou w ant to ta lk a b out N ew Y ork ?’ h e s a id . The w aite r b ro ught u s a no th er c ham pagne b ottl e . O ver th e c o urs e o f d in ner a nd a fe w m ore gla sse s o f b ub bly , I to ld h im m y e nti r e N ew Y ork s to ry . H e lis te ned w ith fu ll a tte nti o n, n o ddin g a t ev ery s ig nific ant m om ent. ‘A nd s o , th at’ s i t. I d ro pped th e p ho ne i n th e E ast R iv er. C am e to H ong K ong,’ I s a id . I w ip ed a slo w te ar ro llin g d ow n m y c heek. I d id n’t th in k o f D eb u m uch n o w . H ow ev er, re p eati n g th e s to ry w as n o t a b re eze . ‘Y ou co uld hav e ju st d ro pped th e S IM card , yo u kno w . A nd w ip ed th e p ho ne to fa cto ry se tti n gs,’ N eel s a id . I l o oked a t N eel. H e k ep t a p oker f a ce. I d on’t k no w w hy, b ut w e b urs t o ut l a ughin g. ‘It’ s o kay, c ra p h ap pens i n l ife . M ostl y i t’ s f o r th e g o od,’ N eel s a id . ‘M ore c ham pagne, s ir ? ’ th e w aite r s a id a s h e p ic ked u p o ur s e co nd e m pty b ottl e . ‘A ctu ally , n o . I a m p re tty . . .’ N eel s a id a s I i n te rru p te d h im . ‘A ctu ally , y es. W e’d l ik e a no th er o ne,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ?’ N eel s a id , l o okin g a t m e a s th e w aite r l e ft. ‘W ell, I h av e to ld y o u a l o t a b out m e. W e s ti ll h av e to c o ver y o u. W e n eed a d rin k f o r th at.’ Neel s h ru gged a nd s m ile d . ‘O kay, b rin g i t o n,’ h e s a id . ‘ W hat’ s y o ur r e ad o n m e, a s a p ers o n?’ ‘W ell,’ I s a id , r e sti n g m y l e ft p alm o n m y g la ss. ‘ Y ou a re a b it o f a n e nig m a.’ ‘E nig m a?’ ‘Y eah, m yste rio us. Y ou a re s m art, c le arly a n o vera chie v er. F it, g o od-lo okin g, c harm in g.’ ‘I c o uld g et u se d to th is . G o o n,’ N eel s a id . ‘B ut. . .’ I s a id . ‘B ut w hat? ’ ‘I d on’t k no w if y o u a re tr u ly h ap py. Y ou s h o uld b e, rig ht? Y ou h av e e v ery th in g th e w orld asp ir e s f o r, r ig ht? B ut y o u d on’t s e em tr u ly h ap py.’ ‘I a m h ap py. L ook a t m e. B ein g p aid to b e o n a n i s la nd .’ ‘Y eah, y o u g et p aid . A l o t. B ut th at’ s n o t a ll i t ta kes to b e h ap py.’ He d id n’t r e sp ond . H e l o oked s e arc hin gly a t m e. ‘W hat m akes y o u th in k I a m n o t h ap py?’ h e s a id s lo w ly . ‘I fe el y o u p ut o n a m ask . T his p erfe ct m ask . H ard -w ork in g fa m ily m an, c o ntr o ls h is d ie t, exerc is e s re gula rly . It’ s a lm ost to o p erfe ct. L ik e y o ur p erfe ctl y ir o ned s h ir ts , th ere is n ’t a n o ut- o f- pla ce c re ase . Y ou k no w w hat th ey s a y i n d ue d ilig ence, r ig ht? ’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘If i t i s to o g o od to b e tr u e, i t p ro bab ly i s to o g o od to b e tr u e,’ I s a id . He l o oked a t m e, h is e yes w id e i n s u rp ris e . H e p ut h is g la ss d ow n. ‘D id I c ro ss th e l in e?’ I s a id , a l ittl e a nxio us. He s h o ok h is h ead . ‘N o, n o . I t’ s o kay. W hat e ls e m akes y o u f e el th is w ay?’ ‘Y ou n ev er ta lk a b out y o ur f a m ily .’ ‘I d o. I to ld y o u. K usu m . M y tw o k id s.’ ‘F actu al s tu ff.’ ‘M eanin g?’ ‘It’ s l ik e d ata . N o f e elin gs.’ ‘O kay,’ N eel s a id . ‘ W ow . Y ou l e arn s o m eth in g e v ery d ay. S o th at’ s w hat y o u th in k a b out m e.’ ‘I a m s o rry i f I s a id s o m eth in g i n ap pro pria te .’ ‘N o, i t’ s c o ol,’ h e s a id a nd s m ile d . The w aite r c le are d o ur d in ner p la te s. H e b ro ught u s m ango w ith s ti c ky r ic e a s d esse rt. I c ut a pie ce o f m ango w ith m y k nife a nd a te i t w ith a f o rk . ‘Y our w ife i s h ap py f o r a ll y o ur s u ccess? ’ I s a id . ‘Y eah,’ N eel s a id , a fte r s o m e d elib era ti o n. ‘ S he is . W e h av e b een to geth er tw enty y ears . S he has s e en m y e nti r e j o urn ey.’ ‘T w enty y ears ? W ow , s o y o u g uys m et w hen I w as f iv e,’ I s a id . ‘O uch!’ N eel g rin ned . ‘ N ow y o u m ake m e f e el r e ally o ld .’ ‘W hat i s i t l ik e b ein g m arrie d f o r s o l o ng?’ I s a id . ‘It’ s n ic e. Y ou b uild a l ife to geth er, a l o t o f m em orie s to geth er. Y ou b rin g k id s i n to th is w orld .’ ‘Y eah, d oes s o und b eauti fu l.’ ‘A nd y et, b ecause y o u h av e b een w ith a p ers o n s o lo ng, it d oesn ’t s ta y th e s a m e. Is su es c ro p up . M any i s su es. M any, m any i s su es.’ I s e nse d N eel h ad s tu ff b ottl e d u p . ‘O kay. W ell, y o u c an ta lk a b out i t i f y o u w ant,’ I s a id . ‘I a m n o t g o in g to b ore y o u. I d on’t h av e a n e xciti n g s to ry w ith iP ho nes b ein g th ro w n o ff th e Bro okly n B rid ge. J u st s tu p id d om esti c s tu ff.’ ‘H ey, I h ad a n o ld i P ho ne. I w ould h av e u p gra d ed to a n ew m odel a nyw ay.’ Both o f u s l a ughed . ‘Y ou a re f u nny,’ h e s a id . We f in is h ed o ur m eal. ‘I a te to o m uch,’ I s a id . ‘M e to o. L et’ s ta ke a w alk ?’ ‘A no th er w alk ? Y ou a re M r H yp era cti v e, a re n’t y o u?’ I s a id . He g rin ned . H e p ic ked u p a f la sh lig ht— th ere w as o ne o n e v ery ta b le . I l ifte d tw o g la sse s a nd th e u nfin is h ed th ir d b ottl e o f c ham pagne. ‘W hat? ’ N eel s a id . ‘W e w ill ta ke th is a lo ng,’ I s a id . ‘K in d o f d efe ats . . .’ N eel s a id a nd I n ud ged h im . ‘C om e,’ I sa id . W e w alk ed b are fo ot o n th e sa m e ro ute a s o ur jo g a c o up le o f h o urs a go . How ev er, th e is la nd to ok o n a n ew fo rm in th e d ark ness. T he tr e es a p peare d p itc h b la ck, a s d id th e se a. I c o uld s e e w hite s tr e aks w here th e w av es b ro ke, d ue to th e p ho sp ho re sc ence a nd th e m oonlig ht. We w alk ed c lo se to th e s h o re th is ti m e. T he w ate r la p ped a t o ur fe et, w arm o n o ur a nkle s. N eel’s fla sh lig ht s h o w ed u s th e w ay. W e w alk ed in s ile nce, w ith n o s o und a p art fr o m th e s p la sh in g w av es. The l a ck o f c o nv ers a ti o n d id n’t s e em a w kw ard . I n f a ct, i t s e em ed p erfe ct. I s p oke a fte r a w hile . ‘Y ou m ust b e ti r e d ,’ I s a id . ‘ Y ou r a n f iv e r o und s.’ ‘A l ittl e b it,’ N eel s a id b ut w alk ed o n. We r e ached th e n o rth ern ti p o f th e is la nd , w hic h h ad a C -s h ap ed a lc o ve. T he w av es b ecam e gentl e h ere a nd m ad e n o s o und . R ock f o rm ati o ns o n th e b each j u tte d o ut o f th e s a nd . A t a d is ta nce w e co uld s e e f is h in g b oats a s n earb y i s la nd ers w ent o ut f o r a n ig ht’ s c atc h. ‘C an w e s it f o r a b it? ’ I s a id . ‘S ure ,’ h e s a id . We sa t dow n on th e co ld sa nd in ab so lu te sile nce. H e sw itc hed off th e fla sh lig ht. T he moonlig ht w as ju st ab out eno ugh fo r us to se e each oth er’s fa ces. I poure d m yse lf a gla ss of cham pagne. H e lo oked a t m e, s h o ok h is h ead in d is b elie f a nd g rin ned . I p oure d h im a g la ss a s w ell. He to ok a s ip . I tu rn ed m y h ead b ack to l o ok u p a t th e s k y. The n ig ht s k y h ad s o m any s ta rs , i t f e lt l ik e s o m eo ne h ad s p ra yed i t w ith s ilv er p ain t. ‘W ow , l o ok a t th e g azillio n s ta rs a b ove,’ I s a id . He tu rn ed h is g aze u p to th e s k y a s w ell. ‘U nlik e H ong K ong th ere i s n o p ollu ti o n h ere , a nd n o b acklig ht f r o m th e c ity .’ ‘Y eah, I h av e n ev er s e en s ta rs i n H ong K ong,’ I s a id . ‘D o y o u r e co gniz e c o nste lla ti o ns? ’ N eel s a id . I s h o ok m y h ead . H e p oin te d a t th e s k y w ith h is i n d ex f in ger. ‘S ee, th at’ s U rs a M ajo r, o r th e G re at B ear,’ h e s a id , o utl in in g th e g ro up o f s e v en s ta rs . I k ep t l o okin g a t h is f in ger. H e k ep t ta lk in g. ‘T hat’ s U rs a M in o r, L ittl e B ear. T hat’ s th e N orth S ta r,’ N eel s a id . ‘H ow d o y o u k no w a ll th is ? ’ I s a id . ‘U se d to h av e a te le sc o pe o nce. C an y o u i m agin e, th ese s ta rs a re a ll n av ig ato rs h ad w hen th ey sa ile d c entu rie s a go . N o G PS.’ ‘U nb elie v ab le ,’ I s a id . My n eck h urt fr o m k eep in g m y h ead ti lte d fo r s o lo ng. I la y d ow n o n th e s a nd in ste ad . T his way m y e yes c o uld f a ce th e s k y a b ove m e a nd I c o uld b e c o m fo rta b le . ‘E asie r to s e e th is w ay,’ I s a id . N eel l o oked a t m e o nce a nd l a y d ow n a s w ell. O ur h ead s w ere one f o ot a p art. ‘W hat’ s y o ur s u n s ig n?’ h e s a id , s ta rin g a t th e s k y a b ove. ‘M y b ir th d ay w as j u st a f e w d ays b ack,’ I s a id . ‘G em in i th en. T here , s e e, th o se a re th e G em in i tw in s,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat’ s y o urs ? ’ ‘T auru s. S ee, o ver th ere ,’ h e s a id . H e p oin te d to a g ro up o f s ta rs th at o utl in ed a b ull. ‘W ow ,’ I s a id . We becam e quie t and enjo yed th e sile nce and is o la ti o n. I fe lt calm because of th e su rro und in gs. M ayb e th e c ham pagne a ls o h ad s o m eth in g to d o w ith it. I c o uld h ear h im b re ath in g. I str e tc hed m y l e gs. A w av e to uched m y f o ot. I m oved i n r e fle x. A s I d id th at, m y a nkle b ru sh ed a gain st Neel’s . H e tu rn ed h is h ead a nd l o oked a t m e. ‘I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s fin e,’ h e s a id , r a th er w his p ere d . W e lo oked a t e ach o th er a nd s m ile d . I d on’t k no w w hy, call i t g ir l i n tu iti o n o r w hate v er, I f e lt l ik e s o m eth in g w as g o in g to h ap pen. I c o uld h av e m oved a w ay. But I d id n’t. M ayb e b ecause I w ante d i t to h ap pen. He l e aned f o rw ard . H e p la ced h is l ip s o n m in e. T hey f e lt a s w arm a nd g entl e a s th e w ate r o n my a nkle s. I c lo se d m y e yes. M y h and s m oved h alfw ay to s to p h im b ut l o st th e r e so lv e to d o s o a s th e kis s f e lt a m azin g. H e k is se d m e l o ng a nd d eep a s d oze ns o f w av es b ro ke a nd to uched th e s o le s o f m y fe et. H e l ifte d h is a rm to d ra w m e c lo se r. N eel G up ta , p artn er, tw o d ecad es o ld er a nd m y b oss’s b oss, held m e ti g ht a nd k is se d m e. T his w as n o t s u p pose d to f e el g o od. B ut n ev er h ad a k is s f e lt th is g o od. I did n’t p ro te st. M ayb e I s h o uld h a v e. B ut w hen s o m eth in g f e els s o r ig ht i t i s h ard to d o s o . I p la ced m y palm o n his fa ce. T he fa ce I had se en ev ery d ay fo r so m any m onth s, b ut nev er to uched . I fe lt co nnecte d to h im . I f e lt l ik e th e e nti r e i s la nd e xis te d o nly f o r th is o ne r e aso n, o ur k is s. A r e la ti v ely s tr o nger w av e c am e a nd h it u s h ig her, l e av in g u s w et f r o m th e w ais t d ow n. He co nti n ued to kis s m e, th e in te nsity in cre asin g w ith ev ery p assin g se co nd . H is fin gers lin gere d d ow n th e b ack o f m y n eck. G oose b um ps b ro ke o ut a ll o ver m y b ody. If h e c o uld k is s lik e th is . . . H is o th er h and w ent to m y th ig h a nd m y h eart s ta rte d to th um p l o ud er. Should I sto p h im ? I w ond ere d . I p la ced m y h and o n h is w ris t b ut o ffe re d n o re sis ta nce. Ano th er s tr o ng w av e c am e u p a nd w et m y e nti r e d re ss. H is f in gers s tr o ked m y th ig hs. Am I re a lly d oin g th is ? m y ra ti o nal m in d a sk ed m e o ne la st ti m e in a m eek v oic e w hile I moaned . N obody c are d a b out th e r a ti o nal m in d to nig ht. M y h and s lid u nd er h is lin en T -s h ir t, a lr e ad y wet d ue to th e w ate r. I to uched h is h ard c hest, a nd c ir c le d m y i n d ex f in ger a ro und h is l e ft n ip ple . H e bit m y l o w er l ip i n e xcite m ent. We s a t u p . H e re m oved h is s h ir t, k eep in g h is s h o rts o n. H e p ulle d u p m y d re ss a nd h ad m e wrig gle o ut o f i t. W e l a y d ow n a gain , th e c o ld s a nd u nd er o ur b acks. H e k is se d m y n av el, to uchin g h is to ngue to i t. M y k nees l ifte d a l ittl e . I g ra b bed h is h ead w ith m y h and s. ‘N eel,’ I w his p ere d . H e d id n’t h ear m e. H is m outh a nd fin gers c o nti n ued to e xp lo re m e. H e tr a ced m y b ra w ith a l a zy f in ger. H e to ok h is ti m e, to m atc h th e s lo w p ace o f th e i s la nd . A fte r a w hile , he lifte d m e a littl e . H is h and w ent b ehin d m e a nd u nho oked m y b ra in o ne s n ap . M y b re asts fe lt th e co ld b re eze . H e p ause d to l o ok a t th em , w hate v er h e c o uld s e e i n th e m oonlig ht. He to uched a n ip ple w ith h is fin gerti p . T ook a b re ast in h is h and . I c o uld fe el m yse lf m elti n g all o ver. W hen m y h and b ru sh ed o ver h is s h o rts I k new h e w as a s tu rn ed o n a s I w as, i f n o t m ore . H is mouth w as o n m y b re asts . I lifte d m y h ip s a nd h e p ulle d d ow n m y u nd erw ear. T hen w e w ere b oth n aked o n th e s a nd y beach. H e le aned o ver m e a gain a nd k is se d m y in ner th ig hs. H is to ngue re ached d ow n th ere a nd kis se d m e i n ti m ate ly . I a lm ost j u m ped u p i n e xcite m ent. Lik e a ll h is k is se s, h e k ep t th is lig ht a nd s lo w , ti ll I b egan to tr e m ble . H is to ngue b egan to gath er p ace. T he p le asu re b ecam e u nb eara b le . I a rc hed m y b ack. D eb u h ad g o ne d ow n o n m e b efo re . How ev er, th is w as a c o m ple te ly n ew le v el o f s e nsa ti o n a nd p le asu re . If D eb u w as F re nch fr ie s, th is was a g o urm et s ix -c o urs e m eal. I f D eb u w as b eer, th is w as c ham pagne. I f D eb u w as a b oat, th is w as a lu xury c ru is e . Sto p c o m parin g, a nd w hat’s w ith th e w eir d a nalo gie s? I m enta lly s c o ld ed m yse lf, and r e fo cuse d o n th e m om ent. N eel c o nti n ued to w ork m agic w ith h is to ngue. I a rc hed m y b ack f u rth er and d ug m y f in gers i n h is h air. ‘E very th in g g o od?’ h e w his p ere d . I d id n’t re sp ond . I c o uld n’t. I sim ply n o dded . It w asn ’t ju st g o od. It w as d iv in e, su b lim e, in sa ne P hilip pin es-e xclu siv e-is la nd -le v el g o od. I c o uld f e el th e b uild -u p o f a n o rg asm w ith in m e, a s c o uld h e. I s q ueeze d h is f a ce b etw een m y th ig hs. I c am e, h ard . H e l ifte d h im se lf u p a nd b ro ught h is f a ce c lo se to m in e. H e u se d h is a rm to g entl y part m y le gs a nd e nte re d m e. H e m oved w ith g entl e a nd fir m s tr o kes. I fe lt th e b uild -u p a gain a nd I cam e a s e co nd ti m e, m ore i n te nse ly th an th e f ir s t. M y b ody s h o ok, I c lo se d m y e yes, a nd I b la cked o ut fo r a t l e ast th ir ty s e co nd s. T his o ne o rg asm h ad th e i n te nsity o f te n o rg asm s. He p ause d a fte r I c am e a nd p ulle d o ut o f m e. H e b ro ught h is fa ce c lo se to m in e a nd g entl y pecked m e o n th e c heek. ‘Y ou o kay?’ h e s a id , h is v oic e te nd er. ‘T hat. . .’ I s a id a s I g asp ed f o r b re ath . ‘ T hat. . .w as s o m eth in g e ls e . H ow o n e arth d id y o u d o th at? ’ He s im ply g rin ned i n r e sp onse . I n e m barra ssm ent, I c o vere d m y f a ce w ith m y h and s. H e g entl y re m oved m y h and s a nd l o oked i n to m y e yes. He e nte re d m e a gain . H e fe lt b ig ger th an b efo re . I c lu tc hed h is s h o uld ers a s w e c o nti n ued to make l o ve. W ate r h it u s f r o m ti m e to ti m e. W e k is se d ti ll I f e lt h is s h o uld er s p asm u nd er m y h and a nd he g ro aned . He lo oked in to m y e yes a nd s m ile d . H e p la yed w ith m y e yela sh es. H e p ut h is a rm a ro und m e as w e l a y d ow n s id e b y s id e, f a cin g e ach o th er. ‘T hat w as. . .’ h e w his p ere d a nd p ause d to ta ke a b re ath b efo re h e s p oke a gain , ‘s o m eth in g els e .’ ‘I k no w ,’ I w his p ere d b ack. The s ta rs tw in kle d a b ove u s. M y d ay h ad s ta rte d e arly w ith a m orn in g flig ht in H ong K ong. Our f r a nti c l o vem akin g m ad e m e f e el ti r e d . F ati g ue to ok o ver. I c lo se d m y e yes. T 2 7 he s u n h as a w ay o f m akin g e v ery th in g v is ib le , e v en y o ur b lu nd ers . W hen d aw n b ro ke I o pened my e yes. I b lin ked , tr y in g to o rie nt m yse lf. T he s e aw ate r g lis te ned i n f r o nt o f m e b ut m y m outh f e lt p arc hed . I f e lt a h ead ache c o m in g o n. W ate r, I n eed ed w ate r. N eel l a y n ext to m e, f a st a sle ep . ‘N o w ay,’ I m um ble d . ‘ N o w ay, R ad hik a. N o w ay.’ I s m acked m y fo re head . I fo und m y c lo th es n ext to m e. I w ore th em a s q uie tl y a nd q uic kly a s p ossib le . I s to od u p , w ond erin g i f I s h o uld w ake N eel u p . I d ecid ed n o t to . I p ic ked u p th e g la sse s a nd t h e e m pty c ham pagne b ottl e , th e c ata ly st to l a st n ig ht’ s d is a ste r, a nd w alk ed b ack. T he s u n r o se h ig her. I w alk ed f a st. I d id n’t w ant to f a ce N eel r ig ht n o w . I n f a ct, I d id n’t w ant to f a ce h im e v er. Back i n m y r o om I l a y o n th e b ed , s ta rin g a t th e c eilin g. ‘F uck,’ I s a id o ut l o ud . ‘ W hat th e f u ck h av e y o u d one, R ad hik a?’ I la y th ere m oti o nle ss. A m illio n th o ughts ra n th ro ugh m y m in d . What d id I ju st d o? I s le p t w ith a p artn er a t G old m an S ach s. I s le p t w ith a m an tw en ty y ea rs o ld er th an m e. I r e aliz e d N eel w as j u st te n y ears y o unger th an m y f a th er. Radhik a , h ow c o uld y o u d o i t? M in i- m e j u m ped o ut o f h er c av e. A ll o f a s u d den, m in i- m e h ad f u ll a uth o rity . There is s o m eth in g w ro ng, s o m eth in g to ta lly fu cked u p a bout y o u. Y o u a re ju st a b lo ody u se le ss l ittle i d io t. My h ap py m ood fr o m y este rd ay h ad e v ap ora te d . L ife h ad ju st b egun to s o rt its e lf o ut. I h ad c lo se d a g re at d eal. I h ad b een p ro m ote d . I h ad e v en s o m ew hat g o tte n o ver D eb u. A ll th is h ad g iv en m e a new sh o t o f se lf- e ste em . N ow it m eant no th in g. I curle d up in m y b ed in te ars . M in i- m e c o nti n ued to ta lk , o r r a th er y ell a t m e. He’s f u ckin g m arrie d . H e h as t w o k id s. T here i s a w ife . T hey a re a ll w aitin g i n H ong K ong, w here b oth o f y o u l iv e. Yes, i t w as tr u e. A nd I h ad k no w n i t a ll b efo re . W hat w as I th in kin g? O r r a th er, w hy w as I n o t t h in kin g? Life i s n ot a p riv a te i s la nd i n t h e P hilip pin es, m in i- m e s h o ute d a t m e. I k n ow , I k n ow . I h ad n o th in g to c o unte r m y i n ner v oic e w ith . This i s w hy D eb u l e ft y o u. S om eth in g i s w ro ng w ith y o u, s e rio usly , y o u s tu pid , s lu tty b itc h . I s o bbed . I d on’t k no w w hy, b ut I c rie d a nd c rie d . I h ad c ro sse d th e lin e. H ell, I h ad n o t ju st c ro sse d , b ut j u m ped a nd l e ap ed m ile s o ver th e l in e. Yo u h ad o ne th in g g oin g fo r y o u, y o ur c a re er. N ow y o u h ave fu cked th at u p to o, m in i- m e s a id . I b era te d m yse lf f o r a l o ng ti m e. I r e aliz e d I h ad to g et u p . I h ad to s h o w er, p ack a nd l e av e o n a se ap la ne in a n h o ur. I d id n’t k no w h o w to fa ce h im . I d id n’t w ant to . Could w e g o b ack o n s e p ara te flig hts ? C ould I j u st g o d ro w n i n t h e s e a o uts id e? I w ond ere d w here N eel w as. What i f h e d id n’t w ake u p? S hould I c a ll h im ? I h eard a k no ck o n m y d oor. I f r o ze . I o pened th e d oor to f in d o ne o f th e h o te l s ta ff. ‘M ad am , y o ur s h o es. Y ou l e ft th em i n th e r e sta ura nt l a st n ig ht.’ ‘O h, s u re , th anks,’ I s a id . ‘I r e tu rn ed s ir ’s s h o es to h is r o om .’ ‘G re at. W as h e th ere ?’ ‘Y es, h e w as. H e a sk ed m e to te ll y o u to m eet i n th e s e ap la ne r e cep ti o n a re a i n th ir ty m in ute s.’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id , re lie v ed . I d id n’t h av e to ta lk to h im ju st y et. I s h o w ere d a nd c hanged in to a charc o al- g re y s u it. I t w as to o f o rm al a nd a m is fit f o r m y l o cati o n b ut a p t f o r m y m enta l s ta te . A s i f h e would s e e m e i n th is w ork s u it a gain a nd th in gs w ould b e b ack to n o rm al. Funnily e no ugh, h e d id s e em p re tty n o rm al. ‘H ey, g o od m orn in g,’ h e s a id a nd s m ile d . H e w ore s u ngla sse s, ju st lik e m e. W e h ad fo und a way to a v oid e ye c o nta ct. ‘H i,’ I s a id . ‘A ll se t? T im e to sa y g o odbye to th e P engalu sia n,’ h e sa id . H is v oic e se em ed c asu al. H e se em ed c alm , u nlik e th e n euro ti c m ess I w as. We s a t i n th e p la ne. T he p ilo t g av e a th um bs-u p a s w e to ok o ff. I i g no re d th e b eauti fu l s c enery belo w u s, a s m y m in d w as f lo oded w ith d oub ts . I n ste ad o f r e gre t, a no th er s e t o f th o ughts g rip ped m e. How i s h e s o c a lm a nd c a su al? D id i t m ea n n oth in g t o h im ? I l o oked o ut o f th e w in d ow , a w ay f r o m h im . M y m in d w as o n n o th in g b ut h im . Is th is a r e g ula r th in g fo r h im ? H e d oesn ’t th in k th is w as s p ecia l? H ave th ere b een o th er gir ls ? O h, a m I a ls o j u st a c o nquest n ow ? I h ate h im . The s e ap la ne l a nd ed . W e s te p ped o ut a nd to ok a c ar to th e P ala w an a ir p ort. H e l o oked a t m e. I lo oked a w ay. W e r e ached th e a ir p ort a nd to ok o ur c o nnecti n g f lig hts b ack to H ong K ong. O n th e w ay, we sp oke littl e , lim iti n g o urs e lv es to stu p id c o nv ers a ti o ns lik e ‘W here ’s th e g ate ?’ a t th e tr a nsit air p ort i n M anila o r ‘ C an y o u p ass th e p ep per? ’ d urin g o ur m eal i n th e C ath ay P acific a ir c ra ft. I d on’t k no w w hy g ro w n-u p s b ehav e in s u ch a s tu p id m anner. P ep per s e em ed m ore im porta nt th an a nyth in g e ls e . I o pened m y la p to p a nd p re te nd ed to w ork . H e d id th e s a m e. M y m in d r a ced u p and d ow n w ith th o ughts . I h ave b een s u ch a f o ol. H e w ill g o h om e, t ic k a noth er b ox i n h is c o nquest lis t a nd la ugh a bout it. H e w ill b e lik e, th at I n dia n V P c h ic k? C heck. B een th ere , d one th at d esi babe. D am n i t, R adhik a . S tu pid . S tu pid . S tu pid . We la nd ed in H ong K ong. W e w ent to th e air p ort car p ic k-u p p oin t. W e w aite d fo r o ur re sp ecti v e c ars , w hic h B ia nca h ad b ooked fo r u s. O ur tw o b la ck c ars a rriv ed . I p ro ceed ed to s te p in to m in e. ‘R ad hik a,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y eah,’ I s a id a nd tu rn ed to h im . ‘I k no w y o u p ro bab ly h av e a m illio n th o ughts i n y o ur h ead . S o d o I .’ ‘W hat th o ughts ? ’ I s a id . ‘ E xcuse m e?’ Let’s p re te n d n oth in g h appen ed . T hat w ould b e a m atu re w ay t o d ea l w ith i t, r ig ht? ‘A bout l a st n ig ht? ’ h e s a id , p uzzle d . I s h ru gged m y s h o uld ers . ‘H av en’t re ally h ad a c hance to th in k a b out it,’ I s a id . Ye a h, m ore lik e, h aven ’t th ought o f anyth in g b ut t h at . ‘W ell, I h av e b een th in kin g a b out i t a ll d ay.’ Good, m is te r, a t le a st it fr e a kin g m atte rs. G o o n , I s a id in m y h ead a s I c o nti n ued to lo ok a t him . ‘A nd w hile I a m s ti ll w ork in g th ro ugh m y th o ughts , I ju st w ante d y o u to k no w th at la st n ig ht was s p ecia l f o r m e. I c an te ll y o u, h av en’t f e lt th at w ay b efo re .’ ‘O h,’ I sa id , m y m outh o pen. I d id n o t e xp ect th at. ‘O h o kay, w ell,’ I sa id a nd w ent in to clu ele ss a nd s ile nt b im bette m ode. I l o oked a t h im w ith a b la nk f a ce. ‘Y eah, it w as te nd er a nd w ond erfu l a nd to uchin g a nd s o m any th in gs,’ N eel s a id , m ovin g h is hand s a ro und a s h e s p oke. ‘T hat’ s i n te re sti n g,’ I s a id . Oka y, w hat k in d o f a n i d io tic r e sp onse i s t h at? I n te re stin g? L ik e r e a lly , R adhik a ? ‘In te re sti n g?’ h e s a id , s u rp ris e d a t m y s tu p id r e sp onse . ‘I b ette r g o . S ee y o u l a te r,’ I s a id . T he d riv er o pened m y c ar d oor. ‘S ure ,’ h e s a id a nd w av ed a t m e. H e lo oked p ain ed a t w hat w ould h av e s e em ed to h im m y in d iffe re nce. T he c ar d ro ve o ff th e a ir p ort te rm in al. I n o ti c ed h im c o nti n ue l o okin g a t m y c ar u nti l h e went o ut o f s ig ht. My c ar z ip ped a lo ng th e h ig hw ay a s H ong K ong’s f lic kerin g s k ysc ra p er l ig hts b ecam e v is ib le again . Pre te n d it n ever h appen ed , m ayb e th at w ill m ea n it n ever d id , I s a id to m yse lf a s th e c ar re ached m y h o m e. ‘ O 2 8 T w o w eek s la te r kay, e no ugh. W e d o n eed to d is c uss w hat h ap pened ,’ N eel s a id . ‘W hy?’ I s a id . N eel h ad c alle d m e to h is o ffic e. W e s a t f a cin g e ach o th er a t h is d esk . ‘B ecause i t’ s n o t g o od to n o t ta lk a b out i t. Y ou’v e b een a v oid in g m e e v er s in ce w e c am e b ack f r o m th e P hilip pin es.’ I s tu d ie d m y f in gern ails . ‘ W hat i s th ere to ta lk a b out? I t w as w ro ng.’ ‘W ell,’ h e s a id a nd p ause d b efo re h e s p oke a gain . ‘ D efin e w ro ng.’ ‘It w as w ro ng, N eel. A nd y o u k no w i t,’ I s a id , l o okin g u p . ‘O kay, m ayb e i t w as a l ittl e w ro ng. B ut i t f e lt r ig ht.’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘D id n’t i t? D id n’t i t f e el j u st r ig ht? ’ ‘It d oesn ’t m atte r, N eel.’ I s ta rte d c o unti n g o n m y fin gers . ‘ I w ork fo r y o u. Y ou a re m arrie d . Y ou a re a d ad .’ ‘I a m a w are o f th at.’ ‘S o th en w hat i s th is a ll a b out? L et i t b e a o ne-o ff. A o ne-o ff b lu nd er. A nd l e t’ s m ove o n.’ He s to od u p r e stl e ssly a nd w alk ed to th e w in d ow . S ta rin g in to th e h arb our h e s p oke a gain . ‘ I c an’t c all i t a b lu nd er. H ow d oes o ne c all th e m ost s p ecia l e xp erie nce o f o ne’s l ife a b lu nd er? ’ He h as a w ay w ith w ord s. B e c a re fu l , I to ld m yse lf. ‘C all it w hat y o u w ant. P oin t is , it w as n o t r e al. W e c an p ut it d ow n to th e s e tti n g, th e d rin ks, t h e a ir. . . I t w on’t h ap pen a gain . I t w on’t,’ I s a id , m y v oic e a s a gita te d a s h is w as q uie t. Neel c am e b ack to h is s e at a nd s a t a cro ss f r o m m e. He h eld h is c hin w ith h is r ig ht h and . ‘O kay, o kay, c alm d ow n,’ N eel s a id . ‘ I g et i t.’ ‘W e s h o uld f o cus o n w ork ,’ I s a id b ris k ly . ‘F in e. W e c o ol th en, o th erw is e ?’ ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . ‘S o i f th ere ’s a no th er d eal I w ant to s ta ff y o u o n, I c an?’ ‘O f c o urs e . Y ou a re th e b oss.’ ‘E ven i f i t i s w ith m e?’ ‘D o y o u h av e to s ta ff m e i n p arti c ula r? ’ ‘G re enw ood w ants to b uy s o m e m ore d is tr e sse d h o te ls i n K ore a. T hey w ant u s to l o ok a t s o m e opti o ns. T hey l ik ed y o ur w ork . S o. . .’ H e l e ft th e s e nte nce h angin g. ‘W hate v er y o u s a y,’ I s a id . ‘I w on’t s ta ff y o u i f y o u d on’t w ant to . S ho uld I s a y y o u a re n o t a v aila b le ?’ ‘S o I l o se m y c lie nts n o w ?’ I s a id . ‘O f c o urs e n o t. Y ou a re o n. T he ta rg et c o m pany i s i n S eo ul. L et’ s g o th ere s o on.’ ‘I a m l o okin g f o r a s o fa . A tw o-s e ate r, p le ase ,’ I s a id . ‘W ould y o u l ik e a s im ple s o fa o r a s o fa b ed ?’ th e s a le sp ers o n s a id . I h ad c o m e to IK EA , th e S w ed is h fu rn itu re s to re , o n th e w eekend . T he h uge, 2 0,0 00-s q uare - fe et I K EA s to re i s l o cate d i n C ause w ay B ay. ‘S ofa b ed ,’ I s a id . A t s o m e p oin t, i f I h ad g uests f r o m I n d ia , I w ould n eed to p ro vid e a p la ce to sle ep . T he I K EA s a le sp ers o n l e d m e to th e s o fa b ed a re a. There w ere a d oze n m odels , f r o m J a p anese f u to ns to c le v er s n ap -s h ut m echanis m s. ‘D o y o u h av e a c o lo ur p re fe re nce?’ th e s a le sp ers o n s a id . ‘N ot r e ally . H ow a b out th e s te el g re y r ig ht th ere ?’ I p oin te d a t o ne. ‘O h, th at’ s a b ests e lle r. C om fo rta b le a nd m in im alis t,’ s h e s a id . I s a t o n th e s o fa to s e e h o w i t f e lt. ‘G ood,’ I s a id . ‘ I l ik e i t.’ ‘H i.’ S om eo ne w av ed a t m e f r o m a d is ta nce. I l o oked u p . ‘ N eel? ’ I s a id . He s to od a t th e o th er c o rn er o f th e s o fa s e cti o n. ‘H i,’ h e s a id a gain a s I w alk ed u p to h im . ‘G ood to s e e y o u h ere . W e c am e fo r s o m e e asy chair s . H ere , m eet K usu m . K usu m , m eet R ad hik a, f r o m m y o ffic e.’ An I n d ia n w om an, a ro und f o rty y ears o ld , s to od n ext to h im . A th re e-y ear-o ld b oy h eld o ne o f her fin gers . A s e v en-y ear-o ld g ir l s itti n g o n o ne o f th e IK EA s o fa s p la yed w ith a n iP ho ne. A tw enty - six -y ear-o ld g ir l, o r m e, w is h ed f o r a n e arth q uake th at w ould s w allo w h er d eep i n to th e b otto m o f th e earth . ‘R ad hik a, s o n ic e to m eet y o u,’ K usu m s a id i n a n A meric an a ccent. S he e xte nd ed h er h and . ‘O h, o kay,’ I s a id a s w e s h o ok h and s. ‘ I m ean, h i, K usu m .’ ‘T his is A ry an. A ry an, s a y h i to R ad hik a d id i,’ N eel s a id . A ry an e xte nd ed h is ti n y h and a s well. I s h o ok i t. M y h eart b egan to b eat f a st. ‘A nd th at i s S iy a. S iy a, s a y h i to d id i,’ N eel s a id . S iy a w av ed m y w ay w ith o ut l o okin g u p f r o m her s c re en. ‘N ot d one, S iy a,’ K usu m s a id i n a f ir m v oic e. ‘ Is th at h o w y o u g re et p eo ple ?’ Siy a r e co gniz e d a uth o rity . S he p ut th e p ho ne a sid e a nd c am e to m e w ith d ain ty s te p s. ‘H ello , d id i. H ow a re y o u?’ s h e s a id , i n a r e hears e d f o rm al r o uti n e. ‘I a m f in e. T hank y o u,’ I s a id . ‘T hat’ s b ette r. S iy a, I d on’t l ik e b ad b ehav io ur,’ K usu m s a id . I g uess m ore th an a nyo ne, I w as th e b ad ly b ehav ed o ne. I a v oid ed e ye c o nta ct w ith K usu m . I did m anage a s id e-g la nce. S he w as s lim , e le gant a nd h ad a s tr a ig ht, u p rig ht p ostu re . S he w as w earin g a lo ng b la ck d re ss w ith a d ia m ond n eckla ce a nd m atc hin g e arrin gs, th e o nes y o u se e a d verti s e d outs id e th e C arti e r s to re in H ong K ong. I n o ti c ed a fa t s o lita ir e o n h er rin g fin ger. T hre e c ara ts , I guesse d . ‘S orry , R ad hik a, j u st tr a in in g h er. S he’s a d dic te d to th e p ho ne,’ K usu m s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘It’ s o kay,’ I s a id , w ond erin g w hat e xcuse w ould a llo w m e th e q uic kest e xit. ‘N eel’s m enti o ned y o u,’ K usu m c o nti n ued . ‘ Y ou r e centl y m oved to H ong K ong, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah, s ix m onth s,’ I s a id , w ond erin g w hat e ls e h e h ad m enti o ned . ‘W e h av e b een m eanin g to c all th e te am o ver to o ur h o use . It’ s m y fa ult, n ev er w ork ed o ut a date ,’ K usu m s a id . ‘N ot a p ro ble m ,’ I s a id . I s p oke a s l ittl e a s p ossib le to e xhaust c o nv ers a ti o n s o I c o uld l e av e. ‘S ho ppin g f o r h o m e, i s i t? ’ N eel s a id . W ell, d id h e h av e to ta lk ? I f e lt g uilty j u st b ein g n ext to him i n f r o nt o f K usu m . I w is h ed I c o uld h id e b eneath o ne o f th e I K EA s o fa s. ‘Y es. I n eed ed a s o fa b ed ,’ I s a id . ‘W here d o y o u p ut u p ?’ K usu m s a id . Is s h e g oin g t o c o m e k ill m e? W ill s h e k n ock m e o ut w ith t h at d ia m ond s o lita ir e ? ‘O ld P eak R oad ,’ I s a id . ‘W e a re in R ep uls e B ay. D o c o m e s o m eti m e. D o y o u m is s In d ia n h o m e fo od? H av e h er o ver, Neel,’ K usu m s a id . Oh, p le a se , p le a se d on’t b e n ic e t o m e, I w ante d to s a y. ‘Y eah, w hy n o t? Y ou s h o uld c o m e,’ N eel s a id , h is f a ce a s b la nk a s m in e. ‘M ayb e s o m eti m e. A nyw ay, I d on’t w ant to im pose o n y o ur fa m ily o uti n g,’ I s a id , h o pin g to esc ap e. ‘W hat o uti n g? W e j u st c am e f o r s o m e e rra nd s. A re y o u b y y o urs e lf? ’ K usu m s a id . Ye s, I a m . S in gle , a lo ne a nd l o vele ss. N o w onder I b orro w ed y o ur h usb and. ‘Y es,’ I s a id v aguely . ‘ S und ay, s o j u st th o ught w ill f ix u p th e h o use .’ ‘I l o ve y o ur d re ss, b y th e w ay,’ K usu m s a id . God, s h e i s a ctu ally a n ic e p erso n. S he h ad p ra is e d m y s im ple w hite l a ce d re ss, e v en th o ugh sh e p ro bab ly w ore a d esig ner P ra d a o r G ucci o utf it h ers e lf. S he w as n o t a b itc h. A nd th at ju st m ad e me f e el w ors e . ‘It’ s j u st Z ara ,’ I s a id . ‘W ell, y o u h av e th e fig ure fo r it,’ s h e s a id . S he s e em ed fit to o. I lo oked a t h er fa ce. S he w as pre tty , fa ir a nd h ad h ig h c heekb ones. I w ould k ill to lo ok lik e h er a t fo rty . I n o ti c ed s h e h ad a s m all bust. M y b oobs w ere b ette r. Oka y, w hy o n e a rth a m I c o m parin g m y b ody to h ers? I s th at a ll w e wom en a re ? I a m a v ic e p re sid en t a t G old m an S ach s. W hy d oesn ’t th at m ake m e fe el a s s m ug a s kn ow in g I h ave b ig ger b oobs t h an N eel’s w ife ? A nd w hy a m I c o m parin g m yse lf t o h er a t a ll? ‘T h. . .th anks,’ I s ta m mere d , r e m em berin g s h e h ad g iv en m e a c o m plim ent. ‘Y ou h av e l u nch p la ns? ’ s h e s a id . ‘E r, a ctu ally , I n o rm ally d on’t e at l u nch,’ I s a id , m akin g u p n o nse nse a s I s p oke. ‘W e a re j u st h ead in g to th e f o od c o urt o uts id e I K EA . F eel f r e e to j o in u s,’ K usu m s a id . I lo oked a t N eel. Can th e g re a t p artn er a t G old m an S ach s u se h is b ra in to g et m e o ut o f th is ? ‘Y eah, jo in u s. B ecause it w ould b e g re at if y o u c an jo in u s,’ h e r a m ble d o n, ‘ b ut n o t if y o u don’t w ant to .’ I g la re d a t h im . What d o y o u m ea n, ‘ n ot i f y o u d on’t w ant t o ’? ‘H av e a s a la d . I t’ s n o t g o od to s k ip m eals ,’ K usu m s a id . ‘O h o kay,’ I s a id i n m eek s u b m is sio n. ‘I u nd ers ta nd y o u m ust b e o n a d ie t. T ru st m e, I g o th ro ugh th e s a m e,’ K usu m s a id a nd s m ile d a t me. So n ow w hat? W ere w e b ondin g to geth er? W ife a nd m is tr e ss? F uck, d id I ju st c a ll m yse lf mis tr e ss? I a m n ot a m is tr e ss. I a m a v ic e p re sid en t, f o r G od’s s a ke. I fo llo w ed N eel’s fa m ily o ut o f IK EA a nd to th e fo od c o urt in a d aze . I s a w ta xis o ut o n th e ro ad . I h ad th e u rg e to j u m p i n to o ne a nd s c o ot a w ay o r m ayb e j u st j u m p u nd er o ne o f th em a nd d ie . ‘M om , I w ant F re nch f r ie s w ith m y n o odle s,’ S iy a s a id . ‘N o, I w ill g et y o u s o m e v eggie s i n ste ad ,’ K usu m s a id . S iy a m ad e a f a ce. K usu m g la re d a t h er daughte r. S iy a g o t th e m essa ge a nd b egan to e at h er lu nch. A ry an h ad h o m e fo od. N eel o rd ere d a chic ken w ra p , K usu m a q uin o a s a la d . I w ent f o r f r ie d r ic e, th o ugh I a te i t l ik e a l ittl e b ir d , o ne g ra in a t a ti m e. ‘L ik in g H ong K ong?’ K usu m s a id . ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . ‘ C om pact, c o nv enie nt. W ork i s g o od.’ ‘M ad e s o m e f r ie nd s? ’ s h e s a id . ‘W ell, w ork p eo ple , m ostl y ,’ I s a id . ‘T hat’ s G old m an f o r y o u. T hey m ake y o u w ork s o m uch, y o u d on’t h av e a l ife o uts id e.’ ‘T hat’ s n o t tr u e,’ N eel s a id . ‘ I c o m e h o m e o n ti m e.’ ‘Y ou a re a p artn er. T hese p oor a sso cia te s a nd V Ps h av e to d o th e g ru nt w ork .’ Neel s h ru gged . ‘Y ou h av e to p ay y o ur d ues,’ h e s a id . ‘I c o uld n’t h and le i t. J P M org an f o r e ig ht y ears . I j u st q uit.’ ‘O h, y o u w ere in b ankin g?’ I s a id . N eel n ev er to ld m e th at. W ell, h e n ev er to ld m e anyth in g ab out h er. ‘Y eah, e q uity s a le s. I h ad e no ugh. A lth o ugh b usie r n o w w ith th ese tw o l ittl e o nes. S om eti m es I do w is h I c o uld e sc ap e to th e o ffic e.’ ‘W e d on’t e sc ap e, w e w ork ,’ N eel s a id . ‘Y eah, w hate v er. Y ou a t le ast g et w eekend s. M oth ers d on’t. T he e rra nd s n ev er sto p. T hat re m in d s m e, I h ad to c all. . .’ K usu m o pened h er L ouis V uitto n h and bag. ‘S iy a, w here i s m y p ho ne?’ ‘M om my, I s to pped u sin g i t w hen y o u to ld m e to ,’ S iy a s a id , s lu rp in g u p a n o odle . ‘O h n o . I le ft it in IK EA . O n th e so fa .’ K usu m ju m ped u p . ‘I w ill ju st g o to th e sto re a nd check.’ ‘Y ou w ant m e to c o m e?’ N eel s a id . ‘H ow ? K id s a nd f o od a re a ll h ere . N o, y o u s ta y. I w ill b e b ack i n te n m in ute s.’ ‘D o yo u w ant m e to go and check?’ I sa id . I’ d d o anyth in g to get aw ay fr o m th is sw eet dom esti c s c ene. ‘H ow k in d o f y o u to o ffe r.’ K usu m s m ile d . ‘ D on’t w orry . I w ill b e b ack i n a m in ute . N eel w ill hand le th e k id s.’ She l e ft N eel, S iy a, A ry an a nd m e a t th e f o od c o urt. I h ad th e m ost a w kw ard m eal o f m y e nti r e life . I c o uld n’t ta lk f r e ely to N eel. S iy a m ig ht u nd ers ta nd , a fte r a ll. ‘E at th e v egeta b le s to o, S iy a,’ N eel s a id . Siy a d id n’t c o m ply . N eel m oved o ver to h er a nd b egan to f e ed h er w ith a s p oon. I a te m y r ic e in s ile nce. A ry an a te b utte rfly -s h ap ed p asta w ith r e d s a uce fr o m h is lu nch b ox. H e s m eare d th e r e d sa uce a ll o ver h is f a ce a nd h and s. W ith e v ery b ite , A ry an l o oked m essie r. I c o uld s e e N eel w ante d to atte nd to h is s o n b ut h ad to f e ed h is d aughte r. ‘D o y o u m in d ?’ h e s a id a nd g estu re d to m e. I lo oked a ro und , to ok a d eep b re ath a nd s lid n ext to A ry an. I to ok a ti s su e a nd w ip ed h is f a ce. ‘E at s lo w ly , A ry an, o kay?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou f e ed y m e,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘Y ou f e ed y m e,’ h e s a id a gain . Neel s m ile d a t m e. Rea lly , N eel, th is is fu nny to y o u? A ry an ju m ped in to m y la p a nd h and ed me h is f o rk . I f e d h im w ith o ne h and a nd k ep t a ti s su e i n m y o th er h and to w ip e h is m outh . ‘I d id n’t e xp ect to r u n i n to y o u,’ I s a id . ‘W ell, I h ad n o id ea y o u w ould b e h ere ,’ N eel s a id . S iy a lo oked a t b oth o f u s o ne a fte r th e oth er, w ith a n i n no cent e xp re ssio n. W e d ecid ed n o t to p urs u e th e to pic f u rth er. ‘Y ou g o to d ad dy o ffic e to o?’ S iy a s a id . ‘Y es,’ I s a id . ‘ H ow a b out y o u? W hic h c la ss a re y o u i n ?’ ‘G ra d e th re e,’ s h e s a id . ‘W hat’ s y o ur f a v ourite s u b je ct? ’ I s a id , a s A ry an to ok a b ite o ff th e f o rk . ‘M ath ,’ s h e s a id . ‘R ad hik a d id i is r e ally g o od a t it,’ N eel s a id . H e lo oked a t m e a nd s m ile d , a s if h e m eant n o t ju st m ath . ‘A re y o u r e ally s m art? ’ S iy a s a id . ‘I a m o kay s m art,’ I s a id . ‘E no ugh f e ed y,’ A ry an s a id to m e, a s h e f e lt n egle cte d . ‘N o, y o u h av e to f in is h y o ur l u nch, A ry an,’ I s a id . I d on’t k no w h o w I e nd ed u p f e ed in g N eel’s child . It w as a w kw ard , s u re . Y et, s o m eho w , s e ein g N eel ta kin g c are o f h is c hild re n m ad e h im m ore re al, m ore h um an. Is th is w hat it w ould b e lik e to h ave a fa m ily ? I w ond ere d w hat N eel th o ught when h e s a w m e fe ed A ry an. H is fa v ourite d is tr e sse d d eb t a naly st c o uld w ip e to m ato s a uce o ff a to ddle r’s f a ce to o. Neel l o oked a t m e a nd s m ile d . Do I m ake a g ood f a m ily p erso n, N eel? ‘F ound i t,’ K usu m s a id a s s h e h eld u p h er i P ho ne. S he n o ti c ed m e w ith A ry an. ‘O h m y G od, I a m s o s o rry . A ry an, y o u c an e at o n y o ur o w n.’ ‘I l ik e d id i f e ed y m e,’ h e s a id . Kusu m p ut o ut a h and f o r th e f o rk . I s u rre nd ere d i t. S he w as s ta kin g h er c la im . S he w ante d h er fa m ily b ack. A ry an w ent in to h is m oth er’s a rm s. M y la p , a nd e v en I o n th e in sid e, fe lt e m pty . I re aliz e d I w ante d th is to o. I w ante d k id s. I w ante d m essy p asta d is h es. I w ante d iP ho ne-a d dic te d daughte rs w ho h ad m ath a s th eir f a v ourite s u b je ct. ‘S ay th ank y o u to d id i,’ K usu m s a id . Ary an d id n’t s a y th anks. H e b ent fo rw ard a nd k is se d m e o n m y c heek. H e h ad h is fa th er’s charm . I m elte d a t th e l ittl e b oy’s d is p la y o f l o ve. I w ante d to k is s h im b ack. I d id n’t. I c o uld n’t. H ow co uld I ? I t’ s s o m eb ody e ls e ’s f a m ily . Will I h ave a s o n l ik e t h is o ne d ay? W ill I e ver h ave k id s? ‘I b ette r l e av e,’ I s a id . ‘ I r e m em bere d m y p art- ti m e h elp i s c o m in g. S he d oesn ’t h av e th e k eys.’ ‘O h, y o u h av en’t f in is h ed y o ur l u nch,’ K usu m s a id . ‘I a m q uite f u ll. R eally , th anks s o m uch,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ?’ s h e s a id . ‘ W e h ard ly s p oke.’ ‘I a m s u re w e w ill m eet u p s o on,’ I s a id . ‘O f c o urs e ,’ N eel s a id , a d din g a c o m ment w hen th ere w as n o n eed to . ‘B ye, S iy a. B ye, A ry an,’ I s a id . ‘B ye, F eed y D id i,’ A ry an s a id a nd e v ery o ne l a ughed . Feed y D id i d ash ed o ut o f th e f o od c o urt. F 2 9 or m ost w om en, i t i s th at ti m e o f th e m onth . F or m y m oth er, i t i s th at ti m e o f th e w eek. T he ti m e when s h e g o es h yste ric al o n th e p ho ne a nd w ants o ne th in g m ore th an a nyth in g e ls e i n th e w orld — my m arria ge. ‘N ot to day, m om , p le ase . A ny o th er d ay,’ I s a id . ‘W hy? I t’ s S und ay. I t’ s th e o nly d ay y o u a re r e la xed a nd c an ta lk p ro perly .’ ‘I a m n o t r e la xed to day,’ I s n ap ped . I o pened m y l a p to p a nd l o gged o n to F aceb ook. ‘W hy? A re y o u w ork in g?’ ‘N o.’ ‘S o? Y ou a re a t h o m e, r ig ht? D id y o u g o to th at I k ka s h o p to g et th e s o fa b ed ?’ ‘IK EA . E ee-K ee-A aa.’ ‘W hate v er. D id y o u g et a s o fa b ed ?’ ‘N o. I w ent th ere th is a fte rn o on. I l ik ed o ne. I d id n’t g et a c hance to b uy i t.’ ‘W hy?’ ‘L eav e i t, m om . I to ld y o u. N ot a g o od d ay.’ ‘H ow w ill w e c o m e i f y o u d on’t h av e a s o fa b ed ?’ ‘I’ ll g et i t, I p ro m is e .’ ‘W hy a re y o u s o i r rita te d ?’ ‘B ecause I k no w w hat y o u a re g o in g to s a y.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘R egis te r y o ur p ro file . S ee s o m e b oys. M om , w hy a re y o u o bse sse d w ith m e g etti n g m arrie d ?’ ‘If I d on’t c are w hat w ill h ap pen? Y ou w ill c o nti n ue b uyin g s o fa s a lo ne. I s i t e v en a w om an’s j o b? T o b uy f u rn itu re ?’ ‘D on’t s ta rt, m om ,’ I s a id . I s e arc hed fo r D eb u. H e h ad k ep t h is p ro file p riv ate . I d on’t k no w w hy, I w ante d to s e e h is p ro file p ic tu re . M ayb e h e w as s in gle a gain . ‘O kay, l is te n to j u st o ne p ro posa l,’ s h e s a id . ‘S ee, I k new i t. T hat’ s th e o nly th in g y o u ta lk a b out! ’ ‘C hem is ts .’ ‘C hem is ts ? ’ ‘I k no w w hat y o u a re th in kin g. B ut th is i s a f a m ily w ith s ix c hem is t s h o ps i n th e h eart o f D elh i. T hey e v en h av e o ne o pposite A IIM S. D o y o u k no w h o w m uch b usin ess th at c an d o?’ ‘M om , y o u w ant m y h usb and to s it i n a c hem is t s h o p?’ ‘H e m anages th e s h o ps. H e d oesn ’t j u st s it th ere d is h in g o ut s tr ip s o f C ro cin .’ ‘W hat’ s h is q ualific ati o n?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou h av e th is h ang-u p a b out q ualific ati o n.’ ‘M om , h o w i s e d ucati o n a h ang-u p ? I a m a n M BA .’ ‘S o h e h as d one B Pharm . H e i s th in kin g o f d oin g a n M BA ,’ s h e l o w ere d h er v olu m e, ‘ th ro ugh co rre sp ond ence.’ ‘C orre sp ond ence?’ ‘Y ou c an e v en d o i t o nlin e th ese d ays.’ ‘M om . B ye.’ ‘T hey h av e a k o th i i n B engali M ark et. T he b oy’s o w n f lo or h as f o ur b ed ro om s.’ ‘I d on’t c are . I a m n o t l o okin g f o r r e al e sta te .’ ‘T alk to h im o nce?’ ‘W hy? M om , y o u k no w I a m w ork in g a b ro ad . W hy w ould I q uit a nd c o m e f o r th is ? ’ ‘W hat d o y o u w ant th en? N RI? I c an l o ok.’ ‘I d on’t w ant a nyo ne. P le ase l e av e m e a lo ne.’ ‘W hat h as h ap pened to y o u to day?’ ‘I h av e to g o . B ye.’ I e nd ed th e c all. I s a w th e F aceb ook p age in fr o nt o f m e. A vin ash w as s ti ll D eb u’s fr ie nd . I co uld a sk h im . I c alle d A vin ash i n N ew Y ork . ‘H ey, R ad hik a. B een a ges,’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah. W hat’ s u p ?’ I s a id . ‘J u st w oke u p . S und ay m orn in g h ere . H ow ’s H ong K ong? W ork ?’ ‘It’ s g o od. B usy. H ey, A vin ash , c an I a sk y o u f o r a q uic k f a v our? ’ ‘S ure .’ ‘P ro m is e y o u w on’t j u d ge m e, o r te ll a nyo ne.’ ‘S ure .’ ‘I w ant y o u to c heck D eb u’s p ro file o n F aceb ook.’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘S ee. Y ou a re j u d gin g m e, r ig ht? T his i d io ti c g ir l w ho m oved c o nti n ents b ut c an’t m ove o n.’ ‘N o, n o . W ait. I a m n o t j u d gin g. W hat d o y o u w ant m e to d o?’ ‘I w ill F aceT im e y o u. Y ou p oin t y o ur p ho ne c am era to y o ur c o m pute r s c re en. L oad D eb u’s pro file o n y o ur c o m pute r.’ He l a ughed . ‘ T hat’ s i n no vati v e.’ ‘It i s a ls o d esp era te .’ ‘H ey, th at’ s f in e. F aceT im e m e.’ I g av e h im a v id eo c all. ‘H ere w e g o . D eb ash is h S en,’ A vin ash s a id . I c o uld s e e h is c o m pute r s c re en o n m y p ho ne. H e zo om ed in c lo se r to D eb u’s p ro file p ic tu re . H e sto od th ere , g rin nin g, in C entr a l P ark w ith a re d - hair e d w hite g ir l th re e in ches ta lle r th an h im . M y h eart s a nk. H e h ad s w itc hed a t le ast tw o w om en afte r m e. I , m eanw hile , h ad r u n i n to th e w ife a nd k id s o f th e b oss I h ad s le p t w ith . ‘H is l a st p ost w as a t a c o lle ague’s b ir th d ay p arty . D o y o u w ant m e to e nla rg e th e p ic tu re ?’ ‘Y eah, s u re ,’ I s a id . Deb u s a t a t a r e sta ura nt ta b le , h o ld in g u p a b ottl e o f C oro na b eer. H e s ti ll h ad h is b eard a nd curly h air. T he ta ll w hite g ir l s a t n ext to h im , a g la ss o f w in e in h er h and . H e lo oked h ap py. S he lo oked h ap py. T he w in e l o oked h ap py. W ho d id n o t l o ok h ap py? M e. ‘Y ou w ant to s e e m ore ?’ A vin ash s a id . ‘T hanks, A vin ash . T hat’ s e no ugh,’ I s a id , m y v oic e f la t. ‘W e m is s y o u. D on’t y o u m is s N ew Y ork ?’ ‘Y eah, I d o. M is s y o u g uys,’ I s a id . I fin is h ed th e c all a nd sa t in m y b ed . I sa w th e ti m e; it w as m id nig ht. I c hanged in to m y nig htc lo th es. A s I p ut m y w hite Z ara d re ss i n to th e l a und ry b ag, I n o ti c ed a ti n y r e d p asta s a uce s ta in on th e s le ev e. I d on’t k no w w hy b ut I f e lt h o rrib le . I f e lt l o nely . I i m agin ed N eel a t h o m e, k id s i n h is la p w hile h e to ld th em b ed ti m e s to rie s. I im agin ed K usu m w earin g d esig ner s le ep w ear a nd c ud dlin g Neel. W hy w as I i m agin in g a ll th is ? H ow d id i t m atte r to m e? I k new h e h ad a f a m ily a ll a lo ng, r ig ht? My p ho ne b uzze d . W hats A pp m essa ge f r o m N eel. ‘H ope y o u r e co vere d f r o m b um pin g i n to m e to day. S orry a b out th at.’ Okay, so he w asn ’t sp oonin g in b ed w ith his w ife in p re tty sle ep w ear. H e w as ty p in g a messa ge to m e. ‘N ot y o ur f a ult,’ I m essa ged b ack. ‘S tr a ngely , I l ik ed th at y o u m et m y k id s.’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah. T hey a re a h uge p art o f m y l ife . N ic e to s h are i t w ith y o u.’ Som eho w , h e m ad e i t a ll s e em l e ss te rrib le . ‘T hat’ s s w eet o f y o u to s a y. T hey a re a m azin g k id s.’ ‘T hanks. T hey l ik ed y o u. A ry an k ep t s a yin g F eed y D id i.’ I s e nt a s m ile y b ack. ‘Y ou d on’t e v en ta lk to m e th ese d ays,’ N eel s e nt a no th er m essa ge. ‘W hat’ s th e p oin t? ’ I r e p lie d . ‘W e c an o nly k no w th e p oin t o f ta lk in g i f w e d o th e ta lk in g, r ig ht? ’ ‘It’ s f in e. N oth in g to b e s a id . M is ta kes h ap pen.’ ‘S to p c allin g i t a m is ta ke. P le ase .’ ‘F in e.’ ‘C an w e ta lk ? L ik e c atc h u p p ro perly ? I n ste ad o f a v oid in g e ach o th er.’ ‘I d on’t k no w , N eel. I a m n o t i n a g o od p la ce.’ ‘W hat h ap pened ?’ ‘N oth in g s p ecific . J u st l o w .’ ‘C an I b e th ere f o r y o u? A t l e ast a l ittl e b it? ’ ‘W e w ill ta lk l a te r,’ I s a id . ‘W e a re g o in g to S eo ul n ext w eek. C an w e c atc h u p th en?’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘T hank y o u. J u st d on’t a v oid m e.’ ‘C an’t s e em to , a s i t tu rn s o ut. E ven o n w eekend s,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re f u nny. A nyw ay, g o odnig ht.’ ‘G oodnig ht. B y th e w ay, K usu m i s r e ally s w eet.’ ‘T hanks,’ h e s a id . ‘ S he l ik ed y o u.’ ‘B ecause s h e d oesn ’t k no w m e,’ I s a id . ‘D on’t s a y th at.’ I s e nt a s m ile y b ack. H e r e p lie d w ith a l o ng m essa ge. ‘A nyw ay, K usu m i s n ic e. I a m n o t g o in g to s a y s h e i s a h o rrib le p ers o n, R ad hik a. B ut s h e a nd I ju st d on’t s h are th at c o nnecti o n. N ot e v en a te nth o f w hat y o u a nd I h av e. N one, a ctu ally .’ I r e ad th e m essa ge a nd d id n’t r e p ly . ‘W hat? ’ h e s e nt a no th er m essa ge. ‘W hat d o y o u w ant m e to s a y? G o s e e a c o unse llo r? W ork o n y o ur m arria ge? W hat? ’ I ty p ed back. ‘N oth in g. I a m te llin g y o u fa cts fr o m m y s id e. A ll I w ant is fo r y o u to a d m it to s o m e o f y o ur fe elin gs.’ ‘W hy? W hy d o y o u w ant to k no w m y f e elin gs? ’ I r e p lie d . ‘B ecause e v en th o ugh th is i s to ta lly w ro ng, th e f a ct i s I l o ve y o u. G oodnig ht,’ N eel r e p lie d . We d id n’t ta lk in S eo ul. W e m ad e lo ve. W e m ad e c ra zy, c ra zy lo ve. A nd w e d id th e s a m e w hen w e went o n o th er b usin ess tr ip s, te n m ore ti m es in th e n ext th re e m onth s. E ach ti m e o ur in ti m acy fe lt deep er th an b efo re . D esp ite f e elin g i m mora l, th ere w as a ls o th e m atte r o f m y l o nelin ess— he m ad e m e fe el le ss lo nely . I w ante d N eel in m y life . S om eo ne to tr e at m e lik e I w as s p ecia l a nd m ake m e fe el lo ved , e v ery b it o f m e. M ayb e I g av e h im s o m eth in g to o. A b it o f th e y o uth h e w ante d to h o ld o n to . The l ig htn ess a nd b rig htn ess o f m e. As o ur b usin ess tr ip s i n cre ase d , o ur g uilt tr ip s d ecre ase d . H e s a id h e a nd K usu m d is a gre ed o n many th in gs, fr o m r a is in g k id s to h o w h ard h e s h o uld w ork . H e s a id I a ccep te d h im th e w ay h e w as. With e v ery n ig ht w e s p ent, flig ht w e s h are d a nd m eal w e h ad to geth er, I fe lt c lo se r to h im . I s ti ll sh o w ed s o m e r e str a in t. H e to ld m e ‘ I l o ve y o u’ e v ery ti m e w e m et. I n ev er d id . H e n ev er p ush ed m e to r e cip ro cate e ith er. The G re enw ood q uest fo r m ore d is tr e sse d h o te ls in K ore a d ra gged o n. T hey w ante d to s e e more o pti o ns. W e d id n’t m in d . I t m eant m ore tr ip s to S eo ul, m ore c o m panie s to l o ok a t a nd m ore N eel to h o ld th ro ugh th e n ig ht. ‘ W 3 0 T hre e m onth s la te r ho is it? ’ I s a id . I w alk ed u p to a nsw er th e d oorb ell in m y n ig htc lo th es. I w as w atc hin g th e F ilm fa re A w ard s a t m y h o m e i n H ong K ong. T he f ilm Queen , a b out a w om an w ho to ok c harg e o f h er l ife , w as s w eep in g a ll th e a w ard s. T he d oorb ell r a ng a gain . I o pened th e d oor. ‘N eel? ’ I s a id . I c hecked th e ti m e: 1 1 p .m . ‘S orry , I d id n’t m ean to d is tu rb y o u,’ h e s a id . Neel a nd I h ad s o m e u nsp oken r u le s. H e n ev er c am e to m y a p artm ent. I h ad n ev er g o ne to h is h o use e ith er. W e h ad n ev er g o t to geth er i n H ong K ong. S om eho w , i n ti m acy o n a b usin ess tr ip f a r a w ay f e lt l e ss s in fu l th an i n th e c ity w e l iv ed i n . ‘W hat’ s th e m atte r? ’ I s a id . ‘C an I s ta y h ere to nig ht? ’ N eel s a id . ‘W hy?’ I s a id . ‘ I m ean, w e d on’t r e ally d o th at.’ ‘K usu m a nd I h ad a f ig ht,’ h e s a id . ‘A nyth in g m ajo r? ’ ‘T hin gs e sc ala te d . I d id n’t w ant th em to g et w ors e . I to ld h er I h ad to g o o n a b usin ess tr ip a nd l e ft. I th o ught I w ould g o to a h o te l i n H ong K ong b ut. . .’ h e s a id a nd l o oked a t m e. But w hat? Y o u t h ought, w hy p ay f o r a r o om a nd b e a lo ne w hen y o u c a n g et a cco m modatio n a nd s e x f o r f r e e? I th o ught. ‘Y eah, o f c o urs e . Y ou c an s ta y h ere . C om e i n ,’ I s a id . ‘T hanks,’ h e s a id . ‘H ungry ?’ I s a id . He s h o ok h is h ead . H e h eld m e b y m y s h o uld ers . H e k is se d m e. H e s m ile d . I d id n o t. ‘W hat a m I to y o u, N eel? A s tr e ss b all? T o c o m e a nd p la y w ith w hen y o u a re h assle d ?’ ‘N o. N ot a t a ll, R ad hik a,’ h e s a id . H e s o und ed s h o cked . ‘S o w hy a re y o u h ere ? D id n’t w e h av e th is p act th at w e d on’t d o a nyth in g i n H ong K ong?’ ‘D id w e? I m ean, w hat’ s th e d iffe re nce?’ ‘T here i s , to m e. B usin ess tr ip s f e el l e ss. . .w ro ng. T here ’s a ls o a c le ar b ound ary . T his i s . . .I d on’t k no w w hat.’ ‘W hy?’ ‘B ecause I d on’t k no w w hen y o u w ill s h o w u p h ere a nd w hen y o u w on’t. T oday y o u a re a t m y ho m e b ecause y o u h ad a ti ff w ith y o ur w ife . T om orro w s h e w ill b ake c o okie s f o r y o u a nd y o u w ill b e ho m e w ith h er. W hat d oes th at m ake m e? M s S ta nd by?’ He p ush ed b ack h is h air w ith a n u nste ad y h and . ‘ I j u st w ante d to b e o ut o f th ere . F re sh a ir. . .I th o ught I w ill c o m e a nd c heck i f y o u w ante d to b e w ith m e. I a m s o rry i f. . .’ ‘It’ s f in e to nig ht. I j u st p re fe r i t o uts id e H ong K ong. H elp s m e k eep m y s a nity ,’ I s a id . ‘A re y o u o kay, R ad hik a? I ’ v e n ev er s e en y o u l ik e th is ,’ N eel s a id . ‘L et’ s g o to b ed .’ We l a y i n b ed . I tu rn ed o ff th e l ig hts . H e p ut h is a rm a ro und m e. I d id n’t r e cip ro cate a nd l a y s ti ll. ‘I k no w w hat y o u a re th in kin g,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘T hat th is i s a b ooty c all.’ ‘N ow th at y o u s a y i t, m ayb e y es. M ayb e th at’ s w hy y o u a re h ere .’ ‘I j u st w ante d to b e w ith y o u. L et’ s n o t d o a nyth in g to nig ht. L et m e j u st h o ld y o u,’ h e s a id . I l o oked a t h im . E ven i n th e d ark ness I c o uld s e e h is e yes. ‘R eally ?’ I s a id . ‘Y eah. W hy a re y o u s o s u rp ris e d ?’ ‘Y ou a re a g uy. W e a re h av in g a n a ffa ir. Y ou a re o kay w ith n o t h av in g s e x?’ ‘O f c o urs e ,’ N eel s a id . H e k is se d m y s h o uld er. ‘W e c an i f y o u w ant to ,’ I s a id . ‘N o, n o t to nig ht. I j u st w ant to b e w ith y o u,’ N eel s a id . ‘ G oodnig ht. I l o ve y o u.’ ‘G oodnig ht,’ I s a id , i n m ild s h o ck. I s ta yed a w ake a s h e s le p t i n m y a rm s. H e w as tw o d ecad es o ld er, y et I f e lt I h ad a b ab y n ext to m e. H e l o oked p eacefu l a s h is h ead l a y o n to p o f m y h air. M ayb e h e d id c are f o r m e. M ayb e w hat we w ere d oin g w as w ro ng, b ut m ayb e s o m eth in g g o od c o uld c o m e o ut o f i t. I c hecked . H e s e em ed to b e i n d eep s le ep . ‘I l o ve y o u, N eel G up ta ,’ I w his p ere d to h is s le ep in g f a ce. ‘I h eard th at,’ h e s a id a nd tu rn ed s id es. ‘Y ou a re s o b ad ,’ I s a id a nd p unched h is s h o uld er a s h e g rin ned , e yes s ti ll c lo se d . ‘I w ill le t J o sh d o th e ta lk in g. H e is y o ur s u p erv is o r. O nly fa ir h e g iv es y o u y o ur n um ber o n b onus day,’ N eel s a id . Jo sh s a t i n N eel’s o ffic e. I to ok a s e at w ith th em . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . I t w as i m pre ssiv e h o w p ro fe ssio nal N eel a nd I w ere a t w ork . Jo sh g av e m e a s u m mary o f m y p erfo rm ance r e v ie w . M y p eers h ad r a te d m e fo ur-a nd -a -h alf overa ll. ‘T hat’ s a g o od r a ti n g,’ N eel s a id . I w ond ere d w hat h e h im se lf h ad r a te d m e. ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘A nd th e b otto m l in e,’ J o sh s a id . ‘ Y our n um ber, o r y o ur b onus f o r th e y ear, i s 3 50,0 00 d olla rs .’ My h eart s k ip ped a b eat. ‘W ow ,’ I b lu rte d o ut, e v en th o ugh I d id n’t i n te nd to r e act. Jo sh s m ile d . ‘T hat te lls m e y o u a re h ap py. G ood.’ ‘T hanks,’ I s a id , s ti ll a b so rb in g m y g ro ss c o m pensa ti o n. M y to ta l b ase s a la ry a nd b onus c am e up to h alf a m illio n d olla rs . ‘K eep u p th e g o od w ork .’ ‘I a m h um ble d ,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou d ese rv e i t. Y our d eals m ad e a l o t o f m oney f o r th e g ro up ,’ N eel s a id . He s m ile d a t m e. I k ep t a s tr a ig ht f a ce. I c am e b ack to m y d esk . I c alle d m y m oth er. S he g asp ed a t th e n um ber, e sp ecia lly w hen I co nv erte d i t i n to r u p ees. M y f a th er w ent i n to s h o ck. ‘O f c o urs e it’ s a ll le gal, d ad . W hat a re y o u s a yin g? I p ro m is e it’ s le gal. G old m an S achs is a re p ute d f ir m ,’ I s a id . ‘B ut th re e c ro re s a y ear? ’ h e s a id . ‘T hat’ s y o ur l ittl e g ir l,’ I s a id . He l a ughed . ‘Y ou w ant to m ove to a n ew h o use i n G urg ao n? O ne o f th o se a p artm ents w ith s w im min g p ools and g ym s? ’ ‘N o, b eta . W e a re f in e h ere ,’ d ad s a id . ‘If y o u n eed a nyth in g, j u st a nyth in g, l e t m e k no w ,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou v is it u s s o on,’ h e s a id . ‘I w ill,’ I s a id . ‘ L ove y o u.’ Jo sh f in ally l e ft N eel’s o ffic e a t 6 , a fte r f in is h in g a ll b onus a nno uncem ents . I k no cked a t N eel’s d oor a l ittl e l a te r. ‘H ey, c o m e o n i n ,’ h e s a id . ‘T ir e d ?’ I s a id . ‘B usy d ay, y es,’ h e s a id . I s a t d ow n i n f r o nt o f h im . ‘H ap py w ith y o ur n um ber? ’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah. I j u st w ante d to b e s u re o f o ne th in g,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘H ow m uch o f th is b onus i s d ue to m y w ork ?’ ‘W hat? ’ N eel s a id , s u rp ris e d . ‘H ow m uch i s d ue to m y w ork a nd h o w m uch i s d ue to w hat w e h av e?’ ‘A re y o u k id din g m e, R ad hik a? T his is a ll y o ur g o od w ork . Y ou k no w th e p ro fits o n y o ur deals .’ ‘Y eah, y o u s a id I d ese rv e i t. I j u st w ant to b e s u re ,’ I s a id . He s h o ok h is h ead . ‘I d on’t b elie v e i t,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y ou a re p aid b ecause y o u a re g o od. A ctu ally , y o u d ese rv ed m ore . H ow ev er, th ere a re lim its to w hat fir s t- y ear V Ps c an b e p aid . I c o uld h av e a sk ed N ew Y ork to o verrid e th e lim it,’ h e s a id a s I in te rru p te d h im . ‘P le ase d on’t d o th in gs l ik e th at.’ ‘W ell, I d id n’t. A nd it’ s h urtf u l y o u th in k I w ould . I d on’t n eed to p ay y o u m ore to g et y o ur lo ve. O kay?’ ‘O kay,’ I s a id . ‘ T hanks th en.’ ‘S to p p re su m in g th in gs. I a m tr a p ped in a m arria ge. I d on’t h av e a nsw ers . I w is h th in gs w ere diffe re nt,’ h e s a id , h is v oic e a gita te d . H e p ause d a nd c o nti n ued in a c alm er v oic e, ‘B ut I lo ve y o u. That i s w hy I a m w ith y o u. I a m p ro ud o f y o u. Y ou d ese rv e i t. Y ou d ese rv e m ore .’ ‘I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s f in e,’ h e s a id . ‘H ow w as y o ur b onus? ’ I s a id . ‘I a m n o t s u p pose d to te ll y o u th at.’ H e g rin ned . ‘Y ou a re a ls o n o t s u p pose d to d o a l o t o f o th er th in gs w ith m e, m is te r,’ I s a id . ‘T hre e,’ h e s a id . ‘T hre e w hat? ’ ‘T hre e b ucks.’ ‘T hre e m illio n d olla rs ? ’ I s a id , m y e yes r o und . ‘S ee, th is i s w hy I d id n’t w ant to te ll y o u. I t s o und s l ik e a l o t, I k no w .’ ‘It i s a l o t. Y ou m ad e th re e f u ckin g m illio n d olla rs i n b onus? ’ I s a id . Som eho w , l ife h as a w ay o f m akin g y o u f e el i n ad eq uate a b out a 3 50,0 00-d olla r b onus. ‘I to ld y o u. Y ou d ese rv e m ore . D re am b ig ger, g ir l.’ N eel w in ked a t m e. ‘Y ou m ad e s o m uch m oney l a st y ear. Y ou a re a v ic e p re sid ent. W hat e ls e d o y o u w ant c are er-w is e ?’ ‘M om , i t’ s n o t j u st c are er. I a m n o t r e ad y.’ I h ad s u rp ris e d m y p are nts . I h ad c o m e h o m e fo r th e C hin ese N ew Y ear fo ur-d ay w eekend in Hong K ong. A diti d id i h ad a ls o c o m e o ver. D ad , M om , A diti d id i a nd I v is ite d I n d ia G ate . W e to ok a walk a lo ng th e l a w ns. M y m oth er w alk ed w ith m e. A s a lw ays, s h e ta lk ed a b out h er f a v ourite to pic . ‘Y ou w ill n ev er b e f u lly r e ad y. I t i s a lr e ad y h ard to g et a b oy f o r y o u. Y ou a re to o s u ccessfu l, beta .’ ‘Is th ere s u ch a th in g? T oo s u ccessfu l? ’ ‘F or g ir ls th ere i s . W hat to d o?’ ‘L et’ s n o t s ta rt a gain , m om . I a m o nly h ere f o r f o ur d ays.’ ‘W hat i s th e u se ? A t l e ast c hat w ith a f e w g o od o nes? I w ill f in d N RIs , o kay?’ ‘N o, m om . I d on’t w ant to .’ ‘D o yo u hav e so m eo ne?’ m om sa id and lo oked at m e. H er d ir e ct eye co nta ct m ad e m e unco m fo rta b le . I h ave s o m eo ne, y es. S om eo ne o nly f iv e y ea rs y o unger t h an y o u, m om . ‘N ot r e ally .’ ‘N ot r e ally m eans? ’ ‘N o, I d on’t.’ ‘S o? D on’t y o u n eed a m an? E very w om an d oes.’ ‘I d on’t th in k s o . I d o f in e o n m y o w n.’ ‘T here is a n a ge, b eta . Y ou g et th e b est m atc hes th en. A fte r th at, a g ir l’s a p peal d eclin es. Y ou are tw enty -s ix a lr e ad y.’ ‘S o I a m l ik e a c ar m odel? D ep re cia ti n g o ver th e y ears .’ ‘Y ou a re i m possib le ! I a m n o t ta lk in g to y o u.’ My m oth er su lk ed fo r th e n ext h alf- h o ur, w hic h m eant th ir ty m in ute s o f p eace. W e w alk ed alo ng R ajp ath a ll th e w ay to R ash tr a p ati B hav an. H er to ugh a nd s u lle n e xp re ssio n m atc hed th at o f th e se curity g uard s o n d uty . ‘W hat d o y o u w ant, m om ?’ I s a id f in ally . ‘Y ou s a y y o u a re n o t re ad y. B ut g iv e m e a ti m e-fr a m e. W hen w ill y o u s ta rt lo okin g a t b oys se rio usly ?’ ‘I d on’t k no w . T hre e y ears . F our? ’ ‘Y ou w ill b e th ir ty . H ow d o y o u e xp ect m e to f in d a g o od g uy f o r y o u?’ ‘I w ill a ls o b e a n e v en m ore s u ccessfu l b anker.’ ‘S o? T hat m akes i t w ors e .’ I r o lle d m y e yes. ‘I w ould h av e a l o t o f m oney o f m y o w n. T hat w ill h elp m e a nd m y h usb and g et a g o od s ta rt i n life , n o ?’ I s a id . ‘Y ou d on’t n eed to m ake s o m uch. Y our m an w ill.’ ‘M om . P le ase .’ ‘O ne y ear. I w ill w ait o ne y ear, th en y o u c o opera te . W e s ta rt l o okin g s e rio usly , o kay?’ ‘J u st o ne y ear? ’ I s to pped to b uy p eanuts fr o m a s tr e et v end or. S he r a m ble d o n w hile I fe d h er w ith o ne h and and h eld th e p eanuts i n th e o th er. ‘Y ou a re s o fu ssy. It w ill ta ke a no th er y ear e v en a fte r I s ta rt lo okin g fo r y o u. A no th er y ear to do th e w ed din g, a s N RIs h av e th eir o w n ti m e is su es. It is s ti ll a th re e-y ear p ro cess. Y ou w ill b e tw enty -n in e. A lr e ad y l a te . D oesn ’t l is te n, th is g ir l. . .’ ‘O ne y ear. O kay? B ut d on’t p ush ,’ I s a id . ‘I n ev er p ush . D o I e v er p ush ?’ s h e s a id . I l o oked a t h er. S he s e em ed s o e arn est w hile a sk in g h er q uesti o n, I b urs t o ut l a ughin g. ‘P le ase f in d s e nsib le m en. M en w ith s o m e c la ss, o kay?’ I s a id . ‘W hat c la ss? I a m g o in g to f in d s o m e s lu m -d w elle r f o r y o u o r w hat? I ’ ll f in d to ta l g entl e m an, yo u w ait a nd s e e,’ s h e s a id . I m enta lly g rin ned a t th e w ord ‘ g entl e m an’, w hic h m ad e m e th in k o f N eel. He w as w hat m y m oth er w ould c all a g entl e m an. M in us h is a ffa ir, o f c o urs e . ‘I l o ve y o u, m om . Y ou a re to o c ute ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? A nd w hat i s th is c la ss b usin ess w hen y o u y o urs e lf a re e ati n g p eanuts o n th e r o ad ?’ N 3 1 D ra g on-I r e sta u ra n t, C en tr a l, H ong K ong eel a nd I h ad c o m e fo r d im s u m , th e tr a d iti o nal C hin ese d um plin gs, a t th e p osh D ra go n-I, a modern C hin ese re sta ura nt n ear o ur o ffic e. I s tr u ggle d w ith m y c ho psti c ks a s I p ic ked u p a s te am ed s p in ach d um plin g. ‘S o y eah, o ne y ear. T hat’ s a ll m om g av e m e,’ I sa id . I fin is h ed re co unti n g m y In d ia G ate c o nv ers a ti o n. Neel l ifte d a p eanut d um plin g w ith h is c ho psti c ks e asily . ‘S o y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d ?’ N eel s a id . I lo oked a t h im a nd th o ught a littl e b efo re I sp oke a gain . ‘I a m ju st ti r e d o f m y m oth er’s r e le ntl e ss p urs u it. I h av e to l is te n to h er a t s o m e p oin t.’ ‘W hat a b out us , w hat w e h av e?’ N eel to ok a s ip o f C hin ese te a. ‘N eel, w hat a b out m y l ife ? D o y o u c are ?’ I s a id , m y v oic e f ir m . W e l o cked e yes. ‘O f c o urs e , I c are . B ut i s n ’t us i m porta nt? ’ h e s a id i n a r e aso nab le v oic e. ‘F or th ere to b e a n us , th ere h as to b e a f u tu re . Us h as n o f u tu re , r ig ht? ’ I s a id . ‘I d on’t k no w . W e h av en’t d is c usse d a nyth in g,’ N eel s a id , l o okin g ta ken a b ack b y h o w s e rio us t h e l u nch c o nv ers a ti o n h ad tu rn ed . ‘A nd w ho se f a ult i s th at? ’ I s a id . Of c o urse , i t i s y o ur f a ult, N eel , i s w hat I w ante d to s a y. ‘T he to pic n ev er c am e u p , I g uess,’ h e s a id . I d id n’t r e sp ond . I j u st s ta re d a t h im . I p ut m y c ho psti c ks d ow n. ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id , f ig urin g o ut th at s o m eth in g w as v ery w ro ng. ‘W hat to pic , N eel? ’ I s a id . ‘U s,’ h e s a id . ‘ U s a nd o ur f u tu re .’ ‘U s i s u se le ss,’ I s a id . ‘U s i s s p ecia l,’ N eel s a id . ‘W ell, a ll th is us h as d one i s h av e a n a ffa ir f o r th e l a st y ear. T his us p re te nd s to b e c o lle agues i n th e o ffic e. W here as i n r e ality th is us s le ep s w ith e ach o th er d urin g b usin ess tr ip s a nd , n o w , e v en a t m y p la ce.’ ‘C an y o u k eep y o ur v oic e d ow n, p le ase ?’ N eel w his p ere d . It o nly p is se d m e o ff. ‘S ee. E ven h ere , e v en a t D ra go n-I, w e a re c o lle agues. I c an’t s a y a nyth in g th at w ill g iv e u s aw ay. I c an’t h o ld y o ur h and h ere , c an I ? E ven th o ugh y o u d o l ik e to s p oon m e a t n ig ht, i s n ’t i t? ’ Neel l o oked a ro und . T he c lo se st c usto m ers w ere th re e ta b le s a w ay. ‘Y ou w ant to ta lk , w e c an ta lk . A bout a nyth in g. I h ad n o i d ea y o u h ad s o m uch b ottl e d u p .’ ‘H ow c o uld y o u? Y ou h av e i t e asy. P artn er a t o ffic e. H usb and a nd f a th er a t h o m e. Y oung c hic k when y o u w ant h er. W hat d o y o u h av e to w orry a b out? ’ ‘T his .’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘T hat y o u a re n o t o kay a b out i t. W hen I th o ught y o u w ere .’ ‘W hat m ad e y o u th in k I a m o kay?’ ‘I d on’t k no w . W hen w e m ake l o ve, o r w hen w e w ork to geth er, o r w hen w e c hat, i s n ’t i t o ut o f th is w orld ?’ ‘L ife i s n ’t l iv ed “ o ut o f th is w orld ”, N eel. L ife i s l iv ed i n th is w orld .’ To b e fa ir, e v en I d id n’t k no w w hy I fe lt s o a nxio us. P erh ap s m y m oth er’s o ne-y ear ti c kin g- clo ck d ead lin e h ad tr ig gere d a p anic a tta ck. ‘Y ou k no w th e p ro ble m , N eel. I c an’t e v en d is c uss us w ith a nyo ne. O th er g ir ls d is c uss th eir boyfr ie nd s w ith th eir f r ie nd s. I c an’t, r ig ht? ’ I h ad to s to p ta lk in g. I e xcuse d m yse lf to g o to th e w ash ro om . I r e tu rn ed a fte r w ash in g m y f a ce. Neel l o oked a t m e w ith c o ncern . ‘S orry ,’ I s a id . Why a m I s a yin g s o rry t o h im ? ‘Y ou d on’t h av e to b e s o rry . It’ s y o ur fe elin gs. T hank y o u fo r s h arin g th em . I a m s o rry fo r n o t se nsin g th em e arlie r.’ My p la te o f v egeta b le d um plin gs h ad g o ne c o ld . O ne o f th e w aite rs r e p la ced i t. N eel a nd I a te in s ile nce. ‘I l o ve y o u,’ N eel s a id . I s h ru gged . ‘S o?’ I s a id . ‘ K in d o f i r re le v ant, i s n ’t i t? ’ ‘W hat d o y o u w ant, R ad hik a?’ N eel s a id . I k ep t s ile nt. ‘A f u tu re ? I a m tw enty y ears o ld er,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou s a id a ge d oesn ’t m atte r i n l o ve. D id n’t y o u?’ ‘I a m m arrie d . I h av e k id s. S o m uch b aggage.’ ‘E xactl y . S o w hat a m I d oin g w ith y o u?’ ‘A re n’t y o u h ap py w ith j u st w hat w e h av e?’ N eel s a id . H e s e em ed to b e g enuin ely c o nfu se d . ‘W ould y o u b e? I f y o u w ere i n m y p la ce?’ I a sk ed , l o okin g h im s q uare ly i n th e e ye. ‘W e h av e o ur w ork . W e h av e lo ve. W e h av e e xcite m ent. W e h av e fr ie nd sh ip . W e d on’t h av e th e p re d ic ta b ility a nd m ono to ny o f a m arrie d c o up le .’ ‘Y ou m ake m arria ge s o und s o b ad . Y ou a re m arrie d . T he w ho le w orld g ets m arrie d .’ ‘C la rify th is fo r m e. D o y o u w ant to g et m arrie d ? O r a re y o u fe elin g s tr e sse d o nly b ecause yo ur m oth er w ants y o u to g et m arrie d s o on?’ ‘E ventu ally I d o w ant to , N eel. H ow c o uld y o u th in k I w on’t? I w ant m arria ge, k id s, f a m ily .’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean, re ally ? I d o. I w ant S und ay IK EA tr ip s w ith m y h usb and a nd a w ho le bunch o f k id s. I w ant to w ip e m y k id s’ m essy f a ces w hen I f e ed th em . I w ant to b ake c o okie s f o r th em . Yes, y es I d o.’ ‘R eally , R ad hik a?’ N eel s a id . H e lo oked a t m e g o bsm acked , a s if I h ad re v eale d m y s e cre t desir e to j o in th e I S IS . ‘Y eah. W hy?’ ‘I th o ught y o u w ere c are er-m in d ed .’ ‘E xcuse m e? W hat i s th at s u p pose d to m ean?’ I s a id , m y v oic e i c e-c o ld . ‘N oth in g. L et’ s ta lk l a te r. I ’ ll a sk f o r th e b ill,’ N eel s a id a nd s ig nalle d th e w aite r. ‘N o, N eel. N ot to nig ht,’ I s a id . We w ere ly in g ta ngle d u p in m y b ed . H e n uzzle d th e sid e o f m y n eck. It sig nalle d th at h e wante d s e x. I s h ru gged m y s h o uld er, d is lo dgin g h is l ip s. ‘R ad hik a, c o m e h ere ,’ h e m urm ure d m y n am e i n a p ers u asiv e v oic e. ‘N o, N eel,’ I s a id . ‘ I a m ti r e d .’ He h ad c o m e to m y a p artm ent f o ur n ig hts i n a r o w th is w eek. I d on’t k no w w hat s to ry h e m ad e up a t h o m e. F ra nkly , I d id n’t c are . E very n ig ht I l e t h im i n . W e w atc hed T V f o r a w hile a nd w e w ent to b ed . He r e b utto ned th e s h ir t o f h is n ig hts u it. ‘T his is th e fo urth ti m e y o u h av e r e je cte d m e,’ h e s a id . H e w as r ig ht. W e h ad n’t h ad s e x a ll week. ‘S to p a ssu m in g. I a m n o t r e je cti n g a nyth in g. I a m ti r e d ,’ I s a id . ‘Is i t y o ur m oth er? ’ h e s a id . I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘Is i t m e?’ h e s a id . I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘It’ s m e,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘H ow c o uld I l e t m yse lf g et i n to th is ? ’ I s a id . ‘W e l o ve e ach o th er, R ad hik a. S to p m akin g i t s o und s o b ad .’ I s w itc hed o n th e n ig ht l a m p n ext to m e a nd tu rn ed o n m y s id e to f a ce h im . I l ifte d m yse lf u p to re st o n m y e lb ow . ‘R eally , N eel? ’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ N eel s a id . ‘I a llo w ed m yse lf to g et in v olv ed w ith a m arrie d m an. N ot ju st a o ne-n ig ht s ta nd . A lo ng a nd fu ll- b lo w n a ffa ir. H ell, I a llo w ed m yse lf to f a ll i n l o ve w ith y o u. W hen th ere i s n o f u tu re .’ ‘I h av e n o p la ns to l e av e y o u.’ ‘B ut d o y o u h av e a ny p la ns to c hange a nyth in g?’ ‘W hy d o w e h av e to c hange? W hat w e h av e i s p erfe ct.’ ‘W hat i f K usu m f in d s o ut? ’ ‘S he w on’t.’ ‘W hat i f s h e d oes? ’ ‘D on’t b e p ara no id . Y ou a re b ein g o ver-a nxio us th ese d ays. I s i t th at ti m e o f th e m onth ?’ He tr ie d to p ut h is a rm s a ro und m e. ‘S hut u p , N eel,’ I s a id , e xtr a cti n g m yse lf f r o m h is g rip . ‘ D on’t tr iv ia liz e i t.’ ‘Y our w eekend tr ip to D elh i a nd ta lk in g to y o ur m oth er h as r e ally s h aken y o u u p .’ ‘M ayb e I n eed ed to b e s h aken u p . T o r e ally th in k a b out w hat I w ant.’ Neel s a t u p i n b ed . ‘S orry to s a y th is , b ut y o u a re n’t th in kin g c le arly . If I g o b y w hat y o u s a id in D ra go n-I,’ N eel sa id . ‘I s a id I w ant to h av e a f a m ily . H av e k id s. B e a g o od m oth er a nd l o ok a fte r th em w ell. T hat’ s no t th in kin g c le arly ?’ ‘Y ou a re a s ta r a t w ork . W hat i s a ll th is m und ane s tu ff y o u a re ta lk in g a b out? A ny w om an c an do a ll th is .’ ‘B ut I c an’t? ’ ‘I d id n’t s a y th at.’ ‘S o?’ ‘I s e e y o u a s s o m eo ne e xcep ti o nal. A nd s p ecia l. Y ou c o uld b e a n M D, a p artn er.’ ‘Y eah, I w ill b e. I l ik e m y w ork to o.’ ‘B ut y o u s a id y o u w ant m arria ge, I K EA , b unch o f k id s. B akin g c o okie s, r e ally ?’ ‘Y es, I w ant a ll th at to o.’ ‘R ad hik a, y o u a re g etti n g c arrie d a w ay. Y ou sa w K usu m th e o th er d ay a nd y o u a re g etti n g co m peti ti v e o ver m e.’ I to o s a t u p i n b ed , a lm ost p anti n g i n a nger. ‘It’ s n o t a lw ays a b out y o u, M r N eel G up ta . I a m ta lk in g a b out m yse lf. My n eed s. D o y o u g et i t, Mr I - a m -s o -s m art G old m an S achs p artn er? ’ ‘It’ s j u st th at. . .’ H e tu rn ed s ile nt. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . H e d id n o t r e sp ond . ‘S ay w hat y o u w ante d to s a y, N eel.’ ‘It’ s j u st I n ev er th o ught o f y o u a s th e m ate rn al ty p e. I d on’t k no w i f y o u w ere e v en m eant to b e a m oth er.’ I fe lt m y fa ce tu rn h o t. M y w ho le b ody b egan to q uiv er. N eel fig ure d h e h ad s a id s o m eth in g re ally , r e ally w ro ng. ‘O kay, th at d id n o t c o m e o ut r ig ht.’ ‘G et o ut,’ I s a id , m y v oic e c alm . He d id n’t m ove. ‘P le ase l e av e m y a p artm ent, N eel. G et o ut n o w .’ ‘C om e h ere , I w ill m ake y o u f e el b ette r,’ h e s a id , l e anin g f o rw ard . H e tr ie d to k is s m e. Sla p ! I g av e h im a ti g ht o ne a cro ss h is f a ce. I d id n’t c are w ho th e f u ck h e w as. ‘H ow d are y o u? H ow d are y o u f u ckin g s a y th at? ’ I s a id . ‘I a m s o rry .’ ‘J u st le av e. O r I w ill s e nd a n e m ail to a ll o f G old m an S achs to m orro w . A bout u s. W ould y o u lik e th at? ’ He s lith ere d o ut o f b ed . I k ep t a s te rn g aze o n h im a s h e d re sse d , p ic ked u p h is l a p to p b ag a nd le ft. I c urle d u p in b ed , te ars ro llin g d ow n m y c heeks. I c rie d a nd c rie d . I b urie d m y fa ce in th e pillo w s, i n clu d in g th e o ne th at s m elt o f N eel, a nd j u st c rie d . Yo u a re s o s tu pid , R adhik a , I s a id to m yse lf. What w as I t h in kin g a nyw ay? N eel a nd I w ould w alk o ff i n to t h e s u nse t? H e t h in ks I w asn ’t mea nt t o b e a m oth er. H ow c o uld I e ver l o ve t h is m an? D id I n ot k n ow t h is d ay w ould c o m e? My s to m ach h urt. W hen I w ent to th e b ath ro om I d is c o vere d th at N eel w as r ig ht. It was th at ti m e o f th e m onth . In th e m id dle o f a ll th is d ra m a I h ad to d eal w ith th e fir s t d ay o f m y p erio d. D id I te ll y o u i t s u cks to b e a g ir l s o m eti m es? ‘W hat’ s th is ? ’ N eel s a id , s u rp ris e d . He s lid th e l e tte r o n h is d esk to w ard s m e. Jo sh A ng, Dis tr e sse d D eb t G ro up Gold m an S achs Dear J o sh , I w ould lik e to su b m it m y re sig nati o n fr o m th e positi o n of vic e pre sid ent in th e Dis tr e sse d D eb t G ro up . Thank y o u s o m uch f o r th e w ond erfu l e xp erie nce. Rad hik a M ehta ‘T hat r e ached y o u r e al q uic k,’ I q uip ped . ‘O f c o urs e . I h av e to s ig n o ff o n i t,’ N eel s a id . ‘C an y o u p le ase d o th at, s ir ? ’ ‘W ill y o u s to p i t, p le ase ?’ N eel s a id , h is v oic e l o w . ‘F in e. W hate v er. I ’ ll b e q uie t.’ I e xhale d a nd k ep t q uie t. ‘T his i s y o ur c are er,’ N eel s a id a fte r a f e w s e co nd s. ‘I k no w w hat I a m g iv in g u p . M y c are er i s th e o ne th in g I tr u ly h ad a s m y o w n,’ I s a id . ‘S o w hy?’ ‘I h av e n o c ho ic e. M y c are er i s i n te rtw in ed w ith y o u. I f I h av e to l e av e y o u, b oth h av e to g o .’ ‘S o d on’t l e av e m e.’ ‘A nd d o w hat? B eco m e y o ur m is tr e ss? ’ ‘W hat r u b bis h .’ ‘W hat e ls e a m I ? M is tr e sse s a t l e ast g et s o m e r ig hts a nd p riv ile ges. I a m w ors e , a ctu ally .’ ‘Y ou a re n o m is tr e ss. Y ou m ake y o ur o w n m oney. M is tr e sse s ta ke m oney fr o m th e m an. T hey are d ep end ent. Y ou d o i t o ut o f c ho ic e.’ ‘W hic h i n s o m e w ays m akes i t e v en w ors e . C an w e h urry u p , p le ase ?’ ‘Y ou w on’t l e t g o , i s i t? ’ N eel s a id . ‘I h av e d ecid ed , N eel. A s y o u c an s e e, I h av e n o th in g to l o se . Y ou d o. S o p le ase .’ ‘I a m s o rry a b out w hat I s a id y este rd ay, o kay? T hat m oth er th in g.’ ‘It’ s n o t ju st w hat y o u s a id o r d id n’t s a y. T his w ho le th in g is w ro ng. A nd n o w if I h av e a ny se lf- re sp ect l e ft, I n eed to e nd i t.’ Neel l o oked a t m e c are fu lly . I k ep t m y e yes o n th e v ie w o uts id e th e w in d ow — th e H ong K ong harb our. ‘Y ou m ake m e f e el s o b lo ody g uilty ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou s h o uld f e el b lo ody g uilty ,’ I s a id , s ti ll w ith o ut l o okin g a t h im . ‘W e d id th is to geth er. N obody f o rc ed y o u.’ ‘I k no w . I f e el g uilty . S o a b out ti m e y o u d o to o.’ ‘G iv e m e tw o h o urs .’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , tu rn in g to h im . ‘C om e b ack i n tw o h o urs . C an y o u?’ I s h ru gged a nd l e ft h is o ffic e. I w ent b ack to m y c ub ic le . My d esk p ho ne r a ng a fte r tw o h o urs . I w ent b ack to N eel’s o ffic e. ‘L eav e m e i f y o u h av e to . D on’t q uit th e f ir m ,’ N eel s a id . ‘S o a re y o u r e sig nin g i n ste ad ?’ I s a id . ‘C an y o u s to p b ein g s o h ars h ? W e h av e h ap py m em orie s.’ I s m ir k ed a t h im . H e c o nti n ued , ‘ Y ou c an ta ke a tr a nsfe r to a no th er o ffic e. N ew Y ork . L ond on. Where v er.’ I l o oked a t h im . ‘I s u p pose n o t N ew Y ork ,’ h e s a id . Sure , n o t N ew Y ork . I h ad a r e la ti o nsh ip w re ck i n th at c ity to o. ‘I. . .’ I b egan to s p eak a s h e i n te rru p te d m e. ‘Y ou c an g et j o bs o uts id e. B ut p le ase d on’t l e av e th e g ro up . W e v alu e y o u. I w ill n ev er f o rg iv e myse lf.’ ‘Is th at a ll y o u w on’t f o rg iv e y o urs e lf f o r? ’ I s a id . He h ung h is h ead l o w . T hen h e s to od u p a nd w ent to th e w in d ow . I th o ught a b out h is p ro posa l fo r a m in ute . ‘F in e, I c an m ove to L ond on. B ut i t h as to f e el l ik e a n ew j o b. I d on’t w ant y o u i n m y l ife . A t all.’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean?’ ‘N o c o m mon d eals . N o b ein g i n to uch. B e g o ne. C le ar? ’ ‘H ow c an w e. . .’ ‘N eel, I a m s e rio us. I f th is i s r e p orte d , y o u g et i n to tr o ub le . N ot m e. Y ou a re th e b oss.’ ‘A re y o u th re ate nin g m e?’ ‘I a m s a yin g I a m s e rio us. I a m g o in g to b e a h uge m ess. I d on’t k no w i f I w ill b e a b le to p ic k up th e p ie ces a gain . I d on’t w ant y o u i n m y l ife th ere . T hat i s w hy I a m l e av in g.’ ‘O kay,’ N eel s a id i n a h eav y v oic e a nd c am e b ack to h is s e at. ‘T hanks.’ ‘S om eo ne f r o m th e L ond on o ffic e w ill c all y o u th is e v enin g,’ h e s a id . ‘F in e. C an I l e av e n o w ?’ ‘Y eah,’ h e s a id a nd p ause d . ‘ R ad hik a?’ ‘Y es? ’ ‘I a m s o rry .’ ‘F or? ’ ‘I a m s o rry I l e t y o u d ow n.’ I s to od u p to l e av e. ‘I l e t m yse lf d ow n, N eel.’ I 3 2 fe lt a l u m p i n m y th ro at a s I r e p la yed H ong K ong i n m y h ead . M y h and h o ld in g th e b re akfa st p la te tr e m ble d . N eel lo oked a t m e. M y r e la ti v es c o nti n ued to fill th e d in in g r o om . I d ra nk a g la ss o f w ate r to b uy ti m e. ‘C an w e ta lk i n p riv ate ? P le ase ?’ N eel w his p ere d . ‘H ow , N eel? C an’t y o u s e e? I a m a t m y w ed din g.’ ‘I h av e a r o om h ere . C om e f o r a l ittl e b it. P le ase .’ ‘H ow d id y o u g et a r o om ? T hey to ld u s th ey w ere f u ll.’ ‘It’ s n o t i m porta nt. P le ase , f ifte en m in ute s? ’ ‘B ut h o w d id y o u g et a r o om ?’ I s a id . I w ante d to s c re am a t th e l o bby m anager. ‘I to ok th e p re sid enti a l s u ite . T hat’ s a ll th ey h ad . N ow c an y o u c o m e th ere ? R oom 1 01?’ Of c o urs e , M r P artn er h ad to b e in th e p re sid enti a l s u ite . M y c o usin s w av ed , g estu rin g m e to c o m e b ack. ‘I n eed to h av e b re akfa st w ith m y c o usin s. S ee y o u i n th ir ty m in ute s,’ I s a id . ‘ Y ou s a id y o u w ould l e av e m e a lo ne,’ I s a id a s h e o pened th e d oor. I e nte re d h is l a v is h 3 ,0 00-s q uare - f e et p re sid enti a l s u ite . I s a t o n o ne o f th e s o fa s i n th e s u ite l iv in g r o om . H e d id n’t r e sp ond . H e w ent to t h e e le ctr ic k ettl e a t th e c o rn er o f th e r o om a nd f ille d i t w ith w ate r. ‘T ea?’ h e s a id . ‘N eel! I d on’t h av e ti m e. Y ou s a id y o u w ould n’t b oth er m e.’ ‘I c ut o ff fo r a y ear. D id I e v er b oth er y o u in L ond on?’ h e s a id . ‘ W ould y o u lik e s o m e g re en t e a?’ ‘W hat i s i t y o u w ante d to te ll m e?’ I s a id . ‘C an y o u r e la x?’ N eel s a id . ‘ H ow a b out a “ H ey, h o w h av e y o u b een?”’ ‘N eel,’ I s a id . ‘ I d on’t h av e ti m e f o r p le asa ntr ie s.’ ‘I a m j u st m akin g c o nv ers a ti o n. A m I a llo w ed to d o th at w hile I m ake a c up o f te a?’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . ‘W e h av en’t c aught u p i n a y ear. H ow w as L ond on? Y ou k no w I g re w u p th ere , r ig ht? ’ ‘I d o.’ ‘S o h o w w as i t? ’ I j u st k ep t l o okin g a t h im . ‘W hat? ’ ‘I a m n o t h ere to ta lk a b out L ond on.’ ‘G iv e m e a m in ute . I n eed to b rin g s o m eth in g f r o m th e o th er r o om .’ I n o dded . H e w ent in to th e b ed ro om . I lo oked o ut o f th e w in d ow . T he s e a w as s ile nt b ehin d th e d oub le -g la ze d g la ss. N eel’s m enti o n o f L ond on b ro ught b ack m any m em orie s o f m y m ove th ere . Lon don One Y ea r A go T 3 3 he G old m an S achs o ffic e i n L ond on i s l o cate d o n 1 33 F le et S tr e et. T he o ffic e a t P ete rb oro ugh Court is a t th e s a m e s ite a s th e o ld Daily T ele g ra ph b uild in g. P atr ic ia , th e g ro up s e cre ta ry , s e ttl e d m e i n to m y n ew c ub ic le . T he B riti s h a ccent i n th e L ond on o ffic e r e m in d ed m e o f N eel. W hen y o u b re ak u p , i t b eco m es a h ab it to r e m em ber e v ery th in g a b out th e m an— with m y s e co nd h eartb re ak I h ad le arn t th is m uch. N eel w as a h ab it, a b ad h ab it r a th er, a lm ost a n a d dic ti o n. L ik e s m okin g, w hen y o u k no w it is b ad fo r y o u b ut y o u c an’t s e em to le av e it. I a ls o le arn t th at y o u d on’t g et b ette r a t h and lin g h eartb re aks. T hey s u ck e v ery s in gle ti m e, e v en th o ugh th is ti m e w as m arg in ally b ette r s in ce I h ad i n iti a te d th e b re ak-u p . I b attl e d th e u rg e to e m ail h im , te llin g h im I h ad a rriv ed a t th e n ew p la ce. Why c o uld n’t h e e m ail m e? W hy c o uld n’t h e c all? W ell, h o w c o uld h e? I h ad th re ate ned to e xp ose h im . I m is se d h is v oic e. I m is se d h is e yes. I m is se d h is to uch. I m is se d a ll th at h e d id to m e, w ith m e, i n b ed . So w hat i f h e i s m arrie d ? H e l o ves m e, a nd l o ve i s w hat I n eed , r ig ht? See, th is i s h o w y o ur m in d p la ys g am es w ith y o u. I f i t w ants y o u to d o s o m eth in g, i t w ill f in d a h und re d r e aso ns to j u sti fy i t. W hat’ s m ore , th e r e aso ns w ill e v en m ake s e nse . I p ic ked u p th e i n te rn al p ho ne o n m y d esk to c all N eel. The b uzz o n m y cellp ho ne d is ru p te d m y th o ughts . In th e p ast fe w m onth s m y m oth er had d is c o vere d W hats A pp. S he h ad s e nt m e a m essa ge. ‘C hecked p ro file ?’ You w on’t g iv e u p , w ill y o u? I w ante d to ty p e b ack. ‘D oin g i t, n o w ,’ I r e p lie d i n ste ad . I o pened sh aad i.c o m o n m y o ffic e la p to p. T he sc re en d is p la yed h ap py fa ces o f c o up le s in n up ti a l b lis s, w ho h ad f o und e ach o th er o n th is w eb site . T esti m onia ls s p oke o f h o w a c o up le w ho m et o n th e site m arrie d w ith in th re e m onth s and w ere no w exp ecti n g a child . W as fin d in g lo ve th at s im ple ? W hy d id I f in d i t d iffic ult? W hy d id I h av e to c o m plic ate e v ery th in g? O r w as th ere s o m eth in g w ro ng w ith m e? I l o gged o n to th e a cco unt m y m oth er h ad s e t u p . T he p age o pened to a s u m mary o f m y p ro file . S he h ad u se d a p ic tu re o f m in e fr o m In d ia G ate , th e o ne I to ok w hen I v is ite d D elh i la st ti m e. A s h ad ow fe ll o n m y fa ce in th e p ho to . M y e yes w ere h alf- c lo se d . S he c o uld n o t h av e c ho se n a w ors e p ic tu re . I r e ad m y p ro file . Hi, I a m a y o ung, s lim , q uite f a ir, P unja b i K hatr i g ir l a ged 2 6, 5 ’4 ” ta ll. I a m c urre ntl y work in g in L ond on, b ut fle xib le to m ove a nyw here w ith m y h usb and . I a m fa m ily - min d ed a nd d on’t m in d s ta yin g i n a j o in t f a m ily . I r e ached f o r m y c ellp ho ne— to c all m y m oth er a nd b la st h er. I r e sis te d th e u rg e a nd r e ad o n. I c an c o ok N orth In d ia n c uis in e q uite w ell. I h av e o ne e ld er sis te r w ho is a lr e ad y marrie d and w ell- s e ttl e d in D elh i. M y p are nts hav e no o th er lia b iliti e s. M y fa th er re ti r e d f r o m a r e sp ecte d p ositi o n i n S ta te B ank o f I n d ia a nd m y m oth er i s a h o use w ife . We a re w ell o ff a nd c an d o a h ig h-s ta tu s w ed din g. My e yeb ro w s s h o t u p . I r e ad th e n ext s e cti o n. I a m lo okin g fo r a w ell- q ualifie d , w ell- s e ttl e d su ita b le m atc h fr o m a g o od P unja b i fa m ily . S om eo ne w ho w ill l o ok a fte r m y f a m ily a nd m e a nd r e sp ect e ld ers . I f i n te re ste d ple ase r e sp ond w ith d eta ils a b out y o u, in clu d in g h o ro sc o pe o r d ate a nd ti m e o f b ir th . Regard s, R ad hik a M ehta . ‘S erio usly ? M om , s e rio usly ?’ I s a id o ut l o ud . I c lo se d th e s h aad i.c o m w in d ow . I h ad to c all m om a nd ta lk , o r r a th er s h o ut a t h er. I c o uld n’t d o th at in th e o ffic e. I p acked m y la p to p in m y T um i b ag a nd sto od u p . ‘I a m g o in g to g et l u nch,’ I to ld P atr ic ia a nd l e ft th e o ffic e. I w ent o ut o n F le et S tr e et and fo und Its u , a Ja p anese -in sp ir e d health y fa st- fo od chain . I ord ere d a v egeta b le s a nd b ro w n r ic e p ots u p ot a nd s a t d ow n to e at. F ork i n o ne h and a nd p ho ne i n th e oth er, I c alle d m y d ear m oth er. I c harg ed a t h er a s s o on a s s h e a nsw ere d . ‘M om , w hat a re y o u d oin g?’ ‘W hat? ’ s h e s a id , s u rp ris e d . I l o ad ed m y p ro file o n m y l a p to p s c re en. ‘I s a w th e p ro file .’ ‘L ik ed i t? ’ How d o y o u e ven b eg in t o a nsw er t h at? ‘M om , a re y o u s e rio us? W hat i s th is ? ’ ‘W hy? I w ro te w hat w ill g et y o u th e b est r e sp onse . S harm a a unty n ext d oor h elp ed m e.’ ‘It’ s h o rrib le , m om . R eally , w ho i s th is p ers o n y o u h av e w ritte n a b out? I t i s n o t m e.’ ‘W hat a re y o u a re s a yin g? I t i s y o u 1 00 p er c ent. I s n ’t y o ur h eig ht f iv e f e et f o ur i n ches? ’ ‘M om , f ir s t o f a ll, th e p ic tu re i s te rrib le .’ ‘It’ s w hat I h ad . S end m e a b ette r o ne. W e s h o uld h av e d one a p ortf o lio w hen y o u h ad c o m e here .’ ‘I w ill s e nd y o u o ne f r o m h ere .’ ‘S end o ne i n I n d ia n c lo th es.’ ‘W hy?’ ‘A re y o u s tu p id ? A re y o u g o in g to s e nd m e a p ic tu re i n y o ur o ffic e s u it? A re y o u a p ply in g f o r a j o b?’ ‘It’ s w ho I a m .’ ‘S to p i t, R ad hik a. I s th e p ic tu re th e o nly p ro ble m ?’ ‘T here are a m illio n pro ble m s. Let m e sta rt. W hat is “q uite fa ir ” ? Tell th em m y re al co m ple xio n. S ay I a m w heati s h o r w hate v er.’ ‘If y o u w rite w heati s h p eo ple th in k it is d ark . Y ou h av e to w rite “ q uite fa ir ” . R ais e it u p a no tc h.’ ‘O h, r e ally ? S o w hat i f s o m eo ne w rite s “ d ark ” th en?’ ‘If s o m eo ne s a ys d ark , i t’ s l ik e b la ck. Y ou k no w th o se N egro -ty p e A fr ic ans.’ ‘M om , th at’ s n o t a g o od te rm . N o o ne s a ys N egro .’ ‘W hate v er. T hese a re m in o r th in gs.’ ‘I’ ll te ll y o u h uge th in gs.’ ‘S ay.’ ‘O ne, y o u s a y “ fle xib le to m ove w ith h usb and ”. W ho s a id th at? It d ep end s, r ig ht? M ayb e h e has to m ove. I t’ s a d is c ussio n. T w o, I “ d on’t m in d j o in t f a m ily ”? W hy d o w e h av e to p ut th at? T hre e, my p are nts “ hav e n o o th er lia b iliti e s” . W hat is th at? O h, a nd d on’t m is s, “ w e c an d o a h ig h-s ta tu s wed din g”, th at is fo ur. F iv e, w hy ju st P unja b i fa m ily ? S ix , I d on’t n eed a g uy to “ lo ok a fte r” m e. Sev en, “ se nd h o ro sc o pe”. M om , r e ally , I d on’t k no w w hat to s a y,’ I s a id . I h ad to p ause ju st to b re ath e. T he c usto m er a t th e n ext ta b le o ffe re d m e a g la ss o f w ate r. I mouth ed h im a th anks a nd to ok a s ip . ‘Y ou h av e s a id a l o t,’ m om s a id , i n h er u p se t v oic e. ‘ N o r e sp ect l e ft f o r p are nts , I s e e.’ ‘I a m n o t d is re sp ecti n g y o u. T his w ho le th in g i s j u st w ro ng, m om . I d on’t w ant to b e a p art o f th is .’ ‘I d on’t th in k y o u u nd ers ta nd th e s tr a te gy.’ ‘S tr a te gy?’ ‘Y eah. Y ou d on’t s c are a w ay th e g o od g uys.’ ‘W hy w ould th ey g et s c are d ?’ ‘If th ey se e a g ir l w ho is to o in d ep end ent- m in d ed , to o q ualifie d , d oin g to o w ell, th ey g et sc are d .’ ‘W hat n o nse nse .’ ‘It’ s a f a ct. I d id n’t m ake th e r u le s, b eta .’ ‘O h a nd o ne m ore th in g,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou b are ly m enti o n m y jo b. C urre ntl y w ork in g in L ond on, re ally ? I a m a v ic e p re sid ent i n G old m an S achs. I m ake h alf a m illio n d olla rs a y ear.’ ‘E xactl y . N ow y o u s e e th e s tr a te gy?’ ‘H uh?’ ‘S ee h o w w e m enti o n i t a ls o b ut h id e th e a chie v em ents a ls o ?’ ‘M om , c an y o u h ear y o urs e lf? Y ou a re h id in g y o ur c hild ’s a chie v em ents ? ’ ‘I a m h id in g m y d aughte r’s a chie v em ents . S o w e g et m ore b oys to c ho ose fr o m . T hat’ s a ll. I am n o t ta kin g a w ay y o ur a chie v em ents .’ ‘S o i f I w ere a s o n?’ ‘O bvio usly , w e w ould p ut y o ur s a la ry f ir s t. B ut n o w w e h av e to b e c are fu l.’ I s m acked m y fo re head . H ow d o I g et th ro ugh to h er? I w ond ere d if I h ad m ad e th e b ig gest mis ta ke o f m y life . M ayb e N eel w as rig ht. I w as n o t m eant fo r a ll th is n o nse nse . I m is se d N eel. I wante d to c all h im s o b ad . ‘A re y o u th ere ?’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . M y h eart a ched a s I th o ught o f N eel h o ld in g m e a t n ig ht. ‘I a m c o m in g th ere ,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘W here ?’ ‘L ond on. I a m g o in g to s p end s o m e ti m e w ith y o u. W e w ill d o th is to geth er.’ ‘E no ugh, m om ,’ I s a id . S he to sse d a no th er p ara nth a o n m y p la te . I d id n’t w ant a h usb and . I n eed ed m y m oth er w ith m e in L ond on. S o s h e c o uld c o ok m e h o t go bhi p ara nth as e v ery S atu rd ay m orn in g f o r b re akfa st. ‘W hy d o y o u s ta y i n C hels e a? S outh all h as s o m any I n d ia ns. B ette r, n o ?’ s h e s a id . ‘H av e y o u s e en th e p ark v ie w o uts id e? S ee h o w c harm in g th is i s ,’ I s a id . ‘B ut d o y o u g et a chaar a nd c hutn ey? I n S outh all y o u g et i t. S harm a a unty to ld m e.’ ‘Y ou g et it h ere to o,’ I s a id . I to re o pen th e s e co nd p ara nth a. ‘J u st s ta y w ith m e. F ore v er,’ I sa id . ‘S ee, e v en y o u m is s h av in g a p ro per h o m e. Is th is e v en a life ? G o to o ffic e e arly . C om e b ack la te to a n e m pty h o use .’ ‘M om , I h av e o ne o f th e m ost w ante d j o bs i n th e w orld .’ ‘A nd I h av e o ne o f th e m ost u nw ante d j o bs, b ut I l o ve i t. T akin g c are o f m y f a m ily ,’ m y m oth er sa id a nd g av e m e a g la ss o f l a ssi. S he k is se d m e o n th e f o re head . I h ugged h er. ‘I l o ve y o u, m om .’ ‘I l o ve y o u to o. N ow s h o w m e th e r e sp onse s. Y ou h av e m ad e m e w ait a ll w eek.’ I h ad m odifie d m y p ro file o n th e m atr im onia l w eb site . I h ad re m oved o bno xio us b its lik e ‘h usb and to ta ke c are o f m e’ a nd ‘ n o l ia b iliti e s’. A nd a d ded : ‘ s u ccessfu l c are er a t o ne o f th e w orld ’s to p i n v estm ent b anks’. I a ls o m enti o ned I w ante d a s e cure a nd e asy go in g m an. ‘F in e,’ I s a id . I o pened m y l a p to p a nd l o gged i n . ‘F ifty r e sp onse s, v ery g o od,’ s h e s a id e xcite d ly . ‘ O pen th em .’ ‘O penin g, m om . B e p ati e nt.’ The fir s t q uery c am e fr o m a M ohit A huja , fr o m a b usin ess fa m ily in D elh i. T hey o w ned th re e re sta ura nts , M ohit m anaged o ne o f th em . ‘N o,’ I s a id . ‘W hy?’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘ T hey l o ok w ell- o ff.’ ‘I d on’t w ant to b e w ith s o m eo ne w ho r u ns a f a m ily r e sta ura nt.’ ‘W hat n o nse nse !’ ‘M om , s e e th e q ualific ati o ns. B A f r o m s o m e r a nd om u niv ers ity . N o. N ext.’ We c o nti n ued s c annin g th e r e sp onse s f o r th e n ext f e w h o urs . ‘T his o ne i s u gly . I c an’t w ake u p n ext to a m an l ik e th at,’ I r e acte d to o ne. Mom c am e u p w ith o ne o f h er w is e s a yin gs: ‘ T here i s n o s u ch th in g a s a n u gly m an.’ Ju st to g et b ack a t h er I r e je cte d s o m e m en d ue to th eir ‘ lo oks’. O th ers d id n’t m ake i t b ecause th ey h ad j o bs i n I n d ia w here th ey e arn ed a f e w l a khs a y ear. D esp ite a ll m y f e m in is t l e anin gs, I d id n’t want to b e w ith s o m eo ne w ho m ad e s o m uch l e ss th an m e. Why d oes a w om an f e el a m an’s i n co m e i s more im porta nt th an h ers? M ayb e b eca use it is im porta nt to m en , a nd v ery fe w m en a re s e cu re en ough t o j u st l e t t h is i s su e b e. ‘N o, m om . H e liv es in B ula nd sh ahr. J o in t fa m ily . F am ily b usin ess. N o, n o , n o ,’ I s a id a s m y moth er s h o w ed m e a no th er c and id ate . I w as re aliz in g b y no w th at sifti n g th ro ugh p ro sp ecti v e gro om s w as hard er th an v alu in g dis tr e sse d a sse ts . ‘Y ou a re n o t d oin g th is p ro perly ,’ m y m oth er s a id a s I r e je cte d a g uy b ecause I d id n’t lik e h is prin te d H aw aiia n s h ir t. ‘B ut I h ate th at s h ir t. H ow c o uld h e w ear i t? ’ I l a ughed . ‘H e i s a d octo r. W e a re s h o rtl is ti n g h im . Y ou c an c ho ose h is c lo th es a fte r m arria ge,’ m om s a id . We fin is h ed a t 4 in th e a fte rn o on, w ith a sh o rtl is t o f te n p ote nti a l g ro om s to b e c o nta cte d fu rth er. ‘I’ m ti r e d . Y ou w ant to s te p o ut f o r a c o ffe e?’ I s a id . ‘S ure ,’ s h e s a id . We w alk ed to a P re t a M anger c afé n ear E arl’s C ourt tu b e s ta ti o n. M y m oth er h eld m y h and . ‘W e h av e d one s o m eth in g to geth er a fte r a l o ng ti m e,’ s h e s a id . ‘Y eah, b ond in g o ver s h o rtl is te d g ro om s,’ I s a id a nd l a ughed . ‘Y ou w ait a nd s e e. I w ill f in d a p rin ce f o r y o u,’ s h e s a id . ‘ H 3 4 i, c an y o u s e e m e?’ I s a id . I s a t a t m y d in in g ta b le , f a cin g m y l a p to p. I h ad a S kyp e c all f ix ed w ith R aj B aksh i, a d octo r b ase d i n B osto n, U SA . ‘Y eah. I t’ s a l ittl e d ark th o ugh. C an y o u s w itc h o n a no th er l ig ht? ’ R aj s a id . H e w as th ir ty y ears o ld , h ad a th in m ousta che a nd w ore a l ig ht b lu e s h ir t. Befo re I c o uld r e sp ond , m y m oth er s w itc hed o n a ll th e l ig hts i n th e a p artm ent. ‘M om ? W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?’ I w his p ere d to h er. ‘Y eah, m uch b ette r,’ R aj s a id . ‘O ne s e c, R aj,’ I s a id a nd m ute d h im . I b ent th e l a p to p s c re en to c o ver th e c am era . ‘W hat h ap pened ? D on’t k eep h im w aiti n g. T alk ,’ m om s a id . ‘M om , i f w e a re d oin g th is , w e a re d oin g th is m y w ay.’ ‘I a m o nly tr y in g to h elp . . .’ ‘T hanks. B ut l e t m e ta lk to th em w ith o ut y o u h o verin g a ro und .’ My m oth er m ad e a f a ce a nd l e ft th e r o om . I r e su m ed th e S kyp e c all. ‘H i,’ I s a id . ‘H ello . M ust b e q uite l a te th ere ?’ ‘It’ s m id nig ht, y es. L ond on i s f iv e h o urs a head .’ ‘S orry . I j u st c am e b ack f r o m w ork ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou a re a d octo r, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah. A nd w hat e xactl y d o y o u d o? Y our p ro file s a id b ankin g.’ ‘I a m i n G old m an S achs. V P i n th e D is tr e sse d D eb t G ro up .’ ‘O h,’ h e s a id a nd b ecam e q uie t. ‘S o y eah,’ I sa id , w ond erin g w hat to sa y n ext. I d on’t k no w w hy I ta ke re sp onsib ility fo r a w kw ard s ile nces. ‘W hat k in d o f d octo r a re y o u?’ I s a id . ‘I a m a G P, g enera l p ra cti ti o ner, i n th e B osto n C ity H osp ita l. D oin g m y r e sid ency.’ ‘I c o uld n ev er b e a d octo r. A ll th at b lo od. I f e el f a in t i n h o sp ita ls ,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘It’ s a p art o f l ife ,’ h e s a id , h is to ne s o m bre . ‘ P eo ple a re d yin g. S om eo ne n eed s to s a v e th em .’ ‘A h. Y es. O f c o urs e ,’ I s a id . Oka y, i s n ’t D r B aksh i a l ittle t o o s e rio us? ‘H ow ’s G old m an S achs? ’ h e s a id . ‘G ood. H ecti c . B ut I l ik e i t.’ ‘T hey p ay p eo ple v ery w ell, I h ear.’ ‘It’ s b ase d o n p erfo rm ance, b ut y es. I t’ s g o od m oney.’ ‘If y o u d on’t m in d , h o w m uch d o y o u m ake?’ h e s a id . Is n ’t th is to o m uch to o s o on? W hat’s th e p ro to co l? H e c a n a sk m e a ll th ese th in gs in th e fir st c a ll? C an I a sk h im t o o? ‘A re w e s h arin g c o m pensa ti o n a lr e ad y?’ I s m ile d , to l ig hte n h is o pera ti o n-th eatr e m ood. ‘S ure . W hy k eep i t h id den? I m ake 1 00,0 00 a y ear. P lu s b enefits ,’ h e s a id . What a m I s u ppose d t o d o? C la p? ‘O kay,’ I s a id . ‘A nd y o u?’ h e s a id . I d on’t k no w w hy I d id n’t fe el lik e te llin g h im . P erh ap s I w as g etti n g tu ned in to m ale p rid e. I co uld s e nse w hic h g uy c o uld ta ke i t a nd w ho c o uld n o t. ‘W e c an d is c uss a ll th is la te r. S o w hat d o y o u w ant to sp ecia liz e in ? O r d o y o u w ant to sp ecia liz e a t a ll? ’ ‘I w ant to b e a n o phth alm olo gis t. E ye d octo r.’ ‘I k no w . G ood,’ I s a id . I h ad a s in kin g f e elin g th is w asn ’t g o in g to w ork . H ow d o y o u e nd c alls l ik e th is ? ‘S o h o w m uch i s y o ur s a la ry a gain ?’ h e s a id . Oka y, h e a sk ed f o r i t. T hric e. ‘If y o u m ust k no w , I m ad e h alf a m illio n d olla rs l a st y ear.’ I h eard h is c hair c re ak i n r e sp onse . ‘F iv e h und re d th o usa nd d olla rs ? ’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah. T hat’ s w hat h alf a m illio n is ,’ I s a id . I k ic ked m yse lf fo r th at p atr o niz in g c o m ment. It wasn ’t f u nny. I h ad a f e elin g n o th in g w as f u nny to D r S tu ck-u p B aksh i a nyw ay. ‘O kay,’ h e s a id . Oka y? W hat th e fu ck is a sin gula r ‘o ka y’? They sh ould ban th is one-w ord re p ly in co nversa tio ns. H ow a m I s u ppose d t o t a ke i t f o rw ard f r o m h ere ? ‘S o y eah. W hat e ls e d o y o u d o a p art f r o m w ork ?’ I s a id . ‘E xcuse m e. B ut I h av e to g o .’ ‘O h re ally ? W hat h ap pened ?’ I s a id . I h ate b ein g re je cte d . E ven b y b orin g m en d oin g th eir re sid ency i n B osto n. ‘N oth in g. . . O kay, I w ill te ll y o u. T his i s n o t g o in g to w ork . Y our s a la ry i s to o h ig h.’ ‘H ow c an y o u g et to o h ig h a s a la ry ?’ ‘I m ean f o r m e. I m ean c o m pare d to m e.’ I r e aliz e d th is w as a d ead e nd . W hy n o t e nd i t w ith a b it o f f u n? ‘O h, s o y o u m ean y o u a re n o t m an e no ugh to h and le i t? ’ I s a id . He h ung u p w ith o ut s a yin g b ye. O ops, s tr ik e o ne I g uess. H a h a. Thre e w eeks l a te r w e h ad s tr u ck o ff a ll th e te n s h o rtl is te d n am es f r o m th e l is t. ‘It’ s n o t g o in g to w ork , m om ,’ I s a id . We h ad c o m e to D is h o om , a q uir k y m odern -In d ia n c afé i n C ovent G ard en. We o rd ere d p ao b haji a nd m asa la c hai, a r a re d elic acy i n L ond on. ‘I to ld y o u n o t to m enti o n y o ur c are er to o m uch,’ s h e s a id , u p se t th at I h ad re je cte d a ll te n su ito rs . ‘I c an’t h id e w ho I a m ,’ I s a id . ‘W hy c an’t y o u b e l ik e y o ur s is te r? ’ ‘B ecause I a m n o t A diti d id i. I d on’t w ant to b e h er.’ We c am e b ack h o m e. S he c am e u p w ith a no th er id ea. S he w ante d to u p gra d e o ur s h aad i.c o m mem bers h ip to th e V IP c ate go ry , w here s p ecia l a gents h elp y o u g et g ro om s. ‘W e h av e s p ecia l n eed s. W e n eed s p ecia l h elp ,’ s h e s a id . I g uess I w as s p ecia l. S pecia lly fu cked u p . N o w ond er s h e n eed ed a n a rm y o f s p ecia lis ts to tr a p a m an f o r m e. She s a t o n m y b ed . I l a y n ext to h er a nd tu rn ed th e o th er w ay. ‘D o w hate v er y o u w ant, m om ,’ I s a id . ‘O ne o f m y d aughte rs g o t s e ttl e d s o e asily . I j u st h o pe a nd p ra y G od h elp s u s,’ s h e m utte re d to hers e lf a nd r a is e d h er f o ld ed h and s to th e s k y. ‘W hat’ s w ith i n v okin g G od? A m I s o m e i lln ess? A m is fo rtu ne?’ I s a id , w ith o ut l o okin g a t h er. ‘W ill y o u s to p b ein g s o to uchy? It is a fa ct A diti ’s m arria ge h ap pened s o q uic kly . S he h as white r s k in , w hic h h elp s. B ut s h e a ls o h ad a g o od a tti tu d e. Y ou s h o uld h av e a n e v en b ette r a tti tu d e.’ I tu rn ed to w ard s h er a nd i n te rru p te d h er. ‘W hat d o y o u m ean, e v en b ette r a tti tu d e? I s h o uld b e m ore s u b se rv ie nt? W hat is th at w ord in ad s? H om ely ? I t j u st m eans s u b m is siv e, r ig ht? Y ou w ant m e to b e m ore h o m ely ?’ ‘W ell. Y eah.’ ‘I a m n o t h o m ely . S o m ayb e I w ill j u st s ta y s in gle .’ ‘D on’t s a y s u ch h o rrib le th in gs.’ ‘T here ’s n o th in g h o rrib le a b out i t,’ I s a id . ‘T his m oney a nd i n te rn ati o nal j o b h av e g o ne to y o ur h ead . Y ou a re n o t e v en a g ir l a nym ore .’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , o ne e yeb ro w u p i n d is g ust. ‘F org et i t.’ ‘M om , d ad use d to w alk m e to th e sc ho ol b us sto p, re m em ber? W hen I w as in p rim ary sc ho ol.’ She l o oked a t m e, s a id n o th in g. ‘H e u se d to te ll m e, “ B eta , w hen y o u g ro w u p , y o u c an d o w hate v er y o u w ant. T he s k y is th e lim it f o r y o u.’’’ ‘S o?’ ‘W hy d o p eo ple te ll g ir ls a ll th is ? Y ou a sk th em to a chie v e th in gs, b ut w hen th ey d o, y o u c an’t hand le i t. W hy d oes i t b eco m e “ yo u a re n o t e v en a g ir l a nym ore ”?’ ‘I d on’t k no w a ll th at. I n ev er w ork ed . I d id n’t h av e c ho ic es l ik e y o urs ,’ s h e s a id . ‘N eith er d id y o u h av e th e c o ura ge,’ I s a id . She p ause d fo r a se co nd b efo re sh e sp oke a gain . ‘I d on’t k no w . O kay, fin e, I d on’t h av e co ura ge. A nyw ay, I th in k i t i s b ette r f o r w om en i f th ey d on’t w ork .’ ‘M om !’ I s c re am ed i n e xasp era ti o n. ‘W hat? ’ ‘M y j o b m eans a l o t to m e. C an y o u n o t d em ean i t? ’ ‘C an y o u n o t d em ean m e?’ m y m oth er s a id . S he b ro ke in to te ars . H er s o bs tu rn ed in to a fu ll- blo w n c ry in g f e st, a s s h e m ourn ed th e l o ss o f h er te n s h o rtl is te d p ro sp ecti v e s o ns-in -la w . I lo oked a ro und . I fo und a ti s su e b ox o n th e b ed sid e ta b le . I p asse d it to h er. S he w ip ed h er te ars . ‘D o y o u k no w h o w m uch p ain I h ad to b ear w hen y o u w ere b orn ?’ s h e s a id . It’s c a lle d l a bour, m om . I d id n’t c a use i t, i t i s h ow k id s h appen . ‘I h eard y o u w ante d to a b ort m e,’ I s a id . She l o oked u p . ‘W ho to ld y o u?’ ‘It’ s n o t i m porta nt h o w I f o und o ut. I h eard th e d octo r g o ofe d u p o n th e s e x d ete rm in ati o n te st. He s a id i t w ould b e a b oy.’ My m oth er l o oked a t m e i n s ile nce. ‘T ho se w ere d iffe re nt ti m es,’ s h e w his p ere d . ‘ W e h ad A diti . Y our d ad i w ante d a b oy.’ ‘Y ou d id to o.’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘S orry , m om , I c am e o ut. Y ou g o t a r a w d eal.’ ‘D on’t b e s tu p id . I l o ve y o u.’ She h ugged m e a nd a fte r a m om ent I h ugged h er b ack. ‘T hen le t m e b e,’ I s a id , ‘p le ase . G ro om o r n o g ro om , d oesn ’t m atte r. I w ant y o u to s u p port me.’ A te ar e sc ap ed m y e ye. I b urie d m y f a ce i n m om ’s c hest. ‘D on’t w orry . W e w ill g o th ro ugh s o m e m ore p ro file s to m orro w . Y our r a jk um ar w ill b e th ere so m ew here ,’ s a id m om . M 3 5 T hre e w eek s la te r y m oth er w ore h er r e ad in g g la sse s. S he f lic ked th ro ugh th e p ic tu re s o n th e s h aad i.c o m a p p o n my p ho ne. ‘S ee th is . W hy h av en’t y o u a ccep te d th is o ne?’ m y m oth er s a id . We s a t in m y liv in g r o om a t n o on o n a S atu rd ay m orn in g, I in b lu e p aja m as– w hite T -s h ir t a nd s h e i n a s a lw ar-k am eez. ‘R ead i t o ut, m om ,’ I s a id , ty p in g o n m y l a p to p. ‘ W hat d oes h e d o?’ ‘H e w ork s i n F aceb ook,’ s h e s a id , a nd r e m oved h er g la sse s, s u rp ris e d . ‘ H ow c an y o u w ork i n F aceb ook? H e d oes F aceb ook a ll d ay?’ ‘N o, m om . F aceb ook i s a c o m pany. G o o n. H ow o ld ?’ ‘T w enty -e ig ht. H eig ht f iv e f e et te n i n ches. I w ill r e ad h is p ro file ?’ ‘S ure . H e w ro te i t? ’ I s a id . ‘N o, i t s a ys w ritte n b y p are nt.’ ‘T hat’ s tw o p oin ts d ow n.’ ‘S to p i t. E ven I h ad to w rite i t th e f ir s t ti m e f o r y o u, r ig ht? ’ ‘I w ill n ev er f o rg et th at. A nyw ay, g o o n.’ My m oth er r e ad f r o m th e p ho ne s c re en. Our so n is a n in te llig ent, h um ble a nd sim ple b oy w ho is lo okin g fo r a su ita b le life partn er. H e p re fe rs a c are er w om an, s o m eo ne w ho i s w illin g to l iv e i n th e U SA . H e i s a s y ste m s e ngin eer a t F aceb ook, w here h e h as w ork ed fo r th e la st fiv e y ears . H e is base d i n M enlo P ark , S an F ra ncis c o . H e d id h is e ngin eerin g i n C om pute r S cie nce f r o m NIT N agp ur, w here h e to pped h is c la ss. H e d id h is m aste rs f r o m M IT i n B osto n, U SA . He i s o ur o nly c hild . W e a re a s im ple P unja b i f a m ily b ase d i n M um bai ( o rig in ally f r o m West D elh i) . W e w ant th e r ig ht g ir l a b ove a nyth in g e ls e , a s s h e w ill b e o ur n ew f a m ily mem ber. M y m oth er f in is h ed r e ad in g a nd r e ached f o r a g la ss o f w ate r. ‘N ot b ad , w ell- w ritte n. O pen-m in d ed a nd h o nest. S ala ry ?’ I sa id a nd p re sse d sa v e o n m y l a p to p. ‘It s a ys b etw een 1 50,0 00 to 1 75,0 00 U SD , p lu s s to ck o pti o ns. I s th at g o od?’ ‘G ood. G iv e m e th e p ho ne.’ I s a w h is p ro file p ic tu re . A le an, ta ll a nd b esp ecta cle d m an in a b eig e o verc o at s to od a gain st th e b ackd ro p o f th e G old en G ate B rid ge in S an F ra ncis c o . H e r e se m ble d S und ar P ic hai, th e C EO o f Google . G eeks h av e th eir o w n r o le m odels , I g uess. ‘H e i s h and so m e,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘H e l o oks l ik e th e s tu d ent w ho te lls o th er c hild re n to s to p ta lk in g.’ ‘A ny n o nse nse y o u s a y.’ I r e ad h is n am e. B rije sh G ula ti . ‘U gh,’ I s a id . ‘ U gh. R eje cte d . I a m n o t m arry in g s o m eo ne c alle d B rije sh G ula ti .’ ‘W hy? It’ s a n ic e n am e. G ula ti s a re P unja b is . D on’t y o u k no w th at re sta ura nt o n P and ara Road ?’ ‘E xactl y . I a m n o t m arry in g s o m eo ne w ho se n am e r e se m ble s a P unja b i r e sta ura nt.’ My m oth er s ta re d a t m e. ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘W hat n am e y o u w ant? A mita b h B achchan? A ksh ay K um ar? ’ ‘It’ s n o t th at. I t i s j u st th at h e’s j u st s o . . .’ I th o ught o f th e r ig ht w ord , ‘ ty p ic al.’ ‘I th in k y o u a re lo okin g fo r n egati v es. A nd y o u c an’t fin d a ny. S o a ll th is n am e a nd “ ty p ic al” no nse nse . T ell m e o ne p ro per th in g w ro ng?’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘E xactl y . T here ’s n o th in g w ro ng w ith h im . B ut h e d oesn ’t h av e l ik e, a ny w ow o r th rill f a cto r.’ ‘Y ou a re c ho osin g a h usb and . N ot ta kin g a n a m use m ent p ark r id e f o r th rills .’ Ah, but lo ve can be th rillin g, m om , I w ante d to sa y. L ove can m ean passio n und er th e moonlig ht o n r e m ote i s la nd s. T he th o ught o f th at n ig ht w ith N eel m ad e m e f lin ch. ‘O kay fin e,’ I s a id in a b ris k fa sh io n a nd c ho se th e ‘ a ccep t’ o pti o n. I p ut m y p ho ne a sid e. T en min ute s l a te r m y p ho ne m ad e a ‘ ti n g’ s o und . I p ic ked i t u p . ‘I d on’t b elie v e th is . H e a lr e ad y s e nt a “ H i” w ith h is S kyp e d eta ils . M om , th is is d esp era te , no ?’ ‘T his i s a g o od s ig n. I t m eans G od w ants b oth o f y o u to c o nnect,’ m y m oth er s a id . I t i s a m azin g ho w m oth ers c an j u sti fy a ny a cti o n a s d iv in e i n te rv enti o n a s l o ng a s i t s u its th em . ‘S et u p a c all,’ m y m oth er s a id i n h er m ost r o yal to ne. I ty p ed b ack a m essa ge. ‘S kyp e c all f ix ed f o r to m orro w ,’ I s a id to m y m oth er. ‘H i,’ I s a id , a s c heerfu lly a s p ossib le . O ne o f th e m ost a w kw ard m om ents in w orld h is to ry h as to b e sp eakin g to a s h o rtl is te d a rra nged m arria ge c and id ate fo r th e fir s t ti m e. I s a t in m y liv in g r o om n ear my w in d ow , o n S kyp e w ith B rije sh . ‘G ood m orn in g,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘ O r s o rry . G ood a fte rn o on.’ ‘S o I a m R ad hik a. Y ou a lr e ad y s a w m y p ro file .’ ‘Y es, I f o und i t q uite i n te re sti n g.’ ‘R eally ? W hic h p art? ’ I s a id , to e nab le m ore c o nv ers a ti o n. ‘I l ik e th at y o u h av e a g o od c are er. I n v estm ent b ankin g i s h ecti c , th o ugh, i s n ’t i t? ’ ‘It i s . B ut I a m u se d to i t n o w .’ ‘I a m s u re . A nd w hat a re y o ur i n te re sts ? ’ h e s a id . ‘I l o ve to tr a v el. I l ik e m usic . I l ik e e xp lo rin g w hic hev er c ity I l iv e i n . H ow a b out y o u?’ ‘I m ostl y w ork . B ut I l ik e w atc hin g c ric ket a nd B olly w ood m ovie s.’ Rea lly ? A n In dia n s o ftw are g uy w ho lik es w atc h in g c ric ket a nd H in di m ovie s? C an it b e more s te re o ty p ic a l? It s e em ed B rije sh h ad r e ad m y m in d . ‘Y eah, s o ty p ic al, r ig ht? C ric ket a nd B olly w ood. I a m k in d o f b orin g.’ For th e f ir s t ti m e a g uy h ad a d m itte d a w eakness to m e o n a S kyp e c all. H e was k in d o f b orin g. But u nlik e s u p er-b ore s w ho d id n’t e v en k no w th ey w ere b ore s, a t l e ast h e k new h e w as o ne. I s m ile d . ‘If I g o to s le ep o n th is c all th en I a m a fr a id y o u m ay b e r ig ht,’ I s a id . He l a ughed . ‘Y ou h av e a g o od s e nse o f h um our,’ h e s a id . ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘A ctu ally , I w atc h s o m e E nglis h m ovie s to o. H av e to d ev elo p a ta ste . Y ou c an s u ggest s o m e go od o nes to m e.’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . He c a n p ra is e a w om an’s s e n se o f h um our a nd e ven t a ke a dvic e f r o m h er— not b ad. He c o nti n ued to ta lk . ‘ I c an’t p re te nd to b e fa ke-s o phis ti c ate d . I g re w u p in N ara in a V ih ar in West D elh i a nd th en B oriv ali in M um bai. S o I d id n’t h av e m uch e xp osu re . B ut n o w I w ant to le arn more a b out th e w orld .’ ‘W ait a m in ute . D id y o u s a y y o u g re w u p i n N ara in a V ih ar? ’ ‘Y eah. W hy? I t’ s a s m all c o lo ny i n W est D elh i.’ ‘I a m f r o m N ara in a to o,’ I s a id , s u rp ris e d . ‘ H b lo ck. T hat’ s w here m y p are nts l iv e.’ ‘W hat? I w as in G b lo ck. G -4 78. M y p are nts s ti ll h av e a h o use th ere . T hey liv e in M um bai no w , o f c o urs e .’ My b ed ro om d oor o pened . M om c am e i n . ‘N ara in a?’ s h e w his p ere d , h er f a ce u nab le to c o nta in h er e xcite m ent. S he h ad p ro bab ly h ad a n ear to th e d oor a nd h eard o ur e nti r e c o nv ers a ti o n. I s h o oed h er a w ay. I s p oke to B rije sh a gain . ‘ T his is u ncanny. D id y o u s h o p f r o m M odern S to re s? ’ ‘Y es. T hat f a t u ncle w ho n ev er h ad c hange?’ h e s a id a nd b oth o f u s l a ughed . ‘A nyw ay, s o y es. I w ante d s o m eo ne w ho h as In d ia n r o ots b ut is b ette r e xp ose d to th e w orld th an I a m . Y ou h av e b een in N ew Y ork , H ong K ong a nd n o w L ond on. I fe lt y o u c o uld b e a n a sse t to me.’ I w ante d to r e je ct h im . I w ante d o ne s o lid r e aso n to d o s o . I c o uld n’t f in d i t. He ta lk ed a b out m eeti n g u p to w ard s th e e nd o f th e c all. ‘I g o f o r w ork to N ew Y ork s o m eti m es. I t’ s m id w ay b etw een L ond on a nd S an F ra ncis c o . I f o ur calls g o w ell, w ould i t b e p ossib le f o r y o u to c o m e?’ ‘L et’ s s e e,’ I s a id . ‘ S kyp e i s g o od f o r n o w . S peak s o on.’ My m oth er e nte re d th e l iv in g r o om th e s e co nd I d is c o nnecte d th e c all. ‘Y ou c an’t s n o op o n m e, m om . T his i s n o t f a ir.’ She c am e u p to m e a nd g av e m e a h ug. ‘S orry , m y b eta ,’ s h e s a id a nd k is se d m y fo re head . ‘ B ut w hat a g re at b oy. A nd N ara in a? S ee ho w S ai B ab a’s b le sse d u s? ’ 3 6 O ne m onth la te r ‘R St R egis H ote l’s c afé , N ew Y ork ad hik a, r ig ht? ’ I h eard h is v oic e a s I e nte re d . I tu rn ed to lo ok a t h im . H e w ore b eig e c hin o s a nd a b la ck tu rtl e neck, p erh ap s h is h o m age to S te v e J o bs. ‘B rije sh ?’ I s a id . W e s h o ok h and s. ‘Y eah. G ood to s e e y o u i n p ers o n,’ h e s a id , g uid in g m e to a ta b le . The o ld -w orld lu xury c afé h ad h ig h c eilin gs a nd c o lo nia l- e ra fu rn itu re . A s a xo pho ne p la yer and a p ia nis t p la yed i n o ne c o rn er. We o rd ere d te a f o r tw o. A w aite r b ro ught u s te a o n a ti e re d s ilv er tr a y o f g o odie s— sc o nes, j a m , c lo tte d c re am , c akes, min i c ucum ber s a nd w ic hes a nd c ho co la te s. ‘A fte rn o on te a w as a gre at id ea. E very th in g lo oks lo vely ,’ B rije sh sa id . H e to ok a fe w sa nd w ic hes a nd p la ced th em o n h is p la te . ‘G la d y o u l ik e i t,’ I s a id . I w ore o ffic e a tti r e , a g re y s u it, p artl y b ecause I h ad g o ne to th e 8 5 B ro ad S tr e et o ffic e e arlie r to m eet Jo nath an and C ra ig . M ostl y , I w ore it b ecause m y m oth er had to ld m e no t to . S he had in str u cte d m e to w ear a m agenta s a lw ar-k am eez a nd d anglin g g o ld e arrin gs. I to ld h er I w ould n’t g o to N ew Y ork lo okin g lik e I a m a p art o f a B ais a khi c ele b ra ti o ns’ tr o up e. In fa ct, I w ante d to b e a s dra b a nd r e al a s p ossib le . B rije sh c o uld s e e m e a s I w as a nd r e je ct m e i f h e w ante d to . ‘W hen i s y o ur f lig ht b ack?’ B rije sh s a id . ‘9 .3 0,’ I s a id . ‘ I h av e to l e av e f o r th e a ir p ort a t 7 .3 0.’ We h ad f o ur-a nd -a -h alf h o urs to d ecid e i f w e w ante d to b e to geth er f o r th e r e st o f o ur l iv es. ‘S o w ho ta lk s f ir s t? ’ h e s a id . ‘U su ally I d o,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘O h. I w ould a ctu ally p re fe r th at. T ell m e a b out y o urs e lf.’ I to ld h im th e s to ry o f m y life fr o m m y c hild ho od u nti l n o w . I c o vere d e v ery th in g, a p art fr o m Deb u a nd N eel. ‘S o I h av e b een in L ond on fo r s ix m onth s. P are nts n o w w ould lik e it if I c o uld s e ttl e d ow n. Gosh , d oesn ’t th at s o und s o l a m e?’ I s a id , e nd in g m y s to ry . ‘W hat? T he te rm “ se ttl e d ow n”?’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah. O nly in In d ia d o w e u se th at p hra se . S ettl e d ow n, lik e in se d im enta ti o n e v ery th in g se ttl e s d ow n. D on’t m ove a nym ore . N o r is k , n o e xcite m ent.’ He l a ughed . ‘O ur p are nts v alu ed s e curity o ver e v ery th in g e ls e . In th eir ti m e jo bs w ere fe w , s o y o u b ette r gra b o ne a nd s e ttl e d ow n. E ls e y o u w ould b e o n th e r o ad ,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘S o tr u e,’ I s a id . ‘E ven I h av e s e ttl e d d ow n i n a j o b,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘R eally ? Y ou a re w ith F aceb ook. I s n ’t i t o ne o f th e m ost f u n c o m panie s to w ork f o r? ’ ‘S ee, th at’ s th e th in g. E very o ne th in ks I a m i n th is a m azin g c o m pany. H ow c o uld I e v en th in k o f le av in g i t? ’ ‘D o y o u l ik e y o ur j o b?’ ‘W ork i s c halle ngin g. M oney i s g o od.’ ‘S o th en?’ ‘S om eti m es I w ond er. . .th ere is s o m uch h ap penin g in th e te ch w orld . C an’t I s ta rt s o m eth in g of m y o w n?’ ‘O f c o urs e y o u c an.’ He lo oked h ap py a t m y e nco ura gem ent. H e to ld m e s o m e m ore a b out h is life . H e g re w u p in Nara in a f o r th e f ir s t c o up le o f y ears , a fte r w hic h h is p are nts m oved to M um bai. H is f a th er w ork ed i n In d ia n O il. B rije sh w ante d to g et in to IIT , b ut c o uld n’t m ake it d esp ite tw o tr ie s. H e sa id it w as because h e w as d is tr a cte d . H e j o in ed N IT , to pped th e c la ss a nd w ent to M IT f o r h ig her s tu d ie s. ‘A nd th en a ty p ic al I T j o b. T hat’ s m e,’ B rije sh s a id . I s m ile d . W e f in is h ed o ur te a. T he w aite r a rriv ed w ith th e b ill. It w as 5 .3 0; w e h ad tw o m ore h o urs . ‘L et’ s ta ke a w alk i n C entr a l P ark ,’ I s u ggeste d . We e nte re d C entr a l P ark o n 5 9th S tr e et, w ith th e A pple s to re o n m y r ig ht. T he g re en tr e es a nd gra ss a ro und m ad e u s f o rg et w e w ere i n o ne o f th e b usie st c iti e s o f th e w orld . I th o ught o f D eb u. H is offic e w as l e ss th an a m ile a w ay. ‘Y ou s e em l o st. W ork ?’ h e s a id . ‘N o, i t’ s j u st. . .N ew Y ork b rin gs b ack m em orie s.’ We w alk ed i n th e d ir e cti o n o f th e C entr a l P ark Z oo. ‘G ood m em orie s o r b ad m em orie s? ’ B rije sh s a id . ‘M ix ed ,’ I s a id . ‘ M ostl y g o od, th o ugh.’ We r e ached th e z o o a nd b ought tw o ti c kets . W e s a w th e h ig hlig ht, a p air o f b ab y g riz zly b ears , born j u st s ix w eeks a go . ‘T hey a re s o c ute ,’ I s a id , a s th e tw o c ub s, n o b ig ger th an r a b bits , s le p t o n th eir m oth er’s b ack. ‘Y ou lik e k id s? ’ B rije sh s a id . M y h eart b eat fa st. T he k id s-a nd -m oth er q uesti o n h ad m ad e m e lo se m en i n th e p ast. Did h e m ea n, d o I l ik e k id s i n g en era l? O r d id h e m ea n, w ould I l ik e k id s w ith him ? M y m in d w ent i n to o verd riv e, i m agin in g l ittl e i n fa nts w ith n erd y g la sse s, w ork in g o n F aceb ook se rv ers . ‘H uh, k id s? ’ I c am e b ack to re ality . ‘Y eah, I d o lik e c hild re n. N ev er th o ught I w ould b ut a t so m e p oin t I d o w ant to h av e m essy, n aughty k id s.’ ‘M e to o,’ h e s a id . We c am e o ut o f th e z o o a nd w alk ed f u rth er n o rth . We r e ached th e f a m ous B eth esd a f o unta in , l o cate d a t th e e d ge o f T he L ake. W e s a t o n th e s te p s and w atc hed d ucks w ith th eir d ucklin gs s w im in littl e g ro up s. T he s u n h ad d im med , a nd th e w ate r re fle cte d th e e v enin g s k y. We s a t i n s ile nce f o r f iv e m in ute s b efo re I s p oke a gain . ‘B rije sh , w e s p oke a b out s e v era l th in gs. W e d id n’t ta lk a b out o ur p ast r e la ti o nsh ip s,’ I s a id . ‘B oyfr ie nd s a nd g ir lfr ie nd s, th at s o rt o f s tu ff.’ ‘O h,’ h e s a id . ‘Y es. S ho uld w e o r n o t? W e d on’t k no w e ach o th er s o w ell y et,’ I s a id . ‘B ut i s n ’t th at th e p oin t? A nyw ay, b ette r to d is c uss s u ch th in gs.’ ‘Y eah. S o, y o u’v e h ad r e la ti o nsh ip s? ’ I s a id . He tu rn ed h is g aze a w ay f r o m th e d ucks a nd l o oked i n to m y e yes. ‘O nly o ne,’ h e s a id . ‘O h, th e s p ecia l o ne.’ ‘I d on’t k no w . It w as a lo ng ti m e a go . I to ld y o u I w as d is tr a cte d d urin g m y IIT p re p ara ti o n, rig ht? ’ ‘Y eah.’ ‘S he w as i n m y c o achin g c la sse s.’ ‘O kay,’ I s a id . ‘ A g ir lfr ie nd ?’ ‘I lik ed h er fo r r o ughly tw o y ears . S he lik ed m e to o. U nfo rtu nate ly w e e xp re sse d o ur fe elin gs to o l a te . W e o nly d ate d f o r tw o m onth s.’ ‘M eanin g?’ ‘H er f a th er to ok u p a j o b i n S aud i A ra b ia . S he m oved th ere w ith h er f a m ily .’ ‘I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s o kay,’ h e s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘ It w as a l o ng ti m e a go .’ ‘H ow a b out y o u?’ h e s a id . ‘ Y ou h av e h ad r e la ti o nsh ip s? ’ ‘N oth in g in In d ia . I d id h av e a r e la ti o nsh ip in N ew Y ork a nd , w ell, I d on’t k no w w hat to c all it, b ut s o m eth in g i n H ong K ong. S o y eah. T w o. O r o ne a nd a h alf.’ ‘O h,’ h e s a id , s o m ew hat s u rp ris e d . ‘Y eah. I d id . G od, I f e el l ig hte r te llin g y o u th at. I d on’t k no w w hy b ut I d o.’ He s m ile d . ‘It’ s o ver, th o ugh. B oth o f th em e nd ed . A l o ng ti m e a go ,’ I s a id . ‘D id i t h urt w hen th ey e nd ed ?’ h e s a id . ‘Y es, i t d id ,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d , ‘ b ut I a m o kay n o w .’ He d id n o t p ro be f u rth er. ‘W ould y o u l ik e to k no w a nyth in g m ore ?’ I s a id . ‘N ot r e ally . O nly i f a nd w hen y o u w ant to te ll m e,’ h e s a id . We l o oked a t th e d ucks a gain . He s p oke a fte r a f e w m in ute s. ‘ S o w hat d o y o u th in k? A bout u s? ’ Did h e w ant a d ecis io n f r o m m e? A fte r o ne a fte rn oon t e a a nd o ne w alk i n t h e p ark ? I s t h at how a rra nged m arria ges w ork ? W hat s h ould I d o? I th o ught b efo re I s p oke. ‘B rije sh , I d id l ik e m eeti n g y o u. B ut th is i s s u ch a b ig d ecis io n, r ig ht? ’ ‘O f c o urs e . T ake y o ur ti m e. G o b ack. T hin k. R efle ct.’ ‘I w ill. S ho uld w e w alk o ut o f th e p ark s o I c an c all a n U ber to th e a ir p ort? ’ I s a id . ‘Y ou w on’t g et s u ch a g o od m atc h a gain a nd a gain . H e is U S-b ase d . Y ou c an e asily g et a tr a nsfe r to his c ity . H e m akes g o od m oney. H e h as s h are s. Y ou s a y h e is s w eet. R eally , b eta , I c an’t fin d y o u anyth in g b ette r th an th is .’ My m oth er, b ack i n I n d ia n o w , h ad c alle d m e d urin g m y l u nch b re ak i n th e o ffic e. ‘B ut m om . . .’ ‘T he G ula ti s h av e c alle d tw ic e.’ ‘I n eed ti m e to th in k.’ ‘N o p rin ce o n a h o rs e w ill c o m e. C erta in ly n o t th ro ugh s h aad i.c o m .’ ‘I d id n’t s a y I w ant a p rin ce.’ ‘S o c o m e d ow n to e arth . W hat d o y o u k no w a b out m en a nyw ay?’ Ye a h, w hat d o I k n ow , I th o ught. I f I d id , I w ould h ave m ade t h em s tic k a ro und, r ig ht? I r e m ain ed s ile nt. I l ik ed h im . I c o uld s a y y es. M ayb e n o t a n ‘ o h m y G od w ow ’ ty p e y es, b ut a t l e ast ‘ th ere ’s n o re aso n to s a y n o ’ k in d o f y es. S ti ll, I w ante d to b e c auti o us. ‘It’ s o kay, m om . W hate v er. O kay, i f y o u g uys l ik e h im th en y eah, i t’ s a y es.’ ‘R eally ?’ ‘Y eah.’ I s ig hed . ‘It’ s a y es! A diti ’s p ap a, a re y o u th ere ? M ub ara k,’ I h eard h er s c re am . It d ro w ned o ut e v ery th in g— my v oic e, r e aso n a nd d oub ts . I, R ad hik a M ehta , w as g o in g to g et marrie d . Congra tu la tio ns, R adhik a , I w his p ere d to m yse lf a fte r I h ung u p th e p ho ne. ‘ H 3 7 ey, y o u a re h ere ,’ N eel’s v oic e b ro ught m e b ack to m y p re se nt re ality . W av es c o nti n ued to s p la sh o n th e b each o uts id e. H e p la ced h is h and o n m y s h o uld er. ‘C om e, l e t’ s s it a nd ta lk .’ I b ru sh ed h is h and a sid e a nd tu rn ed to h im . ‘N eel, I n eed to g o . I r e ally s h o uld ,’ I s a id . M y c o usin s w ould s o on s ta rt lo okin g fo r m e fo r s a ngeet p ra cti c e. ‘G iv e m e fiv e m in ute s. I n eed to te ll y o u s o m eth in g,’ h e s a id . H e h ad a la rg e b ro w n e nv elo pe i n h is h and . W e s a t d ow n o n th e c ho co la te -b ro w n s o fa . ‘L et m e ta lk , o kay?’ h e s a id . ‘S ure ,’ I s a id , m y g aze a w ay f r o m h im . ‘A nd l o ok a t m e, p le ase ,’ h e s a id . I tu rn ed to h im . T he s a m e s p ark ly e yes, b eauti fu l f a ce a nd c his e lle d f e atu re s. I c o uld s e e w hy I h ad l o ved h im . ‘I w ant to s a y th re e th in gs,’ h e s a id . ‘I’ m l is te nin g,’ I s a id . ‘B ut b efo re th at, m ay I j u st s a y o ne e xtr a th in g? Y ou l o ok n ic e i n th is w hite s a lw ar-k am eez.’ ‘T his ? W ell, th anks. I t’ s f o r th e s a ngeet p ra cti c e.’ ‘I h av e n ev er s e en y o u i n I n d ia n c lo th es.’ ‘R eally ?’ I sa id . O f c o urs e h e h ad n’t. H e h ad o nly se en m e in w ork c lo th es o r, w ell, n o c lo th es. ‘In d ia n c lo th es s u it y o u. Y ou l o ok l ik e a l ittl e f a ir y .’ I d on’t k n ow w hy h e ta lk s lik e th is . W orse , I d on’t k n ow w hy it s till fe els s o g ood w hen h e t a lk s l ik e t h is . ‘Y ou c am e h ere f o r th is ? T o c o m ment o n m y s a lw ar-k am eez? ’ ‘N o, n o . T hat i s j u st a s id e o bse rv ati o n.’ ‘T alk a b out w hat y o u c am e f o r.’ ‘O ne, R ad hik a, I a m r e ally , r e ally s o rry . F or h o w th in gs e nd ed b etw een u s. I a m ju st a n id io t. A to ta l i d io t.’ ‘W ell, w e p arte d w ays, I m oved to L ond on. E nd o f s to ry ,’ I s a id a nd l e t o ut a d eep b re ath . ‘Y eah, I n ev er c o nsid ere d th at th e s to ry c o uld e nd d iffe re ntl y . T here w ere o th er o pti o ns.’ ‘It’ s h is to ry . L eav e i t, N eel.’ ‘W ell, I c an’t l e av e i t. S in ce y o u l e ft, I h av e m is se d y o u e v ery s in gle d ay. I c an’t e v en b ear to p ass y o ur c ub ic le . E very b it o f H ong K ong, e v ery b usin ess tr ip r e m in d s m e o f y o u. I a m fille d w ith pain e v ery ti m e th e ta xi p asse s O ld P eak R oad .’ ‘T here a re o th er r o ute s to y o ur h o use , I a m s u re ,’ I s a id . He l o oked a t m e. I s ta re d b ack. ‘I a m s o rry , R ad hik a. I l o ved y o u. S o m uch. Y ou w ere th e b est th in g to e v er h ap pen to m e. O r ev er w ill. S m art, y o ung, b eauti fu l, c o m pati b le a nd s u ccessfu l. I h ad y o u. Y ou l o ved m e. A nd w hat d id I d o w ith i t? N oth in g.’ I d id n’t r e sp ond . ‘I m ad e th e b ig gest m is ta ke o f m y l ife . I r e ally d id ,’ h e s a id . Now , w here e ls e h ad I h ea rd t h at l in e r e cen tly ? He p la ced th e b ro w n e nv elo pe o n th e ta b le . H e c la sp ed h is h and s a nd lifte d th em in fr o nt o f me. ‘I k no w y o u d on’t b elie v e m e. B ut o nly I k no w th e h ell I w ent th ro ugh a fte r y o u le ft. T hat is why I a m h ere .’ ‘I b elie v e y o u, N eel. I m is se d y o u to o. H ow ev er, w e c o uld n’t d o a nyth in g a b out it, r ig ht? S o yeah, w hat’ s th e p oin t o f y o u b ein g h ere ?’ ‘F or th e s e co nd th in g I a m g o in g to te ll y o u.’ He p ic ked u p th e b ro w n e nv elo pe. H e p ulle d o ut a s e t o f A 4-s iz e d s h eets . T he f ir s t p age h ad a sta m p p ap er. ‘I a m l e av in g K usu m . T hese a re th e d ocum ents ,’ h e s a id . I f e lt d iz zy. T he s u ite s p un a ro und m e. H e g av e m e th e p ap ers i n m y h and . H e a nd K usu m h ad file d f o r a m utu al c o nse nt d iv orc e a t th e H ong K ong F am ily C ourt. M y h and b egan to tr e m ble . I p ut th e d iv orc e d ocum ents o n th e ta b le . ‘W hy?’ I s a id . ‘ Yo u a re a sk in g m e w hy?’ h e s a id . ‘ Yo u , o f a ll p eo ple ?’ ‘Y ou h ad a p erfe ct f a m ily .’ ‘If I d id , w hy d id w e h av e w hat w e h ad ?’ I k ep t s ile nt. H is e yes b ecam e w et. ‘W hat a b out th e k id s? ’ ‘W e p la n to c o -p are nt. S hare c usto dy.’ ‘W hat d id K usu m s a y?’ ‘N ot h ap py, o f c o urs e . H ow ev er, s h e g ets it. S he k new s o m eth in g w as a m is s in o ur m arria ge. We h ad g ro w n to o f a r a p art.’ ‘W hat w ill s h e d o?’ I s a id . I d on’t k no w w hy I h ad s u ch c o ncern f o r h is e x-w ife . ‘S he w ill f ig ure i t o ut. F in ancia lly , s h e i s m ore th an o kay. I g av e h er h alf o f w hate v er I h ad . N o questi o ns a sk ed . I n r e tu rn , s h e a gre ed to c o -p are nti n g a nd m utu al c o nse nt.’ I c o uld n’t b elie v e I w as d is c ussin g a d iv orc e a t m y w ed din g v enue. Neel c o nti n ued , ‘I a m s o rry , I w ill s k ip th e d eta ils . T he p oin t is ,’ h e s a id a nd e xhale d , ‘m y marria ge i s o ver.’ ‘I a m s o rry , N eel,’ I s a id . ‘It’ s o kay,’ h e s a id a nd m assa ged h is te m ple s. ‘ It h ad to h ap pen. S ho uld h av e h ap pened lo ng ago .’ I c hecked m y p ho ne. I h ad m is se d c alls f r o m tw o o f m y c o usin s. ‘I h o pe y o u a re o kay. I n eed to g o n o w . Y ou h ad s o m eth in g e ls e to s a y? T he th ir d th in g?’ I s a id . ‘Y es. T here ’s a s m all p la ne w aiti n g a t th e D ab olim a ir p ort.’ ‘Y our c harte re d f lig ht? ’ ‘Y eah, R ad hik a,’ h e s a id a nd l e aned f o rw ard to h o ld m y h and . ‘ O ur f lig ht.’ ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . I d id n’t w ith d ra w m y h and . I j u st g av e a q uic k g la nce to c o nfir m th e d oor w as sh ut. ‘I k no w th is w ill b e a h uge m ess f o r y o u. Y our e nti r e f a m ily i s h ere . T here a re h uge e xp ense s. But h ear m e o ut.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘I w ill c ut a c heq ue r ig ht n o w , a t th e h o te l lo bby. I w ill p ay fo r e v ery th in g y o ur fa m ily o r th e gro om ’s s id e s p ent fo r th is w ed din g. S o fin ancia lly , it’ s a n o n-is su e. Y ou ju st c o m e w ith m e, a nd w e fly a w ay o n th e p la ne. T o H ong K ong. T o w here v er, a ctu ally .’ ‘N eel, a re y o u k id din g m e?’ ‘N o. I m ean i t. I h av e w aste d to o m uch ti m e. I h av e o ver-a naly se d , tr e ate d o ur l o ve l ik e i t w as a f in ancia l d eal. I t d oesn ’t w ork l ik e th at. Y ou h av e to d o th ese th in gs f r o m h ere .’ He to uched h is c hest to i n d ic ate h is h eart. ‘Y ou w ant m e to e lo pe w ith y o u?’ I s a id , s ti ll a b so rb in g h is p ro posa l- c um -p la n. ‘Y ou c an ta lk to y o ur fa m ily . I c an m eet th em a s w ell. W hen w e r e ach H ong K ong w e c an g et marrie d .’ ‘W hat i f I d on’t w ant to b e i n H ong K ong?’ Neel b ecam e q uie t f o r a f e w s e co nd s. ‘It w ould b e n ic e if w e c an b e th ere fo r a w hile ,’ h e fin ally s a id . ‘ M y k id s a re th ere . B ut if it both ers y o u w e c an m ove to a no th er c ity . I w ill c o m mute . S ee th em f r o m ti m e to ti m e.’ I lo oked a t h im se arc hin gly . I k new h im w ell e no ugh to te ll h e w asn ’t ly in g. N eel G up ta , partn er a t G old m an S achs, n ev er u tte re d a w ord if h e d id n’t m ean it. I k ep t m y g aze o n h im fo r a min ute . ‘S ay s o m eth in g,’ h e s a id . ‘W hat a m I s u p pose d to s a y? I h av e to d ance to c hitti y an k ala iy an n o w .’ ‘W hat’ s th at? ’ ‘A B olly w ood s o ng. F or m y s a ngeet.’ ‘W ait, th at’ s P unja b i, r ig ht? W hat d oes i t m ean?’ ‘F air -c o m ple xio ned w ris ts , w hite w ris ts , a ctu ally ,’ I s a id . ‘O f c o urs e , i t’ s I n d ia . H as to b e w hite . S o y o u d ancin g a nd a ll? W ith a ll th o se h ip m oves? ’ h e sa id . I n o dded . Both o f u s la ughed . F or a m om ent it fe lt lik e o ld ti m es, w hen h e a nd I w ould c hat o ver bre akfa st a t th e G old m an c afé . ‘L ook, I d on’t w ant to d eny u s a c ele b ra ti o n. W e c an d o a c o urt m arria ge n o w in H ong K ong. Late r, w hen th e d ust s e ttl e s, w e c an h av e o ur o w n b ig fa t In d ia n w ed din g. O ne in In d ia a nd o ne in Lond on, f o r m y f o lk s.’ I r e aliz e d h e h ad n’t l e t g o o f m y h and . H e s lid o ff th e s o fa a nd k nelt d ow n. H e l ifte d m y h and and k is se d i t. ‘M y b eauti fu l In d ia n p rin cess, ra th er I sh o uld sa y sm art, a naly ti c ally so und a nd e xtr e m ely beauti fu l I n d ia n p rin cess, w ill y o u m arry m e?’ My h eart b eat fa st. N eel, u natta in ab le c ru sh o f m ost G old m an g ir ls w ho h ad m et h im , th e m an who m I l o ved , w as i n f r o nt o f m e o n h is k nees. ‘P le ase , p rin cess, s a y y es,’ h e s a id . My p ho ne r a ng. I w ante d a d is ru p ti o n to a v oid a nsw erin g N eel. I p ic ked u p th e c all w ith o ut lo okin g a t th e c alle r i d . ‘O ne s e c, N eel,’ I s a id . ‘B ab y, w here a re y o u?’ D eb u’s v oic e o n th e o th er s id e m ad e m e j u m p. ‘H ey, I g o t to c all y o u b ack,’ I s a id . ‘O kay l is te n, I c alle d h o m e a nd . . .’ ‘T alk to y o u l a te r,’ I s a id a nd h ung u p . ‘A ll f in e?’ N eel s a id , s ti ll o n h is k nees. I n o dded . He l ifte d m y h and u p a gain . ‘R ad hik a M ehta , I l o ve y o u a nd w ill a lw ays d o. W ill y o u m arry m e?’ I p ulle d m y h and b ack. I s m acked m y f o re head . ‘F uck, N eel. R eally , f u ck,’ I s a id . ‘W hat, R ad hik a?’ ‘Y ou h ad to d o a ll th is n o w ? W here w ere y o u i n H ong K ong, w hen I l a y s ile ntl y c ry in g i n b ed next to y o u?’ ‘Y ou w ere c ry in g? I c o uld n’t h ear.’ ‘S ile ntl y c ry in g. A nd y o u s a id I a m n o t th e m arria ge ty p e. W hat w as th at? I a m n o t m eant to b e a m oth er? ’ ‘I f r e aked o ut. I d id n’t w ant w hat w e h ad to e nd . I c o uld n’t f ig ure o ut h o w to k eep y o u.’ I s to od u p . ‘H ow d id y o u fig ure it o ut n o w ?’ I s a id , o r r a th er s c re am ed , a nd p oin te d to th e p ap ers . ‘ D id yo u e v en s u ggest a ny s u ch o pti o ns th en? I w as th e y o ung V P a t w ork y o u s le p t w ith . T hat’ s a ll I c o uld be, r ig ht? ’ ‘I u nd ers ta nd y o u a re u p se t. I d id n’t tr e at y o u r ig ht.’ ‘I c am e to re sig n. It d id n’t m atte r to y o u. T he b est y o u c o uld d o w as to a rra nge a tr a nsfe r. Wow .’ ‘W hy d id n’t y o u s h o ut a t m e th en?’ ‘H uh?’ I s a id , tw is ti n g m y d up atta ’s e d ge. ‘Y ou c o uld h av e to ld m e th at w hat I w as d oin g w as w ro ng.’ ‘Y ou h ad a f a m ily . W hat a m I s u p pose d to s a y to y o u? “ L et’ s b e to geth er. L eav e y o ur w ife a nd littl e k id s” ?’ ‘I w is h y o u h ad ,’ h e s a id i n a b le ak v oic e. I p aced u p a nd d ow n h is s u ite a f e w ti m es. H e s a t th ere , s ti ll o n h is k nees. ‘S it o n th e s o fa , N eel. T here i s n o n eed to b e s o d ra m ati c .’ He c o m plie d a nd s a t b ack o n th e s o fa . ‘F in e. N ot d ra m ati c , b ut b e p ra gm ati c ,’ h e s a id . ‘T his i s s o s tu p id , N eel. R eally , I e xp ecte d b ette r f r o m y o u.’ ‘S o I a cte d l a te . I s th at w hat y o ur a nger i s a b out? G o a head , y ell a t m e.’ ‘T hat’ s n o t th e p oin t.’ ‘I m is se d y o u e v ery d ay. I d id n’t c o nta ct y o u. B ut I d id w hat I h ad to d o w ith m y life . T hen I heard a b out y o ur w ed din g a nd it w as n o w o r n ev er. S o I c am e h ere . T o ta ke y o u a w ay. W ith m e. Fore v er.’ He w alk ed u p to m e. H e h eld m y s h o uld ers w ith b oth h and s. ‘N eel, j u st s to p,’ I s a id . ‘F in e, h it m e. S la p m e. Y ou d id it o nce. D o it a gain . A s m any ti m es a s y o u w ant. B ut c o m e with m e.’ I f e lt h is b re ath o n m y f a ce. H e h ad R alp h L aure n’s R om ance o n, th e s a m e p erfu m e h e u se d to wear w hen h e c am e to b ed w ith m e. ‘L eav e m e, N eel,’ I s a id , e v en th o ugh I d id n’t m ake a ny e ffo rt to e xtr a ct m yse lf f r o m h is g rip . He h eld m y s h o uld ers ti g hte r. ‘I s a id l e av e m e,’ I s a id , m y v oic e b re akin g. I s ta rte d to c ry . Radhik a , w hat i s w ith y o u a nd y o ur t e a r t a ps? ‘S hh,’ h e s a id , ‘ e no ugh n o w . I t’ s o kay. I a m h ere n o w . I t’ s a ll g o in g to b e f in e.’ He p la ced h is h and o n th e b ack o f m y h ead . H e p ush ed m y h ead fo rw ard u nti l m y fo re head re ste d o n h is c hest. H e d id n’t tr y a nd k is s m e. H e ju st p atte d m y h ead a c o up le o f ti m es. H e b ro ught his m outh c lo se to m y e ar a nd w his p ere d , ‘ I w ill b e h ere , in th is r o om . T he p ilo t is w aiti n g fo r m y in str u cti o ns. Y ou c alm d ow n. G o b ack a nd th in k. I t’ s a l o t f o r y o u to ta ke i n . I w ill w ait u nti l y o u g iv e th e g o -a head . T hen w e w ill d o w hat w e h av e to .’ I n o dded . I l ifte d m y h ead . ‘I n eed to g o . I r e ally d o,’ I s a id . I r a ced d ow n th e h o te l c o rrid or, m y m in d r a cin g a m illio n ti m es fa ste r th an m y s te p s. A t th e fu ncti o n ro om e ntr a nce, I f o und D eb u. ‘D eb u!’ I s a id , l o okin g a ro und to e nsu re n o body s a w u s. ‘ W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?’ ‘B ab y, I tr ie d c allin g y o u s o m any ti m es. Y ou d on’t p ic k u p .’ I c o uld n’t ta lk to h im h ere . A nyo ne f r o m m y o r B rije sh ’s f a m ily c o uld w alk i n a nyti m e. I s a w a sta ff d oor n ear th e f u ncti o n r o om . I p ush ed i t o pen. D eb u a nd I e nte re d th e k itc hen a re a o f th e h o te l. ‘Y ou c an’t l a nd u p h ere l ik e th is ,’ I s a id . ‘I h ad n o c ho ic e. I th o ught y o u w ould b e a t th e s a ngeet p ra cti c e. I d id n’t s e e y o u th ere .’ A c hef n ext to u s f r ie d a k ilo o f o nio ns o n f u ll h eat. ‘Y ou w ent i n ?’ I s a id , a ghast. ‘I p re te nd ed to b e l o st. A no th er g uest i n th e h o te l.’ ‘N ev er d o th at a gain , o kay?’ ‘S orry . W e o nly h av e o ne m ore d ay, R ad hik a. I c alle d to te ll y o u I s p oke to m y p are nts .’ ‘A bout w hat? ’ ‘A bout u s. A bout e v ery th in g w e h ad . A nd th e s itu ati o n w e a re i n n o w . I h ad a tw o-h o ur c all.’ ‘D eb u, I a m n o t e xaggera ti n g th is . B ut m y h ead i s a b ig m ess a nd m ig ht e xp lo de r ig ht n o w .’ My p ho ne r a ng— my m oth er w as c allin g. ‘I h av e to ta ke th is ,’ I s a id . M y m oth er s h o ute d a t m e a s s o on a s I p ic ked u p th e c all. ‘A re y o u m ad ? W here h av e y o u d is a p peare d ? Y our c o usin s a re lo okin g fo r y o u a ll o ver th e ho te l.’ ‘I a m h ere o nly ,’ I s a id . ‘W here ?’ ‘In th e to ile t.’ ‘W hy a re y o u ta kin g s o lo ng? Is y o ur s to m ach o kay? E at c are fu lly , d on’t g et lo ose m oti o ns o n yo ur w ed din g d ay. Y ou n eed m ed ic in e?’ ‘M om , I a m f in e. T w o m in ute s. O kay, b ye.’ I h ung u p a nd l o oked a t D eb u. ‘Y ou h eard th at? ’ I s a id . ‘ S ee h o w e v ery o ne i s l o okin g f o r m e?’ ‘I a m s o rry . A nyw ay, m y p are nts p ro te ste d a lo t, b ut I c o nv in ced th em . T hey w ant to c o m e here .’ ‘P le ase , D eb u.’ ‘I j u st n eed y o ur d ecis io n. I a m y o ur f ir s t l o ve, R ad hik a. F ir s t a nd o nly . Y ou d on’t e v en k no w th is g uy y o u a re g etti n g m arrie d to .’ I h ave m ore c h oic es n ow , I w ante d to te ll h im . ‘W hat d o y o u w ant m e to s a y?’ I s a id i n ste ad . I tr ie d to w alk p ast h im . H e b lo cked m e w ith h is a rm . ‘S to p th is w ed din g. T ell y o ur p are nts . I w ill c o m e w ith y o u. I t’ s n o w o r n ev er.’ ‘C an I ,’ I s a id a nd p ause d , ‘ c an I th in k a b out th is , D eb u? R eally ? I h av e p ra cti c e n o w .’ ‘Y eah,’ h e s a id a nd l o w ere d h is h and . ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘I w ill l o ve y o u u nti l th e l a st d ay o f m y l ife ,’ h e s a id f r o m b ehin d m e. ‘ F 3 8 ocus, R ad hik a m ad am . Y our fe et a re n o t m atc hin g th e b eat,’ M ic key, th e c ho re o gra p her, s a id to m e. T ho ugh h e w as ti c kin g m e o ff f o r th e f ifte enth ti m e h e h ad r e m ark ab le p ati e nce i n h is v oic e. I n h is p la ce, I w ould h av e s la p ped m y s tu d ent. ‘N eith er d o I h av e c hitti y an k ala iy an i n r e al l ife , n o r c an I d o th e s te p s f o r c hitti y an k ala iy an,’ I s a id . He p la yed th e o rig in al s o ng w ith J a cq uelin e F ern and es o n th e L E D s c re en b ehin d th e s ta ge. M y s ix c o usin s w ho h ad to d ance w ith m e h ad m aste re d e ach m ove d ow n p at. I c o uld n’t k eep u p b eyo nd f iv e s te p s. I c o uld n’t h ear th e l y ric s o r M ic key’s i n str u cti o ns. I o nly h eard th e f o llo w in g i n m y e ars : Deb u. N eel. B rije sh . Deb u. N eel. B rije sh . I h eard ‘I lo ve y o us’ in D eb u’s a nd N eel’s v oic es. I h eard B rije sh sa yin g h e w ants to g o a p artm ent- h unti n g in S an F ra ncis c o . I h eard N eel ta lk in g a b out th e w aiti n g p la ne. I im agin ed D eb u’s B engali p are nts p ackin g th eir b ags a lo ng w ith th eir m onkey c ap s a nd b uyin g ra sg ulla ti n s fo r th eir G oa tr ip . Mic key p ause d a nd r e p la yed th e s o ng f o r th e s ix te enth ti m e. ‘O ne-tw o-th re e, R ad hik a m ad am , s ta rt,’ h e s a id . Chittiy a n k a la iy a n v e, o m eri c h ittiy a an k a la iy a n v e. Chittiy a n k a la iy a n v e, o m eri w hite k a la iy a n v e. I tr ie d to d ance. T he i m age o f N eel m akin g l o ve to m e o n th e P hilip pin es i s la nd f la sh ed i n m y h ead . It s w itc hed to D eb u a nd m e s itti n g in o ur T rib eca a p artm ent a nd w atc hin g T V to geth er. I c am e b ack to r e ality , a nd tr ie d to r e m em ber th e s te p s. ‘M ad am , a gain y o u a re m is sin g th e b eat. W hat i s h ap penin g? C ut, c ut. R esta rt.’ Thre e m ore a tte m pts fo r R ad hik a th e w obbly -to ed b rid e. W ell, tu rn s o ut I su cked a t th ese a tte m pts to o. Fin ally , M ic key s to pped th e m usic . ‘O nly R ad hik a m a’a m n o w . C ousin s, p le ase le av e sta ge,’ h e sa id . H e m eant b usin ess. H e p la yed th e s o ng a gain . I c am e to th e m id dle o f th e s ta ge. I n th e f ir s t s ta nza , I h ad to l ift m y w ris ts to m y f a ce a nd m ove m y e yes. I n ste ad , I s to od s ti ll. M y l e gs f e lt w eak. I d ro pped to m y k nees. I s a nk o n to t h e s ta ge flo or a nd b urs t in to te ars . I c rie d lo ud e no ugh to m ake th e c ho re o gra p her c o m e r u nnin g to m e. H e f e are d h e w ould l o se h is j o b. ‘S orry , m ad am . I a m s o rry . W e d on’t h av e to d o th is d ance.’ It w asn ’t th e d ance. I t w as th e th o ughts th at d anced i n m y h ead . W hat o n e arth w as I s u p pose d to d o? ‘M ad am , I c hange s o ng? R om anti c s o ng? Aash iq ui 2 ? “ T um h i h o ”? J u st w alk a ro und lo okin g sa d . E asy. T ry ?’ I s h o ok m y h ead . M y c o usin s r a n u p to th e s ta ge a nd s u rro und ed m e. ‘W hat h ap pened , d id i? ’ S w eety s a id . ‘N oth in g,’ I s a id . ‘ I a m s o u se le ss. I c an’t g et th ese s tu p id s te p s.’ ‘D id i, I c an b e th e c entr e g ir l,’ S w eety s a id . ‘H ow c an y o u b e th e c entr e g ir l? A re y o u th e b rid e o r w hat? Id io t,’ P in ky, a no th er s e co nd co usin o f m in e, s a id . My m oth er c am e u p to u s. ‘W hat i s h ap penin g?’ s h e s a id to m e. I s to od u p . I g av e h er a ti g ht h ug. I c rie d a gain . S he p atte d m y b ack. ‘C alm d ow n, m y b iti y a. E very g ir l h as to l e av e h er p are nts ’ h o m e o ne d ay.’ Sure , th at’s w hat s h e th ought th is w as. I a m c ry in g a t th e th ought o f le a vin g h om e. N ever min d I h ave n ot l iv ed a t h om e f o r y ea rs a nyw ay. ‘G iv e h er a b re ak. S he w ill d o i t i n a f e w h o urs ,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘B ut, m ad am , s a ngeet i s th is e v enin g,’ M ic key s a id i n a c o ncern ed v oic e. ‘S he w ill d o i t l a te r,’ m y m oth er s a id i n h er tr a d em ark s te rn , n o -m ore -n ego ti a ti o n v oic e. I c am e b ack to m y r o om w ith m y m oth er. ‘R est, I a m s itti n g h ere ,’ m y m oth er s a id . I l a y d ow n i n b ed . M y m oth er o pened a n ew sp ap er a nd s a t n ext to m e. ‘M om ,’ I s a id . ‘C lo se y o ur e yes. T ry to s le ep .’ ‘M om , I w ant to ta lk to y o u a b out s o m eth in g i m porta nt,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ sh e sa id . ‘O h, d id A diti call th e b eauty p arlo ur? T heir sta ff sh o uld hav e co m e. Anyw ay, w hat? ’ I l o oked a t h er f a ce. Where d o I e ven b eg in w ith h er? ‘N oth in g, m om , i t’ s p ers o nal a nd I d on’t k no w i f I s h o uld . . .’ ‘It d oesn ’t h urt s o m uch,’ s h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ I s a id , s u rp ris e d . ‘S ex. I k no w y o u m ust b e te nse . I t d oesn ’t h urt s o m uch.’ ‘R eally , m om ?’ I s a id , m y s a rc asm n o t e v id ent to h er. ‘Y eah. S ee, I a m n o t lik e th o se b ackw ard m oth ers w ho c an’t ta lk fr a nk w ith d aughte r. I ta lk fr a nk. T hat’ s w hat y o u w ante d to s a y, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah, p re tty m uch,’ I s a id . ‘G ood. R est. A nd d o c hitti y an k ala iy an o nly . N o s a d tr a gic s o ngs a t m y d aughte r’s s a ngeet.’ Sura j a nd h is te am o f d eco ra to rs o utd id th em se lv es o n s a ngeet n ig ht. B olly w ood p oste rs f r o m m ovie s of e v ery d ecad e a d orn ed th e w alls . S tr e am ers m ad e f r o m f r e sh w hite l ilie s a nd d eep -re d r o se s f ille d th e e nti r e r o om . T he s ta ge h ad th e lo ok o f a B olly w ood ite m n um ber s e t, c o m ple te w ith m atk is a nd dis c o b alls . I t a ll f e lt o ver th e to p, l ik e e v ery P unja b i w ed din g s h o uld , a nd i t w ork ed . G uests r o am ed aro und th e fu ncti o n ro om a p pre cia ti n g th e d eco ra ti o ns. I w ore a n o nio n-c o lo ure d flo w in g le henga alo ng w ith a n e la b ora te d ia m ond s e t. I l o oked a t m yse lf i n th e m ir ro r. ‘S tu nnin g y o u l o ok, d id i,’ S w eety s a id . I c o uld n’t r e co gniz e m yse lf a fte r th e o ne-h o ur m ake-u p se ssio n. F or a s e co nd , I w is h ed D eb u a nd N eel c o uld s e e m e lik e th is . Y eah, th at’ s h o w I fe lt o n th e ev e o f m y w ed din g, w is h in g m y e xes w ho w aite d w ith in b lu eto oth r a nge c o uld s e e m e d olle d u p . Afte r a n ap in m y r o om I h ad g o ne b ack fo r th e s a ngeet p ra cti c e. S om eti m es th e o nly w ay to calm y o ur m in d i s to k eep i t d is tr a cte d a nd b usy. I h ad re hears e d in th e a fte rn o on w ith th e d ogged ness o f a n E vere st c lim ber. I d id n’t h av e ano th er fin ancia l m odel to b uild . I d ecid ed to ta ke o n c hitti y an k ala iy an in ste ad . ‘ Y ou lo ok b eauti fu l, mad am . A ll th e b est f o r th e s ta ge,’ M ic key s a id to m e i n th e e v enin g. Brije sh c am e u p to m e. ‘Y ou l o ok. . .’ B rije sh s a id , ‘ v ery n ic e.’ ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . I k ep t a s tr a ig ht fa ce. I h ad to ta lk to h im . B efo re I c o uld b egin , h e s p oke again . ‘ A ctu ally , m ore th an n ic e. B eauti fu l. S tu nnin g. B asic ally , g re at.’ ‘Y ou lo ok s h arp to o,’ I s a id . H e w ore a c re am -c o lo ure d s h erv ani s u it w ith a s e lf- d esig n. H e had s w itc hed to c o nta ct l e nse s f o r th e n ig ht, g etti n g r id o f h is S und ar P ic hai s p ecta cle s. Togeth er, w e m et e ld ers o n e ach s id e. W e to uched e v ery o ne’s fe et e no ugh ti m es to c o unt a s tw o s e ts o f a b dom in al c ru nches. ‘G ood e v enin g, l a d ie s a nd g entl e m en,’ P ankaj m am a to ok th e s ta ge. H e h eld a w his k y g la ss i n one h and a nd a m ik e i n th e o th er. ‘W elc o m e to th e m ost b eauti fu l w ed din g s a ngeet o f th e m ost b eauti fu l d aughte r o f m y m ost beauti fu l s is te r,’ h e s a id . O bvio usly , th e m ost b eauti fu l w his k y h ad a lr e ad y r e ached h is h ead . Mic key’s tr o up e p erfo rm ed tw o p ro fe ssio nal d ance n um bers fir s t. W e s a t th ro ugh th em a nd cla p ped a t th e e nd o f e ach. T he h ig hlig ht o f th e e v enin g, th e a unts ’ d ance p erfo rm ance, c am e n ext. ‘N ow w e h av e th e m am is a nd b uas o n e ith er s id e p erfo rm in g to L ond on th um akd a,’ P ankaj mam a a nno unced to th und erin g a p pla use . H e d id a l ittl e j ig o n s ta ge h im se lf i n a nti c ip ati o n. Eig ht a unts to ok to th e s ta ge. T he L E D s c re en s h o w ed a L ond on b ackd ro p w ith th e p ic tu re o f Big B en. E ach a unt h ad e no ugh g o ld o n h er to m ake th e d ow n p aym ent fo r a n a p artm ent in L ond on. The s ta ge c re aked a s e v ery o ne to ok i n iti a l p ositi o ns. The s o ng b egan. R ic hte r-s c ale -n in e-le v el p and em oniu m r o cked th e s ta ge. T he a unti e s m atc hed th e o rig in al s te p s fo r fifte en s e co nd s. A fte r th at e v ery P unja b i a unt’ s h ead , lim b a nd to rs o s e em ed to hav e a m in d o f i ts o w n. T w o a unts b anged i n to e ach o th er. A no th er o ne h ad h er b angle s ta ngle d u p i n so m eo ne e ls e ’s h air. B ut th ey c o nti n ued to d ance. T he c ro w d r o are d . Tu g hanti B ig B en d i Pura L ondon t h um akd a If th e B riti s h h ad s e en th is tr ib ute to L ond on, th ey w ould n ev er h av e c o lo niz e d u s. Cho re o gra p her M ic key’s m outh f e ll o pen. H e c o vere d h is f a ce w ith h is h and s, w ond erin g i f h e had c ho se n th e w ro ng p ro fe ssio n. N ev er h ad h is s tu d ents m assa cre d h is l e sso ns to th is l e v el. Brije sh s to od n ext to m e. H e lo oked a t m e a nd g rin ned . I h id a s m ile ; a fte r a ll, th ey w ere m y aunts . I c hecked m y p ho ne. It h ad tw o m essa ges e ach fr o m N eel a nd D eb u. I d id n’t o pen th em . In ste ad , I p la ced m y p ho ne i n A diti d id i’s h and bag. ‘Y our tu rn i s c o m in g s o on,’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘D id i, I d on’t f e el l ik e i t,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? Y our c o usin s a re a lr e ad y b acksta ge. T hey h av e w aite d f o r th is m om ent s in ce th ey c am e to G oa,’ s h e s a id . ‘A ll th e b est,’ B rije sh s a id a s th e ti m e c am e f o r m e to g o b acksta ge. ‘C an y o u g et m e a d rin k, B rije sh ?’ I s a id . ‘H uh? Y eah, s u re . W hat d o y o u w ant? ’ ‘A nyth in g.’ ‘W his k y?’ ‘S ure ,’ I s a id . He r e tu rn ed f r o m th e b ar w ith a l a rg e p eg o f B la ck L ab el. I c hugged i t i n o ne s h o t. ‘T ake i t e asy. D on’t b e te nse . I t’ s j u st a d ance,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘It’ s n o t th e d ance. W e h av e to ta lk ,’ I s a id . Pin ky c am e a nd tu gged a t m y l e henga. I h ad to g o . ‘W e’ll ta lk l a te r,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? S ure . H ey, r o ck i t! ’ B rije sh s a id . On m y w ay b acksta ge, m y m oth er s to pped m e. ‘W hat w ere y o u d oin g?’ s h e s a id . ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘I s a w y o u. Y ou a sk ed B rije sh f o r w his k y a nd d ra nk i t l ik e a c heap b ar g ir l. I n f r o nt o f h im ?’ ‘S o?’ I sa id , co nfid ence so arin g afte r th e w his k y sh o t. ‘I w ante d to lo ose n up b efo re th e dance.’ ‘D o y o u h av e a ny b ra in s? Y our in -la w s a re w atc hin g y o u. W hat w ill th ey th in k? T heir b ahu drin ks l ik e a j u ngli b ew di.’ ‘M om . M y w ould -b e h usb and g av e m e th e d rin k. If h e d oesn ’t h av e a p ro ble m , w hat’ s th eir pro ble m ?’ My m oth er g av e m e a d ir ty l o ok. P in ky p ulle d m y h and . ‘M y s u ggesti o n, m om , i s g o g et a d rin k f o r y o urs e lf. Y ou n eed i t,’ I s a id to m y m oth er a s I l e ft th e f u ncti o n r o om . I su rv iv ed th e sta ge. I d id n o t le t m y c ho re o gra p her d ow n. I re m em bere d a ll m y ste p s. I n aile d chitti y an k ala iy an, e v en th o ugh I fo und it m ore c halle ngin g th an fo re clo sin g th e a sse ts o f a d is tr e sse d Chin ese f a cto ry . T he a ud ie nce c heere d . M ic key k ep t r e p eati n g ‘ o ne-tw o-th re e-fo ur a nd tu rn r o und a nd ro und a nd o ne-tw o-th re e-fo ur’ f r o m b ehin d th e s ta ge. The so ng end ed . M y co usin s and I fin is h ed o ur p erfo rm ance w ith a huge gro up hug. T he aud ie nce b ro ke i n to a p pla use . Why d oes o ne h ave to g et m arrie d to h ave s o m uch fu n? W hy c a n’t e xte n ded fa m ilie s ju st get t o geth er o nce i n a w hile a nd d ance f o r n o r e a so n? The c ro w d g av e u s a s ta nd in g o vati o n. B rije sh c la p ped th e h ard est, p erh ap s n o t e xp ecti n g h is in v estm ent b anker b rid e-to -b e to b re ak a l e g o n s ta ge a s w ell. ‘Y ou w ere f a b ulo us. Y ou a re a g o od, g o od d ancer,’ h e s a id . ‘O h n o , I s u ck. T ho se f o ur m in ute s to ok f o ur h o urs o f m erc ile ss p ra cti c e.’ ‘I c o uld n’t d o th at e v en w ith f o ur m onth s o f tr a in in g,’ h e s a id . A w aite r w ith d rin ks p asse d u s. I s to pped h im a nd g av e B rije sh a g la ss o f w his k y. ‘D rin k u p ,’ I s a id . ‘A re y o u s u re ? W e s ti ll h av e to m eet s o m any p eo ple .’ ‘Y ou w ill n eed i t. W e n eed to ta lk ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ Befo re I c o uld a nsw er, lig hts d im med in th e fu ncti o n ro om . A D J to ok o ver. T he s ta ge n o w becam e a fr e e-fo r-a ll d ance flo or. In P unja b i w ed din gs th is m eans fir s t th e k id s ta ke o ver th e flo or. Then th eir e ld er te en c o usin s c o m e a nd k ic k th em o ff th e s ta ge. N ext, a ll th e u ncle s g et d ru nk a nd sh o ve th e te enagers o ff. F in ally , th e u ncle s g et s o d ru nk th at th ey e v en d ra g th eir w iv es, o r th e a unti e s, on to th e s ta ge. Brije sh a nd I a ls o d anced to a fe w s o ngs. B rije sh w as r ig ht. H e c o uld n’t d ance. Im agin e B ill Gate s o r M ark Z uckerb erg tr y in g to d o b hangra . Y ou g et th e i d ea. Afte r th re e s o ngs, I w his p ere d i n B rije sh ’s e ar, ‘ B rije sh , l e t’ s s te p o ut a nd ta lk .’ M 3 9 y e ars fe lt a s e nse o f re lie f a s th e D J’s m usic fa d ed o ut a s w e le ft th e fu ncti o n ro om . W e cam e o ut to th e M arrio tt g ard en, d ark a nd s ile nt a t n ig ht. T he D ecem ber a ir h ad a m ild c hill t o i t a nd I r u b bed m y h and s to geth er. ‘W here a re w e g o in g?’ B rije sh s a id . ‘O ut o f s ig ht,’ I s a id . I f o und a p alm tr e e w ith a b ench u nd ern eath i t. W e s a t d ow n, a d ja cent to e ach o th er, f a cin g th e s e a. ‘Is n ’t i t n ic e to j u st b re ath e?’ I s a id . ‘It i s , b ut th ey w ill l o ok f o r u s,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘ A s e arc h p arty w ill b e s e nt s o on.’ ‘It’ s a ll a b it c ra zy. T his w ho le j in gb ang o f tw o c la ns. G etti n g to o m uch n o w ,’ I s a id . ‘D on’t w orry , i n tw o d ays a ll th e g uests w ill b e g o ne. J u st y o u a nd m e th en.’ ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . I w ond ere d h o w a nd w here to s ta rt. H e c o nti n ued to ta lk . ‘A nd s o on w e w ill b e o n a p la ne to B ali,’ h e s a id . ‘Y eah, B rije sh , a b out th at. . .’ I s a id . He ig no re d m e a nd c o nti n ued to ta lk , a ll e xcite d . ‘A nd o nce w e g et b ack fr o m B ali to S F, I h av e l in ed u p a p artm ent v ie w in gs th at w eekend . H ope th at’ s o kay?’ ‘B rije sh , I c an’t d o th is ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? T oo h ecti c ? O kay, w e c an s e e a p artm ents l a te r. I t’ s j u st th at m y c urre nt a p artm ent i s to o s m all a nd . . .’ ‘I a m n o t ta lk in g a b out th e a p artm ent h unt.’ ‘T hen?’ ‘T his . W hate v er i s g o in g o n. I a m s o rry . I c an’t d o th is .’ ‘W hat? R ela ti v es? T hey a re g etti n g o n m y n erv es to o. H ow m any m ore fe et d o w e h av e to t o uch?’ I h eld h is s h o uld er. I tu rn ed h im to w ard s m e. ‘B rije sh , I c anno t g et m arrie d ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id i n g enuin e c o nfu sio n. ‘ S orry , b eg y o ur p ard on?’ ‘Y ou h eard m e.’ He l o oked a t m e a nd l a ughed . ‘W hat? ’ I s a id . ‘Y ou a re s o f u nny. S w eet a ls o .’ He p ulle d m y c heek. ‘S w eet? ’ I s a id . What i s s o s w eet a bout m e l e a vin g h im h ig h a nd d ry a t t h e a lta r? ‘Y ou a re n erv ous. A nd s o l ik e a l ittl e c hild , y o u a re s a yin g I c an’t d o th is . I t’ s s w eet o nly .’ ‘It’ s n o t. . .’ I s a id a s h e i n te rru p te d m e. ‘I a m s c are d to o. I l iv e a lo ne. N ow I w ill h av e th is o th er p ers o n l iv in g w ith m e f o r th e r e st o f my l ife . I t p etr ifie s m e.’ ‘It d oes. Y es. A nd th is i s j u st to o s o on.’ ‘T oo s o on? W e h av e p la nned th is f o r m onth s.’ ‘W e p la nned th e e v ent f o r m onth s. H ow ev er, w e d ecid ed s o s o on.’ ‘Y ou s a id y es. I s a id y es. W e h ad to r e ach a d ecis io n, r ig ht? ’ ‘B rije sh . C an y o u p le ase tr u st m e? I c an’t d o th is .’ He s m ile d a gain . H e p la ced a n a rm a ro und m y s h o uld er. ‘F ro m n o w o n, y o ur fe ars a re m in e, a nd m in e a re y o urs . S o b e s c are d o r w hate v er, I a m w ith yo u.’ I g o t o ff th e b ench. I tu rn ed a ro und to f a ce h im . ‘B rije sh , I d on’t th in k y o u a re g etti n g m e. It is n o t n erv ousn ess. T here ’s s tu ff I n eed to d eal with a nd m y h ead i s a h uge s q uis h y m ess.’ ‘I a m s o rry to h ear th at. B ut. . .’ h e p ause d . ‘B ut w hat? ’ ‘B ut 2 00 p eo ple a re d ancin g in sid e to c ele b ra te u s c o m in g to geth er. A m ood s w in g c anno t dic ta te o ur d ecis io n n o w .’ ‘It’ s n o t a m ood s w in g, B rije sh .’ ‘W hat i s i t th en? S om eth in g y o u w ant to te ll m e?’ ‘It’ s m y p ast. I s ti ll h av e to c o m e to te rm s w ith i t.’ He p ause d to l o ok a t m e, w ond erin g w hat I m eant. ‘W e a ll d o. I t h ap pens o ver ti m e.’ ‘It’ s a b out m y f u tu re to o. A bout w hat I w ant.’ Brije sh ’s p ho ne r a ng. H e s m ile d . ‘T here , th e se arc h p arty is o ut,’ h e sa id a nd p ic ked u p th e p ho ne. ‘Y eah, d ad . I a m h ere , ste p ped o ut f o r s o m e a ir. Y eah, R ad hik a i s w ith m e. J u st c hatti n g, d ad . O kay, w e a re c o m in g.’ He e nd ed th e c all a nd tu rn ed a t m e. ‘T he e ld ers a re le av in g. T hey w ant to b le ss th e c o up le b efo re th ey g o to b ed ,’ h e s a id a nd sm ile d . ‘S orry B rije sh , I . . .’ ‘W e h av e to g o n o w . L is te n, R ad hik a, I a m n o e xp ert o n w om en. M ayb e th is i s h o w a ll w om en th in k th e n ig ht b efo re th eir w ed din g.’ ‘N ot a ll.’ ‘M ayb e in arra nged m arria ges th ey do. W e sti ll don’t kno w each oth er. C an I su ggest so m eth in g?’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘G o to y o ur ro om . R est. P le ase s le ep . A ll th ese g uests a nd h uge c ele b ra ti o ns a re b oth erin g yo u.’ ‘W ell, I o nly c ho se to h av e a g ra nd w ed din g l ik e th is .’ ‘E xactl y . S o m ayb e y o ur d oub ts a re j u st i r ra ti o nal l a st- m in ute f e ars . S le ep o n i t. Y ou w ill f e el bette r. L et’ s g o n o w ,’ h e s a id . ‘B ut. . .’ I s a id . ‘D ad ’s c allin g a gain ,’ B rije sh s a id a s h e p ic ked u p h is p ho ne. I to ok m y p ho ne b ack f r o m A diti d id i’s b ag w hen I g o t to m y r o om . I c hecked th e ti m e. 2 a .m . I h ad n’t u nlo cked m y p ho ne to re ad m y m essa ges y et. M essa ge no ti fic ati o ns f lo oded m y p ho ne h o m e s c re en. T hey r e ad l ik e th is : Deb u: H ey b ab y, w hat’ s u p ? Deb u: I s th ere a nyth in g I c an d o to h elp ? C an I ta lk to a nyo ne o n y o ur s id e? Deb u: 5 m ore m essa ges Neel: I n m y r o om . H ere i f y o u n eed m e. Neel: W hen c an w e ta lk ? Neel: Y ou a ro und ? C an w e m eet? L ik e f o r a m in ute ? Neel: 3 m ore m essa ges Brije sh : H ope y o u a re f in e? G et s o m e r e st, o kay? Brije sh : I t’ s a ll g o in g to b e o kay. S ta y c alm . How a m I s u ppose d to s ta y c a lm ? A d oze n m essa ges fr o m th re e d iffe re nt m en, e v ery h o ur. And I h av e a w ed din g to m orro w . M in e. I h av e n o c lu e w ith w ho m . How a m I s u ppose d t o s ta y c a lm ? Aditi d id i s le p t n ext to m e. S he w oke u p f o r w ate r a nd n o ti c ed th e l it p ho ne s c re en i n m y h and . ‘S le ep , y o u i d io t. Y ou w ill h av e d ark c ir c le s i n a ll y o ur w ed din g p ic tu re s.’ Yeah, th at s h o uld b e m y b ig gest c o ncern . W ould th e m ake-u p la d y a p ply e no ugh c o nceale r to hid e m y d ark c ir c le s? Why c a n’t I b e l ik e o th er g ir ls ? W hy a m I n ot t h in kin g a bout h ow m y l e h en ga lo oked o n m e t o nig ht? W hy a m I n ot w orrie d a bout m y n ails ? W hy a m I t h in kin g a bout m y d ark l ife ra th er t h an m y d ark c ir c le s? Tin g. A no th er m essa ge. ‘P ut i t o n s ile nt,’ A diti d id i g ro aned i n a s le ep y v oic e, ‘ a nd c o m e to b ed .’ I l o oked a t m y p ho ne s c re en. Sura j: H ope y o u l ik ed d eco ra ti o ns, m ad am . Y our d ance w as to o g o od. I s h ut th e p ho ne. I c lo se d m y e yes. B ut I c o uld n’t s le ep . What d o I d o? W ho is it g oin g to b e? D eb u, N eel o r B rije sh ? O h, R adhik a th e g re a t dis tr e sse d a naly st, h ow d o y o u a naly se y o ur w ay o ut o f t h is d is tr e sse d s itu atio n? Som e p eo ple a re g o od a t ta kin g d ecis io ns. I a m n o t o ne o f th em . S om e p eo ple fa ll a sle ep q uic kly a t nig ht. I a m n o t o ne o f th em e ith er. I t i s 3 i n th e m orn in g. I h av e to sse d a nd tu rn ed i n b ed f o r tw o h o urs . I a m to g et m arrie d in fifte en h o urs . W e h av e o ver 2 00 g uests in th e h o te l, h ere to a tte nd m y g ra nd desti n ati o n w ed din g. E very o ne i s e xcite d . I t i s th e f ir s t d esti n ati o n w ed din g i n th e M ehta f a m ily . I a m th e b rid e. I s h o uld g et m y b eauty s le ep . I c an’t. T he la st th in g I c are a b out r ig ht n o w is beauty . T he o nly th in g I c are a b out i s h o w to g et o ut o f th is m ess. B ecause , l ik e i t o fte n h ap pens to m e in l ife , h ere I a m y et a gain i n a s itu ati o n w here I d on’t k no w w hat th e f u ck i s g o in g o n. I l a y s ti ll i n b ed f o r a no th er h alf a n h o ur. I th o ught a b out w hat I c o uld d o. I n o ti c ed A diti d id i in d eep s le ep . I s ta re d a t th e flic kerin g re d lig ht o f th e s m oke a la rm o n th e c eilin g. A t 3 .3 0 a .m ., I ste p ped o ut o f b ed . I o pened th e r o om c urta in s. T he s e a a p peare d p itc h b la ck. T he lig ht fr o m a fe w dis ta nt s h ip s f lic kere d i n th e b ackgro und . M oonlig ht f ille d m y e yes. It’s y o ur l ife , R adhik a , t a ke c o ntr o l o f i t , a v oic e i n sid e m e s a id . T he v oic e w as c alm , u nlik e th e h yste ric al m in i- m e w ho u su ally y elle d . ‘W ho i s th is ? ’ I s a id to m yse lf. It’s m e. Y o ur i n ner v o ic e. ‘T he c riti c i n sid e m e? T he o ne w ho th in ks I a m a to ta l b itc h ? ’ No, t h e o ne w ho t h in ks y o u d ese rv e t o b e h appy. ‘R eally ? I h av e a p ers o n l ik e th at i n sid e?’ I s a id i n m y h ead a nd c huckle d . We a ll d o. ‘W ell, s o w hat d o I d o? W ho d o I c ho ose ?’ Sta y s till, R adhik a . S ta y s till. T he a nsw ers w ill c o m e. I d id e xactl y th at. I s a t s ti ll fo r h alf a n h o ur, a lm ost in m ed ita ti o n. I k ep t m y e yes fix ed o n th e dark s e a o uts id e. S lo w ly , a w eig ht l ifte d o ff m e. I k new w hat I h ad to d o. I to ok o ut m y p ho ne. I s e nt a n i d enti c al m essa ge to D eb u, N eel a nd B rije sh : ‘Y ou th ere ?’ Deb u r e p lie d f ir s t, i n a f e w s e co nd s. ‘Y es, b ab y, tr y in g to s le ep b ut c an’t.’ ‘M eet m e f o r b re akfa st. 5 a .m . H ote l c o ffe e s h o p,’ I a nsw ere d . ‘O h r e ally ? T hat’ s g re at! T hat’ s j u st i n a n h o ur. S ee y o u!’ He a ls o s e nt m e a f e w e xcite d a nd h ap py s m ile ys. ‘T hanks,’ I r e p lie d , ‘ s e e y o u.’ Neel r e sp ond ed a fte r te n m in ute s. ‘Y es, a m h ere ,’ h e s a id . I c o py-p aste d a l in e f r o m D eb u’s c hat to N eel. ‘M eet m e f o r b re akfa st. 5 a .m . H ote l c o ffe e s h o p,’ I s e nt to h im . ‘O kay s u re ,’ N eel s a id . Brije sh r e p lie d a t 4 .3 0. ‘H ey, g o od m orn in g. Y ou a re u p e arly . D id y o u g et s o m e r e st? ’ h e s a id . ‘I a m o kay.’ ‘G ood. W hat’ s u p ?’ I c o py-p aste d th e l in e f r o m D eb u’s c hat w ith o ne m odific ati o n o n th e ti m e. ‘M eet m e f o r b re akfa st. 5 .3 0 a .m . H ote l c o ffe e s h o p.’ ‘R eally ? S o e arly ?’ ‘C an y o u? P le ase .’ ‘O f c o urs e . S ee y o u.’ I p ut m y p ho ne a sid e. I l e t o ut a b ig b re ath . A diti d id i w oke u p . ‘W hat a re y o u d oin g o n th e s o fa ?’ ‘F ix in g m y l ife ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat? ’ ‘N oth in g. J u st g o in g f o r a s h o w er,’ I s a id a nd w ent i n to th e b ath ro om . I 4 0 re ached th e c o ffe e s h o p a t 5 a .m . N eel a nd D eb u h ad a lr e ad y a rriv ed . T hey s a t a t s e p ara te ta b le s, unaw are o f th eir c o m mon lin k th ro ugh m e. D eb u w ore a lig ht- b lu e k urta a nd p aja m a th at a lo ng w ith h is b eard a nd s p ecta cle s m ad e h im lo ok lik e a c o m munis t in te lle ctu al. N eel w ore a c ris p d ark - b lu e s h ir t w ith a b utto ned -d ow n c o lla r a nd a w ell- ir o ned p air o f b eig e s h o rts . I w ore a s im ple l ig ht- b lu e c hik an s a lw ar-k am eez. I t f e lt te n ti m es m ore c o m fo rta b le a nd l ig hte r th an th e w ed din g f in erie s I h ad w orn a ll w eek. Four I n d iG o A ir lin es c re w m em bers o ccup ie d a no th er ta b le , s ip pin g c o ffe e b efo re th eir e arly m orn in g f lig ht. A part f r o m th em th e c o ffe e s h o p h ad n o o th er c usto m ers . T he c o ffe e s h o p w as o pen o n t h e sid e, fa cin g th e se a. D aylig ht h ad ju st b ro ken. T he sk y h ad str e aks o f p in k in it. T he m orn in g b re eze f e lt c o ol i n m y h air, s ti ll w et a fte r th e s h o w er. Neel a nd D eb u s to od u p a t th eir r e sp ecti v e ta b le s a s I e nte re d th e c o ffe e s h o p. T hey w alk ed t o w ard s m e f r o m tw o d iffe re nt d ir e cti o ns. ‘H ey,’ D eb u s a id . ‘H i th ere , y o u l o ok f r e sh ,’ N eel s a id . Neel a nd D eb u l o oked a t e ach o th er, s u rp ris e d a nd c o nfu se d . ‘G ood m orn in g. D eb u, th is i s N eel. N eel, th is i s D eb u,’ I s a id . ‘G ood. . .m orn in g,’ D eb u s a id , a s h e tr ie d to f ig ure o ut th e s itu ati o n. ‘H i,’ N eel s a id to D eb u. ‘L et’ s g et s o m e b re akfa st,’ I s a id . I s a t d ow n a t o ne o f th e s e a-fa cin g ta b le s. B oth o f th em f r o ze w here th ey s to od. ‘C om e, b oth o f y o u,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . They s a t d ow n h esita ntl y . T he w aite r a rriv ed to ta ke th e o rd er. ‘I w ill h av e a c ap puccin o a nd b ro w n-b re ad to ast. W ith p eanut b utte r a nd h o ney. H ow a b out y o u g uys? ’ I s a id . Deb u a nd N eel l o oked a t e ach o th er. ‘B la ck c o ffe e. P orrid ge, p le ase ,’ N eel s a id . ‘E r. . .o ra nge j u ic e,’ D eb u s a id . The w aite r l e ft. I c o nti n ued to s m ile , e njo yin g th eir c o nfu se d s ta te . ‘Is h e a f r ie nd ?’ N eel s a id , a sk in g a b out D eb u. ‘Y eah, y o u c o uld s a y th at,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou w ant to i n tr o duce m e p ro perly ?’ D eb u s a id , c le arin g h is th ro at. ‘O f c o urs e I w ill.’ ‘Y eah, b ecause s o rry , D eb u, I d on’t k no w y o u a nd s o i t i s a ll a b it c o nfu sin g a nd s u rp ris in g. . .’ Neel w as s a yin g w hen I c ut h im o ff. ‘B oth o f y o u a re m y e xes. M y p ast l o vers ,’ I s a id . If th ere w ere p riz e s f o r p ric ele ss e xp re ssio ns, N eel a nd D eb u c o uld b oth s h are a N obel. ‘S orry , I d on’t u nd ers ta nd ,’ N eel s a id . ‘ I a m a n e x b ut w ho i s h e?’ ‘D eb u. M y b oyfr ie nd i n N ew Y ork , r e m em ber? ’ ‘O h, th at g uy,’ N eel s a id . ‘N eel i s y o ur e x to o? S orry , w hen w as th is ? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘H ong K ong.’ ‘O h,’ D eb u s a id , a nd b ecam e s ile nt. H e s tu d ie d N eel o penly . ‘Y eah, h e’s o ld er, D eb u. M uch o ld er,’ I s a id . ‘ N eel’s m arrie d to o.’ Deb u r e aliz e d I h ad c aught h im s ta rin g a t N eel a nd to ok h is g aze a w ay f r o m h im . ‘I w as. N ot n o w ,’ N eel c o rre cte d m e. ‘ S o D eb u’s c o m e to a tte nd y o ur w ed din g? T hat’ s n ic e.’ ‘H e’s n o t c o m e to a tte nd i t. H e’s c o m e to m arry m e. H e w ants to s it i n th e g ro om ’s p la ce. R ig ht here , i n G oa.’ ‘W hat? ’ N eel s a id . ‘ I th o ught th in gs e nd ed b ad ly f o r y o u g uys. D eb u’s th e s a m e g uy w ho m ad e yo u l e av e N ew Y ork , r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah,’ I s a id . ‘ C hange o f h eart n o w . J u st l ik e y o u.’ I g uess i t ta kes a w hile f o r p eo ple to r e aliz e m y w orth . I tu rn ed to D eb u. ‘A nd , D eb u, N eel is h ere to sto p th e w ed din g to o. H is sty le is a b it d iffe re nt. It in v olv es charte re d p la nes.’ Deb u’s e yes p opped o pen. ‘Y ou s e e, h e i s r ic h. S om eth in g y o u a lw ays h ad a p ro ble m w ith .’ ‘I. . .I . . .I . . .’ D eb u s tu tte re d a s h e s tr u ggle d to s tr in g a s e nte nce. ‘I h av e n o p ro ble m w ith so m eo ne w ho i s r ic h. W ho s a id I d id ?’ Neel in te rje cte d , ‘R ad hik a, I d id n’t m ean to d is p la y m y w ealth . It ju st s e em ed lik e th e b est opti o n.’ ‘N eel, it d oesn ’t m atte r. B ut u nd ers ta nd th e s itu ati o n, g uys. B oth o f y o u a re h ere to s to p m y wed din g, w hic h is in a fe w h o urs . N ot o nly th at, y o u w ant m e to m arry y o u in ste ad . A s y o u c an im agin e, y o u h av e p ut m e i n q uite a p re d ic am ent.’ The w aite r a rriv ed w ith o ur fo od. A s h e se rv ed u s, N eel a nd D eb u sh ifte d in th eir se ats , av oid ed e ye c o nta ct w ith e ach o th er. I l e is u re ly s p re ad p eanut b utte r o n m y to ast. I s a w th e u nease o n th eir f a ces. D eb u s p oke a fte r th e w aite r l e ft. ‘S orry , R ad hik a. I d id n’t r e aliz e y o u h av e a no th er e x-b oyfr ie nd h ere . W as th is g entl e m an e v en a b oyfr ie nd , a ctu ally ? H e i s s o m uch o ld er a nd m arrie d .’ ‘N ot m arrie d a nym ore . A nd m y n am e is N eel, N eel G up ta ,’ N eel s a id , lo ose nin g th e c o lla r o f his s h ir t. ‘Y eah, w hate v er. B ut, R ad hik a, I th o ught y o u a nd I a re m eeti n g h ere a lo ne. In a ny c ase , y o u need to c o m e w ith m e.’ ‘W hy? Y ou f o rg o t h o w y o u tr e ate d h er? S he h ad to l e av e th e c o untr y f o r y o u,’ N eel s a id . ‘E ven f o r y o u, N eel,’ I s a id . Neel l o oked a t m e w ith a s tu m ped e xp re ssio n. ‘R ad hik a, I s a id s o rry . I n ev er d is re sp ecte d y o u. I m ay h av e h ad s o m e c o nfu sio n. B ut n o w I don’t. I a m o nly h um an.’ Deb u i n te rru p te d N eel. ‘M r N eel, f in d s o m eo ne y o ur o w n a ge.’ ‘It’ s th e c o nnecti o n th at m atte rs , n o t th e a ge. A nd s o rry to s a y, I s e em fitte r th an y o u,’ N eel sa id . I c o uld n’t b elie v e th e d is c ussio n. I h ad to m ake a n e ffo rt n o t to g rin . F or a fe w se co nd s I re lis h ed th ese tw o m en fig hti n g o ver m e. I im agin ed th em in a fis tf ig ht; th o ugh I k new N eel w ould clo bber th e i n te lle ctu al B engali b ab u i n th e e nd , I c o uld h av e w atc hed th em d uel a ll d ay. B ut I d id n o t hav e th e ti m e. ‘B oys, b oys, s to p a rg uin g. A nd l is te n to w hat I h av e to s a y f o r o nce,’ I s a id . ‘I k no w y o u l o ve m e, b ab y,’ D eb u s a id . ‘ I a m y o ur f ir s t l o ve.’ ‘W hic h i s o fte n a m is ta ke. W e c o nnect, R ad hik a, b eyo nd l o ve. W e a re s im ila r. Y ou k no w th at,’ Neel s a id . ‘W hy d o y o u g uys l o ve th e s o und o f y o ur v oic e s o m uch? C an I s p eak, u nin te rru p te d ?’ I s a id . Both o f th em n o dded . N eel c la sp ed h is h and s a nd p la ced h is e lb ow s o n th e ta b le . D eb u to ok a sip o f h is o ra nge j u ic e. ‘T hanks,’ I s a id . ‘ S orry , I a m d oin g th is to y o u to geth er. J u st m ore e ffic ie nt. A ls o , m ayb e y o u can l e arn s o m eth in g f r o m e ach o th er.’ ‘It’ s f in e,’ N eel s a id , e ager n o t to c ensu re m e. ‘D eb ash is h S en, y o u r e m em ber o ur w alk in N ew Y ork ? Y ou s a id w om en c o uld d o a nyth in g. You q uo te d f e m in is t te xts . E sse nti a lly , y o u s a id w om en c o uld a nd s h o uld f ly .’ ‘Y eah,’ D eb u s a id . ‘N ic e in th eo ry . In r e al life th e g ir l th ro w s a p arty fo r h er g uy’s p ro m oti o n b ut th e g uy c anno t hand le th e g ir l’s b onus. Y es? ’ ‘T hat’ s n o t. . .’ h e s a id b ut I s to pped h im . ‘L et m e s p eak. Y ou s a id f ly , b ut w hen I f le w h ig h, y o u w ante d to c lip m y w in gs. F ly , a s l o ng a s yo u f ly b eneath m e, i s i t? ’ He l o oked d ow n. I tu rn ed to N eel. ‘N eel, y o u l o ved m e a s th e f ly in g b ir d . Y ou w ante d m e to f ly h ig her a nd h ig her.’ ‘O f c o urs e ,’ N eel s a id . ‘B ut y o u k no w w here y o u w ent w ro ng?’ ‘W here ?’ N eel s a id . ‘Y ou d id n’t w ant m e to h av e a n est.’ Neel d id n’t h av e a n a nsw er. ‘N eel? ’ I s a id . ‘I b elie v e i n e q ual r ig hts . Y ou k no w th at, r ig ht? ’ N eel s a id . ‘D id y o u r e aliz e th at p erh ap s I d id n o t w ant to f o ol a ro und ? P erh ap s e q ual r ig hts m eans g iv in g wom en th e s a m e rig hts , n o t th e s a m e th in gs? E qual rig hts to g et w hat th ey w ant, ra th er th an e q ual rig hts to th e s a m e th in gs men w ant.’ I n o ti c ed D eb u s c ra tc h h is h ead a s h e a ls o h eard a nd tr ie d to f ig ure o ut w hat I s a id . ‘M eanin g?’ N eel s a id . ‘W hat d o y o u w ant? C are er? H om e?’ D eb u s a id . ‘ I a m r e ally c o nfu se d .’ ‘Y eah. W hat d o y o u w ant? C ho ose w hate v er y o u l ik e, R ad hik a,’ N eel s a id . I to ok a s ip o f m y l u kew arm c o ffe e. ‘A h, c ho ose ,’ I s a id a nd s n eere d . ‘ C ho ic e. T he b enchm ark w ord o f fe m in is m , r ig ht? I b eco m e a g re at f e m in is t i f I g iv e w om en th e c ho ic e o f h o m e o r c are er.’ ‘W hat d o y o u m ean? I s n ’t th at h o w i t s h o uld b e?’ N eel s a id . ‘Y eah, w hy n o t? I s n ’t th at f a ir ? G iv in g w om en th e c ho ic e?’ D eb u s a id . ‘N o. It is s ti ll u nfa ir. B ecause h ere ’s th e d eal. Y ou k no w w hat w om en r e ally w ant? W e d on’t want to c ho ose . W e w ant to fly a nd w e als o w ant a b eauti fu l n est. W e w ant b oth . D o m ale b ir d s te ll fe m ale b ir d s to c ho ose ? “ H ey h o ney, c ho ose . E ith er f ly o r s it i n th e n est.” ’ ‘I d on’t g et i t. R eally ,’ D eb u s a id . E ven N eel l o oked c o nfu se d . ‘F ro m a m an’s p ers p ecti v e, m en w ant a c are er, r ig ht? I n g enera l? ’ ‘Y eah,’ D eb u s a id . ‘M en w ant s e x, r ig ht? N o j u d gem ent, b ut th ey w ant s e x, r ig ht? ’ ‘Y eah,’ N eel s a id . I c o lle cte d m y th o ughts b efo re I s p oke a gain . ‘L et’ s s a y, in th e n am e o f m ale rig hts , m en a re g iv en a c ho ic e. C om e o n g uys, c ho ose . Y ou want a c are er? G o f o r i t, j u st g iv e u p s e x. O h, y o u w ant s e x? J u st w ors h ip w om en a ll d ay a nd g iv e u p yo ur c are er d re am s. S o c ho ose , w e a re g iv in g y o u e q ual r ig hts . C ho ose n o w . S ex o r c are er? ’ ‘S orry b ut th at i s a r id ic ulo us c ho ic e to m ake,’ N eel s a id . ‘E xactl y , N eel. It is in d eed a rid ic ulo us c ho ic e. Ju st a s rid ic ulo us a s th e c ho ic e g iv en to wom en— fly o r n est. Y ou w ant a nd g et b oth . B ut a w om an m ust c ho ose ?’ I h ad th re e s ip s o f c o ffe e b efo re N eel h ad s o m eth in g to s a y. ‘I g et i t. W om en w ant e v ery th in g. T o h av e a l o vely h o m e a nd b e a g re at m oth er. T o a ls o h av e a chance to s h in e i n th eir c are ers ,’ N eel s a id . ‘N ot a ll, m ayb e, b ut f o r m any, y es,’ I s a id . ‘H ow is it pra cti c ally possib le ? C are er m eans lo ng offic e ho urs . H om e m eans kid s, re sp onsib iliti e s,’ D eb u s a id . ‘E xactl y ! H av e y o u th o ught w hy i t’ s n o t p ra cti c al? ’ I s a id . ‘W hy?’ D eb u s a id . ‘B ecause m en d esig ned th is w orld . T hey d ecid ed o ffic e ti m in gs, 9 to 6 , fiv e d ays a w eek. Wom en w ere n’t in th e w ork fo rc e th en. T hey a re n o w . T hese o ffic e ti m in gs w ork w ell fo r m en. T hey don’t w ork f o r m oth ers , f o r i n sta nce. W hat a re w e g o in g to d o a b out i t? ’ ‘W e a s i n u s th re e?’ D eb u s a id . ‘N o, w e a s in th e w ho le w orld ,’ I s a id . ‘ W hen w ill w e s a y, le t’ s r e jig th is to e nsu re it w ork s fo r w om en? F org et r e jig , w hen w ill w e e v en a ckno w le d ge th e i s su e?’ I p ause d to c atc h m y b re ath , th en le aned fo rw ard a s if to lis te n to th em . D eb u fin is h ed h is ora nge j u ic e i n o ne q uic k s w allo w . ‘Y ou h av e a p oin t. C onced ed . I d id n’t r e aliz e y o ur s tr o ng n eed to h av e a fa m ily to o. T hat is why I m ad e a m ess l a st ti m e,’ N eel s a id . ‘I im pose d m y no ti o n o f m oth erh o od o n yo u. Ig no re d yo ur d esir e to hav e a go od care er alo ngsid e. B ut f o rg iv e m e a nd c o m e w ith m e. I w ill s u p port y o u,’ D eb u s a id . ‘N o,’ I s a id , m y v oic e c o m in g f r o m s o m ew here d eep w ith in m e. ‘Y ou a re m akin g th e r ig ht c ho ic e w ith m e, R ad hik a,’ N eel s a id . ‘N o, N eel, n o t w ith y o u e ith er.’ ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id . I c hecked th e ti m e. I t w as 5 .2 8. ‘I a m n o t c o m in g w ith y o u, o r w ith y o u. T here a re fu nd am enta l th in gs a b out b oth o f y o u th at won’t c hange. D eb u, y o u s a y y o u w ill b e s u p porti v e, b ut th e f a ct th at y o u c o uld n’t h and le e v en a b it o f my s u ccess m eans it’ s a n in tr in sic p art o f y o u. Y ou c an’t c hange th at. A nd I p la n to b e a lo t m ore su ccessfu l th an w hat y o u s a w . S o, s o rry , n o .’ ‘B ut R ad hik a. . .’ D eb u b egan. I p la ced a f in ger o n m y l ip s to s h ush h im r ig ht th ere . ‘A nd N eel, y o u a re a m azin g, n o d oub t. T he c harte re d p la ne, te m pti n g, o f c o urs e . N ow w ith th e div orc e a nd e v ery th in g I k no w y o u lo ve m e to o. B ut y o u k no w w hat, y o u lo ve o nly h alf o f m e. M y oth er h alf is K usu m , th e w om an y o u le ft. Y ou w ant a p arty g ir l. S om eo ne y o ung, w ho a llo w s y o u to clin g o n to y o ur y o uth . T he s a m e y o uth y o u w ork s o h ard in th e g ym fo r. W ell, I w on’t b e th is y o ung gir l fo re v er. I d on’t k no w w hat N eel G up ta w ill d o w ith m e th en. H e lik es R ad hik a, h is y o ung v ic e pre sid ent, b ut w ill h e l ik e R ad hik a, th e d ia p er-c hangin g w ife a nd m om ?’ ‘O f c o urs e , I . . .’ ‘S hh. I a m n o t g o in g to c o m pro m is e a nd s e ttl e f o r l e ss. I h av e m ad e u p m y m in d . T hank y o u f o r lis te nin g. N ow , n o m ore l e ctu re s. I w ill s im ply te ll y o u th e a cti o n p la n.’ ‘W hat? ’ D eb u s a id . ‘B oth o f y o u, I n eed y o u to l e av e, r ig ht n o w . T his h o te l, G oa a nd m y l ife . Y ou w ill n o t b oth er me, m y f a m ily o r m y g uests . N o m essa ges, n o c alls . Y ou a re m y p ast, b ut g uess w hat, I a m d one w ith my p ast. S o p le ase ,’ I s a id . I p oin te d to th e e xit. ‘B ut,’ D eb u s a id . ‘I a m s a yin g f u ck o ff i n th e n ic est w ay p ossib le . P le ase d o a p pre cia te th at. A nd d o f u ck o ff,’ I sa id . Deb u a nd N eel lo oked a t e ach o th er. T hey lo oked a t m e o nce m ore a nd s to od u p to le av e. In sile nce th ey w alk ed o ut o f th e r e sta ura nt. T ogeth er. O ut o f m y l ife . Brije sh e nte re d th e c o ffe e s h o p ju st a s th ey le ft. H e c am e u p to m e. H e w ore g re y w ork o ut clo th es. H e n o ti c ed th e u se d c ro ckery a nd c utl e ry o n th e ta b le . ‘G ood m orn in g, w ife -to -b e,’ h e s a id . ‘ T hese p eo ple ? T hey c am e to s e e y o u?’ ‘G ood m orn in g, B rije sh , c o m e. W e n eed to ta lk ,’ I s a id . H e s a w m y s e rio us e xp re ssio n a nd s a t opposite m e l o okin g a l ittl e b affle d . ‘Y eah s u re ,’ h e s a id . ‘ B y th e w ay, w hite s u its y o u.’ ‘T hanks.’ Brije sh o rd ere d a p la in d osa a nd c o ffe e. ‘F eelin g b ette r f r o m l a st n ig ht? ’ B rije sh s a id a fte r th e w aite r l e ft. ‘S ort o f.’ ‘W e a lw ays fe el m ore a nxio us a t n ig ht,’ B rije sh sa id . ‘D on’t w orry . R em em ber, w hate v er hap pens i n l ife , e v entu ally i t i s a ll g o in g to b e o kay.’ ‘Y ou r e ally b elie v e th at? ’ I s a id . ‘Y es.’ ‘G ood. S o B rije sh , I th o ught a b out i t a ll n ig ht. T his j u st d oesn ’t s e em r ig ht. I c an’t g et m arrie d to y o u to day.’ ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id . ‘ A re y o u s e rio us? S om e n erv ousn ess i s u nd ers ta nd ab le b ut. . .’ ‘I a m g o in g to i n fo rm m y p are nts n o w . A fte r th at I w ill ta lk to y o ur p are nts .’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘U nle ss y o u c an ta lk to th em f ir s t. I p re fe r th at. P ut th e b la m e o n m e.’ ‘R ad hik a!’ I ig no re d him and co nti n ued , ‘I w ill se ttl e all b ills . N oth in g need s to b e p aid fr o m yo ur fa m ily ’s s id e. I a m s o s o rry f o r th is a nd . . .’ Brije sh i n te rru p te d m e. ‘W ho th e h ell d o y o u th in k y o u a re ?’ B rije sh s a id i n a n o ut- o f- c hara cte r h ig h p itc h. I l o oked a t h im , s u rp ris e d . ‘I a m s o rry . I c an u nd ers ta nd y o u a re u p se t,’ I s a id a fte r a p ause . ‘Y ou u nd ers ta nd ? T hat’ s it? M y e nti r e e xte nd ed fa m ily is h ere . T hey h av e c ele b ra te d w ith u s fo r a w eek. T he m orn in g o f th e w ed din g w hat d o I te ll th em ? T he b rid e s a ys n o ? S he h as c o ld f e et? ’ ‘It’ s a ll m y f a ult. I a ccep t th at.’ ‘E very o ne i s h ere , R ad hik a. E very o ne.’ ‘I k no w .’ The w aite r a rriv ed w ith B rije sh ’s d osa a nd c o ffe e. B rije sh l e ft th em u nto uched . ‘C an I a sk w hy?’ B rije sh s a id , h is v oic e u nd er c o ntr o l a gain . Tears r o lle d d ow n m y c heeks i n r e sp onse . ‘W hy, R ad hik a?’ ‘T ho se g uys w ho y o u s a w l e av e. T hey a re m y p ast. M y e xes.’ He l o oked b ack a t th e r e sta ura nt e xit. ‘It’ s o kay. T hey a re g o ne,’ I s a id . ‘Y ou i n v ite d th em ?’ I s h o ok m y h ead . In b rie f, I to ld h im w hat h ad h ap pened to m e a ll o f la st w eek in G oa. H e lis te ned w ith f u ll i n te re st, a nd h ad a s h o cked e xp re ssio n a t th e e nd o f i t. ‘T hat i s s o m e s to ry ,’ h e s a id a s w hat I h ad to ld h im s a nk i n . ‘Y eah, th at’ s m y w eek.’ ‘W hat d id y o u d ecid e f in ally ?’ ‘I to ld th em to l e av e. G et o ut. O ut o f G oa a nd m y l ife , f o re v er.’ ‘G ood. T hen w hat’ s th e i s su e? Y our p ast i s g o ne.’ ‘B ut I a m n o t i n th e p re se nt e ith er. I a m n o w here , r e ally . I n eed to f in d m yse lf.’ ‘F in d yo urs e lf? ’ he sa id , a b it o f sa rc asm in his v oic e. ‘Y ou hav e to ld m e yo u had tw o re la ti o nsh ip s. A s l o ng a s th ey a re i n th e p ast, I d on’t c are .’ ‘N o, B rije sh . T his w ed din g s ta nd s c ancelle d . I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id a nd s to od u p . He l o oked a t m e. H e c o uld s e e f r o m m y e xp re ssio n th at I o ffe re d n o s c o pe f o r n ego ti a ti o n. H e re m ain ed s ile nt. I tu rn ed a ro und a nd l e ft th e c o ffe e s h o p. M 4 1 y r o om in G oa r e se m ble d a fu nera l s c ene. D esp ite th e fiv e-s ta r lu xury a nd th e g o ld a ro und my a unts ’ n ecks, p eo ple h ad a so m bre e xp re ssio n. I h ad c o m munic ate d m y d ecis io n. M y m oth er h ad d is p la yed h er h yste ria . D ad sa t sto ne-fa ced , u nab le , a s u su al, to re act to a ny c o nflic t s itu ati o n. M y a unts h ad g ath ere d a ro und m y m oth er, o ffe rin g fa ke s y m path y a nd c o nd ole nces. I c o uld s e nse th eir g le e. I w as p ro vid in g f a m ily g o ssip f o r m onth s. Kam la b ua h ad s ti ll n o t g iv en u p . ‘B rije sh s a id a nyth in g to y o u? B e h o nest,’ K am la b ua s a id . ‘I to ld y o u s e v era l ti m es, h e h as n o th in g to d o w ith i t. H e i s q uite s w eet.’ ‘S o w hat i s th e p ro ble m , y o u m ad g ir l? ’ m y m oth er s c re eched a t th e to p o f h er v oic e. She c am e a nd s to od i n f r o nt o f m e. Sla p ! B efo re s h e c o uld d eliv er a no th er s la p K am la b ua h eld h er d ow n. I d id n’t r e act. ‘N o, A parn a, n o . K eep c o ntr o l. S ai B ab a w ill m ake i t a ll o kay,’ K am la b ua s a id to m y m oth er. ‘W hat w ill b e o kay? W e a re r u in ed . L ook a t h er, s ti ll g la rin g a t m e.’ ‘T here ’s n o n eed to h it m e, m om ,’ I s a id , m y f a ce r e d a s I f o ught b ack te ars . ‘S o w hat s h o uld I d o to c ure y o u o f y o ur m ad ness? L ook a t A diti . I n th ir d y ear o f c o lle ge s h e w as e ngaged . M arrie d a fte r a s im ple g ra d uati o n.’ ‘I a m n o t A diti .’ ‘T his is w hat h ap pens w hen y o u e d ucate g ir ls to o m uch,’ K am la b ua s a id in a lo w , c o nso lin g v oic e. ‘It’ s h er fa th er’s fa ult,’ m y m oth er s n ap ped . ‘ H e n ev er s a id n o to a nyth in g. A hm ed ab ad , N ew Y ork , H ong K ong, w here v er s h e w ante d to g o , h e w ould l e t h er.’ ‘C an y o u k eep d ad o ut o f th is , m om ?’ I s a id , m y v oic e m uffle d . I tu rn ed to e v ery o ne a nd f o ld ed m y h and s. ‘A ll o f y o u, I h av e a re q uest. Y ou a re a ll m y e xte nd ed fa m ily . Y es, I ta ke fu ll b la m e fo r th e d eb acle th at h ap pened . Y ou c an ju d ge m e a ll y o u w ant. B ut c an y o u p le ase n o t ju d ge m y p are nts fo r t h is ? ’ My a unts a nd u ncle s l o oked a t e ach o th er. I c o nti n ued , ‘ T re at it lik e a G oan h o lid ay. T hat’ s it. M y tr e at. I n eed y o ur s u p port. M y b ig ger i s su e is B rije sh a nd h is fa m ily . T hey w ill b e h urt m uch m ore . I n eed g ro w n-u p s fr o m m y s id e to b e w ith m e w hen I te ll th em .’ Nobody g av e m e a r e sp onse . ‘F in e, I w ill ta lk to th em o n m y o w n. P le ase e njo y y o ur la st d ay in G oa. T ho se w anti n g to fly o ut e arlie r, ta lk to S ura j to c hange f lig hts ,’ I s a id . The ta b le au c o nti n ued . I tu rn ed to l e av e. ‘W ait, I w ill c o m e,’ A diti d id i s a id . ‘ I d on’t u nd ers ta nd w hat y o u a re d oin g. B ut I w ill c o m e. Can’t l e t m y s is te r d o th is b y h ers e lf.’ She s to od n ext to m e a nd h eld m y h and . I s m ile d a t h er a nd h eld b ack te ars . ‘I w ill a ls o c o m e w ith y o u,’ P ankaj m am a s a id . ‘ C om e, R ic ha, w e c an’t l e t h er g o a lo ne.’ Ric ha m am i d eb ate d b etw een th e ro le s o f o bed ie nt w ife a nd o ffe nd ed a unt, a nd c ho se th e fo rm er. ‘N o n eed ,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘ S he d oes e v ery th in g a lo ne a nyw ay.’ ‘D ad , y o u s h o uld c o m e,’ A diti d id i s a id . M y f a th er s to od u p . ‘C om e, A parn a,’ m y fa th er s a id in h is s o ft v oic e. M y m oth er lo oked a t e v ery o ne. W ith m uch re lu cta nce, s h e s to od u p . ‘Y es, l e t’ s g o . L et’ s g et f u lly s h am ed ,’ s h e s a id . I r a ng th e b ell. B rije sh o pened th e d oor. H e d id n’t s a y a w ord a nd s te p ped a sid e to le t m e a nd m y re la ti v es e nte r. T he r o om f e lt i c e-c o ld , a nd n o t b ecause o f th e a ir c o nd iti o nin g. Mr a nd M rs G ula ti , B rije sh ’s p are nts a nd m y a lm ost in -la w s-to -b e, s to od w ith g lu m fa ces. Brije sh ’s re la ti v es, h is fa th er’s b ro th ers a lo ng w ith th eir re sp ecti v e w iv es, s a t g in gerly o n th e b ed . Brije sh ’s m oth er’s s is te rs — Rohin i m asi a nd G unja n m asi— sa t o n th e s o fa . E very o ne l o oked l ik e th ey had h ad k niv es s ta b bed i n th eir b acks. B rije sh h ad a lr e ad y to ld th em . I s tr u ggle d to fig ure o ut w here to s ta rt. T his is w here a ge h elp s. F or m y m oth er s e em ed to kno w e xactl y w hat w ould b e a m atu re re acti o n. S he b urs t o ut c ry in g a nd w ent s tr a ig ht to B rije sh ’s moth er to b ear-h ug h er. ‘S om eb ody’s c ast a n e v il e ye, S ulo chana,’ m y m oth er s a id . H er l o ne h yste ric s m ad e e v ery o ne in th e r o om f e el e v en m ore a w kw ard . B rije sh ’s m oth er d id n’t h ug m y m oth er b ack. ‘W e a re ru in ed . I h ad n o id ea m y g ir l w ould d o th is to u s. W hat d o y o u d o w hen y o ur o w n child i s d efe cti v e?’ m y m oth er s a id , h o w lin g a t to p v olu m e. ‘S it d ow n, A parn a j i,’ B rije sh ’s f a th er s a id . I r e aliz e d I h ad to ta ke c o ntr o l. I w ent to th e c entr e o f th e r o om a nd a d dre sse d e v ery o ne. ‘H ello e v ery o ne, I w ill ju st ta ke a m in ute . T o a ll in th is r o om , I a m s o rry . I a m r e ally , r e ally , so rry . I a m s o rry b ecause I w as n o t p re p are d fo r th is m arria ge b ut I s a id y es. I a m s o rry b ecause I bro ught s h am e to y o ur r e la ti v es. I a m s o rry b ecause I r u in ed y o ur h ap py m om ent. H ow ev er, I d id th is because I f e lt g o in g a head w ould n o t b e f a ir o n B rije sh a nd h is f a m ily .’ ‘T his i s f a ir ? ’ B rije sh ’s m oth er s a id . H er v oic e h ad a s h arp s ti n g to i t. ‘N o. B ut g o in g a head w ould b e e v en m ore u nfa ir. B etw een tw o u nfa ir th in gs, th is fe lt le ss unfa ir.’ I f o ught b ack te ars a s I l is te ned to B rije sh ’s m oth er. ‘In th is r o om i t i s j u st u s c lo se r e la ti v es. Y ou r e aliz e w hat w e h av e to g o th ro ugh w ith a ll o ur acq uain ta nces w ho a re a ls o h ere ?’ s h e s a id . ‘I d o. I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id , te ars f lo w in g. I f o ld ed m y h and s. ‘ I r e ally a m s o rry , a unty .’ Brije sh l o oked a t h is m oth er a nd th en m e. H e s to od s ile nt w ith a rm s c ro sse d o n h is c hest. ‘Y ou l o ok s o g o od to geth er,’ m y f a th er s a id . ‘ C an’t w e d o s o m eth in g?’ I s h o ok m y h ead . ‘O ur r e la ti v es a re h ere . T he a rra ngem ents a re a ll d one. W e c an s ti ll e nd th is d ra m a, R ad hik a,’ Brije sh ’s m oth er s a id . ‘ N obody w ill k no w . T he m arria ge c an s ti ll h ap pen.’ ‘N o, a unty , I a m s o rry ,’ I s a id . ‘W hat k in d o f a g ir l i s th is ? ’ B rije sh ’s m oth er s a id . ‘I to ld y o u. I h av e a d efe cti v e p ie ce. M y o th er d aughte r i s g o ld en. S uch a n ic e, g o od b ahu s h e is ,’ m y m oth er s a id . ‘E no ugh, A parn a a unty ,’ B rije sh s a id . E very o ne in th e ro om lo oked a t h im , s u rp ris e d . ‘S he may r e gre t h er d ecis io n to m arry m e. I t d oesn ’t m ake h er d efe cti v e.’ Thro ugh m y te ars I lo oked a t B rije sh . D esp ite w hat I h ad d one to h im , M r IT g uy c o uld s ti ll actu ally s ta nd u p f o r m e. I t o nly m ad e m e f e el w ors e . ‘A nd m om , s h e h as m ad e u p h er m in d . W e m ay n o t l ik e i t, b ut s h e h as,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘B ut, b eta , a ll a rra ngem ents a re i n p la ce a nd e v ery o ne i s h ere a nd . . .’ B rije sh ’s m oth er s a id . ‘M om , w e c an’t g et m arrie d j u st b ecause i t i s c o nv enie nt,’ B rije sh s a id . I g estu re d a th anks to B rije sh . H e n o dded . H e h and ed m e a b ox o f ti s su es to w ip e m y te ars . His k in d ness, e v en a t th is m om ent, k ille d m e. ‘A ll o f y o u a re s ti ll o ur g uests ,’ m y fa th er s a id w ith fo ld ed h and s. ‘ A nd fr o m m y d aughte r’s sid e, I s a y s o rry .’ I c o uld n o t s e e m y f a th er g ro vel. I w ante d to l e av e s o I c o uld c ry f r e ely . ‘S ura j w ill h elp y o u i f y o u n eed a nyth in g. A ll y o ur b ills w ill b e s e ttl e d . T hank y o u,’ I s a id a nd ra n o ut o f B rije sh ’s r o om . The G ula ti s a nd M ehta s c hecked o ut o f th e G oa h o te l a t n o on th e n ext d ay. B oth se ts o f fa m ilie s av oid ed e ye c o nta ct. T hin gs h ad in d eed c hanged fr o m th e s a ngeet n ig ht tw o d ays a go w hen p eo ple co uld n o t ta ke e no ugh g ro up s e lfie s. The M um bai f lig ht f o r th e G ula ti s l e ft e arlie r th an o urs . T hey to ok th eir p la ces i n sid e th e b us. ‘B rije sh , o ne s e co nd ,’ I s a id , a s h e p ut o n h is b ackp ack to l e av e th e h o te l l o bby. ‘Y eah?’ h e s a id , h is v oic e c urt. ‘C an w e ta lk f o r tw o m in ute s? ’ ‘R eally ? W hy?’ h e s a id . I k ep t q uie t. H e to ok a d eep b re ath . ‘A ll r ig ht,’ h e s a id . ‘ B ut n o t h ere , i n f u ll v ie w o f e v ery o ne. M eet m e o n th e b each i n f iv e.’ ‘T hanks f o r s u p porti n g m e i n f r o nt o f th e e ld ers y este rd ay,’ I s a id . We w alk ed o n th e M arrio tt b each o ne f in al ti m e. ‘I d on’t l ik e r a is e d v oic es, o r i n su lti n g p eo ple , e sp ecia lly i n p ub lic ,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘Y ou h ad e v ery r ig ht to i n su lt m e to o. Y ou c an n o w . W e a re n o t e v en i n p ub lic .’ He l o oked a t m e f o r a s e co nd . H e s h o ok h is h ead a nd g av e a s a d s m ile . ‘I g uess I n ev er u nd ers to od w om en a nyw ay. I th o ught I d id , a littl e b it. C le arly , I s ti ll h av e a lo ng w ay to g o ,’ h e s a id . ‘Y ou u nd ers ta nd p eo ple a nd y o u u nd ers ta nd k in d ness. Y ou a re a g o od g uy, B rije sh . I a m th e one w ho i s m esse d u p . I n eed c la rity .’ ‘H ope y o u f in d i t. W hat d o y o u p la n to d o, a nyw ay?’ ‘F or n o w , I w ill g o b ack to w ork . M ayb e a p ply fo r s o m e v is a s. T hen ta ke a lo ng v acati o n. Mayb e o ne o f th o se ro und -th e-w orld ti c kets . T he o nes th at le t y o u fly in o ne d ir e cti o n. Ju st k eep go in g.’ ‘W ell, th e w orld is ro und . S o y o u c an’t k eep g o in g. Y ou w ill e v entu ally h av e to c o m e b ack ho m e. C om e b ack to r e ality .’ ‘T hat’ s tr u e, u nfo rtu nate ly ,’ I s a id . ‘B ye th en,’ B rije sh s a id . ‘B ye, B rije sh .’ ‘Y ou a re n’t c o m in g b ack to th e h o te l? ’ h e s a id a s h e tu rn ed to l e av e. ‘I w ill. I ju st w ant to w atc h th ese w av es fo r a fe w m ore m in ute s,’ I s a id a nd lo oked in to th e ho riz o n. 4 2 T hre e m onth s la te r El A lb erg ue H ote l, IOlla nta yta m bo, P eru sa t in th e c afé a nd sip ped m y c o ffe e. T he ti n y b lu e tr a in s to M achu P ic hu c am e a nd w ent a t re gula r in te rv als . I d ow nlo ad ed m y tr ip p ho to s fr o m m y p ho ne in to m y la p to p a s a b ackup . M y la p to p fla sh ed th e d ate , 2 3 M arc h, w ith a re m in d er s a yin g ‘M essa ge B ’. It h ad b een th re e m onth s sin ce th e G oa f ia sc o . D esp ite th e r e m in d er I f o und i t d iffic ult to g ath er th e c o ura ge to m essa ge h im . I flip ped th ro ugh e v ery p ic tu re f r o m m y tr ip to d is tr a ct m yse lf. In th e p ast m onth , I h ad s ta rte d e astw ard s fr o m L ond on. I v is ite d B erlin , C air o , B eijin g a nd Syd ney befo re ta kin g a flig ht to Lim a in Peru , South A meric a. Fro m Lim a I la nd ed up in Olla nta yta m bo, o r s im ply O lla nta y, th e b ase p oin t to v is it th e f a m ous r u in s o f M achu P ic hu. I s ta yed a t th e h is to ric a nd c harm in g E l A lb erg ue h o te l, l o cate d r ig ht a t th e m in i tr a in s ta ti o n th at o ne u se s to v is it Machu P ic hu. One h o ur a nd tw o c ap puccin o s l a te r, I to ok o ut m y p ho ne. Radhik a , j u st d o i t. W hat’s t h e w orst t h at w ill h appen ? I s e nt a W hats A pp m essa ge to B rije sh . ‘H i.’ I w aite d fo r a no th er h alf a n h o ur, u nti l th e b lu e ti c ks a p peare d . H e h ad r e ad m y m essa ge. H e did n’t r e sp ond . M y h eart s a nk. T his w as a ll a b ad i d ea a nyw ay. ‘H i. W assu p ?’ h e ty p ed b ack a f e w m in ute s l a te r. ‘T oday w ould h av e b een th re e m onth s. O f o ur a lm ost w ed din g a nniv ers a ry ,’ I r e p lie d . He s e nt a s m ile y. ‘S orry a gain ,’ I r e p lie d . ‘H ey, a ll p art o f l ife . H ow a re y o u d oin g?’ ‘G ood. T ra v ellin g. T ook th at tr ip I to ld y o u a b out.’ ‘R ound th e w orld ?’ ‘Y es.’ ‘R eached f u ll c ir c le y et? ’ ‘A lm ost. I s ti ll h av e tw o m ore f lig hts to g o .’ ‘C ool. W here a re y o u n o w ?’ ‘P eru . C am e to s e e M achu P ic hu.’ ‘N ic e.’ ‘W here a re y o u r ig ht n o w ?’ I s a id . ‘A t w ork . N o s u ch l u ck l ik e y o u!’ ‘B rije sh , I w ante d to a sk y o u s o m eth in g.’ ‘S ure .’ ‘M y n ext s to p i s S an F ra ncis c o . I a m th ere i n th re e d ays.’ ‘O h, c o ol.’ ‘Y eah. W as w ond erin g i f y o u w ant to m eet f o r a c o ffe e?’ He d id n’t re sp ond fo r a fe w m in ute s. I h ad a s in kin g fe elin g a b out th is . I s e nt h im a no th er messa ge a nyw ay. ‘I to ta lly u nd ers ta nd i f y o u c an’t o r i f y o u d on’t w ant to .’ ‘S orry , m y b oss h ad c alle d m e. Y eah s u re , w ould l o ve to h av e c o ffe e.’ ‘R eally ? G re at.’ ‘Y eah, c an w e d o i t i n M enlo P ark ? E asie r f o r m e.’ ‘O f c o urs e . W hate v er i s c lo se st to y o ur o ffic e. H ow ’s W ed nesd ay?’ ‘S ure , P hilz C offe e a t M enlo P ark . 4 p .m .’ Philz C offe e Menlo P ark I a rriv ed fiv e m in ute s e arly . P hilz C offe e is lo cate d ju st o uts id e th e s p ra w lin g F aceb ook c am pus. I to ok a s e at b y th e w in d ow , lo okin g a t th e o ffic es o f a c o m pany th at c o nnecte d a b illio n a nd a h alf peo ple aro und th e w orld . I w ore a b lu e-a nd -w hite checked d re ss, w hic h se em ed to re fle ct th e Califo rn ia n s u nsh in e. ‘H i,’ B rije sh s a id a s h e c am e u p to m y ta b le . I s to od u p . W e h ugged c urs o rily . ‘T hanks f o r m eeti n g m e,’ I s a id , a l ittl e s e lf- c o nsc io us. ‘N o is su es. W elc o m e to m y city ,’ he sa id . H e w ore a b la ck ho odie and b lu e je ans. H is sh o uld ers s e em ed b ro ad er, a s if h e h ad b ulk ed u p . H e w ore a F aceb ook c o rp ora te ID b ad ge a ro und his n eck. ‘S tr a nge to s e e y o u l ik e th is , a t w ork ,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, w ith o ut a ny r e la ti v es. I s e e y o u a nd f e el a n a unt i s g o in g to p op i n a ny m in ute ,’ h e s a id . ‘T ota lly . I a m l ik e, w here a re th e b uas a nd th e m asis ? ’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, I f e el th is u rg e to to uch s o m eo ne’s f e et,’ h e s a id . Both o f u s l a ughed . He w ent u p to th e c o unte r a nd c am e b ack w ith tw o c ap puccin o s. I s p oke a fte r h e s a t d ow n. ‘I c an n ev er a p olo giz e e no ugh, b ut a gain , s o rry ,’ I s a id , ‘ T he o ne I n d ia n g ir l w ho m y o u f in ally cam e d ow n to m arry c re ate d s u ch a d ra m a.’ He w av ed h is h and . ‘Y ou d on’t n eed to a nym ore . I a m m ostl y o ver it. L ife g o es o n. I re fle cte d in th e p ast th re e month s to o. O n w hy y o u d id w hat y o u d id , a nd s a id n o to th e w ed din g th at m orn in g.’ ‘W hat d id y o u i n fe r? ’ ‘T hat f r a nkly y o u, o r f o r th at m atte r, a ny g ir l, d oesn ’t n eed a m an to d efin e h er. Y ou n eed a m an to s u p port, in sp ir e . . .u nd ers ta nd y o u. H elp y o u b e th e b est p ers o n y o u c an b e, b anker, m oth er, b oth , whate v er. A nd u nti l y o u f in d a m an y o u tr u st e no ugh to d o th at, w hy s e ttl e ?’ I l o oked a t B rije sh , a d m ir in g h is w is d om . ‘Y ou th in k s o ?’ I s a id . ‘I d o. A nd y o u a re n o t j u st o ne I n d ia n g ir l. Y ou a re o ne s p ecia l I n d ia n g ir l.’ I s m ile d a nd g estu re d a th anks to h im . H e n o dded . ‘I s ti ll b la m e m yse lf. A l o t. F or m akin g y o u l o ok b ad i n f r o nt o f y o ur r e la ti v es.’ ‘D on’t. I d on’t e v en th in k a b out m y r e la ti v es w hen I th in k a b out G oa, a ctu ally .’ ‘T hat’ s g o od. N o r e gre ts ? ’ I s a id . ‘N ot r e ally . O kay, j u st o ne r e gre t.’ ‘W hat? ’ ‘Y ou r e m em ber th at n ig ht a t th e p olic e s ta ti o n?’ ‘O h y es. W hen w e w ent to A nju na? T hat i n sp ecto r. O ur p are nts r e sc uin g u s. T errib le .’ ‘Y eah. A nd a ll th at w e d id , th e g ra ss, d riv in g w ith o ut a l ic ence— I w ould h av e n ev er d one a ll th at w ith o ut y o u.’ ‘W ell, I a m b ad c o m pany. T hat w as a m ad , c ra zy n ig ht.’ ‘Y eah, s o th e th in g is , I h ad b egun to lo ok fo rw ard to a m ad , c ra zy life w ith y o u. T hat d id n’t hap pen s o , o h w ell. . .T hat’ s th e r e gre t.’ H e s h ru gged a nd s m ile d . Our e yes m et. I d id n’t h av e a s u ita b le r e sp onse f o r h im . I d ecid ed to c hange th e to pic i n ste ad . ‘Y our s h o uld ers . Y ou l o ok f itte r,’ I s a id . ‘I j o in ed a g ym . T ry to g o e v ery d ay.’ ‘It’ s s h o w in g.’ ‘T hanks. Y ou l o ok r e la xed to o. Y our f a ce s e em s. . .c le are r. M ore p eacefu l.’ ‘S o i s m y m in d . A m onth o f tr a v el h elp s c alm y o u d ow n.’ ‘Y eah, I ’ m s u re . Y ou l o ok n ic e,’ h e s a id . I s m ile d . W e s ip ped o ur c o ffe e. ‘H ow i s w ork ?’ I s a id . ‘G ood. B ut m y b usin ess id ea is ta kin g s h ap e. A s e rv ic e p ro vid er fo r d ev elo pin g In te rn et o f Thin gs o r I o T a p ps. I o T i s th e n ext b ig th in g. A c o m pany th at h elp s m ake I o T a p ps h as s c o pe.’ ‘O f c o urs e i t d oes.’ ‘J u st th at I n eed th is fo rm al b usin ess p la n to ra is e m oney fr o m V Cs. It is a p ain . T hey w ant fin ancia l m odels a nd p ro je cti o ns a nd w hat n o t.’ ‘I c o uld h elp i f y o u w ant,’ I s a id . ‘R eally ?’ ‘It’ s w hat I d o o n a d aily b asis ,’ I s a id a nd s m ile d . ‘O h y eah, o f c o urs e .’ ‘I w ill n eed to u nd ers ta nd th e b usin ess. A nd tu rn it in to a s p re ad sh eet fu ll o f n um bers . I d o it all th e ti m e.’ ‘I w ill s h are th e d eta ils w ith y o u. H ow l o ng a re y o u h ere f o r? ’ ‘I h av e f iv e m ore d ays o f v acati o n l e ft. I c o uld m ake a q uic k m odel i n th e n ext c o up le o f d ays.’ ‘Y ou w ould ? T hat w ould b e a m azin g. C an w e w ork o n i t o ver th e w eekend ?’ ‘N o p ro ble m ,’ I s a id . We s ip ped o ur c o ffe e i n s ile nce f o r a m in ute b efo re h e s p oke a gain . ‘ A ls o , i f y o u a re h ere th is weekend , th ere ’s a n A rijit S in gh c o ncert.’ ‘O h c o ol. I lik e h im ,’ I s a id . H e h ad s im ply in fo rm ed m e a b out th e c o ncert. I c o uld n’t a ssu m e he h ad a sk ed m e to g o to i t w ith h im . ‘Y eah, s o ,’ h e s a id a nd to ok a no th er s ip o f h is c o ffe e. A s liv er o f f o am s tu ck a b ove h is l ip s. I p oin te d to h is l ip . ‘W hat? ’ h e s a id . I o pened th e c am era o n m y p ho ne a nd tu rn ed it in to s e lfie m ode. I s h o w ed h im h is fa ce a nd sm ile d . ‘O h n o ,’ h e s a id , e m barra sse d . H e w ip ed h is f o am m ousta che w ith a ti s su e. I g ath ere d th e c o ura ge to a sk h im a q uesti o n. ‘B rije sh , w ould y o u l ik e to c o m e to th e A rijit S in gh c o ncert w ith m e?’ I s a id , m y h eart b eati n g fa st. I h ad to b e p re p are d f o r a ny r e sp onse , i n clu d in g a b itte r, b iti n g r e je cti o n. ‘O f c o urs e , th at is w hat I m eant. Y ou w ill b e h elp in g m e w ith th e b usin ess, s o w e c o uld g o to geth er to th e c o ncert l a te r, r ig ht? ’ h e s a id . ‘I w ould l o ve th at. T o g o to th e c o ncert w ith y o u,’ I s a id . ‘Y eah, I w ould l o ve to s p end m ore ti m e w ith y o u to o.’ Our e yes m et a gain , th is ti m e fo r lo nger. H e to ok a no th er s ip o f h is c o ffe e. It c re ate d a n e v en big ger f o am m ousta che. H e a ls o h ad s o m e f o am s tu ck to th e ti p o f h is n o se . I s h o w ed h im h is f a ce i n my p ho ne’s c am era a gain . H e s m ile d . I s m ile d . W e lo oked a t e ach o th er fo r a fe w s e co nd s. T hen w e la ughed . A nd th en w e l a ughed s o m e m ore .